Very dark... like my own soul in which I am forever trapped

2124507 I hope it didn't make you feel any worse.. If so, I'm sorry about that. Still hoped you liked the story though.

Wow. That is dark. Pure hell even.

2124909 Yupp, his own personal hell inside his mind. To me, this is the ultimate form of punishment for any living being.

So he's being punished for finally doing something about his father raping him every single night?

to Biker_Dash how are you trapped in your soul if you are your soul, you could be trapped in your body but the soul is what it is in everyday freedom from earth bound realities, regarding the story, if he is there, he repeats the sequence, do he gets a many opportunities as the sequences repeats, I personally would got for it several times before forgiveness comes to mind, hell that place does not seem that bad after all, i think it could even be fun after the first time I do mind the bad smell and the broken teeth perhaps at the falling part I would try to go lower other than that Ponyville in ruins, i love ghost towns I would do my best to get to the school after some time so I can hang out the broken town. Guess I got too deep in the story ^^ it was so much fun fellas if ye like horrid torture grim dark crap (not saying this be crap... this was awesome I think I like it better than dust to dust) read Cheerlee's Garden and the Scarlet Harvest. Love the OC's and the story development... may be talking to much.
PS: Awesome Show great job
PSS: If it is good with StalkerPony I may animate this if I have time in the following months, may be needing voice actors

2125500 Punished by himself, yes. When it comes to ponies, they've always belived in the goodness of others and forgviness. Even though he hates his father, murder goes against their belief more than that, and therefore his subconscious guilt over taking someones life refuses to let him go. That's why his mother begs him to forgive his father and perhaps break this cicle. But he will never be able to forgive him, or himself, and thus the cicle will never end.

That is also what that part with the black & white ponies resembles: his inner struggle over which crime is the worst. The white pony "wins", symbolising his own innocence and kindness, twisted into submission by hate.

And even though if he actually did understand eventually and forgave his father, the cicle would go on anyway until the day he comes out of his coma, or if someone "pulls the plug" on him. So either way, he'll keep on punishing himself.

2125694 Hold on there, you animate stuff? How good are you at it? If you are good, it would be awesome to actually see this in motion. I call the role of Lightning! Lol

A good visualization of my mind.

Eternal self torture from actions by a terrible father...

2128646 Same for me, except the torture-part. I do hate my father though, and that's my main inspiration for this story. One cannot always forgive the actions of others.

Review incoming! Please stand by!

Congrats! Your story has been reviewed!
This awesome link right here!

Since I also work with The Gem Hunters Group you also got a Gem from me.

fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/003/8/2/dirty_gems_by_shiranuishiningstar-d70oqab.jpg
The Dirty Ruby, the dirty part comes from the group policy of all Mature stories. Ruby is among the greatest gems, so congrats!

4068900 Thank you so much!

A bit of a mindfuck, but it is delightful. The ending was the kicker for me.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

4656388 Glad you enjoyed it!

Wow.

Just, wow.

I finally finished and regret taking a break from it. ..

This chilled me and inspired me in so many ways. ..

6905653 Again, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you'll enjoy my other stories too, should you ever decide to read any of them

kill it with fire

And third times the charm. I have reviewed this amazing story for the Reviewer's Cafe, and you didn't make it. But don't let that get you down in the slightest. This was an amazing story, and I am actually glad to have claimed it. Enough of my gushing. Go take a look you author you.

8101558 I'm glad you like it, I was worried you'd hate it! Once again, thank you for the review, I'll take your advice to heart and try to better my writing with it I will say one thing though, the semicolons. I honestly have no idea how to use them, which is why I usually lets Word take care of it automatically. So blame Word for the misuse of it, haha. I'll try to edit the story as soon as I have the time Again, a big thank you for taking the time to look at it!

images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/9ce4b512-e420-48c0-970a-df8bd7b614bd/d7bw4fv-4798320c-94b8-46d3-9b95-3229477409a1.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzljZTRiNTEyLWU0MjAtNDhjMC05NzBhLWRmOGJkN2I2MTRiZFwvZDdidzRmdi00Nzk4MzIwYy05NGI4LTQ2ZDMtOWI5NS0zMjI5NDc3NDA5YTEucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.g-S7nBHXODsN7ymtM9vsnmnwdhzmFbe9gcoCt6wvWSM

My Little review & Feedback I done your review :3