• Member Since 11th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen March 27th

ADRNEL


Just a simple university student from Michigan.

Sequels1

T
Source

Twilight Sparkle finds herself ahead of schedule with nothing to do on Saturday. Rarity decides to use that opportunity to set her up on a date with the local time keeper who has a crush on Twilight.

Will Twilight survive her first date? Will she find love? Will she get revenge on Rarity?

Big thanks to alexanderhunt88 for finding me this cover image!

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 37 )

Aight, few grammar errors dotted throughout, couple of... questionable words (such as using 'thru' instead of 'through') but nothing that makes the story hard to read.
I shall see where this goes...

I love it! I Cant wait to see how it goes, I never even thought to put those two together but make sure you dont cut to the chase immediatly i feel the flashback could have been more detailed and had more dialogue

Huh. Interesting enough. You have my attention. Not too good not too bad.I'll see where this goes and voice my informed opinion after that!:twilightsmile: Buck I'm turning into Twilight aren't I? :facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:

Fave before read. :scootangel:
EDIT: Just read...
And I am glad I faved!

great story so far, two of my fav charecters, couple of mistakes but it all good :pinkiehappy:

Wow, I never thought this story would get a lot of attention! Thanks!:yay:

Anyways, I will edit the story to fix any mistakes sometime soon.

Thank you for the comments! Part 2 should be up sometime this week.

:duck::facehoof:

I'm glad I faved this.
You have earned a follow.
(but I swear to Discord, if I see a shipping that makes RD lesbian, I will hunt you down.) :scootangel:

2010289
Well...One of my favorite ships is RD+"Insert a pony's name here":rainbowkiss:
Which means that I support ANY and ALL ships that involve RD somehow.
(with the slight exception for crack pairings)

2010428
That fact that it is RD+OC is perfectly fine by me!:heart:
(At least it's not RD+Kitchen Sink):rainbowwild:

2010492
Oh, lawd. The sink.
You are on my good side...
FOR NOW

2010504
Good to know...
Thanks for the follow!

It's a good story but a part of me want's to rant about you making Time Turner (doctor whooves) Matt Smith when his apperance is based on David Tennant :twilightangry2:.
Nerd rant over I really did enjoy this :twilightsmile:.

2015257
I know he's based on David Tennant, but I see him as having elements of ALL Doctors and wanted to reference them.

2196646
I've peppered some references into this story.
He says "Brilliant!", "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry.", he played a recorder for Octavia's band and the fact he wants to travel to see distant worlds. All Doctor Who referance. I see Time Turner as an ordinary Earth pony with some of the Doctor's quirks, but NOT as a Time Lord.

Wow, just, wow. Rarity's timing on talking to Fluttershy about Big Mac was actually kinda cute!

Man, It's times like this that make me wish that I was better connected; so that I can tell others about his story. :rainbowkiss:

Well written, nicely done, perfect for us Whoovians and does well for the start of a multi-chapter story.

2010289>>2010407 And thus the origin of an epic friendship

Not bad, but if I may, I'd like to critique your stories. It's a habit of mine, and I'm only trying to help everytime I do it. Send me a notice via this or Facebook if you wouldn't mind.

Sorry, just noticed your comment on wanting constructive criticism. Well then, here goes.

First of all, the story is nicely paced. It isn't too fast, but it also doesn't drag. This is a crucial part in story writing because it keeps the reader from getting lost or bored, respectively. Nicely done.

Second, you might want to try proof reading them from time to time. Checking your story segments for grammar errors is always a good idea, as well as periodically updating them if you feel they're lacking something.

Finally, try to be a bit more creative in your descriptions. Repeating words over and over only makes your story sound bland and mediocre, like using "and with that" or "once more" too many times. Also, extending your description isn't bad as long as your filling it in with enhancements. For example, "She looked at the scenery and headed off" doesn't sound as exciting as "Pausing briefly to admire the scenery, the graceful diva flounced down the path, humming a merry tune."

Try to remember these tips and incorporate them into your writing; it will help immensely. Send me a note if you need help, okay?

Another notice I saw from the beginning: switching between tenses periodically only weakens the writing's structure.

"Time Turner suddenly wakes up to find himself back in his clock store, having woken up from his nap. Business is usually slow, but his side job as time keeper and maintaing the clock tower covers his expenses."

It's spelled maintaining. You also switched from past tense "having WOKEN up from his nap", to present tense "Buisiness IS usually slow..."

Sticking to one tense throughout each segment helps keep structure. Don't give up dude, this is good and I'm liking it! I'll just appreciate it more after the 'sparkle' is added.

:rainbowlaugh:LOL
:facehoof:

Oh dear, I liked that ending. Nicely put.

Overall, this is an interesting short story. Looking forward to any others you write!

*Grins and applauds gently* Very cute! this was really relaxed and good fun, everyone felt very in character and it was really nice to see Twi manage to have a date without freaking out and blowing it:pinkiehappy:

The nly issue I have is there wwere a lot of spelling and grammar issues. I'd reccomend finding a pre-reader/editor to help you iron them out.

Simple but best! good story! :scootangel:

Twilight and the Doctor is sssssooooo much better than stupid doctor and Derpy pair! Sorry all DoctorDerpy fans!! :trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

:yay:

THis was a nice story. I can't wait to read the sequels. Keep on writing.

That was a good story -nuzzles not nozzles,


Spike was exiting the library with the laundry , Twilight looked at him "again?":twilightsheepish:
He snickered " It wasn't a dream this time":moustache:

Spike!:facehoof:

Yes Spikey My precious scales:duck: What?:twilightoops:

:moustache::raritywink: Surely it's not the best kept secret. . .:flutterrage::eeyup:

I wear a bow-tie now. Bow ties are cool.

2196850 Can we talk in a PM? It involves with this story.

:rainbowderp: Uh oh... RUN AWAY FLUTTERSHY!!! :flutterrage::rainbowlaugh:

And then they bucked! I love ending stories with that

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