Golden Harvest's life is pretty average, though she stuggles in her own dwelling of depression.
Golden Harvest, 'Carrot Top' as someponies may refer her as, is living in Ponyville as a gardener. She get's payed a healthy amount, has friends who care about her and appears ultimately happy...If she is, then why does she cry herself to sleep every night? Why does she lock herself in her own mind and avoid everypony? How could she be sad? She just wants to be loved, but mostly, for the pain to go away....
Art done by ~Me
Inspired by the song 'Golden' by Fall Out Boy
1. "Intro" (Alternate Title "When The Lives We Live Are Only Golden Plated")
I walk down these empty streets, alone with my thoughts and my thoughts alone... I usually do this to keep my mind busy so it doesn't drift back to....Never mind. My name is Carrot Top. No. It's Golden. Golden Harvest. That other name was given to me by my friends due to my appearance. I live in this backwater town called Ponyville. It's in between Canterlot and Manehattan by several miles. I've lived here for a few years now, and not much has changed. I live in a home far from town, alone. Just me, myself, and I. One big, happy, go-bucking-lucky family... Yes. I'm bitter. But that's what happens when you let life get you so far down, you can't see the sky.
I wasn't always like this, I guess nopony ever really is. I was happy, or I thought I was. It was me and my friends...Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Cherilee...Cherilee. Heh, she was nicest pony I had ever known. I guess you can say I liked Cherilee a little more than as a friend. Of course, however, that was frowned upon.....I loved her. I really did. She kept me in line when I really started to doubt my reason for existing, she was there when I almost ended it all right there. Just one step from free-falling into a forgiving sleep, but she pulled me from the cliff. She kicked my flank that night for...Celestia knows how long. She cried while she did it, promising me that it hurt her more than it hurt me. Could have fooled me.
She told me another thing that night, which kinda broke my heart, she told me that she loved me...But not the way I loved her. She promised me that if I had ever tried to do something as stupid as suicide again...she'd do it herself. We laid on the top of the cliff for the rest of that night. Not saying a word, just side by side, staring at the night sky, crying in each others arms. I never liked seeing her sad. Still don't. The day afterwards, we didn't have to say anything, we just went on with our business as usual.
But here I am, walking these streets in the bucking cold, freezing my flank off for what? To wallow in my own self pity? I don't need this. I guess I'll head over to Twilight's. She always seems to be awake at this hour. By the looks of it. It's around eleven o' clock. Maybe they have some carrot soup...
I knocked on the door frantically, not on purpose. It's kinda hard to knock with a steady hoof when you're being raped by hypothermia. The wooden door to the library opened to reveal the baby dragon, Spike. Twilight's number one assistant. He's nice, wish he was older.
"Hey, Spike. Is Twilight awake?" He looked up at me, scratching his eyes like he didn't recognize me. Or I had just woken him up. Oops.
"Yeah, she's in the kitchen." He yawned and turned to face the inside of the library. "TWILIGHT! IT'S CARROT TOP!" Celestia, I hate that nickname.
Twilight ran to the door and pulled me in, like she was trying to keep the warm air in. Before I knew it, I was sitting on a couch with a cup of tea in front of me. Lemon twist with a carrot on the side. I must have died, because this is what they would give me once I'm in heaven. I looked around to find out that only Twilight and I were left in the room.
Twilight sat beside me and hugged me. "It's good to see you! I haven't seen you around much anymore."
That smile...Wait what did she ask? "Yeah, well. Stuff's been going on...and you know..." She didn't. "I don't want to bore you."
"Not at all!" She jumped up off the couch and stood in front of me. "You know you can tell me anything, you just have to be willing to tell me."
She obviously wasn't gonna let this go. "Well you know...Gardening....planting...seeding..." Twilight cocked her head at me.
"That's all the same thing. Are you hiding something from me?" She got closer. "What's been going on, Carrot? You've been away from me and the mares for awhile and we're starting to get worried."
I couldn't let this get the better of me. "No, really. I'm fine." I tried to get up and leave, but she push me back onto the couch and pinned my hooves back.
"Carrot Top. I know you better then that." Her stare pierced my soul. I felt the urge to break down and cry right there, knowing she would comfort me, but I couldn't.
"If you knew me at all, you'd know my name isn't Carrot Top, Twilight!" I tried to struggle, but I felt something holding me back other then her. A purple aura wrapped it self around me and kept me still.
"Okay, Golden!" Thank you. "What's your problem?! It's been two weeks! It's like your avoiding everypony on purpose!" Her face came closer to mine, I saw tears in her eyes. " Why don't you just tell me? Don't you trust me?"
I was caught off by the sound of doubt in her voice. "Of course I trust you, Twi...It's just..." I couldn't. I wanted to open up to her, tell her everything but I kept it inside and just sat there with my head down. She lifted one of her hooves up to my face, tilting my head back to look me in the eyes. I froze, but I also felt relaxed when I saw purple eyes.
Her face came even closer. "Please...You're hurting yourself this way..." She knew that I was in pain by the look in my eyes as tears blurred them. "You're hurting me."
That was it. I couldn't hold back anymore. Tears fell from my eyes as I screamed out in frustration. I acted like an foal who got put in time out. Here I am, being held against my will, being forced to cry out the pain that's just gonna come back later.
She and her magic let go of me and I lurched forward. I tackled her and we both fell to the floor. All I could think to do was bury my face into her chest and just cry. "I don't want to do this anymore, Twi! I can't take the pain!" I screamed into her fur as she held me tighter. "I don't know what it is! Nothing helps! I need something! Anything..." I cried and shouted stuff like that for a couple of hours before she calmed me down.
She stroked my mane and whispered into my ear. "Don't worry, I'm here. Shh, it's okay..."
That's all I want. Is for somepony to tell me everything is fine, but that can't happen. Twilight's nice, but she's with Fluttershy. Rarity has Applejack, Pinkie's nuts, and Cherilee...
I guess you can kinda see where I'm coming from and where I'm going now, huh? I'm a wreck. I can't sleep. I can't eat as much as without throwing it up in disgust. I can't garden without breaking down. My body is rejecting it self. I'm alone...Is that it? I'm just lonely? No. I won't accept that.
I approached my home and turn towards the cliff where Cherilee saved me. In the distance, I see the moon and how it's heading downwards. Another sleepless night filled with tears and shit.
I walked into my home and looked around, it was just as I left it. Papers and gardening tools scattered about. I placed my coat on the couch and walked to my room. I had several plaques on the walls from gardening competitions and poetry jams. It all didn't matter. I collapsed on the bed and curled into a ball. I stroked the side of the bed that was empty. Tears fell down my face as I slowly drifted off to sleep....
And I saw Celestia cry in the reflection of my enemies, And all the lovers with no time for me, And all of the mothers raise their foals...to stay away from me...
2. "Stitches" (Alternate Title "Betrayal & Agony")
I awoke through the haze of misty eyes and head aches. It seemed like it was still morning, but I knew that wasn't true. Looked at the clock on my night stand, 2:30 PM. Eeyup. I usually sleep in after nights like that. I thought back to what happened, to how I acted, and laughed. It hurt to laugh at how foolish I was, but I had every right to.
Everyday I put on the same face, do the same thing, and I try to avoid conversation with everypony. Why? So I didn't have to choke back tears as they tell me about 'Their day'. I planned on not going to Ponyville, or leaving the house at all. Left alone, this bed, but somepony knocked on my door. I slowly got to my hooves and walked to the door.
As I opened it, the bright rays the sun gave off burned my eyes. I wasn't hung over, but I guess you don't have to be when you shut yourself down in your house, with no light and nopony. But I wasn't the only pony there, as of late. Because when I answered the door, Twilight Sparkle stood before me, with a very concerned look on her face. Here we go...
"Golden." She said very calmly. "I'm getting you out of the house today. I'm tired of knowing your like this and you're by yourself."
She stepped in without me inviting her in. I shut the door behind her. When I saw her face, her eyes had been red, but why? Was she crying? Was she that worried?...I hurried towards her as she traveled through my home. She shook her head and turned to me. "How could you live like this?"
"Like what?" Playing dumb. Congrats, Golden.
"You know what I mean!" Twilight shouted at me. I screamed in fear, not because her horn started to glow, not because of the anger in her eyes, but because was was lifted into the air, a purple aura around me. It forced me onto the couch. Twilight moved to sit next to me and grabbed me by the shoulders and looked at me through her sad eyes. "I got worried last night, so I talked to Cherilee this morning..." She trailed off as more tears fell down her face. "....Why, Golden?"
My heart sank. I suddenly felt a deep hatred in the bottom of my chest. She didn't tell her. Cherilee couldn't have actually told her!
"What did she tell you?" I asked calmly at first, until all she gave me was no response and only sobs. I got really angry and grabbed her by her shoulders. "WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU, TWILIGHT?!"
She shook her head and whimpered. "....She told me....she stopped you from throwing yourself off a cliff...What were you think-" I was already out the door before any more could be said.
Cherilee. Bucking. Cherilee. I couldn't believe anything at that moment, all of me, my being and my mind, was focusing on finding Cherilee. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to scream at her.....I wanted to hold her and ask why, why, why. I couldn't hurt her. She's been my best friend since we were five...And she goes and bucking betrays me! How could she have told Twilight, of all of Ponyville? Now that she knew she wasn't ever going let me live it down. She'd never leave me, and that's a good thing, right?....Then why didn't I care now?
I approached the school where she worked. I wasn't going to confront her during class, not with those kids watching. I'd hate to scar their little minds, but they were outside, playing. Good. Let them be. I walked into the school building and scanned every door. I've been here many times before, when Cherilee would ask for help with class and I would gladly oblige. I found the room and saw Cherilee sitting in her chair, looking over papers, completely unknowing I was about to break this bucking door down.
I burst through it with as it's window shattered against the wall I kicked it to, which shocked Cherilee as she fell back in her chair and screamed. She looked at me with terrified, lime green eyes. They grew wider as I came closer and stepped over her. I pinned her hooves down to the floor so she couldn't move. The world around me melted away, and all I saw was Cherilee.
"WHY?!" I screamed. "WHY DID YOU TELL HER?! YOU PROMISED ME, 'LEE! YOU BUCKING PROMISED ME!" I tightened my grip on her hooves and tears welled up my eyes.
"She was worried sick about you, Golden! I did what I had to do!" She tried to reason with me. "Please, Golden! You can't keep bottling up your frustrations. You're only hurting yourself...You're hurting your friends... You're hurting me." She said almost exactly as Twilight said it last night, and I nearly lost my mind.
She struggled to get from under me, but I collapsed on top of her. We were face to face with our noses barely touching. I couldn't think of what to do. I both wanted her and wanted to hurt her, but couldn't do anything about it.
Tears rolled down my muzzle and on to her's. My voice cracked as I asked again and again. "Why?....Why?! I trusted you! I believed you!..." I didn't think about what I was saying. "....I LOVED YOU!!" I let go and got off her. I swore I heard her cry when I slammed the door behind me. Kids gathered around the side window outside of the classroom, mouths gaped open.
I ran from the school, not knowing at all where my legs were taking me. The feeling of that night at the cliff came back and slapped me in the face. I felt like shit. And a worthless piece of it. I told her that I loved her... I felt like I had nopony left and I wanted to die, again. Stopping my mind in it's tracks, I remembered how pathetic I was to sink that low. Suicide, as easy as may be at this moment, isn't the answer...But something had to give.
As I approached my house, I didn't contemplate seeing Twilight again. I didn't want to. Not her or anypony. I just needed a piece of paper, a quill, and a bottle of cider. I ran through the door and charged for my room. I jumped onto my bed and sobbed loudly, facing away from the open door. The pain I felt was unbearable. I needed comfort. I needed a resolve...
Just as I my sobs began to grow louder, I heard hoof steps from behind me. I didn't turn, let alone care, to see who stood behind me. The figure just got on the bed and laid with me. It wrapped it's hooves around me tightly and pressed itself against me. When I turned, I didn't expect to see Twilight laying there, fresh tears in her eyes. She nuzzled me and caressed my mane, just like the night before.
I laid there facing away from her for a few moments. Then, I turned to face her. I wrapped my hooves around her and brought her close. I broke down right then and there.
"Please...Don't leave...don't leave me." I whimpered and cried, but stopped when I felt her hooves tighten around me, bring us almost muzzle to muzzle.
"I would never leave you...Not like this..." She whispered. We laid on there all day, and she never left. When the sun went down, she said to come back to the library with her, to which I said yes. I couldn't be alone. Not then.
We walked side by side down the road from my house, I leaned on her but she didn't mind. It was just as cold as it was the night before, making Twilight my only warmth. I needed this. It felt great to have somepony you could lean on and feel comfortable. Twilight was pretty special to me before all of this began to consume my life, before the cliff, before I started drinking, she's always been there for me...Even when Cherilee wasn't.
