MAKE MOAR!!

Now, just out of curiosity, is his "augments" Biological, Mechanical, or Bio-mechanical?

In any shape, I happen to be a fan. Liked and Faved, eagerly awaiting more.

Great writing.  

I feel silverspeak's pain...

I do get bullied because I'm a brony and some kids to except that...

oh well that's just how they feel and I can't judge

AND THIS IS A REALLY DAMN GOOD STORY!!!

FAV!!

Oooh. Keep up the good work!

Can't wait for what comes next!

Interesting, the idea of turning into an alicorn is not that uncommon, but the twist you added so far makes it worth the read. I'm keeping an eye on this.

WHY IS THIS STORY NOT ON THE WEEKS BEST!?!?!?

This story is great, really.

I want to see how does Silverspeak ends up in such thing like that Alicorn experience, but this story just keeps getting interesting, you can take your time writing the development of the plot, for this story to keep it's high level.

* reads description *

* pulls up a fold up chair *

Dis gonna be gud!!!!!!!

WHY ISN'T THIS STORY ON THE WEEKS BEST!?!?

Okay, first of all "Then, at long last, a year and a half after arriving in Manehattan, the day finally came.  I got my largest every paycheck, the result of getting a raise for my diligence and hard work.  And as those bits were put into the bank, I looked my statement over, and smiled.  I finally had enough money to cover all my expenses for at least a year, should the need arise." and "A year after leaving home, and the day finally arrived.  I got my largest paycheck yet, the result of a getting a raise for my diligence and hard work.  And as I looked over my statement, I grinned.  I finally had enough money in the bank to cover all my expenses for a year, should the need arise.", it looks like you double posted, just letting you know. Other than that I really like your premise and am interested in seeing how things play out.

>>20240842024084

Fixed.  Don't know how that slipped in, but thank you for pointing it out.

Damn...

just...damn.

Interesting

In that first paragraph or so I think "orchestrating" should be "ostracizing".

insta faved

Simply amazing.

Interested to see where this is headed. I also like a lot of the themes being interpreted and explored here; Alicorns, what makes them tick, earth ponies, cutie marks with either a useless ability or too common ability. A really well written and good read so far!

This is very interesting and I'm hooked, not like my opinion matters at all, I'm just writing this comment to motivate you into writing the next chapter.

I'll be looking forward to more of this!

This is shaping up to be pretty damn good!

Also, "Whoop-de-shoobie-doo." made me laugh so much when I figured it out.

I think I'm in love

creepy as fuck.

This is a wonderful concept and I am excited to see more.

But first, you might be using too many commas. And a space always comes after an ellipsis.

p. sharp text ya got there, keep them coming

It's been a very, very long time since I've been disturbed by something I've read. Stephen King managed to dull my capacity to feel raw unprocessed terror, and I've been desensitized by much over the years.

But this... there's something raw to it. Something truly unsettling and just WRONG that I can't fully articulate. If I can put it into words, I'll be sure to let you know, because it's nuanced and complex beyond one simple issue.

Brilliantly written. You've earned my respect, terror, plus the full watch+like+fav combo. Keep it up, mate.

A week into the job hunt, and I was desperate.  I had covered the island, and there wasn't a single job to be found in my chosen field.

I can Painfully Empathize with Silverspeak, him not being able to find anything in his chosen field of work, I've been trying for almost 4 years trying to find ANYTHING in the field of Automotive Repair, only to find Rejection. I've even worked in a grocery store like him (only I got fired for no reason at all just before my Probationary Period was up)

This story has a metric ton of potential. A serious word of advice though: find a good editor. I love where your going with this, but you need to get an editor to help catch some of your errors. Trust me, It'll make a huge difference in the quality of your work. Again I love the story and I can't wait to see where you take it, but consider what I said about an editor.

It's rare that i favorite a story right off the bat. This story is so good it seems that you are the one with the silvertongue

I do agree that getting an editor or prereader will help quite a bit. I've seen several small errors that having a separate set of eyes will easily fix.

Anyways, keep up the great work!

