When Rarity finds a gift and letter from a secret admirer on her doorstep, her imagination runs wild as to who could have possibly sent it. But, will the truth live up to expectations?...
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 17th, 2020
Thecrazyrabidfangirl
Just an old pony past her prime.
Thecrazyrabidfangirl
Joined 14th Jan, 2012 ·
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Loved it! A tad short, but maybe I'm only saying that because I was captivated the whole time :P
My jaw dropped at the end, which made it even better.
We definitely need more fics shipping those two.
Very well written! Amazing first effort. Hope to see more from you!
That's quite a surprise you put in there. Never would've suspected AJ. But yeah I'd ship that
Well written I liked it a lot, and thus In the name of Celestia I demand more of your works
It's good, but just a little bit plain in my opinion. You don't really seem to do much to emphasize any real emotions. It's a little bit dramatic and fairly touching, but there's no real hook to it. That's the problem with romance and slice-of-life stories: they don't try to emphasize any individual emotions and end up being a bit too plain.
I'm not saying this is a bad story- as I said, it is good, cogent, and well-written- but seriously, someone throw a pie or something.
it's a nice one
keep up the great writing
I enjoyed it for the most part. It was well written (and proof read, which is always a plus), but as mentioned before a little short and plain. However, considering it's your first FiM fic, you have potential to churn out some great stories in the future. Keep writing!
A sequel. I demand one!
152094
Well, I'm glad you liked it and had your jaw dropped, as that was my intent: to surprise the reader.
And, don't worry, you'll definitely see more from me.
152222
Thanks, I have a lot more ideas I'm excited to do, so you'll see more from me yet.
152235
I can understand how you feel. I wanted my first story to be short and simple with no real strong love convictions. My beta-reader said it enhanced the tone of the story that way. I'm glad you still found it a good read though. Perhaps pies would have been thrown had Pinkie Pie been involved.
152272
I'm a one-shot author by nature, but that's not to say I won't write long one-shots. If people are willing to read chaptered stories that are 12K~14K words per chapter, surely they're willing to read a one-shot just as long. Plus, some of the best short stories ever written are 20~30 pages of pure text.
152278
I might possibly write one, but I just want to clarify to anybody reading that this is a one-shot, whole and singular in design. I always get a sad when I see people tracking/following my one-shots because it means that they expect/think there will be another chapter, when there won't be. And I hate to disappoint people who enjoy my work.
To other commentators:
Thanks for your comments and support, I'm really surprised at how quickly my story got a response after being posted. It's so much slower on FanFiction.net.
It's not so much that we expect another chapter, as we think it might come and want to know if you change your mind/post something on the blog. :)
At least in my case.
Thought it was lovely, and was actually thinking it could be Applejack; after all, she's got that Manehattan upbringing. ;)
*Giggle* That was cute. I always like those kinds of stories.
Applejack and Rareity, how sweet.
It may be your first MLP fanfic but it's a really good one.
152296
I totally agree with you, i'm still working on a 20k+, and while I could theoretically start doling out chapters now, the safety of knowing the entirety of the story (and being able to change it) is too great for me to break it up, until i'm finished.
Well, I guess that explains the lack of a Spike tag, at least...
But still, thanks to Butterscotch Sunday, I DO find Rarijack a suitable fallback ship.
Always like Rarijack. And this was a truly sweet story. :D Love the opposites attract vibe of the two.
Aww, such a cute story. And the ending!
That was a great story I loved it and I do love the Rarijack pairing, it's my favorite pairing in this fandom and it alwasy will be.
I can't wait to see mroe of what you can write.
Very nice for your first story and it's rarijack, one of my favorite pairings
. It may not be anything groundbreaking but it's short and sweet. Nice job
...
How do you like your reviews? Nice or blunt mode?
152342
Ah, I see. Well, Applejack didn't spend that much time in Manehattan
152621
Well I'm glad I could make your day.
152683
Thanks! I really tried hard to do my best on it.
152689
Heh, I like some of Butters' work, the less pornographic ones anyways.
152898
I like reviewers to be honest in their reviews.
I've never understood why Applejack gets all the girls, what about Spike?
I enjoyed this a lot, it's actually the second non-clop shipping I've read. Keep up the good work. 
a happy one shot? that doesn't end in the main characters being heart broken/killed? yeehaw!
Loved it. Sequel! Sequel!
for a first fanfiction. this is awesome. i would love to see a sequel to this. where AJ and Rarity expresses each others feeling a bit more
This is rare, pardon the pun. Having to read an Applejack Rarity fic is really price less which makes me want to beg, please give more AppleRarity please
You deserve 5 stars.
D'aaw.
Heh, better than my first fanfic, which is still a WIP. My second and third have gotten a LOT more reads and tracks, and I understand your confusion over tracks on one-shots. When a story I like is complete, I Fave it, if it isn't already, so it doesn't clutter up my "New Read!" Area of Track-space.
Will Fave, 5/5! I would like to see their first few dates, and, of course, Everypony else's reactions. XP
Love the style, write as you, not as someone else, lest you be charged with Plagiarism!
Good story
You are good with word as I see on the letter and the story telling, and I suspect it was AJ (I thought it was RD).
Well, i wait for your next story, make it a series next time!
Amazing story. You should write some alternate endings, the way you wrote it pretty much makes it fit that pretty much anybody could have been the admirer. I suspected Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Spike, Rarity from the future trying to raise her self esteem (but i'm weird).
