SamRose
Joined 11th Jul, 2011 ·
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:3 first
No thanks for all my editing... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/eenope.png You're a thankless weenie, Sam.
Anyway, yeah I shamelessly promoted this because I have nothing better to do.
Er.
1596273
This is a perfectly normal reaction after seeing I haven't updated much heh. What can I say? The inspiration doors have been opened.
Also my friends convinced me to finish this.
1596430 Oh, that is not a good er. That is the er of things sinking in. Believe me, when I'm finished typing this out, I will have a lot more to say than just er.
1596455
Oh boy xD
Well good or bad I'll take your review with all the seriousness that it comes with. Even though this story was just for some silly fun and wasn't all that serious to begin with, I do take all critics and criticisms seriously ^^
Okay. I have a problem with this. Normally I'd just brush this off as wishful fanfiction, but because it's you, and because Pregnant Scootaloo is a blog I really like, I'm going to give you the full force of this.
I'm not going to tell you off for wanting this to have a happy ending. Nor can I really criticize you for writing smut about children; this is pretty tastefully done. I've read a lot worse. I've written a lot worse, and locked it away in a dark, safe place, just to see if I could. No, this is something I never expected I would have to bring up. This is about your treatment of Scootaloo.
Up 'til this point, the way Pregnant Scootaloo has been portrayed has been nothing but respectful. You never made light of her situation, and you treated the events leading up to it with the weight that they deserved. Which makes it all the more baffling to me that this could come from the creator of the same character. There are a few ways for me to express this, but I believe my big complaint boils down to just one thing.
Sexual healing does not work on rape victims.
What happened to Scoots was tantamount to rape by fraud. In the blog, as well as the first half of this, it's made perfectly clear that she's completely broken up about it. On top of the trials of pregnancy, she has trouble forming meaningful relationships and is too afraid of her own body even to masturbate. That kind of shit doesn't go away. It stays with you, making you hate your own desires, turning every attempt to take control into a conflicted and heartbreaking experience. It definitely doesn't result in the kind of mass-produced sex bunny who can cum after barely a minute of inexperienced stimulation. (I know it's porn, but... really? I mean, really?)
But fine, I'll go with it. Scootaloo is a strong-willed young girl; for the sake of the narrative, I'll believe that she's mastered her fears and going along with it because it's what she wants, not because she's afraid of losing another relationship and feels the situation slipping out of her control. But even then, there's no way that this can have a happy ending, and the reason for that is because they're goddamn kids. Rumble doesn't know what love is. He looks at porn, he keeps a condom in his wallet, and let's face it, throughout this his thoughts are centered mostly on getting pleasure from his partner. This is supposed to be about Scootaloo learning to trust in a relationship again, but actually it's the opposite. Because sooner or later, Rumble is going to leave her. It won't have anything to do with sex, but sooner or later the two of them are going to grow up, and they won't be the same people they are now. I've seen far, far too many young romances fail horribly to have any faith in this one. And when that split inevitably happens, Scoot's going to end up in an even worse place than before. This experience will totally crush whatever connection she's managed to form between sex and a healthy, romantic relationship. Heck, even the morning after she's probably going to wake up feeling like shit. Unless your unrealistic optimism is turned to the absolute max, a second thought makes this depressing as all hell.
This is not silly. This is not heartwarming. This has unavoidable ramifications way beyond the scope of what it's trying to be, and for that reason it gets under my skin much more than "normal" exploitative fantasies do. You can't do this kind of thing. Not to someone who's had that kind of experience with sex. Not four months into a puppy love relationship. Not to a kid. And most of all, not to Pregnant Scootaloo.
Also, at one point you used their instead of they're. Totally ruined the immersion.
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1596586
This is a very well thought out, and very well put criticism of the story. I thank you for the effort you put into it and I do see where you are coming from and how you're viewing the story. There are a few things that were not directly stated IN the story because there are things that in my mind happened between this and the end of wherever the Pregnant Scootaloo story ends. One of the things being said was that this is not canon, and that whenever I write fanfiction I do tend to warp previous histories a bit to better fit the scenario. With that being said, I'm going to try and justify what has happened to maybe help you understand what was going.
