Warmaisach
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I'll give you a thumbs up for the premise for now, but I will be back to actually read it later.
I'm curious about this story
Liking it so far
I was totally not expecting that twist in the end. I thought he would go for more power or real immortality and that he only survived this long through arcane means or something. But this gives the story a really interesting turn.
1857620 That's what i intended to do. Glad i succeeded in at least that
Okay, I read through this. I liked it.
Its not the best beginning I've ever read. Oran just sorta popped outta nowhere, but being its your first story, I'll cut some slack. Though it might be a good idea to go over it later, the time when he came before. Like maybe through flash-backs or something.
The grammar was okay. I found a few errors, but nothing that ruined the reading.
The characterization seems pretty good, not to many problems here.
The overall premise is definitely interesting, which is what drew me in. I'll favorite this for now and keep up with it.
You might try to find a pre-reader or editor to help you out. Those guys can do wonders. I think there is a group here on fimfiction just for finding those.
1857754 FIrst of all, thanks for your feedback. It really helps me a lot since it's my first real try.
And don't worry everything will be explained in due time, and there will also be a flashback where the events a thousand years ago, will be told. Maybe even in the next chapter. I haven't decided yet.
And a proofreader also sounds like a good idea. Let's just see how this plays out
Whoa...
1861222 i warned you...
1861229
I am now truly hooked on this, looking forward to the next bit!
Nice ,but what is the plan if they can't kill him. Turn him into stone?
Also I don't like that Celestia is hiding information from the other it's like crystal empire all over again.
Overall good work!
1862568 Well that's for you to find out.
The whole reaction part about the incoming end of the world thing seems kinda strange to me. Its not like they will be locked up in Canterlot for the next five years without any outside contact they could have weekly visits or something to their families and stuff.
Rarity's first thought about the fact that the world as they know it may end in 5 years if they don't prepare is that she might get dirty?
Also they are the friggin elements of harmony they wont go out in the mud and try to buck someone in the face who can cut apart the entire royal guard without breaking stride then decapitate one of the princesses with a backhand swing and after that kill everyone in Equestria with barely any noticable effort. The elements fit more into the artillery role, they fire at and try to incapacitate the foe if they have the tactical advantage. This isn't like the Changeling invasion where there where hundreds of mooks to pound into the ground, it's more like the fight against Discord with one singular but extremely powerful opponent.
1862909 Yes yes i know. But if you recall, Rarity does not know that. For her it's just another old guy with the whole "yeah, I'm going to do something evil" business.
I will also not use them as "cannon-fodder" and Celestia also, does not want them in more danger, than they need to be in.
Now for the reactions. Well you have to take into consideration that they've been told that they will move out and have to forfeit some of their dreams. They are all just overreacting over that visit.
But still thank you for the feedback, I may change a little, based on that.
IT JUST GOT REAL !
... 
Ok now that I've read it I can say that it definitely has caught my eye.
The premise is interesting and I look forward to seeing more of Oran.
The story was a little wonky mechanics wise and some parts read strangely, but as you refine your style everything will smooth out.
I've got high hopes for this story.
1871529 At least someone thought it's funny
I think everyone sees that last line coming a mile away, but still laughs at it to some degree, I know I did.
Good work like before and I will be looking towards reading more.
Holy shit... did that just happen?
oh, and you're supposed to use commas instead of periods with the numbers.
1876189 you mean 3,14 instead of 3.14?
EDIT: forget it, i know what you mean. Already changed, thanks for pointing that out
Next chapter Aren the necromancer !
This was no where near as bad as I expected it to be.
The stuff you warned about I mean.
Do not like the last part with the soul thing, too much Gary Stu for my taste. The fight on the other hand was very good.
1898164 hmm... i planned something different in the beginning, but that would've been even more gary stu like, that's why i threw that away. Originally, planned for him to break Raritys' neck before she dies, because he could only resurrect people when they didnt accept their fate.
Then i thought, that resurrecting someone everywhere is kinda op and takes the feels away from deaths. On top of that i went through with this idea to make him less Gary Stu. You will see in future chapters what i mean.
Btw i thought Gary Stus were totally "Yeah im overpowered and i will do everything for everyone" people. I mean Aren is more like an ashole than a really good guy. He never reacts with humor, is always serious and when someone talks to him, he acts more like he is talking down to that person. Luna is not really wrong with her oppinion of him.
