The Defective Warp Pipe

by Level Dasher

Chapter 13: Digging with Doggies

Traversing the Mines was certainly an interesting experience; the gems on the walls seemed to infinitely reflect the light from the entrance, lighting our path as we walked. We didn’t really need our flashlights— the reflective surfaces of the gemstones were enough to keep us out of darkness. I thought that the search would be kind of frightening, but it turned out to be just the opposite: the bright colors of the jewels made it quite beautiful.

“Why… didn’t we… do this sooner?” Every now and then Spike had been grabbing gems from the walls and shoving them in his mouth. The first time he did this, I was appalled. I knew that dragons hoarded gems, but I didn’t know that they ate them. I guess that was the reason for the hoarding. I realized this habit of his would be pretty helpful— it meant we wouldn’t need to be holding onto or leaving any stray, unhelpful gems that might lead the Diamond Dogs to us. As long as Spike’s appetite held out, that is.

We tried to stay in the safest parts of the mines for as long as we could, but after being led down numerous dead ends and into some walls that yielded no results, we realized the gems that Rarity was being led to had to be through the walls into Diamond Dog territory. We weren’t exactly happy about it, but after two hours of safe searching, we decided it was time to venture into the deeper parts of the mines.

Rarity whined, “Oh darling, do we really have to? You girls do remember what happened last time I was in those dreadful dogs’ territory, do you not?”

“Don'tcha worry, Sugarcube,” Applejack responded. “We got yer back. We won’t let anythin’ like that happen again.”

“Ooooooh, alright," Rarity conceded. "You’re lucky your element is Honesty, Applejack!”

“Don’t Ah know it!”

Twilight checked the maps as Rarity continued the spell. She had wisely marked the areas where we had previously searched, so it was fairly easy to find our way back to those places. It took us a matter of minutes to get to the fourth path we were led down (it was the closest to where we were) that was almost a success. However, this time we went down the path adjoining it that led deeper into the mines. After a few minutes, I smelled the stench of those dogs that I had been forced to swallow a few weeks before.

“We’re close to their territory. I can smell them.” Everyone gathered in closer; I could practically feel the tension in their muscles as Applejack and I stood guard on opposite sides of the group. My ears picked up a distant snarling. “And I can hear them!” I wasn’t thrilled, but I wasn’t worried, either.

“Ha! We may be in luck!” Rarity suddenly looked as if she were being dragged by a string by her horn. Spike had described this to me before as how her ability worked when it was at its most powerful. She was dragged quickly, and then her head suddenly dove into a wall. She plucked herself out of the dirt, wiped off her face, and exclaimed, “Oh, gross! Spikey Wikeeeey! We’ve got a live one!” She stood nearby the spot so she didn’t lose its trace.

“Finally, some action!” Spike started clawing at the spot where Rarity’s horn had left a hole in the wall. After only about 20 seconds, Spike came out of the hole holding a green gem. “Is this it?”

“Oooh! That’s a nice emerald!” She focused her magic on it for a moment. “Hmm… but that isn’t it… and I can’t even use it on one of my dresses. Spike, you may if you wish.”

“Sweet!” I watched as Spike tossed the emerald in the air swallowed it in one gulp. “Okay, gimme a sec!” Spike went back into the hole and continued digging. Ten seconds later, he reappeared with a big red jewel. “What about this fire ruby?”

When Spike held the ruby out to Rarity, her horn sparked and she recoiled a few feet. “Oh my! I believe…” She closed her eyes as she pointed her horn at this one. “Yes! We have a winner!”

“Alright!” everyone shouted, as I was given the ruby to hold on to. I stowed it in the backpack I was carrying. We decided to take a short break so Rarity and Spike could recover after that little ordeal. This, however, turned out not to be the smartest of moves. As we all sat down, my nose twitched from that awful smell again.

“Not good.” I whipped around and saw three Diamond Dogs behind me, and two more were closing in on us from the other side. I recognized two of the dogs who were trying to sneak up on me from behind; they had brought friends this time. I thought Applejack and I would need to put up our dukes.

However, at that moment, I heard a sound that I never thought I would hear, and hoped I would never have to ever again. “OOOoooooohh!! WHYYYyyyyyyyYYY did the DIAmond Dogs have to butt in on our SEArrrrrrrch! WE’RE not doing anything to THEEEeemMM!” My eyes began popping out of my head. It was Rarity! I never thought that kind of whining would ever come out of such a refined pony, but it seemed to do the job.

As Rarity continued whining, the Diamond Dogs snarled, covering their ears and mumbling to each other. I suffered through it and took the opportunity to swallow one of the dogs, whip around, and aim the resulting egg at the other two. This caused the three of them to go rolling back down the path they came from. Applejack bucked both of the dogs in front of her so hard it looked as if they would go flying into oblivion. I could hear the sound of whimpering gradually fading away.

