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  • E Fracture

    When your whole world's fallen around you, sometimes you find beauty in the most unlikely of places
    1,061 words · 526 views  ·  21  ·  4

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  • 54w, 2d
    Jack

    The world was grey, under a wet blanket, and Jack was walking home. His long black hair was slick and wet, sticking to the back of his long-sleeved shirt. The teen shivered as he walked, his arms clutching at his sides. He'd forgotten to bring a coat.

    He didn't consciously register his walking—he only knew because he was upright and moving. He'd lost the feeling in his feet long ago, after he'd thrown his shoes and socks to the side of the road. They'd been waterlogged and suffocating, but even their wet, choking hold: he would welcome that now.

    Lightning flashed, it thundered, and he looked up and to his right. Only another half-kilometre, he thought to himself. Only another half. He thought no more until he turned down the path, and knocked on the front door.

    As he waited for an answer, Jack turned around and looked out over the barren November fields. The long grass was dead, windswept, and bowing; bowing to the elements and ready to submit to the first snow.  There wasn't another house in sight, but Jack could still remember one very clearly, along with its new lack of—he spun around, and banged on the door harder, begging for a reprieve from his recent sins. He was empty inside; he needed this nightmare to be over; he needed his half to wholly embrace him.

    But after a few minutes of staring at the door, his eyes widened, his heart fell, and he realized she wasn't coming. He only noticed then that his pickup truck was gone. He would have called it stolen, if it wasn't for the fact that he'd never owned the keys in the first place. That girl had learned how to hotwire from the best of them. She was only another half.

    Jack grimaced, and screamed through his teeth as he kicked in the chain screen with his numb bare  feet. He crawled through the hole he'd made in the bottom half of the door, his sides feeling her protest. Despite his soaking form, she was barely even wet. But he made it through, putting more blood on his clothes in the process, and this time, it wasn't a stranger's.

    He got up proudly, standing with a devilish grin on his face before walking over to the farmhouse's sitting room. He turned one dial, another, adjusted the rabbit ears, and sat down in the rickety wicker chair to watch the local news. He'd expected what he saw—an inner voice told him he should be hurrying, changing clothes to erase his trail, and disappearing into the dried cornstalks—but he felt no need to. He'd grown tired of it all, of running, of moving, of finding and chasing halves. Jack sighed, got up, and turned off the TV. He was ready to embrace the hole.

    3 comments · 125 views
  • 101w, 15h
    The Epic Making Up of the Make-Up of Eleanor Strasmouth

    I don't even. I'm just odd.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    All the old farts gather down on Broadway

    Their silent poppers fading

    Their clandestine clappers announcing

    A death of salesmen

    One with talons

    Sharp claws

    And a power quite fine

    Kept in place

    By a powder quite fine

    Castles curse beneath the sea

    I am the one, and you are the me

    I am the hippogriff, and you are the stone

    Please fart, my friend, and become your own

    Got shoes of stone

    And guts of pig

    Got sick of scurvy

    And pent up porpoise

    But now I have a purpose

    That purpose is mud

    Gotta release it from the skies above

    Gotta release it from the telephone

    But can't release it when it's my own

    Wait till it's public domain!

    Is it 74 or 128 years after my death?

    Or is it all a big waste of breath?

    Hey that rhymes, and we're out of time

    I've got a big octopus that can close this out for me, anyway

    Never the wind will blow the steam

    Until the cucumber becomes the dream

    A castle of satin

    A book of foam

    And a man with a white lace and a brown telephone

    Dialing 647-922-1111

    And then four 2s

    He can't accomplish anything

    All he wants to accomplish is the death of a king; and a salesman

    Oh, the death of salesman

    Oh the frosty wind blows, in the dead of night

    The Grim Reaper screams at old Barney's fright

    With legs like lechers and blood like steel

    Who knows what's faevision and what is real?