First of all, it does feel like you thought that during this fic the characters were the same age as they were during the actual Pregnant Scootaloo storyline. I don't know if you missed the story description, OR if you are considering nearly adults/young adults to still be children, but they were supposed to be around the age of 17-18. Still at the end of school, but about to enter adulthood. I'm not sure if that was missed, and if I'm mistaken feel free to correct, but I felt it was the first thing I needed to address.
The second thing I want to address is apparently the idea that sexual healing occurred to counter her rape trauma. I do want to say that if it came off that way I apologize, I probably should have mentioned somewhere in the story that she had been receiving help and therapeutic FOR the sexual trauma she underwent and dealing with her issues with sexual relationships in the future. This especially became so when she was talking with her Psychologist about being in a relationship and how things might progress to that point one day. This was all in my head, but never directly stated in the story, since I felt the story was supposed to focus on the romantic aspect of the couple involved and not-so-much what has happened since then. I was trying to give a somewhat realistic reaction to how Scootaloo would handle this, without trying to break her character in my mind. I'm fully aware that sexual healing doesn't heal rape victims, but general therapy and love does. Which Scootaloo has gotten both of.
As for the seemingly quickly to orgasm after not having ANY sexual stimulation for so long, I was trying to imply that the reason she was enjoying it the amount that she was, WASN'T because of the lack of sex and suddenly becoming like a bunny orgasming all over the place, but that it was because she was doing these things with Rumble specifically and that he really did mean that much to her. Even if it ended in a short-lived romance, that might have ended maybe a few months after this, HOW the relationship ends completely determines how the people within it feel about it. If, for instance, Scootaloo feels that its not working out and she ends it she won't be as devastated as if Rumble just abruptly ends it. If its a mutual agreement that they can still be friends and help each other, that again is also less devastating than Rumble just leaving her. I also suppose that it must have come off poorly that Rumble was just focused on pleasure for himself rather than Scootaloo, even though he offered Scootaloo several times to stop and if she DIDN'T want this it would have ended and it would've been a snuggle fic. I tried to make that abundantly clear, but I guess people have different interpretations of what dialogue and words and the story mean.
I also tried to make it clear that she WASN'T over the traumas just because she had sex with Rumble. I mean she was crying afterwards which was my attempt to show that she wasn't over what happened, without directly stating that, in an attempt to show that she was healing from the damage but was not healed. Much like her body, there is still a scar there that will there be there for a while.
As for the sexual situation with Rain Catcher, the way Scootaloo explained it was that she was a consensual member to the two of them having intercourse. She didn't really 'enjoy' what happened, but she didn't 'hate' it either. What she hated was the fact that after they had intercourse, she became pregnant. And when she told Rain Catcher that she was pregnant, he promptly dumped her because he did not want that responsibility. Scootaloo made an extremely poor, uninformed decision, but she was consensual of the act. The reason she was unwilling to touch herself ever since afterwards was because even though she did occasionally get 'urges', she remembered that the act itself did not feel very good and just sort of dismissed them as hormonal imbalances telling her she wanted more sex to reproduce, and not so much just sexual pleasure for the sake of it. If this came off wrong, then I suppose that is a failing on my behalf as a story teller, but these were the thoughts that were going through my head while writing at the time.
Ultimately, what this fic was SUPPOSED to be, was just a cute little romantic scene showing the deep love that Rumble and Scootaloo had for each other. Taking this into realistic terms, yes it is likely that Scootaloo and Rumble might not last for longer than a year or two since that is the statistical average (My first relationship at 14 lasted 5 years, but we're talking statistics here). However, since this is both a different world from our own, and is a fictional piece, I was trying to portray a love that was deeper and longer-lasting than their physical ages would normally have them lasting in our world. It was not supposed 'exploitative' nor just a 'quick romp' or anything that took advantage of the characters for the sake of it. IT was supposed to be a short little romantic get together of this shipping couple, without much real consequence or worry due to the fact that this is, in fact, a non-canon encounter between the characters and was made solely for the fun of it.
I do hope you understand where it is that I am coming from on this subject, and I do really appreciate the in-depth review that you have given me and seeing how those flaws did not truly come out for you and that I probably should have given the fic a little more thought, and a little more time to develop. However, this was once again primarily for my friends and they pressured me into releasing it publicly since they enjoyed it quite a bit. This wasn't intended for public release originally, but just to have fun with and enjoy the romance between the characters.
