Letter of Condolence

Following the death of his predecessor at the hands of an unknown enemy, a new Colonel takes command of a Royal Air Force unit in the Saddle Arabian desert and must deal with the mess left behind. What he finds shocks him.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 6
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Roseheart

Roseheart #1 · Jan 23rd, 2013 · · ·

"Either, my rank is Lieutenant Colonel but I hold the position of a Group Commander” I said.

Missing a period at the end.

Now, I am impressed. Very impressed. Most impressive.

Starchaser's lullaby of a sort is amazing within and of itself. I really mean it. Find a brony youtube artist to sing it, maybe expand on it a little, and-

It's a great poem. I want more!

Your writing style, your grammar, punctuation (almost), and your spelling are all perfect!

Second story of yours, right? Four and a half out of five, this is going to the top of my Read Later list.

Keep writing please!

Drakkith

Drakkith #2 · Jan 23rd, 2013 · · ·

2008315
Thanks so much! I may edit it a bit, as I feel the pacing is a bit too quick overall and off at a few points, and the characters could use a little more fleshing out. It's...difficult when you've never written anything before lol. I can't believe I managed to pump out a 5,000 word story.

As for her poem or song or whatever it is, I'm not afraid to admit that I very nearly cried while writing that scene. It's so...vivid in my mind. I could hear her and feel her in a way that I don't think I conveyed nearly well enough.

MacIsBest859

MacIsBest859 #3 · Sep 14th, 2013 · 1 · ·

A completly OC cast and no picture means a lot of people overlooked this...... And that is a God damned shame.

Drakkith

Drakkith #4 · Sep 14th, 2013 · · ·

3202042

Thanks!

Iron_Cauldron

Iron_Cauldron #5 · Mar 16th, 2014 · · ·

I like your story a lot. I don't read that many without at least one member of the main cast, but this is by far one of the best. I posted it to a Brony group I am part of on Facebook, and hopefully you get some readers that way.

I thought it was very well written as it is, and it got me right in the feels about the two ponies who were engaged. Were I the commander of the unit, and in charge of the punishment of the one who denied the transfer, I would have had him flogged, before discharching without honors for getting a subordinate killed. But that's me.