    Cause I've got a sty

    It's full of mud

    And I've got some pigs

    Flying high above

    And I've got an apocalypse

    On a string

    And if you don't shoot it

    Then I'll be king

    At least of Newark

    Creaking backbones

    And fine grisel

    A man with some basil and a chisel

    A man with an esophagus under his wing

    A man that also wants to be king

    His name? Ron Strasmouth!

    A man from New York

    A man from Manhattan

    A man made of pork

    Adam was his brother, and Eve his friend

    But he never read the bible in the end

    And with that brave chisel, he sculpted David

    And with that great basil, he ate Lenny Kravitz

    And Bill Hicks ate a sandwich with Mama Cass

    And then he took it, shoved it up Ron's ass

    Cause life

    Is steam

    And life

    Is a dream

    And life is a frog

    And life is a knife

    Life's what you get when you kill M. Night

    Life's what you get when you see Kalamazoo from the moon

    When you see all the black people from your black moon

    And you look out to the stars and think to yourself

    "Why did the orange turn green?"

    So says the cross-eyed lamb

    The one that bursts into the dam

    The one that raises

    The one who falls

    The one who takes seven, then Spinerock Knolls

    I am Cruella, I am the king

    I am Emanuel, I am Bruce Spring

    Steen!

    Never will I marry Nala cause she is a whiffer

    She's got a face the size of my sniffer

    I make George Papadakias Strombol it up, but when I see a dog, I call a bluff

    Cause he's got a hand full of cards

    And one on his wing

    One that reeks of Elvis, the king

    Sing into your mic, Elly

    Sing very well

    Sing and put me under spell

    Swivel your hips

    And sliver the dips

    And make everyone kiss themselves with their own lips

    Put your head up your ass, give a great show

    But at the end, they'll all go

    Cause in the end

    You're just a man with a life filled with asparagus and giraffes!

    Casual seaweed

    Muckriders' bow

    A casual dropbox

    Another good show

    A karazy Mexican

    From Down-Under Armpit

    And lots of people

    Think he's a varmint

    They knew him well

    Thought he was great

    Thought he had an enlarged prostate

    Died at the age of 73

    With a prostate that just wanted to pee

    But it couldn't!

    Bob the Castle

    Was made of wood

    So was his dick

    Though it never could

    Rise to the occassion

    Or rise at all

    It could never go up

    It could only fall

    Even in winter, summer, or spring

    It wouldn't even go up by the order of the king!

    It just sapped there, swinging

    His scrotum below it

    And that fine specimen

    Was never emoted

    And castles were in the air

    Along with pegasi and cats

    Pigs flew by with Babe Ruth baseball bats

    Chewing his chew

    But his penis, it did not flew

    Jenkins and Jeckyll

    Leroy and Hyde

    Slaying the demon

    And keeping his hide

    Man is Cinderella

    I am a black cat

    I am the alien

    Worse than Dave's flat

    He was high one day

    Went out on a wing

    And he witnessed a very strange thing

    Something fragile, and frosting

    And life underneath

    Something that made his...um...queef

    Nasgul and accents

    And casual conversation

    I am not, nor never, will be a Freemason

    Got a dolla in my pocket and a nigga in my hand

    And this rap, I don't even understand

    I'm orange, I'm green

    I'm a fighting machine

    I go on and on

    I don't wear a thong

    I'm George Kevin

    I am Jorge Shrinks

    And I should really see one, a shrink

    I'm so weird

    Movements so fluid

    And I have lots of those

    You old druid

    Can't rhyme

    I run out of time

    Longest yet

    Am I sub-dated yet

    I am a masochist

    With yellow socks

    Cross-garted dandelion

    Mary Lake locks

    Got nefarious plans up my sleeve

    Now if only everyone would just leave...

    Druid, truant, mox

    1 comments · 219 views
  • 111w, 4d
    The Lack of Time

    I mean that title literally, as you might've noticed that I never published "Time". In fact, it's been almost two months since I finished the first rough draft of it, and since then, I've only bothered to look at the pre-readers notes once or twice, and have never gotten past the first few notes.