When the coast was clear, Twilight shouted at the top of her lungs, “Rarity! They’re gone!”

Rarity stopped whining and quickly regained her composure. “Oh, thank goodness. I had hoped I would never have to do that again.”

I took my hands away from my ears and asked, “How did you know that would work?”

“Well, let’s just say I’ve had to slave through a previous encounter with those dogs, darling.” I… didn’t really want to know. “Let’s press on now. Hopefully we shan’t encounter those rascals again.”

“Agreed.”

As Rarity began the spell again, we expected another trek. This time, however, we were pleasantly surprised. When Rarity charged up the spell, her horn immediately grabbed her by that string again and she darted right for me. I quickly dodged her, but her head then dove into the ground about three feet past me. “Ouch! Oooh, why did it have to be the ground? I’m going to need another spa visit after this!” I decided to give Spike a break and walked over to the spot myself. I barely had to dig a few inches when I picked up a moderately sized blue gem. “Hmm! A sapphire this time!” When I held it up to Rarity, her horn sparked again, but she was able to keep herself on her feet. After another quick focus, she said, “Well, isn’t that nice! One of those horrible Diamond Dogs must have been carrying this one and dropped it before they so graciously made their exit! Wasn’t that nice of them!” We all laughed.

“Oh! Well, that was rather fast!” Rarity grunted, but she sounded excited. “Looks like we’ve got another one close by!” We were pretty close to the third path we walked, which had led into more Diamond Dog territory. I was a little hesitant the first time we walked there, but after the encounter we’d had only minutes before, my worries evaporated in an instant.

We followed Rarity again, with Twilight simultaneously consulting the map. This time, we traversed the Dogs’ path. Rarity’s horn-guiding string appeared again, but this time it did something we were not prepared for, especially not Rarity. Her horn drove upwards into the ceiling of the path, far enough up that she was stuck hanging from the ceiling above, flailing her legs all over the place.

Rarity yelled, “Ah! Get…me…down from here!” We were all concerned at first, but after we realized Rarity was fine, all of us, except for Spike, gave a quiet chuckle. Unfortunately, Rarity still heard us. “This is NOT funny! Get me DOWN from here! NOW!”

Applejack asked, “Uh, how exactly’re we gonna do that?”

“Well, I have an idea, but you may not like it very much, Rarity…”

Rarity screamed, “I don’t care! Just get me down!”

“Well, I can use my tongue to get you down, but—”

“EEEK! Oh, no-no-no-no-no! No offense, darling, but I’m guessing your tongue is rather... slimy, is it not?”

“Well, yes. But does anyone have any other ideas?” Everyone looked at each other, but they all shrugged.

Suddenly, Spike spoke up. “Well, what if you threw me up and I grabbed her legs, then pulled her down?”

“I don’t think you’re heavy enough to get her down, sugarcube. T’was a good idea, though.” Spike then looked at Twilight and Applejack longingly. “Oh no, Ah’m not willing to have myself thrown, sugarcube.”

“Sorry Spike, but I’m not really comfortable without something solid beneath my hooves.” Twilight sighed, “Sorry Rarity, but it looks like you don’t have any other choice.”
Rarity groaned, “Ooooooh, fine. If I must, I must. Please be gentle, Yoshi!”

“Tell you what, Rarity. You’ve helped me a lot. Now that you need to deal with this, too, I’ll escort you to the spa myself after this!” I smiled, even though she couldn’t see it.

“You have a deal, darling. Alright, I’m ready.”

I wanted to make this as painless as possible, so I slowly extended my tongue in front of Rarity so she could see it coming. I heard her go, “Oooooooh… Ah!” as I wrapped my tongue around her horn and above her head so I could loosen it from the dirt. After ten seconds or so, I saw her slightly shift downward as she said, “OH!” from the sudden jerk. Applejack and Twilight galloped underneath her so they could catch her as she fell. They got there just in time to catch Rarity right before she hit the dirt. Her head was covered with my saliva, and she looked like she was about to faint. “Oh my, I hope I never have to do THAT again! But hmm... we seem to have ourselves a predicament here, don’t we?

Rarity was right. We hadn’t anticipated needing to dig into the ceiling. It was at least fifteen feet up, and there was nothing to stand on to give us a boost. But Spike came up with another idea. This time the conversation was just between us.

“Hey Yoshi, I’d be okay with it if you held me up to the ceiling with your tongue so I could dig upwards…” This time we considered it.

I responded, “Hmm… I could do that. You’re alright with the sliminess and everything?”

