I looked at Sly with a sense of wonder. I hadn't expected that from him. It's like there's a secret philosophical party inside him, just waiting to burst out!
"Ha!" I yelled, slamming my hooves into the table. "Take that, Rarity! My collection's not 'uncouth', it's an 'acceptance of my carnival desires!'"
Oh, she had called me "weird" when she found my collection of toys and Neighponese porn, but Sly showed her! Y'know, I always thought all the ponies on Soresaddle Street were like that Chineighse pony I always go to. He's a weird one, he is! Brooding and sad one moment, happy and bouncing off the walls the next! Me, I just bounce off the walls all the time. I don't really need that white stuff to do so, but it just feels--
Oh, what's that? You were expecting Sly to narrate? Oh, you meaniefaces...
------------------------------------------------
I slapped my head with a hoof as an uneasy feeling came over me, as if I was being watched. I turned around in my chair, and tried to find the spy, but nothing seemed out of place. I brushed it off though, and tried to get the errant thoughts about Pinkie's "collection" out of my mind. There was certainly no use in telling her that it's "carnal", not "carnival".
Rarity studiously ignored Pinkie's outburst, and directed her attention to me. "That's certainly an...interesting way to look at things," she said as she sloshed the liquid in her mug around.
"Actually," said Twilight. "I think it's a rather smart way to look at things. Now that I look back on it, I guess I have felt those 'desires' before, but I wasn't sure how to act on them. Maybe I'll visit your store later and--"
Applejack slammed her mug into the table, her cheeks flushed red. "Twah! I think you know that you should stop talking about something when Ah start feeling awkward about it."
"Oh...right," said Twilight, blushing. Pinkie Pie giggled a little at this.
Suddenly, I remembered something. "Oh yeah, Pinkie, you said you had been on Soresaddle Street before?"
"Yeah, I did! I'm there all the time!" said the pretty pink party pony.
"But, why?"
"I have a super duper nice friend there. He can be a little bit creepy sometimes, but he always has what I'm looking for!"
"And what'd that be?"
"Oh Sly," said Pinkie, waving my question away with a hoof. "I can't just tell you. That'd be way too blatant and strange! Think of the readers, Sly! It's much better to keep them guessing a little bit. Plus, it means more material for later chapters, which means more screentime for me, which means more PARTIES!" Pinkie lifted her hooves in the air and looked at me as she said her last word. A small cloud of confetti somehow erupted behind her, punctuated by a kazoo.
Wait, what? And how the--
Rainbow Dash interrupted my thoughts. "Don't try to get a proper answer out of her; Pinkie's Pinkie."
I lifted up a hoof to make an argument, but then decided against it. Maybe the Element of Laughter was all that she was cracked up to be. Or maybe she was just cracked up.
I took another swig of cider, feeling the golden brew run down my throat. Wow, this stuff is good.
Applejack caught me in my sudden state of euphoria. "Like the cider, Slah?"
"Ahh, it's heavenly!" I said, looking up to the skies. Pinkie Pie and her eccentricities had been dispelled to the farthest reaches of my mind.
Applejack gave me a warm smile, and looked around at how all her other friends were doing with their drinks. When she got to one particular pony, she suddenly looked perplexed. "What's wrong Fluttershah? Why aren't you drinking yer cider?"
"Um...I did drink a little bit..." said Fluttershy, blushing.
"And how was it?" asked Applejack.
"It was...nice."
Even with my short time with them, it hadn't taken me long to figure out that to Fluttershy, "nice" meant "mind-numbingly awful".
"Do you ever drink?" I asked curiously.
"No, not really," she responded. "I've heard of the effects it can have on some ponies, and I don't don't want to risk losing control." Her eyes shifted to Rainbow, then quickly away.
"Ah, come on Fluttershy!" I said, raising my mug in the air. "Have a little fun! What's the worst that could happen?"
"The last and really only time I ever drank anything was in my final year at flight school...some ponies I didn't know too well invited me to a party, and I tried a cup...but I don't remember any of the party after that."
"Well," said Twilight. "What did the other guests say happened?"
Fluttershy hung her head lower. "I never asked. All I remember was that when I woke up in my bed, I had a sore throat and a hoof cramp. I think I did something bad."
"Fluttershy, you can't just assume that! That's not logical."
"I guess it isn't...but what if--"
Twilight groaned. "Don't say 'what if', Fluttershy! It isn't rational to think like that. Trust me, there's nothing to worry about." Twilight took a long drink of cider, a blush starting to appear on her face. "I never drank until I came to Ponyville and went for a drink with Rarity, but I was fine! I'm a great drunk, ain't I, Rarity?" Twilight elbowed Rarity in the ribs, more than a little too hard.