Loved it
152934 Spike gets plenty, I have seen him with twilight, fluttershy, rarity, pinkiepie, and the cmc. only pairing I have yet to see is spike and rainbow dash and spike and applejack. someone should get on that.
I personally loved this. I didn't need all that flashy nonsense like some of the others on here. It was cute and sweet just the way it was!
You did a solid job, i'll be watching you for future works.
152934
I don't know why people dislike her so much, she's my favorite pony. Well, it's a close competition between her, Fluttershy, and Luna.
'Cause Applejack is awesome
152946
I know right!
152970
Well, since people really seem to want a sequel I'll have to think something up.
153024
I'm surprised it's such a rarity (no pun intended either, heh) since I consider Applejack/Rarity and Applejack/Rainbow Dash to be the only two Applejack pairings with a foundation of sorts. Sure, you can make other Applejack pairings work, but the aforementioned ones have a more solid in-show basis.
153206
I'll take your ideas into consideration when I try to think up a sequel.
Well, thanks
153364
Sorry, I don't think I'll be doing any alternate endings, it's just an Applejack/Rarity story. And...Rarity from the future? Terminator Rarity...
153726
I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was meant to be rather simple, I didn't want to do something complex for my first Friendship is Magic story, but I'm glad you still enjoyed it none-the-less.
And I was expecting it to be Spike - What a twist!
Short, simple and sweet. Very nicely done. While I agree with previous people's suggestions that it could have used more emotion in some parts, I do understand your desire to keep it simple as your first fic. Your prose style was clear and accessible which suited the story you were telling. However, I would recommend against starting a story by describing either the sun or moon over Ponyville - one of the biggest cliches in the book!
Overall, a nice quick and enjoyable read. Well done. Keep up the great work!
i read this last night, but you surprised me with the pairing at the end. I was expecting RariLight. What with the proper prose and Twilight blushing slightly as she read the first letter.
A very good first story. I love the couple, and was hoping for it. I understand that this is a one shot, but I hope you write more lovely romances in the future.
Holy shit this list of comments is long (Sorry if I offended anypony I just can't think of any other words to describe the length)
Also This is much better than some fanfiction stories of read I may not read much ummmm..... whatever the name is for Rarity Applejack stories but I liked this one so you have my approval
It's a cute story, and great writing! Hope to see more from you!
Alright then.
The entire thing is rushed in general. You had too much speed going from one event to the next; it's somewhat distracting and very disconcerting. It's almost dizzying.
During the restaurant scene, it seemed like the characters appeared out of the blue, with little to no reason of actually showing up.
The 'admirer' shows no signs of guilt upon Rarity mentioning the note. No sweating, not even a wince. Given that pony's general character, that seems out of place, doesn't it?
When I get access to an actual computer, I'll give a more comprehensive review.
1.5/5. A for effort.
154327
Well, now that I think about it in the context of Friendship is Magic in general, it is awful cliche.
154552
The character system arranges itself however it pleases, I didn't check-mark the characters in that order. Even though your assumption was correct, I didn't have any influence over how the characters were arranged. At least, if I did, I didn't realize it. Can that still be considered a subconscious accident?
155009
Well, in a sense you're right. I wanted to hurry and get a nice Friendship is Magic story out so I likely did rush a few parts. I probably should have added more to the restaurant scene, and perhaps I'll fix it up and revise it sometime. Though, when does Rainbow Dash ever not show up without a reason?
Also, I find your assessment of Applejack to be in error. Applejack is a confident, prideful, honest pony. As the letter says, she's had feelings for Rarity for awhile. Therefore, any potential nervousness would've been repressed just so that her friends (and Rarity) wouldn't catch on. Plus, since she left the letter, there's no reason for her to be nervous that Rarity found it, as that was her intention to begin with. Plus, if you're coming from the "Applejack's an honest pony" aspect, well Rarity never directly asked Applejack who her admirer was, and Applejack has shown that she's willing to use logical loopholes to not tell the truth and not be lying at the same time (as evidenced in "The Last Roundup")
Don't get me wrong though, I'm not trying to bash you or anything, I'm just simply countering your logic with my own. Seeing as how so many people enjoyed it, I simply chalk it up to "can't please everybody".
I wish you had enjoyed it though.
I really liked this! My initial guess was Fluttershy, because loving somepony from afar seems to be her style, but Applejack was my next guess.
I can definitely understand Applejack feeling that coming out about her feelings would complicate things, given how different the two of them are, and I think it's very sweet to see the amount of effort she made to impress Rarity and win her heart.
I love this pairing!
Yay RariJack!
Very fun read I must say, looking forward to reading more from you.
I thought it was going to be Fluttershy initially. But I'm pleased it was Applejack. Rarity and AJ make a wonderful couple!
Good work. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
I heartily approve of this story. It's very strongly written for a first one - I'm still working up the courage myself. Well done, and I look forward to seeing more!
155149
Heh, well I'm glad you enjoyed! I firmly believe that Applejack would go out of her way to impress someone she had strong feelings for, just like a true southern gentlepony.
155371
It would most certainly seem that it did. Bad site, bad!
155630
Seems the popular first guess is "Fluttershy" and I can very much see that happening. I guess the initial likelihood that it might be Fluttershy only adds to the surprise of the big reveal.
I am NOT a fan of AJ/Rarity, but I enjoyed this story very much! 5/5, good job~