“Haha. I’m not a girl, remember?” he whispered to me, so as not to offend any of the ponies, especially Rarity.

I chuckled. “True, very true.”

Spike turned to the girls. “We have an idea. Leave it to us.” Twilight gave the other girls a curious look. They just shrugged. Spike and I walked underneath the hole left by Rarity’s horn.

I asked him, “You ready, Spike?”

Spike took a deep breath and said, “Yeah. Go for it. Just don’t turn me into an egg, please?” Everybody laughed as the girls figured out what was about to happen.

“Don’t worry, buddy. That only happens if I swallow ya, and I have NO intention of doing that.” Spike sighed in relief as I let out my tongue again. He cringed for a moment when he felt the sliminess of my tongue wrapping around him, but as soon as I lifted him up to the ceiling and under the hole left by Rarity’s horn, he immediately started working his claws.

Trying to avoid the falling dirt, I continuously lifted my tongue as Spike progressed. About a minute later I heard him yell, “STOP!” I held my tongue in place, then heard him shout, “Incoming!” Moments after, I saw an emerald fall from Spike’s hole. I caught it and held it out in Rarity’s direction. She trotted over, then got sparked again. A quick focus confirmed our hopes.

“And here we have number three! Great job, Spikey Wikey!” I lowered Spike out of the hole and placed him back on the ground. He slipped and fell from having the same saliva on his feet as Rarity had on her head.

Spike rose and shook himself off. “Ugh. I’ll be honest, that wasn’t exactly fun.”

I said, “Sorry, buddy. Not much I could do about that.”

Rarity piped up, “Tell you what, Spikey Wikey. On my next round into the mines, I’ll get a special batch of jewels just for you. Next time I’m coming here, give me a request and I’ll get a nice big haul!”

Spike’s eyes lit up. “Really? Thanks, Rarity! That sounds awesome!”

“Absolutely, darling! I just so happen to know exactly what you just went through, and I agree, it most certainly is not fun!”

I bowed my head slightly. Rarity noticed and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, dear! I didn’t mean to offend!”

“It’s okay. Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t want to be held up by my tongue, either.” We all laughed at that.

Spike spoke up, “So, we’ve got three stones, right? Does that mean we’re done? Can we go back?”

Before I could say anything, Twilight said exactly what was on my mind. “Yes, we have three, but we need to get another one for the Time-Space Reversal spell. It shouldn’t take too long. The Augmentation Stones have been easier to find than I thought. We just had to be in the right part of the mines. Unfortunately, that meant being deeper than we hoped, but it’s been coming along pretty quickly since then!”

Rarity quipped, “Oh, alright darling. But please, can we try to find a stone that won’t lead my head into the dirt?”

Twilight answered, “We’ll try, Rarity, but that’s your horn’s decision, not ours.” Rarity pouted as the rest of us laughed.

---

As we walked in the opposite direction, following Rarity’s horn, Twilight checked the map again and saw that we were close to another Diamond Dog intersection that we hadn’t checked yet. Right before she started speaking, Rarity exclaimed, “Oh! I think I’ve got one! This way!” She began walking the unchecked path, but she wasn’t being dragged this time. Maybe her horn had a sixth sense, but whatever the reason, it turned out to be a good one.

We walked along the path until we saw a large fire ruby, which we assumed was our fourth Augmentation Stone, in the clutches of one of the biggest Diamond Dogs we had ever laid eyes on. Luckily for us, it was asleep. We all looked at each other, each of us wearing the same expression that was saying, WHY?

Twilight brought the group closer together before she whispered, “You know, we can go look for another one. We aren’t even completely sure that IS the Augmentation Stone we need.” That was probably the best idea, but Rarity had had enough.

“No. Regardless of his size, if that is our last gem, let’s just grab it and go. He’s asleep for now, so I’m going to find out.” Rarity slowly began to walk towards the sleeping dog. It appeared to be out cold. Rarity closed in, her horn glowing; as she pointed herself in the direction of the ruby, she sparked yet again. There was a chorus of fearful inhalation. The dog stirred, but did not awaken. Everyone sighed, releasing the tension. Rarity turned to us and nodded. This was most definitely the gem we needed. Of course, the Diamond Dog had to be clutching it…

Spike decided he wanted a little more action. “Rarity! Let me grab it! I can get in a little closer without him noticing!”

“Are you sure? I don’t want my little Spikey-Wikey getting hurt, now!” They were both speaking in whispers so as to let the sleeping dog lie. Hopefully…

“Leave it to me!” Spike proclaimed. Twilight was about to protest, but none of us really seemed to have any say in the matter. Spike began running toward Rarity and the dog, but was stopped when I shot out my tongue to block him.

After furling my tongue back into my mouth, I held up a hand and whispered, “Hold up there, Spike. I have an idea.”

