• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

The Ranger


I try to be a friend to everyone I meet

Sequels1

Comments ( 65 )

Hoppefully we get some kind of crazy as fuck Cry of Fear situation with a good storyline or something similar out of this fic.

I see the first thing I shall be reading once I get through the wake up mass of notifications.
Instand fav, because I already know it will be good!

WOW!!! This was really intense and suspenseful! VERY GOOD!!!

Also, I noticed much better paragrapg formatting with this story. It does help with reading, and I bet a lot of readers who were put off by the poor formatting of Dust to Dust will find this much more to their liking.

I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter!!! :pinkiehappy:

1931675 Really? Thanks! Yeah, I know I failed badly with the paragraphs earlier, mainly because.. well, it was all written on my computers notepad.. :facehoof:
And then I was to lasy to fix it all. I shall probably fix it some time later, but now that I have MS Word, it's so much easier :twilightsmile:

1931779 Which version of Word do you have? I myself prefer Word 03

Now things are getting interesting.

Wait, I'm first??? Huh...

1937543 Congratulations, have a cupcake! :pinkiecrazy: Or.. I mean.. a cookie.. (lol)

im not sure what to think of all that
lets wait for more : D

This story is getting good XD It's so funny XD :rainbowlaugh:

1938746 You think it's funny..? Either you're a sadistic bastard or you have a sick sense of humor, lol :rainbowderp: :pinkiecrazy:

Mother of Celestia. It's like a mashup of all the horror movies I've ever seen. This is gonna be good.....

1946131 Great, 'cause that is the reaction I wanted to get out of this, lol. Complete brainfuck :pinkiecrazy:

WOW! That was a powerful chapter.

1975445 Keep in mind though, at no point does it state that it was her, it's only implied that it is.

1978597 I really don't understand how you can see this as funny.. :applejackunsure: But thanks for the follow though

... if you stare deeply enough into the Abyss you realize that the Abyss stares back.

I was just kidding :twilightsmile: I freaked out when I read that :twilightsheepish:

1982049 So one could say you're the kind of person who laughs away freakish shit? :pinkiecrazy: That, or I just take things way too seriously, lol

Ah... all he has to do is jump up, and he can have KFC for dinner!

An interesting turn of events... I have to wonder just where this will go. Looking forward to the next update!

1992790 I just hope you realize this is something that happened before everything else, a quick flashback of his life :twilightsheepish:

1992836 I was wondering... I'm getting the feeling this will be turning even darker. Now I WANT to read the next chapter VERY MUCH!!! :pinkiecrazy:

Wow you weren't kidding when you said this story would be much darker and personal, but dame you no how to make a good story that is both emotionally strong as well as dark and gruesome.

The way you depict the setting is perfect, and the description and detail of it is so clear I can see exactly what the hospital looks like and the dark gloomy sky that practically seeps sickness. The flow of it is also better, I haven't had to stop once or backtrack do to formatting or something else unlike Dust to Dust. The content and overall story is great, though disturbing at times, like on how his own father raped him and the mother knew about but could do nothing about it, that is down right cold. Though the horror aspect of it is amazing I absolutely love the horror genre, and a lot of the parts remind me of horror films I've seen before, like with the part with the mirror reminds me of poltergeist, and I cant help but get the feeling he is already dead but in some kind of hell, almost like the Silent Hill movie, also if you read this at night with the Silent Hill soundtracks it makes the read so much better.

Anyways you are doing great so far, all the aspects blend in well together and is seems you are getting the desired affects of mentally scarring your readers, so all in all good job and will be waiting for the next chapter.

1997548 Actually.. I listen to the SH-soundtracks all the time when I'm writing this :twilightsheepish: Especially Room of Angel from SH4: The Room.. I've always loved Silent Hill, and the second game is a complete work of art, in my opinion

That poor stallion... I am guessing that this Equestria has turned kinda apocalyptic.

Very dark... like my own soul in which I am forever trapped

2124507 I hope it didn't make you feel any worse.. If so, I'm sorry about that. Still hoped you liked the story though.

Wow. That is dark. Pure hell even.