"Yes..." said Rarity through gritted teeth as she held a hoof to her side. "A perfect one..."
Braeburn failed to pick up Rarity's sarcasm. "Yeah, I'm sure yer just being paranoid," he said, his face red from the cider.
Fluttershy sighed. "I guess...um, bottoms up?" She looked at Rainbow, then squeezed her eyes shut as she took a big swig from her mug.
I gave her a supportive smile. I was going to say something more, but Rarity, who had now recovered from Twilight's jab, had started off on a story about a celebrity she recently had to design a suit for, and I'm not sure why, but I found myself fascinated by it.
------------------------------------------
"Would ya look at that sunset!" said Applejack, a hoof pointed at the brilliant display of orange hues on the western horizon. "Beautiful. Just beautiful."
I smiled, and appreciated the marvel myself. The bellies of the western clouds had purpled in the onrushing twilight, even as the sun coloured their heads with fire. One of them was positioned in such a way that crepuscular rays shone down right through it, illuminating the strange beauty of the Everfree Forest. A rainbow of colours sang forth among the trees.
The rest of the group was also staring out into it, their eyes captivated by Celestia's marvel. Only after a good minute or two did somepony finally break the silence. "Band'll be here any minute now," said Applejack.
"Wait, a band?" I asked.
"Yeah. Don't tell me Ah didn't tell y'all about it!"
We all shook our heads. Applejack looked appalled at herself. "Well, shucks. Guess Ah give mahself too much credit...anyways, the band'll be here soon."
"But where will they play?" I asked. A band was nice and all, but really, I wasn't sure their presence was really needed. Looking around at the rest of the party, everypony who wasn't in the loop looked like they were all getting ready to go. No pony at all was wearing a frown on their face.
The rest of the group gave me a strange look. Rainbow pointed a hoof behind me. "Really, Sly?" she deadpanned.
I turned around and saw a medium-sized stage no more than five feet behind me. The band was now arriving, and was getting their instruments set up on it. I facehoofed.
The band's bassist and drummer had their backs turned to us as they set up their instruments. Rainbow squinted at the stage, trying to get a better look at the two stallions. "Who are they?" She put a hoof on her chin, and eyed the band up and down. "I know I've seen them before..."
"Heh, of course you've seen 'em before," said Applejack. "They're The--"
Applejack was cut off by a loud gasp from Rainbow. "The Offspring!! Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh, omigosh, omigosh!"
"The who?" I asked.
Rainbow's eyes bugged out. "No Sly, not The Who! The Offspring! How could you confuse the two in the first place!? The Offspring are only the most underappreciated band of the last like, forever! Really, they make all these awesome songs, and they constantly go unnoticed or get upstaged by Green Day! Like seriously, what has Green Day made in the last like, five years!"
I looked at Rainbow strangely, surprised at her sudden outburst. "Uh...okay," I said. Really, I had no idea who Green Day was. Or The Who for that matter. Green Day's kind of an androgynous name...I wonder if he's a stallion or a mare?
A stallion then approached our table, and Rainbow let out a fangirl squeal. "Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh, omigosh, omigosh! It's Dexter Coltland!"
The pony nodded politely at Rainbow, and started whispering something to Applejack. Rainbow Dash made a scowling face at that. I guess she wanted this Dexter guy to whisper in her ear. I'm really happy he didn't, though. My eardrums probably wouldn't survive another squeal like that.
A grim expression then washed over Applejack's face. She sighed. "I'm sorry, everypony, but it looks like Dexter here won't be singing tonight."
"What!? Why!?" yelled Rainbow Dash, scowling more than she was before.
"It can't be helped," said Applejack. "Dexter here has a frog in his throat, and he says he can't sing for all the cider barrels in the whole of Equestria."
Rainbow Dash groaned, followed by a slam of her hooves on the table. "Well, fuck! The Offspring isn't anything without Dexter! This concert's going to be lame..." She sighed. "Sorry for swearing, Flutters...wait, where'd she go?"
We all stared at the vacant chair. Fluttershy was nowhere to be found. I didn't think any of us noticed when she left.
"Aah! Fluttershy's a ghost!" screamed Pinkie before ducking behind her chair.
"She's not a ghost, Pinkie," said Twilight. "She just...disappeared without a trace..."