Also there is a significant lacking of RumbLoo fics on this site, and I wanted to help fix that.
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1596734 That's fairly reasonable. Really, if I had just stumbled across this without so much history behind it, I probably would have just rolled my eyes a few times and moved on. But because you put a more complex and sympathetic character into it, it blurs the line between the romantic fantasy of one story and the pseudo-realistic traumas of the other. If there's one thing I can't stand in fiction, (or in general,) it's a simple solution to a complex problem. As a stand-alone, this is pretty good, my own pet peeves aside.
Heh, the only other one (clop anyway) I saw was a defloration one written by Cosmonaut. Why do the stallions never eat the virgins out first? It would make things so much less... unpleasant.
Also, just wanted to know, is the Diegaea fic completely abandoned?
And that Tumblr. Well done but holy crap. Y U SAD IN MY PONEEZ? But also some of it seems kind of "wat".
1596727 Same thought.
1596586 Over-analyzing, I see.
Well, I never seen this Preg. Scoots blog, so, I'm not sure if what I say will be relevant.
It's a one shot. There are no ramifications to such a thing. It starts, and it ends, in one chapter; however long it may be. Unless the author is going to make some blog post about the aftermath or something, then what I say is irrelevant. I do agree that the progression of four months of puppy, love to a guy who took advantage of Scootaloo, into sex is quite odd. I wouldn't consider it rape, as the way it was portrayed was that Scoots was in the relationship, gave the guy 'the sex' and he just left her after inserting his seed. So, it's not rape; it's just being an ass.
Anyways, unless there's an aftermath to the story, what you said is just over-analyzing and taking it waaaaay out of proportion.
1596476 wait rumble had sex with a pregnant scootaloo? Is that his fetish?
1601338
No, no, she had sex with Rain Catcher and got pregnant. She gave birth years ago and is having sex with Rumble NOW in this fic.
1601349 oh that makes sence can you create a what if senario where Rain Catcher stayed with Scootaloo and raised there child?
Naw, that was really sweet c:
nice fanfic dude
. you deserve a cookie
"Luckily my brother always makes sure I have one on
me."
Lucky bastard...
Great work.. admittedly I skimmed/skipped the sec part but overall good fic... I am forming a mob to hang Scoot's last nf from a tree right now
I smell feature
wait wait wait
Bro, the cursory research indicates a clopfic with no ponies, based on a tumblr blog where scootaloo was raped and carried the baby to term.
What?
Woo...well made sir, well made. I thumbs up and bid you and this short nice comment a goodnight.
1602093
"Cursory research"? As in 'Research based on what you scrolled by'? If that's the case, then the easy way to solve the lack of knowledge would be to actually read the story.
If that seems far-fetched, then it was a combination of 'For fun' and 'My friends wanted to see it' which they then loved it. Still though, kind of a baffling comment to leave.
never has eroticism and romance co-existed so well/ BRAVO! TENOUTTATEN!
1602423
It's not that baffling. It's just in stark contrast to the previous works you were
well, working on. Switching from rd/fs shipping and horror to this :? It's just unexpected is all.
I like this.
-Delta-
I think it would be funny if there was a fic about Rumble's brother where whenever he thought about sex he did a THY ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE burp
cant say its bad
When I first saw this fic I didn't know what to think. Now that I have finished it, I can honestly say it was a very good read for a one shot. It had me non-stop reading and I was kind of sad when it ended. I think it would have been real funny if Sandy had come home a caught them. Anyways, good story even though I haven't known about the blog and knew nothing about this story to begin with. Now I feel obligated to check out the blog and get a sense of the back story behind this whole scenario.
Oh and thank HHarlequin, she mentioned Rumble and Rain Catcher in one of her stories and that made me want to look you up. :D
amasing story very passionet plus the first clopfic i read with no curesing
reading motherly scoots sent me here. read for later
Wow… this is the ONLY clopfic that I couldn't find myself to clop to. (Clop and story parts are fantastic though.)
The reason: Scootaloo's abuse.
this was hard to read
but I read it all
glad to see you shipping them on your tumbr :D
You think you can make a sequel after this? Pretty Please
?
oh… so this is what happens…. WELL LETS READ THIS AGAIN!!!