I felt something in my chest, it was warm and felt like, like I was happy. Twilight looked lost in her own thoughts, so I didn't try to say anything. Soon enough, she broke the silence with the question I wasn't prepared to answer.
"What did you do when you found Cherilee?" I felt a chill go up my spine, causing me to shiver. I guess Twilight found that funny, because she smiled to herself.
"...I just asked why...She really did betray me. She promised not to tell anypony about...it. I held her down against the floor, crying and screaming at her. She struggled and tried to reason with me, but there wasn't any reasoning with me...I told that I trusted her, that I...I..."
"You loved her?" Twilight asked facing down the road.
I sighed, I guess nothing was ever well hidden from her for long. "Yeah, I did. She never felt the same. So I just left her there." I carefully got closer to her and nuzzled her. "I'm glad you were still there. I wish I could do something to make it up to you."
She looked back towards the road and saw the town in the distance. "You don't have to make it up to me. I didn't leave, because I knew you would need me." She leaned back towards me, her warmth returning. "And besides, I couldn't live with myself knowing that you were in so much pain."
We walked through town towards the library. Surprisingly enough, nopony was out. I didn't know what time it was. We got to the door, Twilight opened it and invited me in. I walked over to the couch and sat in the middle. I didn't see Spike anywhere, though. Kinda weird if you ask me.
"Spike's in Canterlot on royal business." Twilight said taking off her coat. Could she read my mind? Was she reading my mind this whole time?...Is she doing it right now?!
I freaked a little, knowing fully well that Twilight was very gifted in the use of magic, and could very well read minds if she wanted to. She saw me fidgeting on the couch and walked over. She took a seat on right side of me and put a hoof on my shoulder. I looked into her eyes and watched as a small tint of red glow on her cheeks. Seeing the flames of the fire place dance across the surface of her violet eyes brought me to blush myself, but thought nothing of it.
"Twilight, I-" Before I could finish saying anything, Twilight jumped on top of me pressed her lips to mine, kissing me passionately and pressing me against the cushions of the couch.
I sat back, eyes wide, as Twilight forced herself onto me. I could smell the lavender from her fur and could taste the sweetness of her tongue as it slipped passed my lips and into my mouth. I couldn't comprehend anything in the moments our mouths were one, but I didn't fight it. I pulled her even closer as we laid on the couch. Now, I was glad Spike wasn't there. Twilight pulled back, probably the worse feeling I felt all day was her lips leaving mine. She grinned sensually as she brought her lips back down to mine. She started to leave little kisses going along my jaw line and down my neck. Then lower, lower, and lower....
I couldn't contain my moans of pleasure as she proceed even lower. It felt both wrong and right at the same time. I knew that nopony knew what was happening right now. It could have been one little secret, it didn't seem bad. Just some healing, of the soul, heart, and body through the comfort and gentle touches between two close friends...right? I needed this, and maybe Twilight did, too. It never crossed my mind at all that maybe she was just into me. She couldn't be. What about Fluttershy?
Fluttershy...Shit! I sat up and forced Twilight back up to face me, her face was flushed and she was licking her lips. I couldn't believe what I was about to say or do, half me wanted to continue this little session, but my heart told me to end it.
"What's wrong?" Twilight said grinning still from the previous engagement. "Weren't you enjoying this?" I stared into her lust filled eyes and I almost laid back down, taking her with me. But this was wrong, and selfish.
"Twi..." I panted heavily, recovering. "Stop...This is amazing, and I appreciate it from you." Her lustful grin turned to a smile, it warmed and tortured me. "But you need to think for a second. This isn't like you! Think about it...What about Fluttershy?"
Twilight's eyes widened at the mention of her mare friend's name, they filled with sorrow, regret and....rage? She frowned at me and got off, wiping her mouth as she left the couch and stomped up stairs. I heard a door open and slam, what was her problem?
I followed up the stairs to the room she had entered. I was about to open it, but I heard faint sounds of sobs, followed by the sounds of hoof hitting pillow. I opened the door a crack and peaked in side. What I saw made me feel guilty.
Twilight sat on her bed, facing her window. I couldn't see the tears, but she cried softly, letting out her whimpers in the darkness of her bedroom. She held a picture frame to her chest. I stepped in, immediately getting her attention.
"Go away." She whispered coldly. "Just leave me alone." I stood by the door way and stepped closer to the bed. She turned to me, her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were soaked. "I told you to go away!" I saw the picture in the frame now. It was of her and Fluttershy at her cottage.
In that moment, I thought of leaving. I could have, knowing she was in this state I could have turned around and left her be. I had never seen her so sad, it pained me. She gripped the picture and turned away.
"No, Twilight." I sat on the bed with her, she was still facing away. "Listen, I know what just happen was a little sudden and weird for your tastes..." She turned to face me again, I guess she was listening. "But I have to know why? Why would you risk hurting 'Shy just to make me feel better?"
She turned all the way around, not looking at me directly. After a few moments, Twilight spoke. "You're one of my closest friends, Golden. I hate seeing the ponies I'm closest to suffer alone." She wiped the tears forming in her eyes away. "The thought of you actually trying to...off yourself...It made me sick. I couldn't take losing you." She sat closer to me. "I love you, Golden. I love you, but I love Fluttershy, too." She hugged me and whispered. "There will always be a special place in my heart for you."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could Twilight love me? She has Fluttershy! I grabbed her and brought her close.
"No, Twi! This is wrong! You can't love me! You can't! Think about Fluttershy, think about the times you and her had!" I got up from the bed and headed for the door. Yeah, I may have over reacted to this, but it didn't make sense to me. The door shut in front of me, Twilight's magic highlighted it. I turned to see her right behind me.
"You're not going to tell her, are you?" She asked shakily. I could tell that she didn't mean for the minutes before to head that way. She was slowly realizing her mistake. I looked her in the eye and told her the truth.
"I'm not going to," I said. Her face brighten up and she hugged me, but I pulled away. "Because you have to."
Twilight looked at me like I slapped her. "Me?! B-b-b-but I can't tell her! It'd break her heart..." She slumped to the ground and started to cry. It made me even more depressed when I saw her in this state. I sat beside her, wrapping a comforting arm around her. She leaned into me.
"It's okay...She'll understand, Shhh..." I caressed her mane. "It's gonna be fine. You made a mistake, everypony does. Don't cry..." She looked up at me with sad eyes, but with a smile. She hugged tighter, no longer crying.
It was Dejah vu again, but with Twilight crying in my hooves and me doing the comforting. I was confused, what made her want to be with me? Who would want to? I never saw my self as an ideal other for somepony, but Twilight really felt something with me. I smiled sadly at the thought of her and I being together. Of course it could never be.
She looked up to me again, this time with concern in her voice. "What about you? I didn't mean to take advantage of you back there...Especially in the space you were in..."
I smiled sadly at her, and whispered into her ear. "I don't know. But I know this," I kissed her on the forehead. "I'm glad you were there for me."
I nuzzled Twilight and got up off the floor. On my way out, Twilight called to me from the stairs. I turned and she rushed for a hug. I embraced her, tears forming in my eyes. I left the library and headed for my home.
Cherilee sat up in her bed, tears streaming continuously from her lime green eyes. She had recovered slightly from the event earlier that day, when Golden came in and yelled and screamed at her for telling Twilight about the cliff. She regretted it. For more than anything in Equestria, she wanted to take it back, Cherilee wanted her friend back. She missed Golden immensely. She wanted to see her, say she was sorry, or at least say something to her. Golden was too important to her.
I LOVED YOU!! That phrase bounced about in Cherilee's head, and played over and over and over again like a broken record on a skipping c.d. She cried even more while remembering the tears that fell from Golden's face as she pinned Cherilee down to the floor. She hates me... She thought. B-but she...she said...
"She said she loved me..." Cherilee spoke out load. As she did, a wave of emotions wrecked through her heart all at once. Head pounded and she screamed in agony. "Why? Why am I such a lousy friend?!"
Cherilee screamed at the wall facing the left of her bed. "She loved me! She bucking loved me and I threw it all out the window with our friendship!" She stopped to realize what she was thinking. What is this feeling? She thought. Do....do I love her back? At this thought, she blushed and groaned at her situation. At the cliff, she had told her that she loved her, but as a friend, not knowing that Golden loved her more than that.
Cherilee laid back in bed, hitting head on the head board. She yelped in pain and rubbed her head. Before drifting off to sleep, she thought about everything Golden and her had been through, all the bucked up situations Golden's been in and the times Cherilee had comforted her. Tomorrow, I'll find her...And I'll apologize. Her final thought.
And maybe...I'll tell her....
Call me back wayward that she's gone, Cat Like Thief, she stole air from my lungs, Leave me standing on this lonely grave, I dug it up in case she turns away....
4. "The Glass" (Alternate Title "Exaggerated and Wasted")
Golden sat on her haunches as she watched the sunset atop the cliff that almost claimed her life. She was over it now, nopony, no problems, nothing could get her down in this moment of pure bliss.
No, because she wasn't alone. She looked around the area to see ponies sitting with her, watching the sun glaze across the view of Everfree. She saw Twilight and Fluttershy, nuzzling together like they should be. Golden smiled to see they had gotten over the incident at the library between her and Twilight.
She glanced to the other side of her to see Applejack, leaning and sleeping, up against Rarity, who played with her hair as she watched her sleep. To their left, was Lyra and Bon-Bon, each enjoying a piece of cake, leaning into each other. 'Such cute couples.' Golden thought as she turned back towards the sunset. A figure entered her view, though. It glided over the edge of the sunset. It was shaped as a pony riding atop pegasus, but with a rainbow following it. 'Even Pinkie seems to have somepony...'
The sun finally was no longer in the sky, causing there to be no light for a matter of seconds. Until stars began to fill the sky and the moon raised from it's hiding place in the sky. Everypony gazed in awe as the stars twinkled and the moon lit the small cliff. Golden had tears in her eyes. Not from the beauty of the sky, but from the fact she had nopony to share it with. All the feelings from the past two weeks, and the last few days, slowly over flowed her mind. Everything, from her suicide attempted, to Cherilee, to Twilight...
She fell back till her body faced the sky, her tears sliding down the side of her her head and vanishing into the many curls of her mane. She closed her hurting eyes and wept silently.
Hoping somepony would be still be there, Golden sat up and turned...To find nothing but herself, the moon, the stars, and the cliff.
Golden got up to her hooves and slowly approached the edge, watching as small clods of dirt and rock fall. She took another step forward, then another, and another until her forelegs were just at the tip of the end, watching as small clods of dirt and rock fall.
She stared passed them down into the dark abyss, where nothing awaited her but jagged rocks and a steep drop into the edge of the Everfree Forest. Golden inhaled, standing to her hind legs and stared up into the night sky, reaching her fore hooves up to the stars paying witness to herself destruction. 'Why? Why must it come to this?' Her final thought as she slowly tipped herself over.
Before she could feel gravity take its hold on her, Golden heard a scream behind her and she was jerked back. Her flank hit the ground and she was dragged far from the life taking dive.
When she tried to look up, a hoof struck her across the face. She hit the ground hard and spat out rich blood, the taste seemed all too real. Again, a hoof hit her. And again, until she was being savagely beaten. It was an unforgiving one, seeing how she probably deserved it. She was lifted up by her mane, and another hoof went into her stomach. The pain was unbearable. She lurched and dropped to the ground. She laid there in a fit of continuous waves agony, bring her legs into her torso, feeling what she thought was the blood of her internal wounds filling her.
Her swollen black eye opened and glanced up to the pony who had been beating the hell from her for what seemed like an eternity. She stood on her hind legs, looking down at the wayward pony. Tears dropped from her face as she came closer to Golden. A hoof wrapped around her and lifted her neck up. The stranger pony wrapped her arms around Golden's body in a light hug, but grew tighter as she cried for Golden. She nuzzled her and kissed her cheek. The stranger pony pulled away and looked Golden in her green eyes. "I love you, Golden."
"Lee?....." I groaned from the floor beside my bed, sliding a hoof across the hardwood floor and bring it to my stinging cheek. I guess I rolled out of bed and hit my face on a broken cider bottle. I pulled my hoof away to find more then enough blood to require a bandage for the cut. "Ugh....Cherilee...." I got up from the floor and looked out the window, seeing my garden full of half dead plants and wilted flowers. "...I love you, too."
The night before had been filled with binge drinking, crying and writing. The papers were scattered across my bed. All of them started the same way:
Dear Cherilee,
I'm sorry, I...