"Oh, this is all my fault! I should've been watching her more closely!" said Rarity, getting out of her chair. An aura of blue surrounded her horn, and a chaise lounge appeared out of nowhere. She threw herself onto it in the most ladylike manner possible, her eyes now also bursting with tears. "I started off with that whole stupid story about that gorgeous suit I had to design for that stupid Brad Coltt! I got so caught up in it, I failed to notice my darling Fluttershy had gone astray! What if she's inebriated? Completely smashed, maybe! I bet all the stallions are hitting on her left and right, and she doesn't have any idea what to do! That poor, sweet, innocent child! Of all the things that could happen, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!!"
What a drama queen. Though, I had to admit, I was pretty worried about Fluttershy, too. That sweet little angel wouldn't be able to handle one stallion when she's sober, but when drunk? What would happen then?
Pinkie Pie shared my fears...sort of. "What if she exploded! And then exploded again!"
A dreadful silence descended upon the group for a few seconds, each one of us trying not to think of all the horrible things a stallion could do to Fluttershy. But our thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a voice directly behind me.
"Sorry to disappoint you, Pinkie, but the only thing exploding tonight will be your eardrums!"
I turned around, only to get blasted in the face with what Rainbow Dash would call a "wicked guitar shred." The player of the guitar stunned me more, though. Easily standing on two legs, with her wings splayed and her mane disheveled was none other than Fluttershy. She was wearing heavy amounts of eyeliner, as well, and had had the time to dye her bangs black. A guitar was strapped around her neck, and a microphone was standing beside her. Behind her, the rest of the band was cowering in fear.
"Helloooooooo Apples, guests, and assorted shitbags!" shouted Fluttershy into the microphone. Everypony who hadn't been looking at her before was doing so now. "I'm Fluttershy, they're The Offspring, and tonight, we're here to FUCKING ROCK YOUR WORLD!"
Dead silence fell over the crowd. The bassist turned to the drummer with a disturbed look on his face. "Oh Celestia," he said. "We are so fucked."
At that, the crowd erupted into terrified screams. "Okay, how many drinks did she have?" I yelled to Applejack over the din.
"Ah don't know. Ah thought we were all out when Ah grabbed ma last, though, and she hadn't started on her first yet!"
"And what's your cider's alcohol level?"
"About 3%!"
"Yeah, this makes perfect sense."
"Ooh, nice lampshade hanging, Sly," commented Pinkie Pie.
I turned to look at Fluttershy again, and saw that she had an annoyed look on her face. Suddenly, her eyes grew to the size of saucers, and I felt something piercing my heart. A wave of silence washed over the audience.
Everypony now had their eyes glued to the stage, mostly in fear. Fluttershy grinned maliciously at us, like a cat staring at a particularly excitable mouse.
The band's drummer tapped out a beat with his sticks nervously, but before the song started, the pony-who-I'm-not-sure-could-still-be-called-Fluttershy gave him a stern look, causing him to tap out the beat slightly faster. The song began.
"Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time," sang Fluttershy.
"And turning all against the one is an art that's hard to teach," The drum boomed in the back.
"Another clever word sets off an unsuspecting herd,
"And as you step back in the line, a mob jumps to their feet," The fallen angel sang like hell.
"Now dance, fucker, dance, yeah, he never had a chance,
"And nopony even knew, it was really only you," This was awesome.
"And now you steal away," The crowd had been stunned into silence.
"Take him out today," Pinkie Pie let out a whoop.
"Nice work, you did," A few smiles showed in the crowd.
"You're gonna go far, kid." "You rock, Fluttershy!" screamed Rainbow Dash.
As the guitar strummed, the crowd erupted into cheers.
"With a thousand lies and a good disguise,
"Hit 'em right between the eyes, hit 'em right between the eyes,
"When you walk away, nothing more to say,
"See the lightning in your eyes, see 'em running, for their lives!" Panting, Fluttershy struck a pose, eliciting more cheers from the crowd.
"Slowly outta line, and drifting closer in your sights," A bass joined the ensemble.
"So play it out, I'm wide awake, it's a scene about me," At "me," Fluttershy cocked a hip seductively.
"There's something in your way, and now somepony's gonna pay," "You're awesome, 'Shy!" screamed RD.
"And if you can't get what you want, well, it's all because of me," With a hoof, 'Shy motioned for RD to come onstage.
"Now dance, fucker, dance, yeah, I never had a chance," Fluttershy bent her head over the mike and strummed fiercely, her wings rising to full extension.
"And nopony even knew, it was really only you,"
"And now you'll lead the way," Rainbow made her way onstage.
"Show the light of day," Grinning, Fluttershy threw Rainbow a spare mike.