A guy after me own heart.  As much as the three types are part of what makes the setting interesting, I always thought it'd be tragic as hell to be the "wrong" kind of pony.  I hope he makes it through and delivers cruel, unfair nature some sweet unicorn Street Justice.

Princess Celestia was riding inside my saddlebags on the subway back home

Well that is not something you hear every day.

This is exactly the kind of story I am looking for. I will be there everytime this updates and I will always read it as fast as possible. As I also like to say, Everything is possible if you try hard enough.   ~Crimson Sky

YAY IT GOT SO MANY LIKES!!!!!!!!!

This calls for...

OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!!!!

This story.

THIS STORY.

I WANT MORE.

GIVE ME MORE PLEASE

This is awesome. Nice work, Author Dude!

>>20484362048436

I was hoping someone would get a kick out of that; glad you did!

>>20508132050813

I'm looking into getting an editor/proofreader, but for my own reference, what are the types of errors you're noticing?

>>20499052049905

I disturbed you?  After you read Stephen King?  That's...amazing.  I never expected to be compared to him in such a fashion.  Thank you!

>>20606422060642

Another chapter is on the way!  Updates should come every one to two weeks.

SPOILER ALERT: DO NOT LOOK DOWN IF YOU HAVENT READ YET!!

you have been warned

holy crap, the nature of the first section made me assume that it was someone else like a demented celestia or his overly protective parents. your twist earned you a cupcake, a favorite, and also my utmost respect. i will be looking forward to the rest of your story. (i have email notification on it)

>>20661042066104

Mostly small things like repeated words, and minor grammar errors.

Here's what I've noticed in chapter four:

I needed a little time to settle in before starting, to establish roots and creature a secure base for myself. --The comma isn't really needed. You only really need them before for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so. This one isn't so bad and could be left in. It just stuck out to me. You use your comma fine at the end of that paragraph though. Creature should be create, although creaturing a base could involve guard animals... Heh.

Seeking to start the day on a high note, I dressed and went in search of a leisurely breakfast, finding it a few blocks away at a nice little café that served the most delicious breakfast burritos. --The second comma in this sentence is another that can be left in, but it just seems a little out of place.

There wasn’t much to see there for tourists to see --Just remove one of the "to see's"

...so as to see what kind of toys the little colts and fillies of the city had to play with. --Sounds a little awkward. Leaving out 'so as' would probably help. Not really an error. More of my opinion really. You might want to try limiting your sentence length too. That whole sentence could be broken into two and it would read better.

Those are some examples of what I'm seeing, and there are a couple more like them throughout the chapter. I did notice that you like your colons and parentheticals though. It's fine to use them, but it breaks up the flow of a paragraph, so be careful where you do use them.

I really loved that knight toy too. It's just something I can imagine Equestrians making. Anyway, sorry for the late response. If you need any help or advice send me a PM.

>>20757172075717

Thank you!  I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

>>20828302082830

Hmm...good points.  I'll try to keep an eye out for them in future chapters!

made an account just to keep track of this, it's awesome, i love it!! keep up the great work!!

You have piqued my interest, Greenback.  I look forward to more from you, have a fave and thumb, and i'm tracking this.

>>20869122086912

Wow, thank you!  I'll do my best!

>>20887032088703

Yay!  I can has a favthumb!

This is awesome and I can't wait to see more chapters. Thanks, Author!

Honestly, I'd go pretty far for something like that. Hay, I'd probably do something as absurd as breaking the law. After all, the laws of mortals come after the laws of life, and if you're willing to break the second, breaking the first should be second nature.

But honestly, I'd try to schedule an appointment with Twilight, or one of the princesses. They seem like nice enough mares, and they do have an eternity to do whatever else they want. One discussion can't hurt, could it?

All in all, good work, and keep going!

This reminds me of Nabokov's Lolita in some strange way. I like it.

This is a piece of ART!!!

you continue to impress greenback. you walked a tightrope when bringing the show into this, but you managed not to fall to either side. although be careful, when you mention a subject as touchy as alicorn twilight, you might get some nasty recoil.

all in all, very good work, i look forward to your next chapters.

have an emoticon:

...except for a single line about how Twilight Sparkle’s famous transformation.

and even better harder to enter.

Grammar errors.

