When Splatterpaint, a refined pony of the arts, crash-lands in Apploosa, Braeburn comes to the rescue. Her wing is broken, so her only choice is to stay in the one-horse town until she heals. However, she never would have foretold what happens in that time...
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Seems promising
I like it so far, but one criticism I could give would be to try to be a little more romantic with the detail.
For instance:
You wrote: "I told the good news to Braeburn. He seemed excited for me, but he also had a funny look on his face that I couldn't place."
My advice would be to try adding in a few more little details to the characters, add a metaphor here and there, really try to get a picture of his face across.
For instance: "I told Braeburn the good news, and his face cracked into a smile. His eyes, though, held a strange expression that I couldn't identify. It seemed as though they had begun to be weighed down with emotion, and the emerald hues darkened slightly as they looked downward, betraying his comforting grin."
Mine's not perfect either, but it restates some of the imagery, and puts in some new stuff in a way that I feel looks nice.
Regardless, it's all just advice, take it or leave it. I'll definitely favorite this for later though. Good story so far!
It has to be done.
2080400
Wow. Um. That's amazing. I'm kind of a novice writer- I'm just a teenager and this is my second story, and as I recieved some almost negative (not mean, just A LOT) criticism on my last, I've taken care to lengthen and detail my chapters. At this point in the story, they both really like each other but as they just met it would be awkward to admit. Since this is the case, it's kind of hard for them to read each other. However, thanks for the advice and favorite!
2080400
Ps: everypony is, indeed, gay for Braeburn.
2081257
No problemo. I haven't actually finished my first fic yet. It's becoming a lot longer than I thought it would, and it gets harder and harder to write more as time goes on and things pile up.
Either way, I'm happy to give you more advice if you need it, I like to think I'm a decent enough writer, though that's my pride talking.
I feel like the descriptiveness of this chapter has increased drastically from the previous two, for some reason. Whether it has or not, I feel like it's really good! Definitely going to continue reading this one, hope you get more favorites.
Hmm. Not bad. Gonna have to keep reading this one.
While your grammar and spelling need some work, I am loving the story! If you need a proof-reader for this, shoot me a message
Wow! That was a surprise
... My only thought on the last part is......... SUCKS TO SUCK DOESNT IT!
but its a fantastic story
Nice fic. Braeburn worries could be a little unfounded because such a big city becomes kind of a tourist attraction and like the protagonist stated times do change take Key West or Las Vegas as examples of that.
The whole Manehattan thing...I think people from the north east get as much of a bad rep as those from the deep south. As for the city itself, Manehattan is supposed to be New York, which is funny because in real life New York in the second largest producer of apples in the USA outside of Washington.
Hey Lyss! Didn't feel like texting you because I wantd to surprise you by giving you a comment! It's Dani, btw, and I LOVE YOUR STORY!!! The whole bucking thing is amazayn! Please keep writing! Thanks!
Filler chapters are filling
Please dont see me
"Hey"
Shit
That was great thing that Splatter did :), with the chair.
Yeeesss...
Great chapter :)
2302254
Thanks! I had a lot of time to think about it :P
>put in image editing program
>rotate
>crop
i.imgur.com/8OHRSIW.png
>profit!!
hmm...
hmm...
HMM...
Good work on both of drawing, you should def practice though- maybe use cleaner look and ink the lines
2348069
Thanks. I can't do anything with computer editing, and colored pencils aren't the best tool, but it's better than nothing!
=D
...
W-where's moar...
2506583
Don't fret, I'll upload soon!
2518292
W-W-Where's-s m-m-moar-r??? D:
Mmh... Straight (or maybe bi) Braeburn...
Welp... I guess I can give it a try
Read it later
That was both short but incredibly amazing. Braeburn to the rescue!
2674244
Here's moar!!!!!!
very good dude
i might do some fan art of them two
About time this was updated! Wooo!
2706499
Thank you so much! I would really appreciate that!
Me gusta. Moar.
Fudd... where'd you gooo...
From 1 artist to another, I say great job
I'm really sorry I haven't been posting guys. I want to start some other projects but I also wanna finish this without it being too rushed.
Wait till you wake up in a snuggle
maybe.....