Chaos Returns

Storm Bolt was a very talented weather colt in Phillydelphia, until something terrible happened that got him fired and kicked out. He wandered around Equestria, until His travels brought him to Canterlot. It was there he discovered a plot to bring Discord back and bring Chaos to all of Equestria. He, the Mane 6, the captain of the guards, and The Royal Palace gardener, must try to stop it from happening before it's too late.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 8 )

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CosmicAfro

CosmicAfro #1 · Jan 22nd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

I think this is pretty good so far. There were some errors and somethings that I felt could have been more developed (for example: why was the conversation with T. Sparkle awkward? It didn't feel awkward and you didn't really show us, you just kind of put it out there).

For this story, I would have to say the things that could use more work are grammar and transitions.

So, I won't keep your time with this comment much longer, but you're more than welcome to send me a pm if you want my full opinion.

Vlad The Inhaler

Vlad The Inhaler #2 · Jan 22nd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

149183
Thanks, and I did notice the grammar mistakes after I sent it in.

#3 · Jan 22nd, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

149183

Oh, I think it was awkward enough. It made sense to me.

@Vlad, there were a few grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors, but the story looks pretty good. I'd like to see where it goes from here. Good job.

Ranger Roger