    Frankly, I've given up on it. First, there was a period of two weeks or so where the rough draft was finished, but the editing wasn't yet, and I had to wait until that was done, which greatly decreased my interest in the story. But, if that was the only problem, I still would've eventually come around to doing it and we'd probably at least be on Chapter 3 by now. The better reason why it hasn't been published is because I simply think it was a bad idea. The entire premise of the story was far-fetched, and gradually began to make no sense to me as I wondered how this all got to there. I also forced the story in a direction it didn't want to go, and I don't want to take it in the direction it does want to, since I fear that'd make for a boring story. Also, since the story takes place a few decades in the future, I found myself questioning my depiction of where the Mane 6 had ended up, and didn't like the characters either, because of that. Furthermore, I had no idea where to take it after the first chapter. It will not be published in the foreseeable future for all these reasons.

    Also, I'm sorry for going incognito on you guys. My interests had drifted in a different direction in August, as they sometimes do. The pendulum of them is only now starting to swing back around.

    But, you guys do certainly have something to look forward to now. I just wrote a one-shot, and it should be on the site soon. I'll do another blog post on that when it shows up.

    4 comments · 164 views
  • 118w, 1d
    Twilight's New Hobby

    I don't like bait-and-switch stories. They always have the same tired and old storyline...thing that could be interpreted wrongly, thing that could be interpreted wrongly, thing that could be interpreted wrongly, y'know I'm not doing this accidentally, right?, maybe it is the wrong thing, oh wait, no, you were wrong, haha, lets all have a good laugh about how awkward that all was!

    Of course, a better writer can make them better, but it seems like once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. One of my favourite stories that just didn't make the Top 5 on my user page is Twilight's Molestation Celebration, an utterly hilarious parody of this sub-genre, but that's really the only one that I actually like. So, I came up with a short, simple, and to-the-point parody that I decided to write for shits and giggles. It's not my best work, I didn't have anyone look over it before I sent it, and I'm not even sure if the punchline-that-isn't-really-a-punchline will register for everyone. I wrote it in under two hours at 11'o-clock at night, so it's to be expected. But whatever, it accomplises what I set out to do.

    11 comments · 309 views
  • 118w, 2d
    Adult Humour and Time Preview

    *WARNING* This blog post contains spoilers and what FiMFiction has decided classify as mature-rated subjects. *WARNING*

    If you're just here for the preview, check the bottom of this post.

    So, I was happily making myself dinner after I finished reading the latest chapter of Lyra and Bon-Bon's Odd Jobs when I realized that hey, Triple X has adult humour. And I'm the author of Triple X...I should probably be worried about whether or not its rating will get changed...hey, that'd make a good blog post!

    So, after spilling my dinner all over the floor (luckily it was just a microwave one) and making myself a new one, here I am. Now, this whole thing started probably around the time Friendly Uncle started posting his old stories here, eg Fluffershy and Estrus, each one being rated Teen. A story about Lyra and Bon-Bon working in a sperm bank also popped up at around the same time, also rated Teen. Understandably, some people took offense to these stories being rated Teen, and presumably bombarded knighty to do something about it, which he did. Though, then again, this is all assumptions, considering the blog post he made was excruciatingly vague. I personally think this topic deserves more mention than 11 words (unless you count that picture as a 1000, but only you trolls do that).

    Now, deciding what's mature and what isn't is definitely a hard thing to do. It's a very fine line to tread, and you'll get a group of people mad no matter where you set the boundary. That said, I think knighty's decision was actually pretty justified. Chugging sperm and talking about doing it with a cloud cause you don't need lube is, in my opinion, probably crossing that imaginary line. Fluffershy also got changed to mature, though, and that's what makes me worry. No single moment in that story really stood out to me like the other two stories did as something that crosses the line, and there were a lot of times in the story where the humour is about on the same level as Triple X. In Chapter 2 and 3 of my story specifically, multiple types of porn are mentioned, and in Chapter 3, clopping is a discussed subject. Oh yeah, and Chapter 1 has a stripper in it...yeah, my story would probably be rated mature if it was still being read as much as Estrus is now. Seriously, everyone and their grandmother has probably read that thing by now!...Um, guess I should apologize for that mental image.

