My Little Dovahkiin: Shouting is magic (Narrated by Morgan Freeman)
"DRAGON!" Dovahkiin looked at the small dragon, who himself was wide eyed.
"Ah, so you have dragons in your world?"
"FUS ROH DAH!" Before anypony knew what had happened, there was a Spike sized hole in the wall into the Kitchen. Unfortunately for Spike, he had been brewing a pot of tea. And even more unfortunately for him, he enjoyed boiling it with shards of gems. Very sharp gem shards. Much to the Dovahkiin's pleasure, Spike began to scream from pain, and secret pleasure from the pain, because he was quite the kinky little dragon.
"What was that for?!" He turned to Twilight, who immediately darted to the wall that Spike had just went through. "This wall is going to take forever to repair!" That wall did in fact take a whole three weeks to repair, but that is completely unrelated to anything that is going on right now.
"HEY! Nopony, nor no human messes with Twilight's wall!" Fluttershy was now flying right in front of him with a rather angry expression. While the two stared off, Twilight was in the background crying about her damaged wall. "Got it, mister?"
"Please, I'm the Dovahkiin! What's a little yellow pony going to do?" Little did he know, Fluttershy was quite the powerful pony.
"You want to find out?"
"Find out what? How easy it is to shout you through another wall?"
"Try me." Fluttershy smiled slyly and prepared for the shout of the human before her.
"FUS ROH DA-"
"LOVE MEEEEEE!" Dovahkiin went flying back into into a bookcase, causing all of the books to fall of onto his head. Millions of tiny papercuts now lined his body. Even more unfortunately for him, his shout still registered and hit the ceiling above him, causing it to drop onto him.
"Ow, my Thu'umb!" Despite the very terrible pun about his thumb, he stood from the rubble none the worse for wear. Well, besides the fact that his face looked like it went through a paper shredder, but that was the case most of the time anyways. Fortunately for him, he had seven loads of bread, three tomatoes, five sweet rolls, twenty fishes, and an entire apple pie in his front left pocket. Eating them all vigorously, and rather sexually, his cuts all healed perfectly.
"That was... Also kinda hot." Rainbow was staring at the Dovahkiin, who was now licking the remaining apple pie off of his lips.
"Ew... Is there anything you don't find hot?" Applejack looked at her friend, who was busy biting her bottom lip. "I'll take that as a no."
"HE DIDN'T SHARE!" Pinkie Pie, who had been inexplicably quiet and not random began steaming from her ears. The construction workers, who were busy repairing the fourth wall because of her threw their arms up in the air and walked away. After all, there was no sense in even attempting to repair the wall when Pinkie Pie was going to just knock it down again.
"She doesn't look happy." The Dovahkiin looked around at the five other ponies who were slowly scooting to the walls, out from between the Dovahkiin and Pinkie.
"Nobody. Eats. Pie. WITHOUT ME!" Pinkie charged the Dovahkiin, who didn't have even the slightest moment of time to get away. Now, I wish I could say that Pinkie Pie just gave him a punch on the shoulder and let bygones be bygones... I wish I could say that. But this was Equestria, where wishes were almost immediately destroyed by the Cutie Mark Crusaders. That and Berry Punch, who almost immediately drowned them in her various alcoholic beverages.
The truth behind the story is: Pinkie brutally beat the poor Dovahkiin to near death. He was completely fine afterwards, since he still had about three hundred cabbages in his left pocket. But from that day on, he learned to share with the pink party pony.
"Hey? HEY!" Dovahkiin slowly opened his bruised eyes to see Rainbow standing over him. "You got knocked the buck out!" Completely oblivious to the fact that he just got beat up by a pink pony, he slowly sat up and began to examine his body, which now had more bruises, cuts, and scrapes than Twilight after her welcome to Ponyville beat down.
"I'm fine. Have you ever been knocked into outer space by a giant? That was nothing." He quickly took all of the cabbages out of his pocket and started eating them whole. Within twenty seconds, he had eaten 250 of them. The last 50 he saved for Pinkie, since he didn't want to get beaten down again and have to dive into his back pocket reserves.
"My wall!" Twilight, who was still crying over her wall slowly stood and walked back to the group. Somehow, she managed to not see the entire bookshelf that was knocked over, as well as the hole in her ceiling that now showed a hole into her room.
"Hey Twilight, I can see your box of toys under your bed!" Twilight immediately began to blush and bleated like a sheep. How she was capable of releasing such sounds, I have no idea.
"Thanks for helping me..." Everyone turned to see the tiny dragon exit the kitchen. Somehow, he had inexplicably healed all of his burn wounds and cut wounds from the gem shards.
"Oh, there you are Spike! We've got a visitor." Twilight, seemingly having forgotten the events that had unfolded since they entered the library, greeted Spike as if he had just came down the stairs.
"Yeah, I noticed... You know, that hurt!"
"Oh, your a dragon. You feel no pain."
"Well now that's a lie! What's your beef with dragons anyways?"
"My wife is a dragon." All of the ponies and Spike's jaws dropped as he revealed he was actually married to a dragon. The tale of Dovahkiin and the dragon meeting was a epic one, but that is yet another story that is not to be told. Ever. But after their marriage, she started to become demanding of him, and belittled him every time he consumed a dragon soul.
