How Cruel Is The Golden Rule?

by TLC

10. "Closure" (Alternate Title "Letters To Celestia Pt. II")

10

Closure

'The Promise'

My life is amazing right now. I lay with the mare of my dreams, in a hospital bed. It's been three hours since I confessed to Cherilee that I love her and that she said she loves me. Imagine that. She's sleeping. I can't believe this is even happening! I just want this to last forever...But It won't. Because I'm going to have to tell her about my sister, like I promised.

That was so real. I was in a state of life and death, but it was as if I was in a dream. I saw my mother and my sister, Autumn. Both of them have been dead for years, but they were alive and well, standing in front of me. I hugged them both, they smelled like they did so long ago...I still see them. They told me my self sorrow was killing me. My heavy drinking and shutting out my friends was destroying me, and told me to promise them to tell Cherilee I love her and to tell somepony about that horrid night. I can still see that hill, the smell of burning grass, and the screams.

"...meh..." Cherilee mumbled and stirred in my arms. She looks so beautiful. I stroked her mane and kissed her on the forehead. I really do love her and I never want to keep anything from her, but I don't know if I want to see her cry anymore. These past few weeks must have nearly killed her, and I don't want to pile it on.

"...Golden?" Cherilee sat up and looked at me. She smiled and kissed me. "I'm glad to see you looking better. How's your head?"

I smiled. "My head's fine." I leaned my head on her's. "I'm so happy you're here. I can't imagine to be like this with out you."

She replied by kissing me. "I love you, Golden."

"I love you, too. And I...have something else to say..."

She pulled away and looked me in the eye. "What is it? You know you can tell me anything."

"I know...But, it's about...What really happened to Autumn and my m-mom." My voice cracked. I never said this to anypony and it hurts to think about. My vision blurred as tears filled mt eyes. I tried to choke them down, but to no avail. Cherilee saw this and wiped them from my eyes. She hugged me tight.

"No, Golden. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She whispered. No matter what she says, or what happens, I need to tell her now.

"I-I'm gonna tell you...Because t-they told me to tell you. They trust you. A-and so do I." I cried. She looked at me worryingly. "When I was out, I woke up in this room of black smoke. I heard a voice, but it was faint." I stopped to wipe my eyes to see her better. "It was her, 'Lee. It was Autumn."

She wrapped her hooves around me as I continued my tale from when I reunited with my mother and sister, to that night that is burned into my mind. She cried and we held each other. This is what I wanted to avoid, her crying at my misery. I cringe when she sobs out loud. I hate seeing this, not because I'm a little bitter when it comes to others' sadness, but because this was Cherilee. Those lime green eyes are too gorgeous and too kind to have tears ruin their purity. I grabbed her and kissed her, hoping it will stop the sadness, which it did. Cherilee's sobs grew quiet and I finished my story...

"...So after all these years...I've kept it a secret. The day I buried my mother and sister was the day part of me died. I never told anypony. I just picked up what I could and left my broken and burned home." I buried my face in her mane. Cherilee pulled me out to see her.

"Golden...Why didn't you come to me? We could've caught your father. We could've had him-"

"What? Thrown in jail? Or better yet, executed? It wouldn't have changed anything..." I looked away towards the window. "...It wouldn't have brought them back." I felt her cheek against mine. They were soaked with tears. She whispered to me.

"I'm sorry. I can't imagine the pain you must have been carrying...I know it's not much, but you made me the happiest mare in Equestria when you told me you loved me. And the fact you'd share something so sad and personal, makes me glad to have somepony like you to be with. I don't know what to do for you, but if there's anything, Golden, I'm here."

Those words, they hit me hard. Not in a bad way. They filled the part of me that was left on the cliff and made me feel elated. Cherilee cares so much about me and wants to be with me. I'm crying. Not by sadness, but of joy. I turned back to her and kissed her passionately.

She returned the gesture. I felt a weight being lifted of me. One that has been on my back since the day my family died...And now, I have a new family. Even if it's just Twi, Shy, Rainbow, Lyra, Bon-bon, Spike, where ever he is, and Jacky. It's the best family I could ever ask for, and I know they all love and care about me.

'The True Color of Friendship'

The next day, I left the hospital with Cherilee. Twilight had come by to see if I was okay, which I was glad to see her. Ever since I woke up and got that stuff off my chest, I was no longer angry. About anything. I got over the Twilight issue, even though I'm a little confused still as to why Fluttershy stayed with her. Cherilee and I went with Twilight to the library. I am going to tell all of them about it. And with Cherilee and Twilight with me, I won't have any problem.