    But I don't know, maybe knighty did consider my story for a rating change, but decided against it. You could certainly make an argument for it, too. For one, Fluffershy's entire plot (heh, plot) is based only around adult humour, while Triple X has a bit more depth than that. (Mind you, I'm not insulting Friendly Uncle or his stories here; I loved his stories, and I recommend that you guys read them if you haven't already.) Maybe that made it evade knighty's ratinghammer? Or he could've just decided it didn't matter, once again I don't know, due to the brevity of his blog post.

    TL;DR, I'm not mad at knighty, his decisions were justified, and I fear for Triple X and am hoping he doesn't care about it.

    Okay, so now that that's out of the way, I bet a few of you are wondering what the hell happened to the story I talked about when I wrote that blog post. Well, the first chapter's rough draft done now, and in fact, it's been done for a week, but my pre-reader has been lazy in getting around to reading it, so it's not ready to be released yet. So, here's an UNEDITED snippet of the first chapter for your wait. Hopefully, the chapter will be finished ASAP.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A single candle illuminated the parchment, newly wet with ink. A quill levitated in front of it, deftly writing a flurry of words, each one perfectly written despite the speed. As it neared the end of the page, it stopped momentarily, allowing its holder to adjust her glasses.

    Satisfied with their new location, Twilight magicked her paper onto what seemed like an evergrowing stack. When the night was young, it had only been a few pages deep, but it had at least quadrupled in size since then. Yawning, Twilight glanced back up at the tome she was copying, its ancient runes, ineligible to most ponies, looking back at her.

    Twilight reached out with her magic and turned the page, being careful not to damage the fraying papyrus. She squinted at the page number in the top right corner. 483. Twilight had read through this book many times before accepting Celestia’s request for it to be translated, and she knew exactly how much more she’d have to write.

    “Only 127,603 words to go...” she said with a sigh.

    Twilight magicked a new page onto the desk and dipped the quill in her rapidly depleting inkwell. She was about to begin writing again when it dawned on her that a new light source had entered the room. She looked up to her window, and saw Celestia’s sun peaking over the newly-explored eastern reaches of the Everfree, heralding the arrival of a new day.

    Twilight smirked at the sun. “Another all-nighter, huh?”

    5 comments · 152 views
  • ...
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Source

Sly Clop is a laid back slacker who runs one of Ponyville's only porn shops on Soresaddle Street. He is a regular customer of Hard Cider's "gentlecolt's club", the Knife and Apple, where he regularly shoots the breeze with Rainbow Dash, who's seen better days.

One day, his only employee quits, and he's forced to hire a new one, starting a new awkward relationship with Lyra, who needs cash. What follows is a lighthearted fic with dark undertones that I hope you'll enjoy.

And if I haven't convinced you enough by this point, no, this not a clopfic.

New cover image by mickf18 on deviantART (DeusExKane here).

First Published
16th Jan 2012
Last Modified
6th Jun 2012
#1 · 145w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Overall, this is a great fic that's not getting enough attention. Keep going, and you'll get a decent audience in no time.

At the very least, I'll read the rest.

hydra-on-hydra DVD?.....I'll take one of those.

#3 · 145w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

"...THAT I CAN EAT YOUR FUCKING LIMBS"

L

O

L

Please continue, this is a nice slice of life story.

Awesome in a nutshell

#5 · 145w, 3d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

I'm tracking for random reasons.

#6 · 144w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

hm... me gusta

#7 · 144w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

lol...:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#9 · 144w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

This is hilarious. Please, continue.

#10 · 144w, 4d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

awesome, lol.  Really funny, and it's got decent story too.  Hard thing to come by.  Please, continue.

