"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul"
I'm sitting on a grassy hill, overlooking Ponyville with the mare of my dreams as I look back on everything that brought me to this point.
Its just a dream I had, so I put it down for good and typed it up. It was inspired by the song 'Paradise' by Coldplay. This is just a glimpse at what it would be for me, but might be the most important.
If someone could come up with a cover art for this, that would be great. Couldn't find one.
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It's... good! You managed to write a short story with good placing, fine characterization, and some emotional pull. The single biggest problem with it is that you really REALLY need to correct a large number of spelling and grammar mistakes. I can help you with that if you'd like. The story is quite sweet and it was definitely fun to read. Not once did I find myself wishing that it was over already, or for some whiskey, or for something else to do. The length was perfect for the content and your purposes. It did not feel rushed. It did not feel sluggish. Matt came off as a rather likable, if somewhat bland character. I understand him and his motives. I actually would not mind reading a series of fics about Matt based around this one. I give you 4/5 flutteryays.
Keep up the good work!
Just wish he wasn't ponified.
Personal preference aside, this was pretty good. Have a like.
2048992 Thank you very much!!!! I'd love to go over the spelling and grammar with you if you could spare the time, although I'm not sure how. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
2049271
I can send you a P.M. with all the mistakes corrected. That would be the quickest thing.
2049304 You got it.
Awww, that so cute!
So, I liked the story. It's was sweet and fluffy, and I'm pretty sure that's what you were going for.
The biggest problem is that it had no depth. You told the whole story without really showing the reader what was going on. This is the kind of story that should really tug at the heart strings. But I couldn't immerse myself in it enough for it to accomplish that. When writing a story like this the main goal is to make the reader feel for your character(s). But I just couldn't feel that way.
Here, this blog post of mine should help you out some. This story has so much potential, I'd hate to see it fall into the bottomless pit of mediocre stories on here.
Good luck!
-RisingOne