Within each pony there is a special Talent, some are musical, some are unique flyers but a selected few are supreme warriors chosen by Princess Luna herself has put together a sacred order to protect Equestria from unknown enemies of the night. These Warriors hide in plain sight but are still unnoticed by those around them. Except for one, His name is Bronymon. At birth he was cursed to suffer a life of heart ache and torment trying to find a way free from his curse.This journey has taken him all across Equestria but has proven to no avail, now his journey takes him to Ponyville were he will become one step closer to re leaving his cure through the friends he begins to make and those he can call family.
Chapters (1)
It feels... rushed, maybe it's just me.
A little polishing on the punctuation would be nice too. And I suggest putting the characters' speeches on a separate paragraph. Makes it easier to read and is more appealing.
Also, pony eating bacon and eggs?? Just seems weird to me but hey, it's your OC.
Good luck with the story
Im not really into these kind of stories so im gonna stay neutral here
Aside some dodgy grammar this looks like it might be interesting, you and your friend working on it together at a guess?
One thing that did get to me was using "in golfed" rather than "engulfed" sorry for being picky, it's just that I couldn't help but read that part over to make sure I was reading properly, haves an upvote, and my wishes of good luck!
1868177 Yeah this was my friends chapter as he was pumped to get it started off and constantly hounded me to upload it so i did, meaning no time to edit (Will fix it up now) but next chapter is my OC so that means i can edit for as long as I wish and make the next chapter perfect.
1868116 Welcome to the weird OC of my friend, tried to capture the weirdness of his OC so bacon & eggs were put in, and yeah my friend did kind of rush it, so far chapter two is 2,000 words and that is only the introduction of my OC (Enigmatic Brony) and thanks for the heads up for character speech I'll make sure to do that with future chapters
Thanks for the Feed Back
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E.Bony