#11 · 144w, 3d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

An excellent blend of adult humor and situational comedy all held together by great writing. While I spotted a misspell here and there (Or just thier lack of identification when asked), everything flowed smoothly and the dialogue between the characters seemed natural and unforced. Overall, it was a great chapter and I can't wait for more.  

#12 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Ironically, they where probably listening to virgin radio

Very good story

Don't say "hand or blow". Don't say "hand or blow".  Don't say "hand or blow".

What's a hand?:trixieshiftright:

#14 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Pffft.... um ponies are always naked? -shrugs- Might read it all eventually...

#15 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

If you had told me 2 years ago that I would be reading a story about a pornshop set in the land of Equestria, from the girls show MLP: FiM, I would have taken you to the mental hospital.

Anyway, good story, it's pretty funny.

*tracks*

Alexstrazsa
Moderator
#16 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

I really enjoy this story. It's humorous, entertaining, and somehow manages to stay tasteful despite the subject matter. Very impressive, author. I'm looking forward to the next chapters, but make sure not to go too far with it. You're tip-toeing on the line as it is!

I really like how he still said "hand" at the end.

But seriously, is this Lyra preoccupied with humans or was that supposed so be "hoof"? (I make this mistake all the time myself, have to admit I'm feeling a bit of schadenfraude coming on pointing it out to somebody else. :scootangel:)

There's also some back-and-forth with the past and present tense, as well as a few minor other items to nitpick at, but all in all I really like your style so far! Will be keeping an eye on this one.

#18 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

This is freaking awesome! Good work. Can't wait for more.

#19 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

At the risk of sounding like a hipster,  I would like to say that I've followed you story since it's first posting and am happy that it got features on EQD. Congrats!

#20 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

>>180313 Dammit! I thought I had gone through the fic and made sure I had fixed the terms, but it seems I missed the most glaringly obvious one! I guess I'll just go and fix it now. Good thing people did notice it in the end.

#21 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

whoa, the rating here is so much higher than on EQD!

#22 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

I can't say I saw this when it first appeared like Hybrid there, but no matter where or who sent me here I'm glad I've read it. Can't think of any constructive criticisms besides what I wrote in the Chapter 1 comment section, least not right now, so I'll leave it at that. Tracking this one for sure.

#23 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

HAHAHAHA :rainbowlaugh:

#24 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

What is the  the most awful, dirty, filthy, foul, gross, horrid, impure, loathsome, nauseating, obscene, outrageous, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, rough, sickening, soiled, unholy, vile, vulgar, porn in the shop? Is it human on Human, right? That s*** is nasty.

#25 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

My friend told me about this, told me it was completely horrid. But it made me curious, will read some time. Hoping for the best :derpytongue2:

#26 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

People always take fics like this WAY too seriously.

#27 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

I'm not ashamed to admit that I found this highly entertaining and eagerly await more =D

#28 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Quite enjoyed what I've read so far, but it's getting late so I'll continue tomorrow. Personally, I love this kind of humor; being tasteful without tiptoeing around "sensitive issues" is a hard thing to do, and you pretty much nail it here.

#29 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Brilliant!! :rainbowlaugh:

#30 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

OK, so after chapter 1 I will say this fic is well written and entertaining enough. The base story is OK, but the presentation of many of the aspects of the story are flat out retarded.

Chapter 1:

Saddlesore Street itself makes no sense. Ponyville isn't big enough to have a street like that. In addition, in a small town like Ponyville it would not make any sense for hookers and druggies to be out and about when they could easily get their jollies either at home or out of town.

Rainbow Dash's story makes absolutely no sense.

Element of Harmony. Personal friend of the Princesses. Only pegasus to perform the Sonic Rainboom. Personally invited to be a Wonderbolt. Cleared training in a year.

Has it all come crashing down because she slept with a teammate? Wut?

Even assuming that's not allowed the fact that Spitfire got off easy? Who is she compared to Dash? A Celebrity? Dash is that plus way more. She's one of the 6 most important ponies in the entire kingdom of Equestria.