For some reason this didn't show in my unread story updates list. I only found out this updated in the EqD story update post. *Shrug*

Seems like he hasn't taken into account the fact that Twilight was already a formidable unicorn when she broke in with Pinkie & Spike, and all he's got is the gift of gab that wont affect anyone resilient enough. It'll be interesting to see where he goes from here.

Amazing read

This story is shaping well; you efficiently describe Silverspeak's emotions, breezing quite gracefully through his early childhood, and the readers seem to empathise with Silverspeak with ease.

However, there are some inconsistancies and inaccuracies.  For example, you've switched between Star swirl (with lowercase s) and Starswirl, then vs. than, &c.  But that's just me nitpicking.

What a positive note this chapter holds!  Silverspeak, free of his burdens, off to experience life in whatever way he forges.  Though despite all the optimism, the lingering air of his fate surrounds us, almost with a choking grasp.  In addition, the foreshadowing that you've so excellently placed heaps onto the doubt and, might I say, fear.

Another thing I've noticed is your consistent use of the pronouns pretaining to 'we.'  I wonder if this was intentional, perhaps hinting at a bit of... insanity?

Nice use of extended metaphors, regarding the seed comparison.  Also, the contrast between the library's welcoming atmosphere and the outside's overcast is wonderful; it also affirms the character's determination and diligence (which is quite admirable, by the way) that you've worked to show.

"No, I reminded myself.  That was Saddle Lanka.  My home was here now, wherever and whatever I chose to make it."  I found this to be quite a nice addition; most authors that I've read would have unintentionally forgone such a detail.

"(made from fake leather of course; who on Celestia’s good, green earth would wear the skin of a fellow sentient?)"  This is pretty interesting.  The title and introductory chapter almost denote a hypocracy, if the narrator might indeed be the 'monster below.'

You have excelled at creating a subtle atmosphere of an underlying tension beneath a blanket of realistic ups and downs.  The latter being a concept sympathetical to the reader, almost enticing them to forget the former.  Then with the library scene, it brings the reader to a sobering reality of a potentially horrific crime to be committed, then they're slapped in the face with the fish that is the last line, and it dances away, drawing the reader on to follow it....

You've captured my attention, Greenback.

You dance between the subtle and outright!  I've not read many stories that do so as well as yourself.  Regarding Twilight Sparkle's transformation, I had assumed you were alluding to the Sonic Rainboom episode, but what you had in store took me by surprise.

The feeling that the narrator's quest is vain, even a childish fallacy, was one of the subtle details, with a hint of dramatic irony.  Silverspeak discovering this himself was another smack, and well placed it was!

Also, your conservative use of curses, (very much appreciated, by the way) when used, clearly show just how frustrated, agitated, and distraught the narrator really feels.

As an aside, in an awesome coincidence, the classical station on my radio was playing music that reflected and mimicked the moods of your story in surprising synchronicity.

I'd like to thank you for publishing this, and I do oh so implore you to continue.

>>20989732098973

I'll definitely keep that in mind!  And thank you for the emoticon!

>>20990132099013

Fixed.  Thank you for pointing them out; I try really hard to catch any grammar errors (and so does my new editor), but a few still slip through the cracks every now and then.

>>21046242104624

Wow, thank you for all your comments!  I really appreciate you taking the time to make them so detailed; as a writer, I was thrilled to read them, especially with regards to the hints and themes that have been worked into the story.  I'm delighted you're liking the story so far, and I'll do my best to keep that going!

As to Starswirl the Bearded issue, that was a goof on my part, and will be fixed.

Very interesting story so far, the personality you have given to Silver makes him a very interesting character, you have perfectly sewn in the events that happened (and will happen) in Season 3 and his childhood events gave us more insight into the feelings of the main character. I'm looking forward to read the next chapters. Favorited so far, and will probably follow after I read the next awesome chapter.

HOLY.....SHIT.....

I really can't wait to see where this goes. But what if in the season 4 premiere, Twilight loses her wings and understands that her place is to be with her friends? If that happened, all the fanfic written after yesterday's episode would've been noncanonized, and the stuff before it would be in again... right?