I approached the door with them and pushed it open. There were streamers, balloons, and cake. All with the colors gold and orange. It brought a tear to my eye now every time I see the color gold. A color and mineral so beautiful and solid, is just a name I have to remind me of the terrible times now far behind. Maybe I shouldn't be so ashamed of the nickname Carrot Top. Heh, when Autumn said it...It made my day a little brighter.

We stepped in and was immediately greeted by everypony. Lyra and Bon-bon, Rarity and Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow, even Spike, who had just gotten back. But the one who stood out the most, mostly by tackling me, was Pinkie Pie, who had been away this whole time.

"OHMYGOSH! I'm so happy to see you, Carrot Top! It's been such a long time!" She was so happy, even more so then usual. She hopped off of me and bounced back towards Rainbow Dash, leaning against her. Cherilee helped me back to my hooves.

I smiled as I looked around at their faces. I was really about to kill the mood. "Thanks. Thanks a lot, guys. This means more than you'll ever know. This has been a hard time in my life these past few weeks. And now that it's finally over, and I now have all this to live for," I grabbed Cherilee in for a hug. "I have to get something off my chest..."

_______________________________________________________________________________

I told them, but they didn't cry, not at first. They didn't want to believe what I had told them was true. They came closer until I was surrounded in a big hug. My eyes were red from tearing about the same damn story. But none of them fell, because my friends comforted me and sobbed. They all cared deeply about me. And this made me take a step back and realize something.

For the past couple of weeks, I've wanted to die and be through with all of the pain, but all I had to do was talk it out. Not with some professional psychologist with a clipboard and a bed where I lay down and spill my guts, but a group of kind heartened ponies who have been there my whole life. I looked at them all and smiled.

"G-Golden, I never suspected!" Twilight cried. "How could you have lived with that festering in your subconscious? You could suffered from panic attacks or high blood pressure or-" The lavender egghead was cut off by her marefriend's hoof, thankfully. Fluttershy stepped up to hug me.

"I-I...didn't think....How could you stand keeping all of that on your mind?" She asked almost the same way Twilight did. "We...we could have helped.." She trailed off into a whisper.

Rarity stepped up. "Oh, Golden! I'm so sorry!" She sobbed wrapping her hooves around me for a hug. "I don't know what to say! Oh, Applejack, dear, say something!" She couldn't, because Applejack stood with her head down.

Spike, Rainbow, and Pinkie, with a now straight and droopy mane, sat in silence, not knowing what to say or even try to say. I stood in front of them all, I was so happy. But I guess I shouldn't be, right? I'm a pony, with a damaged past, broken family, and a fried mind. I was on the brink of suicide, but here I stand. Smile brighter then the sun. I trotted to them all and grabbed them all for a group hug.

"Don't cry, everypony! It's going to be okay! I'm fine, my mom and my sister are fine, and now I know that you're all here if I need you. And that's all I ever wanted." I said with joy written all over my face. They saw it and instantly perked up, along with Pinkie's mane. She hopped towards us and joined in on the hug. This was the moment where I realized what I had almost gave up if the cliff had won. Twilight looked at me and whispered something almost incomprehensible.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" I nodded and followed her out of the room, but after I turned to Cherilee and pecked her on the cheek. We went to her room and she shut the door. I got worried at first, by the quick thought of the last time we were alone together. She waved me over to a small desk. It held a parchment, a quill, an ink cup, and a royal stamp. I gave her a confused look.

"I have been sending letters to Princess Celestia since I moved to Ponyville. The letters would consist of what I had learned or what I discovered or overcame." She sat me down in the chair in front of the desk. "These would be read by the Princess and be responded to the pony it would have been about. What I'm suggesting is...that, well..." She struggled with the words. Probably worried about my reaction, but I smiled.

"Alright, I'll get writing. Go back to the party and tell them I'll be down in a while." She nodded and turned to the door. I thought for a second then turned back to her. "Oh, and Twi..."

She looked back from the door. "...Don't try anything else. If you break Shy's heart or even try anymore of your 'healing', I'll personally be the first of many to break down your door. No offense." She cocked her head and smiled.

"I love Fluttershy. I did what I did because it was to help you and besides, you enjoyed it." She giggled leaving the room and shutting the door. I was left alone in the room, blushing wildly at the egghead's last comment. 'A letter to the Princess about my lesson...What lesson? Do I just tell her all that has happened?' I sat in the chair staring down at the same three words:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Then I thought of something. 'That song...' That song, what did Autumn say? 'Letters To Celestia'? Had caused this all to spiral into a big mess that lead me to Cherilee, my sister and mother, and the kindness I now feel instead of the bitterness I once wore on my sleeve. I picked up the quill and wrote what I could think of at that moment. A poem.