He quietly whined, “Oh come on! Just let me…”

“Don’t worry, I’m not stopping you, but I want to give you some backup. Let me come with you so I can swallow him in case he wakes up, alright?”

“Okay, I’m cool with that.” Spike relayed the plan to the girls, who agreed it was smart, and Rarity backed away to rejoin the group.

As Spike and I approached, we realized the terrain was perfect for this plan. The path turned into a steep slope right behind where the Diamond Dog was laying. I walked around so I was behind him, ready to shoot my tongue out if he started any kind of attack. Spike slowly walked closer to the dog’s hands, preparing to grab the ruby. In a matter of moments, I became relieved that I convinced Spike to agree to this idea. He quickly grabbed the ruby, but just as quickly, the dog woke up and lunged for him. In the nick of time, I shot my tongue out, swallowed the dog, and launched him down the path’s slope, in egg form. I breathed a sigh of relief; nobody was hurt.

Spike held the gem up to Rarity to make sure it was in fact the gem we needed, but when she charged up the spell again, Rarity wore a discouraging frown. “That’s… that’s not it.” Spike gaped at her. “How could that not be it? My horn sparked and everything!”

Once again, Spike saved the day. “Wait— there’s a big mark over there where the dog was laying. Maybe it was underneath him.” Rarity frowned, but gave it a shot. She walked over to where the dog had positioned his hands in front of him.

Rarity began the spell again, and the moment she did, her horn shot directly into the ground. She lifted her head, her face completely covered in dirt, and complained, “OOOOOOH! Ow! Why does that always have to happen?” Raising her head, she noticed an amber gemstone lying right on top of the dirt. “Well, no wonder it hurt that time! It was barely covered, lying right on the surface underneath his grimy hands! So that’s why my horn sparked! Spikey-Wikey, you have just been on fire today!” Spike blushed and held his claws behind his back, bouncing on his heels with a giant grin.

Twilight gave a deep sigh before she spoke up. “Well, that should be all we need. Let’s get these stones back to the library and keep them safe until we need them. I know just where to put them, too. Yoshi, you have the other three, right?” I had put them all in my backpack. I checked to make sure they were all there (which thank goodness they were), and nodded to Twilight. “Great, I’ve got the map out, so I can guide us back to the entrance. Luckily, there’s a clear path up through the mines from where we are, and we’ll be out of Doggy territory fairly quickly.” We chuckled, but were all relieved to hear that. After I put the last Augmentation Stone into my backpack, we shifted formation so that Twilight was up front, then we traversed the mines back to the entrance.

---

As we walked towards the light that was the entrance to the mines, I detected the rising stench of Diamond Dog again. I wasn’t sure how many there were, so I quickly yelled, “Get out, NOW!” Spike barely had time to translate before he started hustling the girls out of the exit. I whipped around and found one rather small Diamond Dog snarling at me.

“I thought I smelled moving gemstones! Hand them over, now! I’m not letting you leave with those!”

I started laughing. “Haha. Yes, you are.” Spike wasn’t there to translate for me, so the dog was confused.

“What did you say?” I rolled my eyes and waved him off. As I turned around and started walking to the exit, he attacked. “Nobody waves off a Diamond Dog like that! Not even a weird thing like you!” I casually turned back to him, shot out my tongue, whipped around, and shot him back down the path, rolling around in his egg. As I began walking outside, I still smelled the stench of the dog, but I could feel it gradually fading away. I realized there might have been another one behind him that either saw what happened and retreated, or was in the path of the egg and rolled down along with it. Either way, I laughed as I rejoined the others outside the Mines, then took a deep breath of outside air.

“Everything alright there, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.

“Oh yeah.” I responded. "There was one more dog making a last-ditch attempt to grab the gems we collected, but he’ll be rolling around for a little while.” We all laughed as we walked down the path back to Ponyville. Finally, the search was over. We had the Augmentation Stones, and I could go back home as soon as Twilight figured out how to make the spell work.

Rarity came closer to me and said, “Yoshi? Darling? If you don’t mind, I am going to take you up on your spa escort offer as soon as we get back. If there is any a time that I need it, it’s now!”

I nodded and answered, “I can do that. I did promise you, didn’t I?” Everyone laughed.

As we walked back to Ponyville, Rarity began babbling, “Oh Yoshi, you will just adore Lotus and Aloe! They have the best spa treatments in Equestria! I guarantee you wouldn’t have anything like it back in your Mushroom Kingdom! They have…” Rarity’s bantering began to trail off as we made our way back down from the mines. A new thought was running through my head.

Look at all the friends I’ve made here… Do I really want to go back right now? But if I stay here, what will happen to Mario? What do I do now?