Not making much progress, I decided to take out a bottle of apple cider to numb my nerves and help let the ideas flow out easier, when all it really did was depress me and make writing an apology a lost cause. After staying up till about three in the morning, I collapsed on the bed and stared at the ceiling, slowly drifting off into that bliss filled, lonely dream which turned out to be a beautiful and painful nightmare. What a wake up call, right?
I walked into the bathroom holding my new beauty mark and opened the first aid kit I kept by the bathtub. I placed a small cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol against the slash, which felt like I just took a lit match and pressed it into my cheek. After thoroughly cleaning the wound, I placed a bandage on it. It took up a good section of my cheek, Making me look like I got the shit kicked out of me, my mane didn't help either.
I can hear them all now... I thought to myself, looking in the mirror. Oh my Celestia! Carrot Top, what happened to your cheek?! I thought in Twilight's worried voice. Twilight. *sigh* This was going to be a long day.
Leaving the bathroom, and not grabbing breakfast or looking at the clock, I left home for the library, where Twilight and I would break down the incident between us to the shy mare. I felt chills crawl up my spine. Fluttershy could be as angry as Gilda after Pinkie pranked her out of town or as depressed as Pinkie when she thought her friends abandoned her. But what worried me the most about, was how she would react to Twilight. Could she really leave her? I neared the tree house ahead. Would she actually dump Twilight? I wouldn't really blame her, but it was a simple mistake, and it's not like she's trying to keep it as a secret. Because that would be much worse!...Right?
I walked up to the door. I was able to calm myself a bit on the walk over, but still hesitated to knock. Before I could muster up courage, the door swung open lightly, and Twilight stood behind it, a nervous smile growing on her face.
"Oh, uh, Hey, Golden." She said slightly exhausted.
I blinked a couple of times before replying. "Uh, Hi. Is she-"
"Yeah." She cut me off. "Uh...What happened to your-"
"Long story and no, I don't want to talk about it." I said coldly. I really didn't want this and have talk to her of last night of me killing my liver and failing at writing Cherilee a much needed apology.
She lead me in, closing the door behind us and locking it. That didn't bring me any comfort what's-so-ever. We walked into the room to find the light yellow pegasus, sitting quietly on the couch while enjoying a cup of tea. She noticed us walk in and smiled. If she's this cheerful, Twilight hadn't told her yet...Ugh.
I sat in the chair now facing Fluttershy, fighting back the fear behind my expression. I wanted out of here so badly, I needed a drink. Or if 'Shy doesn't take this lying down, a coffin. Twilight stood awkwardly for a moment before sitting next to Fluttershy. Fluttershy leaned in and nuzzled her, making Twilight jump a little. She looked at her confused.
"What's wrong, Twi?" She moved closer to kiss Twilight on the cheek. She blushed a little bit now, but was still worried. "What did you two want to talk to me about?"
Cherilee laid in bed, having barely slept over the past couple of days since the incident at the school. She stared at the ceiling, tears now drying from her face, but soaked her pillow. She wanted to get out of bed, find Golden, apologize, and perhaps...
"Ugh!" She couldn't think straight enough to even comprehend doing that, even if it ate her up inside. She wanted to get it off her chest now. Through out the whole night with out sleep, she recalled all the time she had spent with Golden. She remembered all the fun they had as fillies all leading up to a few days ago, before she blew it.
Groaning, Cherilee got up out of bed, stretched, and head towards the bathroom. In there, she brushed her teeth, getting rid of the smell of morning and sorrow. She brushed her mane and went towards her door. She took one last glance around and saw the clock. Eight o' three. She sighed and exited her home. She wasn't going to the school today, and if she does what her heart wants her to do, she probably won't come home later either. And if she did, she'd make sure the matters were taken care of.
After the third attempt, ending in Twilight breaking down again, I sat and watched as Fluttershy hugged her and tried to calm her once again without question. It was adorable, really. Watching these two, but it sickened me knowing that this could all end in a simple phrase or sentence. Fluttershy would be angry or sad, or both, dump Twilight, probably kill me, and then leave. But it didn't really seem like Fluttershy would really be that upset. She'd be distraught, of course. Betrayed, definitely. Hurt, no doubt. But would she really hate Twi?
Suddenly, Twilight gathered all the courage she could and told her.
"Golden came over last night...." She began. I sat, quietly biting my hoof. "....She's been really down, lately and....and I wanted to help her..." She was full on crying as she continued. "One thing led to another...a-and....and I kissed her!" She buried her face into the couch and sobbed even louder. "It started to get more intense, but she stopped me! Please, Fluttershy, I'm so, so, sorry!..."
She cried into the couch's arm, facing away from Fluttershy, who sat there, eyes wide and frozen. I felt an urge to jump up and leave, but her face didn't change. Same confused look. She shook the bit of mane that was in her face and stood up. She didn't say a word, she just walked towards the door.
When she was opening it, with out turning, Fluttershy spoke very calmly. "Twilight. Will you please come with me?"
Twilight, who recovered from her crying fit, had her eyes wide. She got up from the couch and joined Fluttershy at the door. Before leaving with Twilight, Fluttershy turned to me and smiled. "Bye, Golden. I hope you feel better." And they left.
I sat in the chair, staring where Twi and Shy sat on the couch, dumbfounded, surprised, baffled, if I knew any other words that had the same meaning, I'd being doing them. They just left me here! Where were they going?! What do I do? I sat back in the chair relived, but I didn't know whether or not to leave. Was Spike going to be back soon?
I got up and headed towards the cupboard. To my surprise, Twi had a pretty impressive selection of drinks. I pulled out the first bottle that grabbed my attention and closed the fridge.
"Neighgermeister?" Sounds a little much, but I need something to shut my stomach up. I took a big swig of the drink and immediately regretted it. I almost threw up on the floor from the taste, and did throw up at the feeling my gut felt as the liquid got there. I rushed to the bathroom up stairs and continued emptying my belly of that Celestia forsaken beverage..
Cherilee walked at a steady pace, not rushing over too quickly to Golden's. She wanted to make sure she knew what she was going to say. If only it were that easy.
"Golden..." She spoke to herself. "...I'm sorry about telling Twilight about the cliff. I made a promise to you and I broke it...And I shouldn't have done that since...You're my best friend. And I never meant to hurt you....A-and..." She didn't realized as she said her apology, she began to cry. "...And I love you. More than I realized....It hurts me to see you so hurt and alone the way you do...Please forgive-" She looked up and saw she was face to face with Golden's door, which had been left wide open.
Cherilee ran in assuming the worst.
5. "Intrumentals" (Alternate Title "Letters To Celestia Part I")
"Hngh...*burp*...Wha...?" I woke up in Twi's bathroom, hooves covered in my own vomit. That drink had just made my What I Should've Never Done list. The bathroom was dark and the only light shining was of the sunset. Sunset?
I can't believed I fell asleep in Twilight's bathroom, face first in, what I imagined was Neighgermeister and bits of carrots. And on top of all that, I had never felt so confused. The events from the past few days have nearly drained me of every bit of energy and emotional control I had left. I didn't know whether to cry or punch something.
After cleaning that nasty shit from my mouth, by use of Twi's toothbrush, I left the bathroom. They still hadn't got back yet. I guessed they were at Shy's place and were...making up. I didn't care anymore. My head pounded and my stomach and heart cried. I stumbled my way to Twilight's room for some sleep, if I got any.
Finding the room, and the bed, I ran to it and flopped down. I closed my eyes and hoped for the best...
"Agh!" Only to find I hit my head on something. It was a c.d. player. Strange, I didn't take her to be such a pony that likes this stuff. I opened it to find a black disc that read 'Box Cart Racer' and nothing else. I thought I could use something to do, or something to fall asleep to. Putting the headphones on and laying my head on to the pillow, I closed my eyes and pressed play...
The sound was dark, but inviting. Acoustic guitar only played. It sounded like something you'd listen to if you were deeply depressed...*sigh*, but it was strangely catchy. The vocals came in and numbness went through my mind as a heavy sleep took over...
Caught off guard, All worked up, The air is as dark and cold as night, Let me go, I'm not done, I swear I'll take just one life time... And I... I won't lie... I won't sin... Maybe I don't wanna go... Maybe I don't wanna go...
Golden stood in a filed of golden flowers. They looked as though they were dead, but their color was very much alive. The flowers stood perfectly still as a gust of wind came by. The sky was a dark shade of grey and stars were out, but instead of being small dots of light, they were dark shadowed bullet holes in the sky. Clouds rushed by over head at an alarming rate, signaling that the day was going by in seconds.
The landscape terrified her. Golden looked around for a sign of relief, maybe a forest or a small barn. Just a sign of life anywhere. She called out in every direction.
"Hello? Is anypony here?" Nothing came. She felt the flowers brush against her fur as she walked about the field. She did so in one direction, hoping it will bring her to an end. She noticed a small figure in the distance, but couldn't make it out. Golden broke out into a trot towards it. Her trot turned into a full on gallop. The figure wasn't drawing closer, only further away.
Out of desperation, she cried out to it. "WAIT!" Golden cried. "Don't leave me here!"
I should have asked, I could have helped, At least a buckin' thousand times before, Will this offer, Get me in?, Or does this prove that they gave more? And I... I won't lie... I won't sin... Maybe I don't wanna go... Maybe I don't wanna go...
After several minutes of sprinting, she lost her footing and fell to the ground. It felt as though she land on solid concrete, which it turn out to be. Golden was no longer in the field of identical golden flowers. She laid on the ground of what appeared to be a city. It was empty and showed no form of life. The sky was no longer grey, but pitch black with no stars. She looked at her surroundings. The buildings where cracked and hollow, . They stood high above her, piercing the sky but didn't appear to have stopped there. The side walk was cracked as well. They smelled of decay and brimstone. Only dust and crumbs of cement filled the streets of this ghostly place.
Golden got to her hooves and began walking through the torn urban playground in front of her. She saw windows broken and carriages tipped over. Each with no sign of it having been that way recently. The wind was blowing papers about the streets. One hit Golden in the face, blocking her view. She removed the parchment from her vision and looked terrifyingly at it. It read in very small print, written in dripping orange ink...
And I... I won't lie... I won't sin... Maybe I don't wanna go... Maybe I don't wanna go...
Those words repeated themselves in Golden's head to the point of her screaming in agony. Every window that hadn't been touched, broke simultaneously. The music she was listening to before this nightmare began surrounded the background, but was loud and distorted. The sound was dark and sad, like the song was writing to a greater being to save it.
The buildings above her cracked and began to fall. The city was tearing it self apart. She collapsed to the ground covering her ears with her hooves. As she looked up, the crumbling buildings fell before her. She was about to die, and she knew it. With tears in her eyes, Golden screamed the only thing that came to her mind...
Cherilee ran through Golden's house, having found the door wide opened she feared the worst. She checked the bathroom, the living room, and the kitchen. All that was left was Golden's room, of which the door was cracked open. She barged through looking about hopelessly.
"Golden?! Where are you-" On the floor, next to the bed, a small puddle of blood seeped through the broken bits of a cider bottle. Cherilee turned pale and felt dizzy as she looked closer. 'This....This isn't happening....' She thought looking closer. The blood covered a small area of the floor and lead hoof prints through to the bathroom and stopped at the front door. Cherilee let go of a breathe she had been holding. The thought about Golden being hurt and nowhere near her left her mind. She walked to the front door and left the house to town.
I wonder if she's at Twilight's...' She thought trotting through the center of Ponyville, heading towards the library. 'She has been spending an awful lot of time with her...' Cherilee sighed. She remembered the times she would wake up to find a saddened and disgruntled Golden on her porch. She would always let her in and never turn her down. All the times they spent together clouded the violet mare's mind. She just kept picturing that same moment.
She was on the couch, with Golden sleeping in her lap. She was stroking her mane and comforting the poor mare. All those nightmares and sleepless night had affected her and she needed company while she slept. Cherilee didn't mind, in fact, she never did. Not once, did she feel that Golden was taken up her time, because when she was around, she wanted all her time to go to her.
Now, however, she may never see Golden again. Cherilee looked at the ground as she walked, tears seeping through her eyes, but not falling. All was silent. Not many were out at this time seeing how the sun was going down. Cherilee gazed behind her shoulder and stared at the sunset for a few moments. It was beautiful, the oranges and the reds and pinks where flowing across the sky as the sun slowly made it's way down. It was as if the colors moved with each other like a wave. This made her feel completely at bliss...
"CHERILEEEEE!!!"
"Golden?!" Cherilee snapped out of her gaze. The scream came from the direction of the library, and defiantly belonged to the golden pony. She sprinted all the way to the library's door and busted through it. She looked around the room, but nopony was there. Without thinking, she went up the stares and checked Twi's room. She saw Golden, clutching her pillow, sobbing loudly as she twitched in pain. Cherilee rushed over and grabbed her in a tight embrace. She ripped the headphones off and whispered into her ear. "It's me, Golden. I'm here, I'm here. Stop crying..."
