I'm a human who lives on the planet Earth.
This story is a sequel to Heavy Metal Fluttershy!
Cry for an Angel, a symphonic-metal band from Ponyville fronted by none other than Fluttershy, has finally reached enough national success to fund their first tour across Equestria. Back in Ponyville a group of colts are inspired to seek similar success, but first they need to find a singer. Little do they realize the full impact she will have on their band, especially on one particular member...
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Goddammit, if you are going to downvote a story you might as well say why you thought it sucked. There is nothing that pisses me off more than a complete lack of feedback on something. If you downvote a story with no likes than it pretty much kills the possibility for anyone else to read it, which means if you gave no feedback then probably no feedback will be given.
I've noticed a trend, whenever I use someone else's artwork for a story it's positively received, and whenever I use a picture I drew it's negatively received. Therefor, the only logical conclusion that I can come is the people rate stories based on the cover art, so thus people do judge books by their cover. :roll: Seriously, I see no reason why the reception for this is so negative when Heavy Metal Fluttershy and Learn to Fly were rated so positively, so some feedback would be nice.
Pip wears makeup?
2161495
Why do you say that?
2161501
2161515
Fixed, thank you.
oh god
liek dis if u crii evrityme
2163626
Okay, thank you for taking you time to review, I appreciate it a lot.
No, I didn't think the problem was the artwork, I was just being factious and taking note of a statistically suspicious but rationally nonsensical trend.
"OK I get that Fluttershy is in a metal band, Rarity doesn't like metal, Sweetie Belle DOES like metal and Pipsqueak is also in a... band-anyway, what I don't get is how Fluttershy got into a metal band, what she did to get in, why and how Scootaloo got Sweetie Bell into metal, how a METAL band was formed in Equestria, where the fuck the rest of the mane 6 are and whether or not they have something to say about Fluttershy's profession (because Applejack just seemed to give away a chunk of her land without any problem) and why there is a character called 'Knuckle Duster' (ya know, 'knuckle', the base connection of a finger that leads onto the wrist of the hand? of the which the society has none of?)"
Well a lot of the build up happened in Heavy Metal Fluttershy, so I guess this story fails to stand on it's own. My only explanation for how exactly Fluttershy got in the band is a lot of time has elapsed since Heavy Metal Fluttershy happened.
The reason the rest of the main six aren't featured is because they aren't part of this story, and Applejack didn't give them a large chunk of land, she lent it them for the night as a favor to Fluttershy.
With Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle I was alluding back to The Show Stoppers. The song they played seemed to be a ballad by a Glam Metal band.
The idea was that Scootaloo got into Hard Rock as an attempt to imitate Rainbow Dash, which is why she even knows about the type of music in the Show Stoppers, and she showed some more Glam Metal and stuff to Sweetie Belle while they were developing the act.
Anyway, I see no reason why I metal band can't be in Equestria when people just accept, oh, saddles, cellos and fiddles, DJs, and in fanfiction, dildos and crap. (Actually, I think it would be rather plausible for metal to naturally arise in Equestria if you look at it technically. Given that both string instruments and electronic sound technology apparently exist in Equestria it would make sense for something similar to an electric guitar to develop. Expirimenting with distortion is a very natural thing as anyone who has worked with amps would know distortion is one the first things you will accidentally end up creating. Metal seems like a logical direction to go into for the ponies as it would be extremely difficult to finger any chord beyond a power chord, and metal is the pretty most complex direction you can go based on this technical limitation. Part of the reason why Black Sabbath developed their sound was because of an injury to Toni Iommi's hand. Anyway, Equestria's technology is so anachronistic that there is no reason why they can't have heavy metal.)
Regarding Knuckle Duster, technically knuckle also refers to a cut of meat including the carpal or tarpal joint of an animal, so the knuckle can be interpreted as being the "knee"/"ankle" (not sure which) of a horse (googling shows the term knuckle actually is sometimes used to refer to said joint), and a knuckle duster is a weapon worn on the knuckles to concentrate the force of a punch, so a knuckle duster could be explained as being the pony equivalent of such a weapon, but yeah, I wasn't thinking when I gave him his name.
You are just supposed to be a good reader and just accept everything I say because it's totally not my fault for writing it poorly and without explanation, and if you won't just buy it you were supposed to just magically have all this information in your head while reading the story.
"The idea isn't very plausible and kind of confusing when you compare to what is cannon. I'm trying to relate to the characters since I've seen most of them before and I'm trying to adjust to how they are being portrayed but I just can't when I've been given no reason to care. There are problems and issues between the characters that aren't amplified or extended to be relevant AT ALL to what is happening in the story. Social problems that never effect the concert, sister problems that never end in fallout. Why the hell should I care at all? There is no progression of Drama or anything. Give me something to care about!"