>>21392562139256

Maybe, but I wrote the passages about Twilight without mentioning if she eventually looses her wings , or if she still has them when this story takes place (I figure it being about fifty-sixty years or so after the events of the current series, when Twilight and the other Mane 6 are middle-aged).

>>21175972117597

Thank you!  Hope the next chapter lives up to your awesome expectations!

>>21454282145428 Ah, I see. Clever.

Poor guy, nothing seems to be going his way

Very suspenseful and dramatic!  Oh I can't wait for more of this.

Wow, now that's storytelling!

Heading to the darkened alcove, I grabbed my gear and then sprinted out into the night, running for everything I was worth, trying to put as much distance between me and the hospital as possible.

I think you meant library.

This is getting really good. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Oooh, that had me on edge.

That was very well-paced and all the turns were excellent - I genuinely didn't know what to expect by the end, as every time I thought I had it figured it out the tables turned and he found himself in another dire situation.  

Since so much of the Manehatten arc has been the buildup to his stealth mission, I'm really eager to see how it plays out and if he's built up any good karma by saving that guard.

"Every action has a consequence.  Every privilege, a responsibility.  Every gift, a cost."

~A personal moral code I've come to adopt.

THAT. FUCKING. IMAGE.

God damn it, he was so close! I was just wincing at my screen as he strolled up to the doors, knowing it was all going to come crashing down. At least he got out, though that probably means he'll be taken in by the police next chapter as a potential suspect, seeing as how the librarian knew he was interested in those scrolls and probably reported him.

Are there actually ducts big enough for pony passage?

Dun dun dundun dun dun dun dun dun dundun dun dundun dun duuuuudu du du di dudu mission impossible

Okay, I just read through this whole story in probably an hour. You sir, have earned a favorite and a like. Gah, he was SO CLOSE! Figures, thanks to cruel irony and the lethality of hubris.

Gotta say, I love how this story is progressing thus far- he's becoming more and more desperate to get what he desires. I can almost see a spiral in madness happening before my eyes.

Keep up the great work!

Marvelous job of slowly building anticipation while avoiding any "When are we gonna get to the fireworks factory?!" frustration. This is perhaps the most vivid depiction of anti-Earth Pony racism I've read thus far. You also did a great job of making Manehattan feel alive, which is never easy.

>>21737312173731

Mythbusters already slew that one.

Ooh, that was a close one

You always leave me wanting more. Great chapter, just a few typos.

That statue of Celestia is a spy camera. Calling it.

Or the doctor's in on it!

Or the envelope!

Oh god, maybe the author!

Loved the paranoia section, it really shows how the mind can convince you to believe things that don't exist.

Totally paranoid... but at the same time they really were out to get him.

The paranoia section was fantastically well written. I found myself reading the sentences in a twitchy, tweaked out kind of way.

I can't wait to see where this is going for Silverspeak. Also, I'm a bit surprised that he hasn't gone out looking for a special somepony. He's an adult and he's been alone all this time, and yet it doesn't seem to affect him. I guess growing up as a complete social outcast hardens you to the feeling of being alone.

Incredible. It's like a book you begin reading, but can't put down. It's just so good, it leaves you completely enthralled.

This is great, I love the way you put so many turns into each of these chapters.

Damn, this guy is really earning the whole alicorn thing.

Tell me who's watching...

Who's watching me?

I'm just an average man, with an average life. I work from nine to five, Hey man we all pay the price. All I want is to be left alone, in my average home. But why does it always feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

Great job as allways! Can't wait for more.

This chapter was brilliant. Every scene you wrote made me fell from anxious to relieved. The way you write the mind playing games with the character is really good, ad about the thing with the lockers was funny but was also terrifying. Congratulations for another good chapter.

Oh, man, you had my heart racing a bit on this chapter!

You never seize to amaze me, epic chapter as always. Keep up the nice work, can't wait to see whats gonna happen

Why haven't I added this to my favorites yet?

I shall amend this error at once!

Also, dang.  You made me nervous just reading all of Silverspeak's anxiety.

Man, Mondays sure suck.

Ooh, had me nervous too with that mounting paranoia bitbit

I love this sooo much!

Would you so kindly write the next chapter soon?