Golden's sobs went to silent whimpers, to which Cherilee thought was cute. She had Golden in her arms as she sat on the bed. All that went through her mind was the golden mare's safety. After a few moments, Golden slowly came to...
It was dark, completely dark. The weight of the buildings where lifted off me. I slowly lifted my eye lids and glanced around. I saw her...Cherilee. She looked down at me with a warm smile as she held me close. That song repeated over and over in my head. I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go...
I lurched up and hugged Cherilee to my chest. The fear set in me. I didn't want die, I didn't wanna go. She pulled away to look me in the eye. Her's were filled with tears, for me. She came all this way...for me.
"Golden..." She began. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told Twilight about...you know. But I had to! I wasn't there for you most of the time when I wanted to be! So, I told her. Can't you see what I'm trying to say?"
I didn't care. I didn't care about Twilight, about Fluttershy, about that bucking cliff! I just cared about Cherilee.
"Golden, I was looking for you to apologize and...well, I wanted to say-"
"Shut up!" I screamed, burying my face into her shoulder. "I don't care! I never did! Just stay here, Lee. Please...I don't wanna go..." Of course, I won't tell her. At least not yet, but now was not the time. Something in that dream was trying to tell me something. It had opened a closed door in my mind, and all those Celestia forsaken memories that I kept locked up were about to reveal their ugly heads. Cherilee looked at me with concern.
"Golden...What are you talking about?"
Maybe I don't wanna go...
To Be Continued...
6. "Indoor Voices" (Alternate Title "Pour Me, Pour Me, Pour Me Another")
"Golden, What are you talking about?" Cherilee asked with concern. I snapped out of my dreamy state in her arms to answer, but I couldn't think of a way to explain it to her. That dream...was one of the most terrifying things I've ever lived through. The field, the city, that phrase...
"Golden?" Cherilee nudged me to get my attention. "Why are you here, at Twilight's?" I looked around to find I was indeed still in Twi's room. How long had I been asleep? I jumped from Cherilee's embraced and to the window. The sun had already set and the moon was out.
"Cherilee." I said, empty of emotion. "Can I stay with you tonight? Twilight and Fluttershy had a fall out and they left together. I don't want to be here when they get back." A hoof touched my shoulder. I turned to see Cherilee standing there with a warm, comforting smile.
"Of course, Golden. I won't have my best friend stay in another pony's home while in such of a condition." As she turned towards the bedroom door, I notice the c.d. player. My mind ached and my curiosity got the best of me. I snatched it off the bed and hide it in my mane. Cherilee wrapped an arm around me and we head towards the front door.
We traveled to her house in silence at first, but after a few minutes, she broke it. "What were you dreaming about, if you don't mind me asking?" I thought about it, thinking whether or not to say, but she was Cherilee. I stopped and turned to face her.
"I was having a nightmare." I began, shakily at first. "It was...I felt so lost. I woke up in a field, of flowers. They were all the same gold color, but they were all dead." Cherilee came closer to me as I continued. "They didn't move in the wind that came. Just dead and unmoving. I walked in a single direction until I saw a dark figure. I don't know who or what it was, but it brought this familiar feeling. When I went after it, it vanished."
Cherilee held a hoof to my face to wipe a tear from it. It was hard to relive the dream, even in her presence. She smiled and spoke. "Come on. You can continue at my place. It's getting cold." I love having her around. The event at the cliff, Twilight, and the school vanished as soon as she touched me. I nodded and walked with her towards her home. The moon shined down on us as we walked, like it was the spot light, we were the stars, and the world was our stage. The stars twinkled and flashed. It was a quiet night, and I wouldn't want to spend with any other pony.
We finally made it to her home. It was a cozy, violet house with a pink roof and flowers filling up most of the yard. Cherilee smiled and approached the door. She took a key out off her mane and placed it in the key hole, it clicked and the door opened. She waved to me into the house, to which I obliged. The living room was warm and inviting. The paint on the walls were a soft, faded pink. The decor was old fashioned, but family-like. Cherilee lead me to the couch and sat me down.
"I'll go get some tea. You just sit here and relax." She said placing her hoof on mine. She got up and trotted to the kitchen, leaving me with my own thoughts. I sat there and thought about the dream over and over again. Thinking about it's surroundings and meaning, if it had one. 'That song...' I pondered. I took the c.d. out of my mane and observed it. It was just a dark circle with big white letters. "Box Cart Racer...Ugh, of all the music Twi listen's to, why is this her choice?"
"Why is what Twilight's choice?" Cherilee asked entering the room. "What is that?"
"This c.d. has a song that triggered the nightmare." I said. "The song on it made that dream the way it was, and I think it made a apart of my memory rear it's ugly head."
Cherilee took the disc from me and observed it. She read the letters on the side. "It looks...Creepy. Why would Twi listen to something like this?"
"I don't really know...Do...do you want to listen to it?" I asked nervously. I didn't want to wind up in the same sequence as the dream was, but I wasn't sleeping, and I'm with Cherilee. "We can share this c.d. player I took from her room."
She thought about it for a second, gave me a suspicious look, and smiled. "Sure. Are you sure the head phones will work with two ponies?" I gulped as I tried to smooth out what I was about to say.
"We could, I don't know, have them over both of our heads...Or something..." I then took the head phones and draped them over my head and hers. Clamping our heads together, making me blush a little. She giggled a little while I put the c.d. in the player with shaky hooves, Once everything was in place, I pressed play.
Seeing how The song kept playing over and over again, I assumed it was on repeat. It was quiet at first, then that acoustic guitar came in and made a shiver travel up my spine. Cherilee felt me shaking and laid her hooves on mine to calm me, but it wasn't helping. The song went through the first verse and right to that damned chorus. 'And I, I won't lie, I won't sin...'
Maybe I don't wanna go...
Something in my mind snapped. I screamed, ripped the head phones off us and threw them across the room, I then fell off the couch with my hooves to my ears. Cherilee was by my side in a second, holding me while her eyes widened. "Golden! Are you okay?! What happened?!" She shook me, but I just laid there. Eyes twitching and my body shivered. When I looked up to her, she had tears in her eyes. I tried to speak.
"C-Cherilee...What's h-happening?" I sobbed as I continued to shake on her floor. "P-please...I don't...wanna..." My pupils grew small and I felt faint. She picked me up and hugged me in a tight embrace.
"You're gonna be fine. I'm here, Golden. Look at me!" She held my face in her hooves to look me in the eyes, which were struggling to stay open. Her green eyes glistened with bitter tears. "I'm not leaving you like this! You have to stay with me!" She sobbed. "Don't die! Please!"
The last thing I saw was the tears that fell from her eyes as she screamed my name, before I soon lost consciousness.
I woke up on the floor and opened my eyes and slightly. Everything was hazy and blurry. When I open them all the way, I found Cherilee laying in my arms, tears in her eyes as she slept. I looked at her for a few moments. She was so peaceful as she slept. So peaceful and beautiful. She stirred. Her eyes fluttered open and gazed up at me. She immediately hugged me tight and silently sobbed.
"Golden...You're alive.." Her sobs grew slightly louder. "I thought I lost you!" She buried her face into my coat. I hugged her back. She pulled away and put her hoof to my face.
"Wha...What happened to you?" She looked at me as I laid close to her. What did happen to me? My mind swelled with dark images that I didn't recognize. All of which showed me as a filly with another filly about the same age. We looked alike, but I couldn't remember her.
I shook my head and looked at Cherilee, who still held me. "I...I don't know." Cherilee was obviously worried as she hugged me, ignoring the whistling of the tea pot. After the tea, we went up to her room and laid on the bed. I laid next to her a few centimeters away.
She turned to look at me. "Do you want a drink?" Of course, I wanted a drink. This day had been to much to deal with since the day I woke up! If anything, something strong.
"Sure, I could use one." She got up and left the room. Her bed was soft and frilly. It smelled of her. That smell of flowers and a hint of honey. It made me shiver with excitement. No! Stop, Golden. She's not interested remember? But...she was there when I woke up. How did she find me? The last thing I remember from that hellish experience was screaming her name...and she was there. I smiled and rolled around on the bed, taking in that sweet, sweet aroma.
Cherilee came in with two bottles of cider and two cups on her back. She sat beside me on the bed and poured me some cider. She took her own glass and filled it with the sour liquid. I took a sip and my face squeezed together from the taste and sourness. I felt the cider's smoothness go through out my body as it traveled to my stomach. Cherilee took a sip from her cup and dawned a similar face. "This really, *coughs* hits the spot!" She said. All I could do was laugh. She was never good at handling her alcohol. Even in collage, she would have one cup and lose herself in the intoxication. She finished her drink in one gulp and smiled at me.
"I'm really glad we got over that little issue, Golden. I don't really think I could really, uh, stand not talking to you..." Why was she blushing? Maybe it's the cider getting to her head. I chugged my cup and poured some more for her and myself. We threw back our drinks for an hour in a half. Talking about school, times in high school, ponies in town. But soon, when we moved to the second bottle, Cherilee looked at little flushed.
"*burp* Gold...Gold...en! Hey! I..uh, wanted to tell you shumethin'..." She slurred moving about on the bed as a drunk pony would.
"....Wha? What ish it? No, I don't want to work at the scshool!" I shouted, from the ground. I had fallen off the bed while laughing and hadn't gotten up since.
"N-no, Shilly!" She said leaving the bed to join me on the floor. "It's shumethin', IMPORTANT..." She went into a whisper. I tilted my head and turned to face her. I found that we laid face to face. Her muzzle only a few inches from mine. I blushed and went cold. "I wanted to talk about what chu' said at the...the...plashe I work?"
"The scshool?"
"Don't interrupt me!" She hissed. "Anyway...." She stopped. She lifted her hoof and placed it on my side to draw me closer. I felt my face getting warmer and warmer as she drew nearer and nearer. "Did...did you really shay that chu...loved me?"
I was no longer as drunk, but a little buzzed as Cherilee reminded me of that. I did tell her I loved her, I still do! But she's in such a bad state for me to pour my feelings out now. I frowned and placed my hoof on her face. With one last gulp, I told her.
"Ye....Yesh. Yes. I do...love you." I said slowly, slurring at first. Cherilee looked at me, dreamily as she came closer. To the point of our noses touching. She smile and said something I'll remember for the the rest of my life.
"I...I love you, too." She then wrapped her hooves around me and brought me in for a deep, passionate kiss. I was shocked at first and tried to pull away, but I noticed something. She was really getting into this. And when she pulled away to see my reaction, Cherilee showed no signs of being drunk. She just laid on me with a red hue across her muzzle and a smile on her face. She loves me. She actually loves me.
I grabbed her and brought her lips back down to mine. I noticed her eyes go wide as I forced my tongue into her mouth. She moaned then wrapped her tongue with mine. We lost our selves in each others embraces, loving every second of ourselves. I had never felt so close to her...I love her and she loves me...I could die happily now...
"Wha...?" I opened my eyes to see Cherilee cradling me. A dream. A BUCKING dream. My heart hurt, and it cried out. I had never felt this sad. It was all a crude imagination. She doesn't love me. She doesn't love me... I sat up, clutched her and cried, loudly.
She was shocked, but held me tight. "Why?!" I cried. I couldn't take knowing that something as strong as that dream exists in my mind. She was whispering in my ear, but I drowned it out with my sobs. She wouldn't understand, even if she remembered what I said at the school. I had poured my heart out to her twice now...And she heard none of it. It was all bullshit.
Pour me, Pour me, Pour me another, It haunts me, Haunts me, Like no other, One more drink then I swear that I'm going home, Truth is I don't really have a place to go, So Pour me, Pour me, Pour me another...
7. "Semi-Charmed" (Alternate Title "The Diary of The Golden Mare")
I didn't sleep that night. There was no point. If the only dreams that are waiting for me either want to kill me or bring me heartbreak, then what's the point? I just laid there on the floor, staring at sleeping mare on the couch with me. Cherilee had stayed there with me that whole night. Of course she would fall asleep, but she did so while I was holding her. So, in which case, slapping me in the face.
Who knew dreams could break a pony's being apart in only one day? The first had just the right amount of bucked up settings to make me terrified of a song. The second reminded me no matter how hard I try, no matter how long we're together, and no matter how much she shows, she'll never love me the way I lover her. So, being wrapped up in an embrace with her for the long hours from the late night to early morning seems like vicious torture.
I tried to sit up to find the clock, but Cherilee had other ideas. She moved with me and acted as a blanket. She tightened her grip around me as she slept. Ugh! How come she doesn't have to go through this? I tried easing my way out of this constrictor-like hug. Only to wind up face to face with her.