1898697 He gave up a part of his soul to a mortal he only have minor bonds with for the sole reason to save her life. From how he acted around Luna in a previous chapter and that he left when Celestia disliked his traning gave a feel that he did not care about the ponies and only did it to honor his masters wish. If I forgot something that could explain this then please direct me to it. Also the backlash from giving up a part of his soul is probably massive, as was proved in the latest chapter. It seems even more ilogical that he would give half his soul as he without a doubt knew about it. Also, he claims he cannot revive Rarity outside a ressurection field but from what I can tell the field would be rather easy to set up as he was able to do so within either a few minutes, if the field works as a shield.
This suggests that he put up the field after the guards entered the training ground. If he started setting up a field a few hours before the guard arrived and used a shield spell to lock them in (and the princesses out) then he could probably use shields to seal off Raritys damaged blood vessels while he was setting up a field and in worst case scenario, use telekenisis to keep pumping her heart. Also compared to some of the other things he have done, mending the wound seems allmost laughable. If he was so desperate to save Rarity that he would give her part of his soul then i expect a future chapter to explain it. Also I hope you do not think of me as a hater since I like this fic, I just have issues with this part and want to share my thoughts.
1899467 no worries. I don't think you're a hater and also no worries about explaining it. I will explain why he did it. Trust me when i say that he didn't do it ,because "Oh woe is me, why did she have to die." and stuff. He did it for a reason, but that lies in the future. The Resurrection field will also be explained. I thought exactly like you "Then why doesn't he put a Rez-field there?"
All in all, everything will be explained.
Lets hope hes a necromancer...
Luna got burned.
how do u get moonstone out of negating plant??
1953622 I dunno
"Btw my updating speed may slow down. I can't continue writing 4000-5000 words everyday." why the hell not
1967239 actually i can.... but thing is... the one day when i didn't upload anything was due to me being massively tired. I decided that instead of writing i slept in my work... And when i mean slow down... i mean that i may upload 1 chap every 2 to 3 days
Changed age rating to mature, due to underestimating the weight of gore...
1953878>>1953622
My guess is that plant's chlorophyll is key. The stored solar energy gets reflected in the negation like moonlight. And amber is fossilized tree sap, which is stone.
So in summary:
-f = ((S / -L) + (t x s))
f = flora, S = Solar, L = Lunar, t = time, s = sap
So what do you think, Twilight?
Yeah. I'm not good with making equations. But it's magic. I don't have to explain anything.
Not the face! NOT THE FACE!!
1986229 At least you tried
seriously though.... i just thought up for 10 seconds the most useless, pointless, senseless element. It's hard to find sense in something absolutely senseless.
Or i made sense without wanting to make sense
i tell u what i think .... i think the bond between luna hate and nifret should have been stronger since luna hated aren and well nifret is the spirit of hate i didnt like the fact she was so easily removed from luna so quick that my problem
2014548 Like always, everything will be explained in the following chapters.
But to calm your curiosity a little i'll give you a little explanation, which will come in the following chapter. Everyone who doesn't want to read a minor spoiler, shouldn't continue reading this.
Nifret is nothing more than a ghost who feeds from hate. She got summoned by Lunas' hate and took over her body, feeding of her hate, and taking it over. It's just a basic possession and I can't say with a good consciousness that someone as experienced as Aren wouldn't have met at least one who was possessed before, and it was not as easy as it looked... let's just say that that special rainbow-fire did most of the work... but more in the next chapters.
i guess i should read between the lines more
FINAL BATTLE!!!!!!!!!!
FIGHT!!!
Why the hell is this fic so unpopular?
2068544 Wait you actually really think it's good? I thought since I get rarely comments and that my favs seem to go down instead of up, that it kinda sucked.
good that at least one enjoys it.
2068555 are you kidding me? I mean, sure I rarely make comments unless the story sucks or its incredibly funny, but MAN this is GREAT, loved what you did with Discord, i mean Ravien, the horrible past and the twisted mind of Aren, the agony of Oran, the reasons behind Luna's actions, I love EVERYTHING about this story, its personally my second favorite human related NON HIE fic!
2068678 Thanks, that really means a lot to me to hear this.
dat battle, dat ending.........................
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgyet1QhRo1qznavao1_500.jpg
Really good story, enjoyed it to the end. Great job.
2074526 2074509 Thanks you two. I really appreciate it.
2074539
No problem, you ever think about placing this in any groups? It needs way more views and lieks then it has.
2074558 I don't really know anything about groups. I only placed it in one and that was "rookies on the rise"
I actually didn't know about groups since a week ago or something like this
Great story bro, keep it up!