At the least she should have formed her own areal team and continued her relationship with Spitfire now that she's not on the team.

This is one of the most contrived premises (for what at this juncture seems an irrelevant plot point) I have ever seen in my life.

"Clop" is not a term to be used in fic, it's a fandom term only.

Is "Vivid White" a human? Why does she have "hands"?

Lyra is not CERULEAN. Cerulean is blue. There is a cerulean green, but she's not that color either. She is SEAFOAM GREEN.

Colgate is Cerulean blue and would have been a much more ironically better choice since she has the same damn cutie mark as Doctor Whooves did.

Chapter 2

You use "filly-fooling" but "gays" instead of "colt-cuddling"?

*Sigh* You would really have to characterize Gilda in the worst possible way.

You realize how silly Griffon on Pony "rape" sounds? They're hindquarters are lion. Lion dicks, like all felines, are really tiny.

Just wanted to say I find it absurd that Equestrian porn is so much more messed up and hardcore than human porn.

Chapter 3

Oh well. At least Lyra's characterization is a COMPLETE retcon of the preexisting fanon.

-----------

Anyway. Considering the stir this is causing on EqD and the reassurances that "All the pre-readers loved it" I am not especially impressed so far.

I will probably continue reading this unless it goes totally off the rails.

It's fine for pure entertainment value, and very well written (I noticed no editing errors at all other than the derped youtube link for the LMFAO vid which you should remove) but I can't see myself giving more than 3 stars at this point just due to the fact that I can't take the premise seriously at all and the plot isn't really interesting to me.

#31 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Pretty good, tacking and 4.5 stars. Laughed a good number of times and congrats on getting on EQD.

BTW.. am I really the ony person who typed in 'hotequestrians.net' into his browser just for the lolz of having done so? Obviously there is no webpage related with it, but I just HAD to look it up.

and as a last side note. You butchered HTML link does not work as intended.(I think, it has to be manualy copy pasted)

Okay, that last section with wheel of fortune and the "hoof or blow" gag made me chuckle. Then, the more I thought about it, the funnier it got. I can't stop laughing. It hurts. Despite the rather... interesting subject/premise of the story, this is pretty damn funny, clever and well written no less!

Other then my inner fan being kinda miffed at what happened to poor Rainbow (seriously, good lord is that ever one wretchedly depressing fall from grace) this was an engaging story that certainly can peak the reader's interests. The mature humor is almost refreshing in a fan base focused on magical pastel colored candy equines frolicking in saccharine magic horse utopia powered by friendship. Them baby ponies gotta get made somehow!

Second favorite gag? THe image of Big Mac skipping out of the store with the little brown paper bag in his mouth, all smiles.

#33 · 143w, 1d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

Annnnnnd... following. I don't know what was better, Gilda's visit (I can fucking eat your LIMBS!) or the TV show gag. God that was funny. Immature and hilariously delivered. Other than the handful of grammatical and syntax errors, and the occasional abuse of caps-lock, these are great.

#34 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

>> DPV111 While I agree with all of the points youve stated, what the heck were you expecting? Try to understand that this is inteded to be read for laughs with low expectations. Kinda like watching Jackass with some friends for kicks. With that said, my interest in this fic didnt really peak till the middle/end of this third chapter.

#35 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

>>180539

No

Fun

Allowed

=======

Anyway. Neat story, gonna keep following this for shits and giggles. (And I am getting a good deal of giggles out of this.)

In contrast to Boring McAnalyst-pants, I believe you've got Gilda more or less down pat. An absolute dick, with no consideration for others. Also, the rest of the plot is feasible. (You know, given that it's centered around the sex industry in a world populated by talking pastel ponies.)

The odd slip-up with grammar and formatting was observed, but the fact that I didn't give a flying [shazbot] about them (despite my almost OCD-like attitude towards said defects in other works), and wanted to keep reading anyway speaks for itself.

Keep it up! It's getting a solid 4.5 from me, bordering on a full 5.