She looked so beautiful. She had a look of pure bliss and innocence as she silently snored against my chest . She stirred a little when I pried her hooves from around my back and got up, but went back to sleep. I guess I'll head back home. There's not much to do and Cherilee needs to get up in a couple of hours to get to school. Before I left, turned to her. I felt bad leaving, but I couldn't take up all her time. I kissed her on the forehead and headed out.
-Park-
The sun was barely up so I assumed it was before six in the morning. The sky was grey and swelled with big, dark clouds, indicating that we might get some rain. Woe. Woe, woe, woe. This is stupid. I should be gardening and getting everything inside before the storm hits, but instead I'm walking to the only bar in Ponyville. It hid behind the park and stayed even more hidden as daytime rolled around. The only way to find it is to have actually been there. They probably expected me, like every morning or so.
The Golden Mare, it was called. Ironic, I know. At least, I see it as irony. Something so shiny and beautiful with whatever it goes with, and such a rare find at that, shares the name with me. Jacky D, the bartender, tells me not to worry so much on life, to not be so 'emo' as he says. Well I'm sorry, I haven't had a drink yet! So, at the moment, I give a buck about what's happening around me.
Halfway to the bar, I spotted something in the sky. It was going pretty fast, so I didn't pay it any mind. Wait...fast, flying...Shit! I broke into a gallop so I could probably get out of sight before that pegasus could see me. I wasn't in the mood to deal with her and/or Pinkie today. I've never have been! I got to this bush and hid. A light blue blur shot past and near ripped it from the ground. Before it passed again, I made my way to the bar.
The door to The Golden Mare had scratches around and covered the door knob, telling me Jacky got started with out me. I knocked on the door and shouted to him.
"Jacky! It's me, Golden! Let me in!" After a few minutes of knocking and paranoia that was telling me Rainbow was around, hoofsteps sounded behind the door. The knob jiggled and turned. The door slowly opened. What stood behind it was a beige stallion with orange mane, a mug of cider as a cutie mark, and grey eyes, that told me 'I'm glad to see you, but if you bang this door one more time, I'm clobbering you.'
"Golden!" He said through a slightly accented, raspy and high pitch voice. "How's it goin'?" He moved to hug me, which I welcomed. I'm glad that no matter what, I'll always have The Golden Mare. He stepped back and waved me in. I stepped through the door and was immediately welcomed by the smell of cider and cigars. He hopped over the bar and readied a bottle for me. I sat on the stool that faced him.
"So, why are you up so early? Had any nightmares?" He teased. If only he knew I thought.
"Just pour it, D! I've had a rough couple of days." I groaned and laid my head on the bar. He placed his hoof on top of my head and ruffled my mane.
"Oh why don't you tell old Uncle D' about it! After all, you helped me when Adriena left."
Oh, yeah. His wife left him a few years back and he dipped into a fit of binge drinking and shouting. He never cried. She took almost everything he had, until one day. He sat in this bar, all alone. Me and a couple of regulars got him riled up to the point of rushing home and telling Adriena, and I quote, "You lying, scummy tart! You can take me house, me kids, me dog, and me bar! I don't need em'! But don't you sit on your flank and not tell me face to face on how much of a piece of shit I am! Cuz, I know!..."
Jacky went on and on like that for awhile. He had me and the guys cracking up as he let loose. Of course, however, he got arrested and lost the bar for a year, but it was worth it in my book. Now, he was all cheery and happy, just a ray of bucking sunshine. Come to think of it, I missed it when he was a wreck.
"I don't wanna talk about it..." I said circling my hoof on the bar. He saw through this little act though.
"Golden," He began. "How long have I know ya?"
"Well...uh, I don't know. Four? Five years?"
"Five? Try eight. And how often are you in here, drowning your sorrows in cider and whiskey?"
I blushed a little. "But I like whiskey..."
"Oh, I know. Anyway, ya come in here almost every week with the same sour look and the same sad eyes with bags bigger then Adriena's haunches..." He got a laugh out of me with that. "...and do the same thing." He held out a bottle to me and I took it. We opened our drinks and drank em' like it was water. He coughed a little then continued. "Ya bitch and moan over how much ya love that Cherilee mare..."
"That's none of your business!" I hissed through my cider.
"Oi, give it up, Gold! Everpony who's been in this bar while ya were around, got an ear full of your 'undying desire', or some shit or whatever, and love for that teacher!" He was right. When ever I had too much, I would spill more of my emotions on the bar then my alcohol.
He went back to his other points. "Ya would start a fight with any couple that walked in all kissy facing another..."
"And win." I added.
"And win, Goldie. And win, but that's not all." He walked over to a wall by where a band would play and pointed at it. "Ya see these holes?"
"Yeah...But I don't see-"
"Well one day, after an incident with a certain librarian, one of my customers had gotten piss drunk and battered the shit out of me wall!"
The holes on the wall were indeed my doing. After what Twilight did, I had to vent. And when whiskey doesn't help..."You know, D. This place looks better with them. You should re-name the bar to something like, The Plot Hole or The Rundown Shithole." I laughed, to which he flipped his hoof up at me.
"Oh, buck off! I think the name it has now suits it better then before if ya ask me." He shot back, getting a little more then a reaction from me.
"Buck you! I'm surprised you still have the stones to talk tough, after Adriena left you with nothin' but half of your savings, this dump, and half of what's between your legs!" I fired. I'll admit, I went a little too far, but to my surprise, he laughed it off.
"Ha! I can assure ye, there Goldy! This here is no half, but the beginning of something that would make Princess Luna cringe!" He bragged.
"Why? Why because of it's small stature, or it's battle scars?"
"Oh, buck you. Just drink! I like ye better drunk. Ya never would have came up with those taunts if ye weren't so sober."
"I wish I wasn't sober..." I sank my head down on the bar as Jacky sat on the bar stool next to me and wrapped an arm around me...
-Cherilee's-
Cherilee had just woken up, uncomfortably curled on the couch. She was cold and her back hurt. She was having the most wonderful dream. She dreamed about laying against a tall apple tree on a hill, in the arms of Golden, as they watched the sunrise. Cherilee fell asleep in her arms, but awoke alone.
"She left..." She said aloud. "I guess she had to be somewhere." Cherilee tried to play it off like it was nothing. But it wasn't. She was sad and wanted Golden to stay. She rose from the couch, stretching to pop joints that were knotted by the uncomfortable couch she laid shared with her best friend. Though having no real reason to get up and get to the school for class, Cherilee made her way to the bathroom and fumbled with the shower faucets. The water released, making the sound of it hitting porcine. She stepped into the small warm waterfall and shut the curtain. She didn't move. Just stood in the warm rain.
"Why is that getting to me...why does it hurt knowing she's not there when I wake up?" Cherilee thought, while sifted her hooves through her mane. She could have died last night. What was with that song...she was cold. She wasn't breathing. She was...Oh, Golden... She leaned against the cold shower wall, as tears ran down her cheeks with the shower. She held her hooves to her chest, her heart. All she saw was the image of her cradling a lifeless Golden after she blacked out from the song.
Cherilee hadn't felt this deep about losing somepony since she lost her mother. That had been the hardest and most painful experience of her life. She remembered the countless nights she would spend in the hospital, right by her mother's side. She didn't go to school, didn't eat unless her mother ate, and always slept there. After the first week, her sickness had only gotten worse and time was running out. The doctors couldn't get her to leave, but Golden somehow got her to. The following week...
Cherilee collapsed in the shower and curled up into a ball. The shower rained on her, but she didn't care. Those memories, they haunted her within her dreams, her thoughts. Her mother had always been there for her. But then her time came, and Cherilee never got over it. She promised to always be there for anypony who needed her...And nopony needs her more right now then Golden. She got off the floor of the tub and turned the water off.
After drying off, Cherilee grabbed her coat and key.
-The Golden Mare-
After several bottles of cider, mixed with whiskey by Jacky, I was leaning on him and spilling my guts about the past few days...
"...And that song...*sob* It haunts me, D. *sniff* It brings back memories of things I've been trying to forget for YEARS now!" I cried into his shoulder. He laid his head on mine.
"There, there, lassie. You're not alone in this! Ya have got me, Rainbow, Sparkle, that shy pony, that crazy pink mare, and most of all," He tilted my head so I faced him. "Ya got Cherilee." He said with a warm smile. It didn't help though. Cherilee didn't love me. That bucking dream told me so.
"No, I don't" I slammed my hoof on the bar. "Yeah, she helps me and keeps me company! So what?! I need more than that, Jacky...I want her to love me."
"Who?"
Jacky and I looked towards the door and saw a familiar rainbow haired pegasus. She had flight goggles on her head and was nursing her arm. I sighed, knowing that now she was about to know about my problems. I took my bottle of whiskey and chugged it down, with Jacky and Rainbow gawking at me.
"Dash! Where have you been?" Jacky asked, looking away from me binging.
"I've been flying around. Pegasus, DUH!" She said. Dash was always such a smart-flank. I didn't hate her, but I hated her personality. She looked back at me and she rushed over. "Carrot Top! Have you been crying?"
I could sense the worry in her voice, but didn't really want to give her any notice seeing how she still called me 'Carrot Top'. I looked at her, smiling. "Me? I've never felt better!" She didn't by it.
"Jacky." She said sternly. Jacky D couldn't really keep a secret from Dash, because he knew that she could force it out of him. With out hesitating, he told her.
"She's been having some troubles, Rainbow. One of em', is Cherilee." He said pulling me close.
"Cherilee? I can see that." She said with her hoof to her chin. "Why don't you just tell her?"
"Just tell her? Just tell her?! Do you know the shit I've had to go through?!" I stumbled off the bar stool to stare into her violet eyes. She backed away as a vented. "I had attempted suicide, had the shit kicked out of me by somepony I love, kissed and almost made it with Twilight, had a dream that left a scar on my psyche, had another dream to remind me of how lonely I am, and now, I've just realized! I've spent eight Celestia damn years drinking to forget about how low I've gotten!"
"Whoa...Calm down, Carrot Top-"
"And my name's NOT Carrot Top! It's Golden! I don't know where the BUCK you ponies came up with 'Carrot Top' but I can't stand it! My sister used to call-" I stopped. And didn't move. Jacky and Dash came closer after I froze in mid-sentence.
"Golden?" Jacky poked me. I fell backwards with a loud thud. Most of the impact went to my head. I was losing consciousness and I heard fuzzy voices, both very worried. They belonged to Rainbow and Jacky, and I thought I heard something out of place though...Did...Did I just hear one of them say 'blood'? I tried desperately to move my hoof to the back of my head. When I pulled it away, there was indeed blood, and all over. I couldn't take it and felt woozy. Before I fell into shock, the last things I heard was Jacky saying telling Rainbow to get help and me pulling them and whispering 'Don't tell Cherilee.' But the last thing I saw, was completely out of the ordinary. A pony, besides Rainbow and Jacky, was there. That figure from my dream. It's face came closer and whispered into my ear.
'Goodnight, Sis...'
8. "Autumn's Pass" (Alternate Title "Mother's Blessing/Autumn Fires")
Cherilee was heading to Golden's cottage after school. It was going to be so fun she thought. When she got to her house to drop off her stuff, there was a crowd of ponies surrounding her home. 'What's going on?' she thought. She made her way over to the crowd. It seemed like half the town was there. She saw her fellow classmates, Lyra and Bon-Bon, who were holding each other looking away from the scene, her neighbors, who were speaking to the some other ponies. Why was everypony here and sad? Before she got closer, Golden ran to her. She hugged Cherilee tightly and tried to lead her away.
Cherilee asked about what was going on, and that made her hug even tighter. She pulled away and ran through the crowd. Everypony wanted to stop her, wanted to keep her from seeing this, but she didn't care. As she closed in on the scene, the sounds of her sister, Daisy crying and her father calming her down could be heard.
Cherilee finally broke through the last group and looked down the three ponies. One was her father, Leo, who wrapped his arms in a tight hug with the second pony, Daisy. As Cherilee looked on to the third pony, tears poured from her eyes. She fell to the ground and looked closer.
The third pony. Her mother, Rose. She was being lifted and carried to a carriage by a group of doctors, and didn't appear to be breathing. She had collapse and passed out a few minutes earlier. Her eye lids fluttered slightly, but didn't open.
Cherilee ran to the carriage and hopped next to the body. She pushed the doctors away when they tried to grab her. She held her mother in her hooves and gazed on to her face. She looked to be asleep, in a blissful coma. No matter how hard she tried, Cherilee couldn't keep the tears from falling. She hugged the limp body and screamed for her mother over and over again, with no callback. Golden and Lyra attempted to get her to let go of the body, but she shoved them away. Shouting for nopony to get near her.
All until her father came up and laid next to her. He told her what happened and that Rose had a chance to live, and that can only be if she lets her go with the doctors.