Dear Princess Celestia,

The line I use is only to you, to tell about all that I learned,
But all I can say is that the sorrow is away, Leaving me kind and well-heard,
By my friends, you see, They were the key, to getting me out of the pit,
From all that I knew, a cliff and then soon, I would have ended all of it,
But here I shall stay, prepared for the next day, smile brighter than your sister's stars,
Before, I used to cry myself to sleep, holding my unsealing scars,
The scars that were left by my father, you see, who took two special things away from me,
One was my mother, so caring and loving, and my little sister, who filled the world with glee,
I kept it a secret all of these years, hoping the pain would subside,
But now I know, that no matter the worst, they will always be right by my side,
My heart has grown, my eyes are wide, and my arms are filled with sake,
For my friend, who I've loved for so long, has finally settled in my wake,
She's told me she loves me, as I do for her, and will always be by my side,
And I do her, not even for the world, would I ever want to live with out her in my life,
These troubled times, began in the rain, of a once crying sky,
But now it is happy, and I'm absolutely certain, everypony else is as I,
This letter is finished, this poem is done, and the quill is all out of ink,
Thank you for letting me lived in the land of which makes you think,
About your daily choices, and all of the voices that speak inside your mind,
About all the times you wanted to run away and need a space to unwind,
My name was Golden, for awhile, I thought it was beautifully clad,
But it brought was pain and agony, no smiles, only faces of the sad,
I made up my mind, and now for all time, I be remembered by a simple herb,
Because in her time of wake, Autumn called me by it, because she knew it would be heard,
I'll never cry again, nor drink or think, of meeting my neck with a knife,
Because now I know, that I'm not alone, in this big garden we all call 'life'.

I found out the same things we learn when we die,
I found out the truth is no longer a lie,
I found out that the words are hard to describe,
I'm no longer lost here, awaiting reply.

A Recovering Gardener and Writer,

Carrot Top

'Coming Back Down'

It had been a week or so since I sent The Princess that letter. Twilight and Spike didn't read, and thankfully nopony asked me about it. I meant every word I wrote on that parchment and I'm sticking by them. I'm happy. I haven't been in so long, but I know I am now. I had moved in with Cherilee to be closer to her and the gang. I start gardening again and writing stories for the elementary school and the library. I've been sober ever since I left The Golden Mare, but I still keep in touch with Jacky D.

Twilight and Fluttershy had gotten closer since this whole thing started and I'm happy to say that I'm glad. Pinkie and Rainbow moved in together to continue their growing relationship.

Lyra proposed to Bon-bon at the party where I wrote the letter, so they have been inseparable. Rarity and Applejack started going out a lot more recently, and have been particularly...closer. Spike's still Spike. Go Figure. And Cherilee had gotten back to work at the school. The principal had heard of my endeavors and rewarded her with a raise to help with me. She still thanks me, in ways I'll never tell...

"We're here, Carrot." Cherilee said laying a hoof on my shoulder. I looked up from the window of the chariot and gazed at the field. This was it. The place where I literately buried my past. I stepped out with her and looked around. Everypony I knew lined up towards the site, all dressed in black. I wore a black dress that Rarity designed for this occasion. Cherilee lean against me as we walked forward. My heart is quickening with every hoof step I took. This is nerve racking. It's been so long since I planted my family and now...

We stepped towards the two mounds of dirt, just how I left them, now holes in the ground. Two coffins laid side by side, holding the only remains left of my mother and sister. Tears weld in my eyes as the two stallions dressed in black looked at the boxes and back to me.

"We are ready when you are, Miss Top." One said with a deep voice.

I looked back, all of my friends stood behind me, ready to comfort me if I needed it. I turned to Cherilee, who held a hoof to my face and smiled. I nodded and looked back to the stallions. "Do it."

They picked up the first coffin, holding my mother, and slowly lowered it into the hole. I almost fell over from the weakness I felt. It was a mixture of anger and helplessness, but I knew this had to be done. The two stallions filled the hole with the dirt sitting aside and stood in silence. You couldn't even hear the wind. All that could be heard, were the muffled whimpers of me, burying me face in Cherilee's mane. I don't want to be here. I don't want to bury her again.

The two stallions got to the second coffin, holding my sister, and almost got it off the ground. They almost did before I fell towards it, pushing away the two. I cried leaning my face against the coffin's cold surface. It's not fair. What did she do? She was so young and full of life, now she's just a pile of...of...

"AUTUMN!!!" I cried. Cherilee and Twilight rushed to my side. They laid against me and tried to calm me down, but to no avail. I cried and screamed for my sister to rise from the coffin and tell me it's okay, knowing it was a stupid thing to hope for. Suddenly, a gust of wind came by, blowing the grass and flowers all in one direction. We all turned and our eyes widened. All except Twilight's.