2124909 Yupp, his own personal hell inside his mind. To me, this is the ultimate form of punishment for any living being.

So he's being punished for finally doing something about his father raping him every single night?

to Biker_Dash how are you trapped in your soul if you are your soul, you could be trapped in your body but the soul is what it is in everyday freedom from earth bound realities, regarding the story, if he is there, he repeats the sequence, do he gets a many opportunities as the sequences repeats, I personally would got for it several times before forgiveness comes to mind, hell that place does not seem that bad after all, i think it could even be fun after the first time I do mind the bad smell and the broken teeth perhaps at the falling part I would try to go lower other than that Ponyville in ruins, i love ghost towns I would do my best to get to the school after some time so I can hang out the broken town. Guess I got too deep in the story ^^ it was so much fun fellas if ye like horrid torture grim dark crap (not saying this be crap... this was awesome I think I like it better than dust to dust) read Cheerlee's Garden and the Scarlet Harvest. Love the OC's and the story development... may be talking to much.
PS: Awesome Show great job
PSS: If it is good with StalkerPony I may animate this if I have time in the following months, may be needing voice actors

2125500 Punished by himself, yes. When it comes to ponies, they've always belived in the goodness of others and forgviness. Even though he hates his father, murder goes against their belief more than that, and therefore his subconscious guilt over taking someones life refuses to let him go. That's why his mother begs him to forgive his father and perhaps break this cicle. But he will never be able to forgive him, or himself, and thus the cicle will never end.

That is also what that part with the black & white ponies resembles: his inner struggle over which crime is the worst. The white pony "wins", symbolising his own innocence and kindness, twisted into submission by hate.

And even though if he actually did understand eventually and forgave his father, the cicle would go on anyway until the day he comes out of his coma, or if someone "pulls the plug" on him. So either way, he'll keep on punishing himself.

2125694 Hold on there, you animate stuff? How good are you at it? If you are good, it would be awesome to actually see this in motion. I call the role of Lightning! Lol :pinkiecrazy:

A good visualization of my mind.

Eternal self torture from actions by a terrible father...

2128646 Same for me, except the torture-part. I do hate my father though, and that's my main inspiration for this story. One cannot always forgive the actions of others.

Review incoming! Please stand by!

Congrats! Your story has been reviewed!
This awesome link right here!

Since I also work with The Gem Hunters Group you also got a Gem from me.

fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/003/8/2/dirty_gems_by_shiranuishiningstar-d70oqab.jpg
The Dirty Ruby, the dirty part comes from the group policy of all Mature stories. Ruby is among the greatest gems, so congrats!

4068900 Thank you so much! :twilightsmile:

Okay...... does the dad rape the kid or something:applejackunsure:? I don't get it!:rainbowhuh:

4305426 Lightning was abused by his father as a child, yes.

A bit of a mindfuck, but it is delightful. The ending was the kicker for me.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

4656388 Glad you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

I have never been more impressed by a chapter on this site in my life. This is literary gold dude.

The fork pierced another pea. Once he felt he had enough, Lightning brought the fork up to his mouth and bit down on the green little… things. Didn’t know what he should call them, except peas. He hated the taste of them. Mainly because they never tasted anything at all. Like chewing on nothing but a thin layer of rubber, with nothing but air inside.

I almost feel lie the peas, oddly, represent the "love" Lightning's father has, particularly because of the description "hin layer of rubber, with nothing but air inside." What makes that so sad is that would mean lightning's lost appetite could be in turn a symbol of losing the will to resist, just accepting his nights as part of his life.

I love how the father is simply called pain and suffering and darkness. It emphasizes his rape not only having these qualities but are an embodiment of them.

He missed them so much, of course, and wouldn’t be able to live without them… oh no, we’ll help you find them, don’t worry.

And if he told anypony, it would kill both him and his mother.

you know what it these are? These are things ponies have said. You know why they aren't spoken? Because it's a routine. It's something the character is familiar with.

All in all, these are all tricks writers have used in books I read in AP english. This is true literature dude.

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