#36 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

this shit is great

you made me spit out mucus when you did the seamen thing

gj, you get a 5

#37 · 143w, 1d ago · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

Usually, I don't approve of stuff like this. But this particular fic is just funny enough to break that trend. Especially all the innuendo on the TV. Well done, sir.

#38 · 143w, 1d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

"You're gonna love my nuts."

no comments.

#39 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Nice job getting this posted on Equestria Daily, I haven't seen such a shitstorm over there in quite a while

#40 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Hahahaha! Yeah, def setting this one on my watch list. 5-Star all the way. :rainbowlaugh:

#41 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

Oh god, my stomach is hurting :rainbowlaugh: Damn this is funny, I'm so tracking this :pinkiehappy:

-Glassed

Vivid White touched her "what" to the screen?

xD Might I recommend a ctrl+f "hand" before you publish?

But that's no biggie. Nice story so far

#43 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

>>180539

Obviously this guy takes his borderline-clopfics VERY seriously and hates being called gay.

And also, in Rainbow Dash's scenario, she WOULD be more important and popular.  That makes what happened even more understandable.  When you're popular, you have to go along with the expectations of the crowd.  I take it you've never been popular yourself, DPV, and that's why you don't get it. :ajsmug:

The story thus far is just... :rainbowlaugh:

There are some mistakes, like the color Captain Frownypants pointed out, but so far I really like it.

:twilightsmile:

#44 · 143w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

haha this was awesome I though I would suffocate from laughing at the end of the fic:rainbowlaugh:

#46 · 143w, 22h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

BEST FUCKING REFERENCE I LOLD SO HARD WITH VINCE OFFER because i watch ytp of him lots and this story pure awesomeness keep it up loving it

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#47 · 143w, 20h ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

This fic is truly amazing. :rainbowlaugh:

#48 · 143w, 20h ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

sude, dis is funneh...

#49 · 143w, 20h ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

A story that has lyra with no bon bon and is straight? is that even allowed?

#50 · 143w, 19h ago · · · Chapter 3 ·

>>180697

Is it wrong to offer a review of a story you like? Or to want a silly story to make sense? I get that the story is not to be taken seriously, but it's still ok to voice my opinion, right?  Plot holes. They're not just for aisle 3.

>>180813

I love fun. Most of my faves are silly comedies. Do you have a reason I shouldn't post a review of a story I read? I'm not telling others what to think or whether to read or not, just my opinions.

Also Gilda is a bitch not a psychopath. It WAS funny but overboard for my taste. YMMV.

>>181404

Obviously this guy takes his borderline-clopfics

This isn't a borderline clopfic. It doesn't even come close... yet.

VERY seriously

It's not that I take the fic seriously. I actually like the writing but have issues with the story, so I offer constructive criticism. Why is that a problem?

and hates being called gay.

LOL. I just asked for consistency in terminology. If you use "fillyfooler" instead of "lesbian" you should use "coltcuddler" instead of "gay". Problem?

And also, in Rainbow Dash's scenario, she WOULD be more important and popular.  That makes what happened even more understandable.  When you're popular, you have to go along with the expectations of the crowd.

Except that 1: it was stated Spitfire was the more popular "face" of the Wonderbolts compared to newbie Dash which is why she stayed and Dash was booted. and 2: I was more referring to the fact that Dash is easily as or more"connected" than Spitfire and wouldn't be snubbed so callously. Elements of Harmony > Wonderbolts.

I take it you've never been popular yourself, DPV, and that's why you don't get it.

And this is the point where I stop respecting you and taking you seriously. Grow up.

There are some mistakes, like the color Captain Frownypants pointed out, but so far I really like it.

I see. You are taking my tone as negative toward the story and getting defensive. Just FYI I actually like this story and the author's writing style. That's why I'm leaving criticism. If I thought the story was crap I wouldn't care enough to type all that.

This is how I show my love

I made it in my mind because

I blame it on my A.D.D. baby

:duck:

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