Ianpiersonjdavis
Joined 30th Dec, 2012 ·
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Like fav
And she helps. . .
with SEXUAL RELEASE!
eh, eh?
No?
Ok.
I'm leaving now.
It's true, though... Why isn't RD in the wonderbolts after doing all that?
Stuck in a rut
Stuck in a rut for eternity
2039444 Huh, never heard of that song before-thanks for showin' me!
Great story!
:
I love Appledash stories. But it's so very refreshing to see one that's of the friendshipping type.
2049226
Thanks, I wasn't sure anyone would like it.
2329898
As much as I like other kinds of stories, I find 'Slice of Life' every once in a while refreshing.
2033571
Two words; 'Status Quo'.
2032958
Thank You!
Well...it ended well enough, though I wish this was a tad longer to make a more sensible end rather than the sudden drop off. You spent a good 2/3rds of the fic setting up how Rainbow was upset and AJ became more concerned and aware of the seriousness of her friend's despondency that I was left a bit...wanting? for some closure.
What I would recommend is that you explore the impact of AJ's thoughts on the matter about Rainbow's revelation - which is heartfelt and wrenching in the seemingly impossible choice she has to make between her dreams and her responsibilities/reality.
A single expository paragraph followed by AJ just saying "you're ok the way you are" didn't feel an appropriate enough response as a way to get Rainbow out of her rut. You did a decent job taking a lot of aspects from the show and taking it a next step as to how difficult it would be to balance the things in Rainbow's life, but you would be better served to take it all the way to its natural conclusion rather than having it dangling in front of me wondering what happens next, y'know?
The grammar, while it interrupted the flow a few times, wasn't all that bad. A little less reliance on hyphens and semi-colons would be great. You should read a story out loud to see how punctuation affects the readability because the placement of commas were like speed bumps in an otherwise pleasant drive through this fic of yours.
Put a bit more time reviewing before you post your fics (as of where you are as a writer when you posted this fic in particular, haha) and keep on writing/reading - you're sure to get better.
Keep at it!
Very sweet. I like seeing Dash and AJ interact as they often do so well together.