A three story serie of second person relationships between high school human ponies, inspired by the image of Scootaloo and other art by the artist MoronSonOfBoron.
A Date With Scootaloo: You are Lickety Split, a young boy just learning what it is to be a man in a world filled with curvaceous women. But it's not the busty ones who really strike your fancy, but the one who shows the most courage after what life has thrown her.
A Second Date With Scootaloo: You and Scootaloo are starting to develop a relationship, but there is still one question that plagues your mind. How did she lose her leg?
Three's a Crowd: Your relationship with Scootaloo takes a drastic turn when she starts hanging around with a guy on a motorcycle. How can you compete with an older dude who gives her the speed she craves in life?
See the remaining stories in the serie here if you have mature view turned on: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/48896/A-Date-With-Scootaloo-%28Mature-stories%29
Not bad!
Aside from the occasional error, that was pretty good!
451683
"
"Well this story is pretty good, do you by any chance have a friend with Scoots condition?"
no but I find it intriguing and inspries
"Just a small review, try to shorten some of the... remarks about the... you know.
um no sorry what do you mean
"You should get a Pre-Reader, the story is quite short but with some potential."
i have a friend who edit sotries for me
If the story is short then I am writing three more sequels it should be longer
thank you for long response!!
Pretty good!
451515>>451589>>452245
thank you!
I like this a lot. It's sweet and honest (maybe a little too honest. I know Lickety's a 13-year-old boy, but mentioning his occasional masturbation is a bit much...)
Anyway, it looks like you're off to a great start!
(Also, every time his father says "Mah boi", I can't help but think of the king in those old Legend Of Zelda cartoons/video games.)
I approve of this fic.
I'm very fond of character study like this, and the use of second-person is actually quite effective considering the personal matters covered. It doesn't relate to every reader, no, but it feels sincere. Do clean up those numerous grammar issues. I look forward to seeing your plans for the rest of the story.
A disclaimer: I haven't drawn or planned out a lot of the human interpretations mentioned in the story (apart from the painfully obvious), and I would advise that readers don't form any expectations in regards to the designs of the characters in either my artwork or this story. On the other hand, I'm not promising there won't be some influence in either direction.
454385
well he is a boy these things happen also he is 14
454798
OH GOSH
are you ar the artist??
i am sory for using your image without asking thank you for not being mad
i just find this image very inspiringa
i will write more sories about this i hope that is okay they will become sexual
if you can suggest grammar problems, I would be grateful
455061
Glad to know my artwork can have such an effect. Even just getting looked at is the most many artists can hope for.
As for the story, it's your story and your decision, I have little stake in it. I advise you take care when dealing with minors in sexual situations; you've handled the subject matter well thus far.
The story itself is rife with editing and grammar mistakes that, while they don't render it unreadable, mark it as a very unpolished work. You will need to find a very dedicated and skilled editor to help you bring it up to standards.
456099
i have an editor friend who read these stories when i wrote them and make a fix
sometimes he ells me to make a chaneg and mabe that is where a mistake comes
and for the sex, they will be older when it happens i do not want to make something illegal it is just at this time they are freshmens because then there is the theme or first day of school and first relationship and sexual awakening which is natural
oh and i find your artworks on ponibooru so you should have more there if you have more it si a good place
Nice story. A little... awkward, at times, but very nice. Someone else in the comments described it as honest, and that feels about right. Keep up the writing!
I just read this again, and another thing I like about this is Lickety's initial apprehension with Scootaloo's prosthetic leg. I'm hoping you'll go deeper into how she lost her leg.
466946
this yes i will in the next story
Lickety split is a G1 pony...and a mare
509269
no he is a foal in G4 from episode Secrets of my suxcess
see he is here search a name: http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_ponies/Foals
511802 Oh, sorry. My bad...good story though
512507
it is okay and than kyou
LOL the man with the spyglass needs to get a life and a wife. Hey, that rhymes!
642961 He had a wife, but she had a knife, and there was strife.
643196
well, that is life
Yes, a new chapter! One of the many things I love here is the little things. like how a cutie mark doesn't always appear in one particular spot, or the descriptions of what Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle look like (I kinda imagined they'd look like this -->http://thelivingmachine02.deviantart.com/art/Girly-Talk-282990217).
Anyway, I eagerly await another chapter. But don't rush it too much. I'm patient.
I really liked this chapter and can't wait for the next chapter
644516
i thought that maybe for humans a cutie mark does not have to be on the butt
i was going to has more about pony things in the human world (like calling them earth tribe, wing tribe, etc.) but leave it out the first story.
645353
thank you I have a few more planed
This chapter isn't interesting at all. It does introduce a nice character study, but there's no dramatic tension, arc, or conflict.
655121
yes the point was to fid out about Scootaloo's leg
the last of chapter will be all full of conflict i promise!
Wait... it UPDATED? But (looks at story info) It says it's complete...(happy but confused)
Liked the new bit of info this chapter brought. Hope to see more soon!
I have only one complaint. Well, more of a suggestion, really: This story needs about 20% more Pip in it.
Just sayin'.
663428
it is complete because I finished the first story and that was complete, each part is complete but there is more to come it is not like chpaters
and this is base on the artwork and i have not see Pip drawn but he is younger than t foals anyway he wold be in like fiveth grade
663481 Oh! I see. Thanks for clearing that up.
Huzzah! My favorite teenager Scoots fic updated. *does a little dance*
1122174
i hope you like it
1125088 Yes indeedy, I do!
I dunno, after my initial excitement with the frank prose of the first chapter (and I guess the self-aggrandization of someone being inspired by my artwork), I have to say I'm severely disappointed. These past two chapters have failed to deliver what I would call real, visceral drama. You certainly do get into the heart of things, but the narrative is ultimately weak because there's no push-and-pull conflict between Lickety and Scootaloo. The stakes only seem high, but in the end nothing has actually gone irrevocably wrong. It's tantamount to a fairy tale, complete with the gayus ex machina in this chapter. As it is, the payoff of mature scenes in the following chapters probably won't be worth it.
1130796
oh i am sorry you do not like it
mostly i am do want to have a relationship between Lickety and Scootaloo so that I can write the sex story later on, that is the truth
but thank you a very much for all the wonder of arts that inspire this stories
i came for boob and i got story
and boob
1212702
there are more boobs in the Mature stories
oh maybe i should link those here, that is a good idea thank you!
1212716 i saw the mature one and it said this was a prequel so i read it first
1212729
oh okay good but i still linked it haha
"A mist hung in the air from ponies that smoke too much..."
>Hu tag
>?????
1342375
hahaha
what story that is in?
1348188 Three's a Crowd, when Lickety goes to the bowling alley. I nearly lost a wheel off my carriage going over that plothole
1348761
this is the dangerous, when writing a ponies story with humans
I have repaired it
I really like this story and reading at 12:32 in the morning is tiring especially if you have to go to college
seriously I don't want you to mess this up have a flutterage
I love these kind of stories, i'm a romantic
That picture reminds me of Lara Croft.
2145991
oh yes I see the resembler
This touched my heart.... OMFG. This was so darn... HNNNNNNNGGGGG!
Ready for Part 3 <3 