"You married... A dragon...?" He nodded. Little did he know, marriage of a dragon in Equestria was punishable by death by means of having to live with Derpy for a day. And I don't need to tell you that anypony that has ever lived with her didn't make it a day. She causes just way to much chaos!
"Yes, although I regret it." All of the ponies just blinked at him. Mainly because they were wondering how exactly relations worked.
"Alright then... So, did you want to check out my books?"
"Of course!" Before Twilight even had a chance to show him to them, he started reading. And by reading, I mean he opened it for a split second and then closed it again. And then he got to the spell books. Twilight's jaw fell open as he started eating all of the books, because that is what happens when he actually reads a spell tome. No reading done, just eating and absorbing its info into his magical abilities.
"You... Ate my books..." Dovahkiin, ignoring Twilight completely, continued to read and eat books as he came to them. Upon finishing reading every book in the library, as well as eating all of the spell tomes, he turned back to Twilight.
"Yes, it's the only way to learn spells in my world."
"But... But... My books..." She fell back on her haunches and stared dumb founded at the Dovahkiin, who was busy picking book pieces out of his teeth.
"Hey, don't worry about it. I learned about fifty new spells from those books! I would pay you for them, but I doubt my money would have any value here." Little did he know, each gold piece was equivalent to ten bits. And he was currently carrying around 100,000 coins in his shoe.
"Well, I suppose I can order replacements from the castle's library..."
"See? Everything is alright. Now, I suppose I need to start finding a way back home..."
"Well, I could probably see about a spell, but you ate all my books..."
"OOH! OOH! Over here!" Everyone in the room, all except Rainbow, who was busy reading a Daring Doo book that she had found turned to look at Pinkie, who was for some odd reason standing on a table.
"Oh, I love standing on people tables!" Dovahkiin, with a mighty leap, jumped from his current position to the table and began to jump up and down on it. Everypony except Rainbow Dash and Pinkie face-hoofed.
"Oh Celestia, now he's jumping on my tables... Pinkie, what were you saying before he breaks it?"
"Let's go to Canterlot! Celestia might know something. Plus, I want to see Luna." Dovahkiin continued jumping up and down on the table with his eyes closed. Yeah, he had some problems...
"That's a pretty good idea. Alright everypony, we're off to Canterlot!" Dovahkiin, finally bored of jumping up and down, looked down on the ponies before him.
"Where is this Canterlot?" Twilight pointed out the window to the large city on the side of the mountain. Immediately, memories of climbing the throat of the world in Skyrim came back to him. All those stairs and the trolls... At least he wouldn't have to deal with any trolls going to this Canterlot. Little did he know, Trolestia was actually a real thing in this time. And nothing is worse than Trolestia. "There."
"Hmm... Haven't been there before. Looks like we're walking, seeing as I can't inexplicably teleport there."
"Road trip! I got the jams!" Pinkie reached out of everypony's field of view and pulled out a radio from nowhere. "To the train!" As everypony walked out, Dovahkiin slowly followed, but not before grabbing Spike and throwing him back into the boiling pot of tea.
"That's right Dovahkiin... Keep walking and enjoying your day... Because you won't be enjoying it long!" The mysterious figure began laughing evilly into the air, before choking on the food they were currently eating. This evil, evil shadow, now done choking began to slowly walk after the Dovahkiin. Unfortunately, the shadow tripped and landed on its muzzle, causing a rather serious nosebleed. "Bucking shit!" The shadow wiped its nose and slowly continued following the Dovahkiin with evil intent.
Stats
Page generated in 0.034 seconds
Total duration
997 users online
2,491,004 hits today, 2,707,512 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, at least we get to see who has the more powerful voice. It's... Morgan Freeman! Because anything he narrates is awesome!
2077447 Yes, I have many more narrators lined up as well...
2077455 Bill Nye!?
2077460 Actually, that's not a bad idea! The next chapter is narrated by Christopher Walken though.
2077470 There had better be cowbells ringing...
2077475 More cowbells than can be counted!
2077514 On a more serious note: My top 3 narrators for the Discovery Channel are Morgan Freeman, Mike Rowe and Bill Nye. Bill Nye of course had his old show that I was rather fond of so I like his involvement the most.
2077550 Was it Bill Nye the Science Guy? If so, I loved that show.
2077593
Now I am probably going to end up watching an episode before I go to bed. Miss that show...
2077604 Just make sure you don't watch any regarding the planets. Pluto wasn't denounced yet back then. Though there was one regarding distance which is relevant to todays studies on how big the solar sistem is and how far the next star is.
"His final wish was heard by a nearby pig, who later came to be the high king of Skyrim. So no, his wife never got a single gold piece."
...
followin'
dafuq, meh, it's pretty good, but no offense, I rather serious stories that don't fuck around every 2 seconds lol, but it is fucking funny as
please.... PLEASE! include molestia in this story
2078668 Yes, there will be plenty of Molestia...
2078513 I have more serious stories, but this is just one I decided to unload some excess randomness into. The most serious thing that is going to happen here is probably the story line. And even that won't even be that serious. Either way, hope you enjoy!
2079887
2082596 After reading so many of your random comedies, this was bound to happen sometime!
I like how he treats Spike.
I am sorry but I can not go on. It's to much for my mind to handle