Cherilee questioned him at first, but she let go anyway. Her father pulled her out of the carriage and she was then attacked by hugs from her friends. She replied by falling into Golden and hugging her, asking her why. She only hugged tighter.
Golden had never had to be the one to make somepony feel better in this type of situation, but this was different. This was Cherilee. She whispered in her ear and told her everything's alright and that she, Lyra, Bon-bon, Daisy, and the rest of them were there for her. Cherilee soon stopped sobbing and listened to her friend's words. Maybe everything was going to be alright. Daisy approached her sister and wanted to join this group hug, which she was welcome. 'I'm so grateful to be surrounded by so many caring hearts...'
The carriage pulled away from the crowd and headed towards the nearest hospital. The crowd dispersed and only the small group of ponies who knew Cherilee's mom remained. Leo was getting ready to head for the hospital with Daisy, when Cherilee left the comfort of her friends to ask if she could go. Seeing how she was still too young to understand what was happening, her father decided against it and to spend the night with a friend.
Daisy was several years older and understand the severeness of the situation. She begged and pleaded, but the decision was final. Leo and her sister, and several others, left together. Leaving the small group of fillies alone. Lyra had to head to band practice, so she couldn't have anypony over. Bon-bon had to prepare treats for her mom's meeting at her job. Leaving Golden.
Cherilee's frown turned into a big smile when Golden offered her to stay the night and she all most knocked her down in a tackle hug. She was still concerned about her mother's health and was confused about what had taken place, but was beyond grateful that she had Golden as such a great friend. When she told her so, she blushed. Cherilee laughed and walked with Golden to her home...
~*~~Golden~~*~
Golden sat on the side of the road, waiting for her parents to stop screaming at each other. This had been a little routine she did so their bitching wouldn't corrupt her mind. Golden hated the arguing, especially between her parents. This had been going on for awhile, and sometimes she wished she would just run away. But that would mean leaving her friends, her sister, her mother, and Cherilee. Golden wished she was here. Most of the time, she was the one to pull her out of the rut and dust her off. But not this time. She was alone, all until she heard hoof steps behind her. She turned to see Autumn. Tears soaked her cheeks and her eyes were red from crying. Golden understood and rushed to her side.
Autumn was Golden's little sister. She would call Golden 'Carrot' or 'Carrot Top' due to her hair. This was truly embarrassing, but adorable all the same. If anypony else called Golden that, however, there would be severe consequences. When her father would talk down to her, her mother, or Golden, she would try to hide from her father's reach, only getting beaten in the end. Her body was covered lightly in scars, mostly around the torso.
Their father was a relentless, self righteous, drunkard, fool. He had no respect from anypony and only wanted to please himself. He would rant harshly towards big things in Golden's life, including mare on mare relationships. Golden had a teacher who later turned out to be gay, and her father flipped. She and her sister had to move schools so that they would be 'free from the filly-fooling infidelity.' A word that both fillies had no idea of the meaning to.
That's how Golden met Cherilee. She first saw her eating with Lyra at lunch. Her heart thumped harder and faster the closer she got to her. When she tried to turn away, Cherilee spotted her and invited her over. After that day, they would become the best of friends. She always felt something more though. She didn't understand until she learned about it in her class a few days later. She was happy, because she was something that other ponies would probably find weird or unacceptable, but knew it was natural and that something between two ponies, such as love, could not be bounded by gender, species or whatever. Even more so, because it was because of Cherilee.
Autumn, of course, would also join in get-togethers with them. She was such a ray of light. With her faded lime green coat and slightly darker green mane, curly like Golden's. When she was happy, her sanguine eyes would glisten, even when no light was present. Suddenly the screaming stopped. And a door slammed indicating that their father was on the way. Golden stood in front of her sister. Prepared for anything her father would do.
He walked into her view of vision then stopped, staggering. He was drunk again, surprise. He had a half empty bottle of whiskey in his mouth and wobbled where he stood. His dark orange eyes read anger, defeat, and vendetta. He stare down the two fillies for a while. Suddenly, he rushed forward. Just as Golden was prepared to buck him if got anywhere near Autumn, she took that same whiskey bottle to the head. She fell sideways and staggered to get her footing back. Her father stared down at the small faded teal filly. Autumn shook with nervousness and looked faint, but she stood her ground.
She yelled at him for hurting Golden, and told him to go away. She said a lot to him, about how much of a failure he's been in taking care of their family, how cruel he's been, and how bad he makes Golden feel about his homophobic rants. Golden could only watch on as her little sister defended her. She was proud that her sister, for the first time ever, stood up against their father. But she was also frightened. Their father only grew angrier and angrier, his eyes twitched the more Autumn went on. He snapped and reared his hoof back and struck her down. Her body laid motionless on the dirt road as he toward over her, surrounded by the dust from the impact.
Golden screamed. She yelled for her sister to get up and tried to herself, but she felt dizzy and her vision grew hazy. She screamed for her mother, but she never came. All she could do was look on in terror over what her father is about to do to her and her sister...
~*~~Cherilee~~*~
Cherilee sat in one of the chairs of her mother's room. She had been sharing it with Golden and used her as her own little personal pillow. She slept soundly, her eye lids fluttered and she stirred when Cherilee giggled to her self. A nurse came in to check up on them and smiled when she saw them. Cherilee turned her attention from her sleeping friend and left the room to the nurse. She was told that her mother was okay and that she could go home. Cherilee shook her head and said she won't ever leave her mother until she's better. The nurse let out a sigh and smiled sadly at the little filly. She said goodnight and went back to her 'pillow'.
The next morning, Cherilee didn't wake up in the room that held her mother. She was in the waiting room, alone. Golden was gone. She left to go back to her mother's room, but the path was blocked by machines and other doctors. Golden came up to her with a cookie from the lunchroom and told her what had happened earlier that morning...
While they had been asleep, her mother's heartbeats had slowed in her sleep, causing doctors to rush in and remove them from the room so that they could perform tests. They had been doing so since then. Cherilee's eyes filled with tears. The thought of her mother's health diminishing brought her a deep sadness. What if she never got better, and she never woke up...
Golden, noticing her friends sorrow, wrapped her arms around Cherilee in a big hug. Cherilee responded by embracing her. She sobbed slightly. It hurt Golden to see her friend in such a disarray. Her mother, on life support and whose life is practically hanging by a thread, though she won't tell her that. Her father, too busy with work to be here with her. And her sister, whose out of town to with her friends. She promised herself, no matter what happens, she'll be there when the inevitable happens...
~*~~Golden~~*~
Golden awoke several minutes later, tied up in a garden patch she recognized. It wasn't too far from home, but far enough for her father's perspective. He loomed over the body of her sister in front of her, still unconscious from the blow earlier. He poured some awful smelling liquid on to them, mostly Autumn. Golden struggled to get by her sister, but felt a sharp pain in her stomach and was push back at the same time. Her father had kicked her. She looked up to the monster, his face was emotionless. He stared down at Autumn for a few moments, then turned to Golden.
He came close and pressed his lips against her ears, his cold and scratchy voice echoing in her ears. 'It's such a shame...she could have grown up to be a good mare, too bad she stood up for something like you...'
With those as his parting words, went to the can that held the terrible smelling liquid and pulled out a small box. He pulled what, from Golden's perspective looked like a small stick. He placed it to his hooves and scratched the tip of it. Suddenly a small flame was in his hooves. 'He's not going to...No. No! Please!' All that came out of Golden's mouths were please of forgiveness and mercy. None of which were present in this situation.
Autumn slowly regained consciousness and turned to her father. He held the match in his teeth as he reached for his whiskey bottle. She knew what was going to happen, and that if she didn't do something, both her and her sister won't get out alive. She rolled over to Golden, who was in a fit of sobs for help, and bit at the ropes that held her hooves together. Golden hadn't notice that her hooves were free until her sister started to cry. Golden turned to see her , rope in her mouth and her hind legs arched back. Their father drank the rest of his whiskey and flung the match in the air.
Golden looked on in fear, as she saw what Autumn was about to do, she bucked her off the side of the small cliff and whispered. 'I love you, sis.'
Golden tumbled down the cliff and came to a painful stop. Before she knew it, the top went a blaze. She fell to the ground and cried Autumn's name. Her sister, littler sister, had sacrificed herself. She laid there, on the ground, and cried loudly. Knowing that behind the wails, there was a small filly screaming through the final seconds of her life...
9. "Theme" (Alternate Title "Déjà vu In The Form of A Friend")
Cherilee walked down the road from her house to the park. She suspected that Golden wouldn't be home and be at that bar. Cherilee hated that place. She thought the name didn't deserve such a home on some place so filthy, the whole building would have to soaked in bleach. The bartender was nice though. He made her laugh a lot of the time when she was there, and when she was there, it was because Golden drank too much again and needed to be taken home. Cherilee sighed. Golden...
Cherilee got to the gate of the park and heard a crowd through a small patch. She got closer. 'It is a crowd!' She thought. 'But why?' As Cherilee came closer, the more she felt a bad feeling, like this had happened before. She saw some ponies trying to peak through the crowed to see then looking away with a pale face. 'What's going on?'
Rainbow Dash was hovering over the crowd and spotted Cherilee. She flew down and grabbed her.
"Rainbow!" Cherilee yelled as she was pulled away from the scene. "What are you doing?! What's going on?" Rainbow looked at her, then the ground. She whispered something, but Cherilee couldn't hear it. "Rainbow. I can't hear you. Have you seen Golden?"
Rainbow almost broke out in to a sob, but kept as much of her cool as much as possible. She looked at Cherilee for a few seconds then pointed at the scene. "She's...she's over there."
Cherilee looked over and saw a carriage pull up to the crowd and several white ponies came out. They were carrying a stretcher. She didn't believe it until she saw Dash shaking her head. Cherilee ran towards the crowd and fought her way through. This isn't happening! She yelled in her head. This isn't happening! Not Golden-
Her thought was interrupted as she broke through. The bartender. Jacky D, sat next to the body of...
"GOLDEN!!" Cherilee ran to her body. She laid facing up with balled up napkins behind her head, soaked in her friend's blood. Cherilee held her in her arms, she felt a dark sense of deja vu in the vacant lifeless expression on Golden's face. Her eyes flooded with tears and she sobbed over her friend's body. The crowd could only look at the two. Jacky laid a hoof on her shoulder.
"She was a little drunk...And was telling Dash off, she mentioned her sister and froze." Her looked at Golden's face for a second before continuing. "She fell back and hit her head pretty hard."
Cherilee could only respond by crying, her head was on Golden's chest. Her heart was still beating, but faintly. She looked at Jacky with red, teary eyes.
"This is my fault. I brought her here." She looked back at her unconscious friend. "If only I told her..." She stopped to chock down tears. "...She might not make it out of this."
"Hey, hey. No need to think like that, lassie. Gold's a tough mare. If anypony can make it out of something like this it's her." Jacky whispered. "What were you going to tell her?"
Cherilee grew silent. "I was...I was going to tell her...That I lo-"
"Ma'am! I'm gonna have to ask that you step aside. This mare has lost a lot of blood needs to be transported to a hospital." A white stallion told her, interrupting her confession.
She clutched Golden's body. "Can I stay with her? Please, she's a close friend."
"Of course! Just move aside please." The stallion said. Three other stallion's held a stretcher on their backs and lowered it by Golden. "Can you help us move her?"
Cherilee nodded. She pushed Golden on to the stretcher and placed her arms to her sides. The stallions lifted her and took her to the carriage, with Cherilee close behind. She turned to Jacky. He moved his hooves in the motion that read Go ahead. She got in with Golden and the carriage began moving. Golden's eye's fluttered and she started to mutter things.
".....my...head..." Cherilee place her hoof on Golden's chest and smiled.
"I'm here Golden. Just stay with me." Saying that brought a tear to her eye. She couldn't take losing her. She wouldn't be the same, and she wouldn't be able to tell her her feelings. She bent down and nuzzled her cheek, letting out a small gasp at how wet her cheeks were, like she was crying.
Cherilee laid down on the floor of the carriage to be near her. She kissed her on the forehead. "I wanted to tell you something...For a while. And I think you deserve to know..."
"I love you."
~*~~*~~*~
"I love you."
"Cherilee?"
Golden awoke on the cold, hard ground. All that stood before and around her was darkness. It appeared to be moving, like smoke or ooze. She stood and tried to look through it, but saw more darkness.
"Hello? Cherilee are you there?!" Golden shouted. There was no reply. The silence was eerie and dragged on. A faint voice whispered in her ear. i
"Hi, Carrot." Golden jumped back and screamed. She saw nopony, no mouth, nothing. The voice came again. "Don't you recognize me, Carrot?"