*canon
Ignoring the whole heavy metal aspect, which was explained in Heavy Metal Fluttershy, but not this story, and taking time elapse into consideration, do you think the characters are in character? I admit the social problems and what not here were mainly to establish characters and relationships, which doesn't go anywhere as the story just ends right here because it looks like the story was just building up to the concert when the concert was just another to build up to the actual plot which hasn't showed up yet (and might never show up because I might just cancel this story now, I just wrote it for a contest I entered long after the entry deadline and four days before the actual deadline, which I missed as well. The story was originally just going to be a crack shot, but then it ended up being too long, and I have other stories I care more about and other people care about that I need to finish.). I didn't have much of a plan for the story except what can be seen in the description, Sweetie Belle joins The Mouse and it becomes Muse and the Mouse, Sweetie Belle and Pipsqueak fall in love, the band falls appart because of internal disputes (probably involving Rarity) involving R, but Sweetie Belle and Pipsqueak stay together, and in the side plot Fluttershy returns home from her tour and Shreds proposes to her or something. I think this is also the first time I've tried following multiple characters, and I guess I didn't tie it together that well.
"'Cry for an Angel is going on tour? How did they manage that? Sure, they might have been our best local band, but I thought they were still just a local band.'
Yes... I agree..."
Pfft. Lampshading it when an author has character admit that the story the author placed them in doesn't make sense.
"You can, but you aren't just supporting her! You are getting into this "metal" and "rock" and it's bad for you! Fluttershy...she's different. Not only is she....Fluttershy, but she isn't my family, so I don't have that type of responability for her. Also, she is actually making money from this, you're not. You need to understand that Fluttershy has been unemployed and relying on generosity from ponies like me to help financially support her animals for years, it means a lot to her to know I'm still with her. Knowing that I'm making a sacrifice because I don't even like metal makes me showing up all the more generous."
Yeah, I felt that part was pretty absurd while I was writing it, which was part of the reason I had Rarity end on a "humph". Again, bad lampshading.
Okay, now I see some faults with the story, but I don't know if it's repairable or not, I think it would be just to ignore the one favorite I got for this and let it die. Again, thank you for taking the time to write that.
2166119
I did link to the older story in the author's notes, to be fair you won't seen that until after you read the chapter and the url wasn't a hyperlink so it wouldn't have stood out. Heavy Metal Fluttershy!
The reason I didn't go into the other characters is because it wasn't important to the story, the story isn't about the concert, it's about Pipsqueak and Sweetie Belle. I probably started the story bad, but the idea there was that it established a connection with the previous story there, introduced the concert, and introduced Sweetie Belle's character in this story (and possibly set up a subplot with Fluttershy). I don't think it worked as intended.
About all those other explanations, I'm not trying to defend myself, I'm just answering your questions and explaining what I was was supposed to explain in the actual story, because all that stuff was in my head, but not in the story. The whole knuckles thing was outrageous.
"Look, in this situation, it's pretty hard to tell if they are in character or not mostly because I've only seen events and situations the characters have already adapted to. So I don't know what they where like beforehand. I think that the problem is that not enough is covered in the first chapter. If people are going to stick around to read your story, you have to give it what it's worth in that first chapter to make an impression.
This is how I do it: I give the reader the character (preferably the one they'll be following the whole time) and I make them worth something. Build the foundation. Behavior, atttude, (in one case, psychological integrity,) likes, dislikes, anything to show them that this is who they are. Then I stick them in a situation that reveals the main plot and show them how the character ticks. From there, the progression follows of you having a basic understanding of that character as well as an understanding of their main goal. Then when the character is built up, you can understand the changes and relationships they build because you know how they started off.
Seriously though, that is my way of doing it. It's not written in stone and it works for the kind of stuff I like to write. I know it doesn't work for all stories so don't take it as gospel."
So basically you are saying nothing happened here?
Heh, I might not cancel the story, but it's still going on the back burner. The only reason I ended it here was because I figured the end of the concert was a good point to end on, and I wanted to put on chapter out for this so I could put it off to the side and resume work with what I was working on before, which was improving the first chapter of another story and writing the final chapter for it, and after that writing another chapter for another story.
That must be one of the cutest PipBelle fanfics ever read.
Who know Fluttershy could last long while playing death metal? That's so awesome!
Rarity, stop embarrassing your little sister.
2902036
Well thank you, at least someone likes this crap.
She plays Symphonic Metal, not Death Metal, there is a bit of a difference. Like this:
or this
Not this
In the grand scheme of things sisters were divinely designed to embarrass one another.
2905494
Thanks for the info!
You should do more PipBelle fics! Especially when they're foals!
2906292
Well I'm in the middle of writing 4+ other fics, so unless I get sudden inspiration that will have to wait.
2906351
Alright.
Why does this story have so many dislikes? Outrageous!
, but it's good to see you don't give up on writing. Makes me proud. Anyway, J'adore, the story, and the song at the end of the fable. I just wish that it was on Itunes, because it sounds awesome!
4506730
Just saw this now. Right now I'm trying to finish up Doomflower, another story of mine with lackluster reception.
That song isn't on iTunes, but some others by the artists are there. You can find all their songs in this playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVFUWTLUdL1yTVB5SqbUHUmSMh3N-GTux