Make It Up To Her

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Listie The Scribe Maid

Listie The Scribe Maid #1 · Jan 8th, 2013 · · 1 ·

(Joke) Alt. Title: Let's Get Ready To Pair Rumble!!!: Rumbloo, I Guess

Shadowflash

Shadowflash #2 · Jan 8th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Okay, well, it was okay. Nothing to amazing. I enjoyed the little punishment and feminine domination.

Righty-o, fun over. Time to critique.

First time writing clop? Seems like it. Don't be afraid to use swears, even for characters that may be shy, like Rumble. I understand you wanted to portray him as a shy colt for his girlfriend, especially within this, but it just didn't seem believable to me. Now, that being said, I also want to talk about Scootaloo. I think Scootaloo, if embarrassed, may be a bit harsher than this. I was expecting her to pull out some sort of box with a dildo, and shove it into his anus. That's what I was expecting.

It seems you have an idea, not a complete product. If you put the events that transpired this beforehand, I think I'd understand a little better. Alongside that, I think the characterization could have a bit of work. Of course, Rumble has no character, he only spoke once in the show, so I can see how you envision Rumble.

Anyways, hope I didn't miss much. Was still worth a like, in my opinion.

suckmyponycock69