She did, but didn't believe it. "Yeah...Who are you? And where am I?" The darkness began to disperse and Golden now stood in a flower patch. The same one... from..."No...No, that-You're not-"
"Yup!" The voice said from behind her. She turned towards the voice and turned pale. Her sister stood before her. Autumn. But..that was impossible. Unable to deal, Golden broke out into soft sobs.
She ran towards her sister and hugged her tightly. She felt so real, and she could remember the smell. It was too weird, but Golden didn't care. She pulled away to look at her.
She looked exactly like she did before the incident. Her faded lime coat and darker green mane. Her sanguine eyes gleamed. This was Autumn. Her sister giggled and stepped back.
"Missed you too, sis!" She stopped and looked serious. "Golden, you are standing on the brink of life..." She pointed at the sky. "...and death." The patch around them suddenly caught fire, causing Golden to scream. The fire died down. "Your life has been hanging on by a thread since I died. You drink, relentlessly. You let your garden die, leaving you without a job. And the secret that you keep has been drifting you away from your friends." She moved closer to Golden as she talked. "Your uncontrolled emotions have led you to almost killing yourself."
"Not you, too!" Golden groaned. "Look! I'm still here!" She lifted her hoof and saw through it. She squeaked and looked to her sister. "W-W-what's happening?!" She stammered.
"Like I said, A thread!" She smiled. "You're going to be fine, though. You have to tell somepony, anypony, about me and what happened. The fact that you've kept it secret this long is causing your mind to cloud with dark thoughts. That song, 'Letters To Celestia', made them come into light so that you would come to me." Autumn leaned in and hugged her sister. "We thought you needed to hear it from me so you see how important this is."
"We?" Golden asked in confusion. Suddenly a white cloud flew down from the sky, then shined a bright light. Golden shielded her eyes as a figure came into view. She looked closer at it and her jaw dropped. A beautiful mare stood before her. Her hair was the same as Golden's, but straight, her coat was a lighter gold, her cutie mark was a gardening hoe and her eyes shined a bright yellow.
Golden fell to the ground and wept at the mare's hooves. "Mom!" She cried. "Mom, I missed you!"
The golden mare lowered herself to the ground in front of Golden and kissed her muzzle. "Yes, Golden. I missed you, too." Her voice was so calm and soothing, it matched Celestia's. "We hate seeing you in so much agony. Don't you see where you leading yourself?"
Golden's voice cracked as she spoke. "Y-you don't understand! I can't tell anypony, because It hurts so much!" She cried. "I'm only this way, the drinking, the bitterness, because it keeps me from coming back here..."
Autumn laid next to her sobbing sister. "Carrot, this is killing you!" She reminded. Golden didn't care, she just wanted to be with her sister and mother forever. Her mother held a hoof to her daughter's face and tilted it to look her in the eyes.
"Won't you miss Cherilee if you left?" She said with concern.
"Yeah..." She said with a sore voice.
"Don't you love her?" Her sister added.
"More than anything." Her mother and sister giggled at her. She looked up to them and blushed. "Hey! I can't help it!"
"Then tell her," Her mother said. "and tell about the incident. She won't shun you. No pony will. It wasn't your fault." She glared down to the soil of the garden, hate brimming in her eyes now. "It was your damned father's."
"Yeah!" Her sister stomped at the ground then turned to her sister. "I saved you! I did it so you could live. It isn't your fault. I still love you, sis. Sure, maybe I didn't want to die...Maybe I didn't wanna go, but I did what I did, because I loved you too much to meet the fate as I did. You had no control over the situation." She kissed Golden on the cheek. "He did."
"I love you, too, Autumn." Golden looked at her sister through a blurry vision. "Yeah...You're right." She stood and looked to her mother. "You're both right. How do I, uh....Get back to..Ugh! My head!" She held her hooves to her head. She pulled them away to see that blood covered them. "Oh. Right."
"You diffidently took a heavy hit, dear." Her mother said lifting a hoof to her head. "You're arriving at a hospital as we speak. When you wake, promise me, and your sister, that you'll do what we asked."
Golden gave her mother a confused look. "Tell her what?" Autumn laughed out loud at her sister's ignorance.
"Tell her about me!" She said. Then she giggled. "...And that you love her!"
She looked down and smiled, as the world around her, and her family, began to vanish. "I will..."
"We're always with you, Golden!" Her mother shouted from a distance.
"We love you, Carrot!" Her sister yelled after.
~*~~*~~*~
The darkness didn't come back. Though it was bright, I knew where I was. In a hospital bed, surrounded by machines. The I.V. wire stuck out from my arm, which lead to a computer. There was a faint high pitched beeping in the room. I felt bandages around my head and could feel my legs. So I wasn't paralyzed, thank Celestia! I did feel something next to me though, and it was breathing. I looked to my left and saw her.
Cherilee, sleeping next to me in a chair leaning on my neck. I smiled and nuzzled her. She stirred and slowly woke up. I panicked a little, thinking whether or not I should tell her. No. I promised. She opened her eyes and then they widened. She reached out and touched my face in disbelief.
"G-G-Golden?!" She squeaked. She shook her head and rubbed her I eyes. I still laid there. She grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I embraced her and felt her tears on my neck. She really does care about me. I patted her on the back and whispered to her.
"Shh, I'm alright. I'm happy you're here, 'Lee. Look, I'm sorry I left this morning. And..."
She wiped her eyes and pulled away, only so that our muzzles were only centimeters apart. I blushed a little, but continued. "...I,uh...have to tell you something." She nodded with her eyes gleaming, they no longer shed tears and where half closed. Her smile was warm and grew only more as she drew closer and I felt her breath against my face. It smell sweet and had a hint of honey. I lost my train of thought. Where was I?
She got up on the bed and laid next to me and put a hoof to my cheek.
"You love me?" She asked grinning, pushing hair out of my face. I laid there shocked and my mouth hung open. I had no idea she would know that and I shivered a bit. She giggled and placed my jaw back into place. Before I could blink, if I could, she pressed her lips against mine, pushing me on my back as she crawled on top of me. My mind was racing and went into shock when I tasted her tongue as it pushed it's way into my mouth. I didn't fight back, I only laid there and enjoyed the moment that I've been waiting for for so long.
The kiss lasted for a few more moments before she broke it, gasping for air. I lost myself in her eyes, they called out to me. I hadn't felt like this for her in all my life. The joy I felt could've defeated Nightmare Moon alone. She breathed heavily and place her hooves on my chest. I sat up and kissed her lightly on the lips then pulled away to tell her.
"I love you, Cherilee." I whispered.
"I love you, too, Golden. I always have." She whispered back. She laid back on me and continued kissing me. Making my the dream I had, just the night before and the one that I thought was a terrible lie, a reality.
10. "Closure" (Alternate Title "Letters To Celestia Pt. II")
My life is amazing right now. I lay with the mare of my dreams, in a hospital bed. It's been three hours since I confessed to Cherilee that I love her and that she said she loves me. Imagine that. She's sleeping. I can't believe this is even happening! I just want this to last forever...But It won't. Because I'm going to have to tell her about my sister, like I promised.
That was so real. I was in a state of life and death, but it was as if I was in a dream. I saw my mother and my sister, Autumn. Both of them have been dead for years, but they were alive and well, standing in front of me. I hugged them both, they smelled like they did so long ago...I still see them. They told me my self sorrow was killing me. My heavy drinking and shutting out my friends was destroying me, and told me to promise them to tell Cherilee I love her and to tell somepony about that horrid night. I can still see that hill, the smell of burning grass, and the screams.
"...meh..." Cherilee mumbled and stirred in my arms. She looks so beautiful. I stroked her mane and kissed her on the forehead. I really do love her and I never want to keep anything from her, but I don't know if I want to see her cry anymore. These past few weeks must have nearly killed her, and I don't want to pile it on.
"...Golden?" Cherilee sat up and looked at me. She smiled and kissed me. "I'm glad to see you looking better. How's your head?"
I smiled. "My head's fine." I leaned my head on her's. "I'm so happy you're here. I can't imagine to be like this with out you."
She replied by kissing me. "I love you, Golden."
"I love you, too. And I...have something else to say..."
She pulled away and looked me in the eye. "What is it? You know you can tell me anything."
"I know...But, it's about...What really happened to Autumn and my m-mom." My voice cracked. I never said this to anypony and it hurts to think about. My vision blurred as tears filled mt eyes. I tried to choke them down, but to no avail. Cherilee saw this and wiped them from my eyes. She hugged me tight.
"No, Golden. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She whispered. No matter what she says, or what happens, I need to tell her now.
"I-I'm gonna tell you...Because t-they told me to tell you. They trust you. A-and so do I." I cried. She looked at me worryingly. "When I was out, I woke up in this room of black smoke. I heard a voice, but it was faint." I stopped to wipe my eyes to see her better. "It was her, 'Lee. It was Autumn."
She wrapped her hooves around me as I continued my tale from when I reunited with my mother and sister, to that night that is burned into my mind. She cried and we held each other. This is what I wanted to avoid, her crying at my misery. I cringe when she sobs out loud. I hate seeing this, not because I'm a little bitter when it comes to others' sadness, but because this was Cherilee. Those lime green eyes are too gorgeous and too kind to have tears ruin their purity. I grabbed her and kissed her, hoping it will stop the sadness, which it did. Cherilee's sobs grew quiet and I finished my story...
"...So after all these years...I've kept it a secret. The day I buried my mother and sister was the day part of me died. I never told anypony. I just picked up what I could and left my broken and burned home." I buried my face in her mane. Cherilee pulled me out to see her.
"Golden...Why didn't you come to me? We could've caught your father. We could've had him-"
"What? Thrown in jail? Or better yet, executed? It wouldn't have changed anything..." I looked away towards the window. "...It wouldn't have brought them back." I felt her cheek against mine. They were soaked with tears. She whispered to me.
"I'm sorry. I can't imagine the pain you must have been carrying...I know it's not much, but you made me the happiest mare in Equestria when you told me you loved me. And the fact you'd share something so sad and personal, makes me glad to have somepony like you to be with. I don't know what to do for you, but if there's anything, Golden, I'm here."
Those words, they hit me hard. Not in a bad way. They filled the part of me that was left on the cliff and made me feel elated. Cherilee cares so much about me and wants to be with me. I'm crying. Not by sadness, but of joy. I turned back to her and kissed her passionately.
She returned the gesture. I felt a weight being lifted of me. One that has been on my back since the day my family died...And now, I have a new family. Even if it's just Twi, Shy, Rainbow, Lyra, Bon-bon, Spike, where ever he is, and Jacky. It's the best family I could ever ask for, and I know they all love and care about me.
'The True Color of Friendship'
The next day, I left the hospital with Cherilee. Twilight had come by to see if I was okay, which I was glad to see her. Ever since I woke up and got that stuff off my chest, I was no longer angry. About anything. I got over the Twilight issue, even though I'm a little confused still as to why Fluttershy stayed with her. Cherilee and I went with Twilight to the library. I am going to tell all of them about it. And with Cherilee and Twilight with me, I won't have any problem.
I approached the door with them and pushed it open. There were streamers, balloons, and cake. All with the colors gold and orange. It brought a tear to my eye now every time I see the color gold. A color and mineral so beautiful and solid, is just a name I have to remind me of the terrible times now far behind. Maybe I shouldn't be so ashamed of the nickname Carrot Top. Heh, when Autumn said it...It made my day a little brighter.
We stepped in and was immediately greeted by everypony. Lyra and Bon-bon, Rarity and Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow, even Spike, who had just gotten back. But the one who stood out the most, mostly by tackling me, was Pinkie Pie, who had been away this whole time.
"OHMYGOSH! I'm so happy to see you, Carrot Top! It's been such a long time!" She was so happy, even more so then usual. She hopped off of me and bounced back towards Rainbow Dash, leaning against her. Cherilee helped me back to my hooves.
I smiled as I looked around at their faces. I was really about to kill the mood. "Thanks. Thanks a lot, guys. This means more than you'll ever know. This has been a hard time in my life these past few weeks. And now that it's finally over, and I now have all this to live for," I grabbed Cherilee in for a hug. "I have to get something off my chest..."
I told them, but they didn't cry, not at first. They didn't want to believe what I had told them was true. They came closer until I was surrounded in a big hug. My eyes were red from tearing about the same damn story. But none of them fell, because my friends comforted me and sobbed. They all cared deeply about me. And this made me take a step back and realize something.
For the past couple of weeks, I've wanted to die and be through with all of the pain, but all I had to do was talk it out. Not with some professional psychologist with a clipboard and a bed where I lay down and spill my guts, but a group of kind heartened ponies who have been there my whole life. I looked at them all and smiled.