The ruler of all Equestria, along with her sister Luna and three small pegasi, had flown from her castle to here. She walked towards me with a comforting smile. She nodded to Twi and Cherilee to stand and move. She sat by me on the ground and laid a wing on my back.

"It's alright, my little pony." She said in the voice my mother once shared. "It is still very unfortunate that the little one reached her end at such a young age, and in such a horrid way..." If she's trying to comfort me, it's not working. "But she did so, so you could live a long and healthy life. She risked her own to keep you on the track that lead you to where you sit today." She turned me to my friends and Cherilee. "You have a beautiful mare to keep you company and bring you an undying love..." That made me and Cherilee blush. "...and friends that will gladly be there when you need it." They all looked at me and nodded. Celestia wiped the tears that soaked my cheeks away and picked me up off the coffin. "As long as you live by the way of your letter and the happiness that make up the Elements of Harmony themselves, you will live to see the better tomorrow." She smiled and stepped back towards her sister. She nodded at the stallions and they continued with the procedure.

When both my sister and mother were buried, we grew silent. All until the three pegasi flew next to the bounds of dirt and began to sing. Their song echoed through out the whole field and flew with the birds that flew over head....

I,
Just can't escape,
It's like your here with me now,
But the words you say,
They always seem to fade out,
Since you've been away,
I'm just a face in the crowd,
Someday, Someday,
I know you're Coming Back Down...

"Golden..." Cherilee tried to speak, but I didn't let her finish. I grabbed her and pulled her closer for a deep kiss. Everypony looked in aw at us, but we didn't notice. Cherilee closed her eyes and held me tight.

Celestia sat on her haunches next to her sister and smiled. This mare... She thought. ...is the living proof that harmony, friendship, and love can conquer anything... The song the pegasi continued as one of them lead them into the second verse...

I'm ashes to ashes, I'm dust to dust,
When a mare turns to ashes, forget about love,
Like the feeling inside you,
With a bottle beside you,
You both end up empty like an angle just died too,
I look to the heavens, to the sky and the rest,
I looked inside myself, I felt my heart in my chest,
Something so point blue,
There's nothing to say,
Some hearts can stay true,
When falling away,
Come lay down beside me,
What you and I mean,
It's only what I've seen,
It's only just one dream,
Tell my baby I love her,
And I wish I could hold her,
It's hard to say goodbye when you know that it's over...

I,
Just can't escape,
It's like your here with me now,
But the words you say,
They always seem to fade out,
Since you've been away,
I'm just a face in the crowd,
Someday, Someday,
I know you're Coming Back Down,
Someday, Someday,
I know you're Coming Back Down,
One day, One day,
I know you're Coming Back Down...

Everything around me slowed and time almost stopped. The kiss Cherilee and I are sharing will live on forever in our minds and in the stars. I now know that this happiness could not have been, if it weren't for Autumn's sacrifice. I had shed a tear when the thought of my sister came into my head. Cherilee broke the kiss to wipe it from my face. She nuzzled my cheek.

"Don't cry, Carrot. You don't have to anymore." She whispered. She leaned in and continued the kiss. This, this moment, is what I needed. It's what I've wanted. It's what Autumn would have wanted.

I love you, Carrot!

I love you, too, sis...

I,
Just can't escape,
It's like your here with me now,
But the words you say,
They always seem to fade out,
Since you've been away,
I'm just a face in the crowd,
Someday, Someday,
I know you're Coming Back Down,
Someday, Someday,
I know you're Coming Back Down,
One day, One day...

I know you're Coming Back Down...

The End.

Dedicated To The Autumns In Us All.

Comments

[Frizzy]

So beautiful.

[keenan]

very good

[neighsmith]

damn... that was amazing

"Spike is still Spike" Forever alone...

"Dedicated To The Autumns In Us All."

that was a very emotional story, thank you for writing!

[Molotov Delivery]

Beautiful story it was so sad I almost cried, I was all but at the end I was all

and on a side note, I'll comment this in poetic style:
your ability to rhyme really makes me smile
rhyming is a skill that very few own
but you use it quite excellently, and really steal the show
Also your music taste really is fine
even if that comment's off topic, out of line
I really enjoyed this and if you write something more
I'll be one of the first ones to read it for sure

[fwamp2012]

I... I mean... it was so GOOD! It was so powerful! I loved it! If I weren't afraid to wake my roommate this would have had me in tears! Hoh Gahd, I never thought such an amazing story could have been written about Golden Harvest. Magical story my friend!