"G-Golden, I never suspected!" Twilight cried. "How could you have lived with that festering in your subconscious? You could suffered from panic attacks or high blood pressure or-" The lavender egghead was cut off by her marefriend's hoof, thankfully. Fluttershy stepped up to hug me.
"I-I...didn't think....How could you stand keeping all of that on your mind?" She asked almost the same way Twilight did. "We...we could have helped.." She trailed off into a whisper.
Rarity stepped up. "Oh, Golden! I'm so sorry!" She sobbed wrapping her hooves around me for a hug. "I don't know what to say! Oh, Applejack, dear, say something!" She couldn't, because Applejack stood with her head down.
Spike, Rainbow, and Pinkie, with a now straight and droopy mane, sat in silence, not knowing what to say or even try to say. I stood in front of them all, I was so happy. But I guess I shouldn't be, right? I'm a pony, with a damaged past, broken family, and a fried mind. I was on the brink of suicide, but here I stand. Smile brighter then the sun. I trotted to them all and grabbed them all for a group hug.
"Don't cry, everypony! It's going to be okay! I'm fine, my mom and my sister are fine, and now I know that you're all here if I need you. And that's all I ever wanted." I said with joy written all over my face. They saw it and instantly perked up, along with Pinkie's mane. She hopped towards us and joined in on the hug. This was the moment where I realized what I had almost gave up if the cliff had won. Twilight looked at me and whispered something almost incomprehensible.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" I nodded and followed her out of the room, but after I turned to Cherilee and pecked her on the cheek. We went to her room and she shut the door. I got worried at first, by the quick thought of the last time we were alone together. She waved me over to a small desk. It held a parchment, a quill, an ink cup, and a royal stamp. I gave her a confused look.
"I have been sending letters to Princess Celestia since I moved to Ponyville. The letters would consist of what I had learned or what I discovered or overcame." She sat me down in the chair in front of the desk. "These would be read by the Princess and be responded to the pony it would have been about. What I'm suggesting is...that, well..." She struggled with the words. Probably worried about my reaction, but I smiled.
"Alright, I'll get writing. Go back to the party and tell them I'll be down in a while." She nodded and turned to the door. I thought for a second then turned back to her. "Oh, and Twi..."
She looked back from the door. "...Don't try anything else. If you break Shy's heart or even try anymore of your 'healing', I'll personally be the first of many to break down your door. No offense." She cocked her head and smiled.
"I love Fluttershy. I did what I did because it was to help you and besides, you enjoyed it." She giggled leaving the room and shutting the door. I was left alone in the room, blushing wildly at the egghead's last comment. 'A letter to the Princess about my lesson...What lesson? Do I just tell her all that has happened?' I sat in the chair staring down at the same three words:
Dear Princess Celestia,
Then I thought of something. 'That song...' That song, what did Autumn say? 'Letters To Celestia'? Had caused this all to spiral into a big mess that lead me to Cherilee, my sister and mother, and the kindness I now feel instead of the bitterness I once wore on my sleeve. I picked up the quill and wrote what I could think of at that moment. A poem.
Dear Princess Celestia,
The line I use is only to you, to tell about all that I learned, But all I can say is that the sorrow is away, Leaving me kind and well-heard, By my friends, you see, They were the key, to getting me out of the pit, From all that I knew, a cliff and then soon, I would have ended all of it, But here I shall stay, prepared for the next day, smile brighter than your sister's stars, Before, I used to cry myself to sleep, holding my unsealing scars, The scars that were left by my father, you see, who took two special things away from me, One was my mother, so caring and loving, and my little sister, who filled the world with glee, I kept it a secret all of these years, hoping the pain would subside, But now I know, that no matter the worst, they will always be right by my side, My heart has grown, my eyes are wide, and my arms are filled with sake, For my friend, who I've loved for so long, has finally settled in my wake, She's told me she loves me, as I do for her, and will always be by my side, And I do her, not even for the world, would I ever want to live with out her in my life, These troubled times, began in the rain, of a once crying sky, But now it is happy, and I'm absolutely certain, everypony else is as I, This letter is finished, this poem is done, and the quill is all out of ink, Thank you for letting me lived in the land of which makes you think, About your daily choices, and all of the voices that speak inside your mind, About all the times you wanted to run away and need a space to unwind, My name was Golden, for awhile, I thought it was beautifully clad, But it brought was pain and agony, no smiles, only faces of the sad, I made up my mind, and now for all time, I be remembered by a simple herb, Because in her time of wake, Autumn called me by it, because she knew it would be heard, I'll never cry again, nor drink or think, of meeting my neck with a knife, Because now I know, that I'm not alone, in this big garden we all call 'life'.
I found out the same things we learn when we die, I found out the truth is no longer a lie, I found out that the words are hard to describe, I'm no longer lost here, awaiting reply.
A Recovering Gardener and Writer,
Carrot Top
'Coming Back Down'
It had been a week or so since I sent The Princess that letter. Twilight and Spike didn't read, and thankfully nopony asked me about it. I meant every word I wrote on that parchment and I'm sticking by them. I'm happy. I haven't been in so long, but I know I am now. I had moved in with Cherilee to be closer to her and the gang. I start gardening again and writing stories for the elementary school and the library. I've been sober ever since I left The Golden Mare, but I still keep in touch with Jacky D.
Twilight and Fluttershy had gotten closer since this whole thing started and I'm happy to say that I'm glad. Pinkie and Rainbow moved in together to continue their growing relationship.
Lyra proposed to Bon-bon at the party where I wrote the letter, so they have been inseparable. Rarity and Applejack started going out a lot more recently, and have been particularly...closer. Spike's still Spike. Go Figure. And Cherilee had gotten back to work at the school. The principal had heard of my endeavors and rewarded her with a raise to help with me. She still thanks me, in ways I'll never tell...
"We're here, Carrot." Cherilee said laying a hoof on my shoulder. I looked up from the window of the chariot and gazed at the field. This was it. The place where I literately buried my past. I stepped out with her and looked around. Everypony I knew lined up towards the site, all dressed in black. I wore a black dress that Rarity designed for this occasion. Cherilee lean against me as we walked forward. My heart is quickening with every hoof step I took. This is nerve racking. It's been so long since I planted my family and now...
We stepped towards the two mounds of dirt, just how I left them, now holes in the ground. Two coffins laid side by side, holding the only remains left of my mother and sister. Tears weld in my eyes as the two stallions dressed in black looked at the boxes and back to me.
"We are ready when you are, Miss Top." One said with a deep voice.
I looked back, all of my friends stood behind me, ready to comfort me if I needed it. I turned to Cherilee, who held a hoof to my face and smiled. I nodded and looked back to the stallions. "Do it."
They picked up the first coffin, holding my mother, and slowly lowered it into the hole. I almost fell over from the weakness I felt. It was a mixture of anger and helplessness, but I knew this had to be done. The two stallions filled the hole with the dirt sitting aside and stood in silence. You couldn't even hear the wind. All that could be heard, were the muffled whimpers of me, burying me face in Cherilee's mane. I don't want to be here. I don't want to bury her again.
The two stallions got to the second coffin, holding my sister, and almost got it off the ground. They almost did before I fell towards it, pushing away the two. I cried leaning my face against the coffin's cold surface. It's not fair. What did she do? She was so young and full of life, now she's just a pile of...of...
"AUTUMN!!!" I cried. Cherilee and Twilight rushed to my side. They laid against me and tried to calm me down, but to no avail. I cried and screamed for my sister to rise from the coffin and tell me it's okay, knowing it was a stupid thing to hope for. Suddenly, a gust of wind came by, blowing the grass and flowers all in one direction. We all turned and our eyes widened. All except Twilight's.
The ruler of all Equestria, along with her sister Luna and three small pegasi, had flown from her castle to here. She walked towards me with a comforting smile. She nodded to Twi and Cherilee to stand and move. She sat by me on the ground and laid a wing on my back.
"It's alright, my little pony." She said in the voice my mother once shared. "It is still very unfortunate that the little one reached her end at such a young age, and in such a horrid way..." If she's trying to comfort me, it's not working. "But she did so, so you could live a long and healthy life. She risked her own to keep you on the track that lead you to where you sit today." She turned me to my friends and Cherilee. "You have a beautiful mare to keep you company and bring you an undying love..." That made me and Cherilee blush. "...and friends that will gladly be there when you need it." They all looked at me and nodded. Celestia wiped the tears that soaked my cheeks away and picked me up off the coffin. "As long as you live by the way of your letter and the happiness that make up the Elements of Harmony themselves, you will live to see the better tomorrow." She smiled and stepped back towards her sister. She nodded at the stallions and they continued with the procedure.
When both my sister and mother were buried, we grew silent. All until the three pegasi flew next to the bounds of dirt and began to sing. Their song echoed through out the whole field and flew with the birds that flew over head....
I, Just can't escape, It's like your here with me now, But the words you say, They always seem to fade out, Since you've been away, I'm just a face in the crowd, Someday, Someday, I know you're Coming Back Down...
"Golden..." Cherilee tried to speak, but I didn't let her finish. I grabbed her and pulled her closer for a deep kiss. Everypony looked in aw at us, but we didn't notice. Cherilee closed her eyes and held me tight.
Celestia sat on her haunches next to her sister and smiled. This mare... She thought. ...is the living proof that harmony, friendship, and love can conquer anything... The song the pegasi continued as one of them lead them into the second verse...
I'm ashes to ashes, I'm dust to dust, When a mare turns to ashes, forget about love, Like the feeling inside you, With a bottle beside you, You both end up empty like an angle just died too, I look to the heavens, to the sky and the rest, I looked inside myself, I felt my heart in my chest, Something so point blue, There's nothing to say, Some hearts can stay true, When falling away, Come lay down beside me, What you and I mean, It's only what I've seen, It's only just one dream, Tell my baby I love her, And I wish I could hold her, It's hard to say goodbye when you know that it's over...
I, Just can't escape, It's like your here with me now, But the words you say, They always seem to fade out, Since you've been away, I'm just a face in the crowd, Someday, Someday, I know you're Coming Back Down, Someday, Someday, I know you're Coming Back Down, One day, One day, I know you're Coming Back Down...
Everything around me slowed and time almost stopped. The kiss Cherilee and I are sharing will live on forever in our minds and in the stars. I now know that this happiness could not have been, if it weren't for Autumn's sacrifice. I had shed a tear when the thought of my sister came into my head. Cherilee broke the kiss to wipe it from my face. She nuzzled my cheek.
"Don't cry, Carrot. You don't have to anymore." She whispered. She leaned in and continued the kiss. This, this moment, is what I needed. It's what I've wanted. It's what Autumn would have wanted.
I love you, Carrot!
I love you, too, sis...
I, Just can't escape, It's like your here with me now, But the words you say, They always seem to fade out, Since you've been away, I'm just a face in the crowd, Someday, Someday, I know you're Coming Back Down, Someday, Someday, I know you're Coming Back Down, One day, One day...
This is the poem I wrote for the epilogue from Chapter Ten. I thought it deserved it's own chapter. Thank you all again for reading this.
-TLC
'Away From The Cliff and Back Into Life'
The line I use is only to you, to tell about all that I learned, But all I can say is that the sorrow is away, Leaving me kind and well-heard, By my friends, you see, They were the key, to getting me out of the pit, From all that I knew, a cliff and then soon, I would have ended all of it, But here I shall stay, prepared for the next day, smile brighter than your sister's stars, Before, I used to cry myself to sleep, holding my unsealing scars, The scars that were left by my father, you see, who took two special things away from me, One was my mother, so caring and loving, and my little sister, who filled the world with glee, I kept it a secret all of these years, hoping the pain would subside, But now I know, that no matter the worst, they will always be right by my side, My heart has grown, my eyes are wide, and my arms are filled with sake, For my friend, who I've loved for so long, has finally settled in my wake, She's told me she loves me, as I do for her, and will always be by my side, And I do her, not even for the world, would I ever want to live with out her in my life, These troubled times, began in the rain, of a once crying sky, But now it is happy, and I'm absolutely certain, everypony else is as I, This letter is finished, this poem is done, and the quill is all out of ink, Thank you for letting me lived in the land of which makes you think, About your daily choices, and all of the voices that speak inside your mind, About all the times you wanted to run away and need a space to unwind, My name was Golden, for awhile, I thought it was beautifully clad, But it brought was pain and agony, no smiles, only faces of the sad, I made up my mind, and now for all time, I be remembered by a simple herb, Because in her time of wake, Autumn called me by it, because she knew it would be heard, I'll never cry again, nor drink or think, of meeting my neck with a knife, Because now I know, that I'm not alone, in this big garden we call 'life'.
I found out the same things we learn when we die, I found out the truth is no longer a lie, I found out that the words are hard to describe, I'm no longer lost here, awaiting reply