"Nice work you did," Fluttershy nodded at Dash and lowered her wings.
"You're gonna go far, kid," She pointed at Dash and flared her wings sharply.
"Trust deceived!" belted out Rainbow, on cue.
"With a thousand lies and a good disguise,
"Hit 'em right between the eyes, hit 'em right between the eyes,
"When you walk away, nothing more to say,
"See the lightning in your eyes, see 'em running, for their liiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiives!"
Fluttershy panted heavily, and her wings sagged, but she still was able to strum her guitar like it was a naughty filly. She glanced sidelong at Rainbow, who decided now was the time for an impromptu aerial trick. She rose up and did a quick loop-de-loop. Unfortunately, she was tipsy enough that she messed up the trajectory, and it looked like she would ram right into the strumming Fluttershy. A quick swerve, and she instead knocked over the mike. The next few lines would start any second now. Rainbow was quickly back on her feet, though, and with the mike in hoof, and a quick nod from Fluttershy, the lyrics continued.
"Now dance, fucker, dance, he never had a chance," Luckily, it seemed Rainbow knew the song by heart.
"And nopony even knew, it was really only you." Rainbow's gravelly voice gave a completely different feel to the song.
"So dance, fucker, dance, I never had a chance," Fluttershy quickly put the spare mike into her stand.
"It was really only you," Fluttershy was just in time, strumming a few chords. Rainbow motioned for 'Shy to sing again.
"With a thousand lies and a good disguise,
"Hit 'em right between the eyes, hit 'em right between the eyes,
"When you walk away, nothing more to say,
"See the lightning in your eyes, see 'em running, for their lives!
"Clever alibis, Lord of the Flies,
"Hit 'em right between the eyes, hit 'em right between the eyes,
"When you walk away, nothing more to say,
"See the lightning in your eyes, see 'em running, for their lives!" Fluttershy strummed her final few chords, bringing the song to its end.
The crowd erupted into cheers. Fluttershy crouched onto the ground, exhausted from her performance. Rainbow Dash bowed again and again. Once again, she's back on top of the world.
The other band members also took a few bows. They wiped their brows, and their nervous looks dissipated, relieved that they weren't under the glare of Mistress Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash, finished receiving her adoration, stuck out a hoof to Fluttershy, who gracefully accepted her help. I would never have expected the party to end like this. Strange what a single cup of cider can do to a mare.
Applejack, Dexter, and the rest of the group were equally amazed at the performance. Even Rarity, who had been covering her ears against the sonic barrage, eventually warmed up to the music, and was now cheering as loudly as anypony in the crowd. Awesomeness and friendship conquered all musical tastes, it seemed. Twilight, as you would expect, was jotting down a plethora of notes with a summoned parchment and quill. Braeburn had been rendered speechless, and Pinkie Pie for once couldn't think of what to say. All she could do was watch the couple of ponies walk down the steps at the side of the stage.
As amazed as we were now, though, what came next was even more breathtaking. On the steps, Rainbow turned to Fluttershy. Fluttershy flashed Rainbow one of the seductive smiles she'd been showing most of the song. And then suddenly, they locked lips.
Well...wasn't expecting that.
----------------------------------------------------
Author's Note
Another chapter in the books. Or fanfics, really. This was kind of an experimental chapter for me, just trying out a few things, like the song and Pinkie Pie stealing the perspective. These won't become normal things, definitely, but I like how both turned out. I really hope that I made everything the right speed, but it still read well. If you didn't put on the song in the first place, I really suggest you do, it's awesome. From the beginning of writing Chapter 6, I knew the Reunion would have a song in it, but I really had no idea what the song would be. Early considerations included Rockstar by Nickelback (too much mentioning of cars and planes) and My Name Is by Eminem (a bit too vulgar, and I hate listening to clean versions of anything). In the end I chose this song because 1. It's awesome, 2. It contains the right amount of profanity, so people are surprised at it coming out of Fluttershy's mouth, and 3. There was already a pony music video for it. I didn't make it, definitely. The song is You're Gonna Go Far, Kid by The Offspring, though you should've already figured that out.
If anyone was gonna hate on me in the comments about RD's view on Green Day, then let me say that I have no problem at all with Green Day. RD just loves The Offspring, and figures that because of that, she has to hate their rival. She was basically talking shit. I couldn't actually make someone point that out, though, as no other pony I think would have any knowledge of Green Day. I'm well aware that Green Day's made something since American Idiot. Though, I did kind of get that from real life, as five years ago, when I was in Grade 5, there was this group of girls who had a crush on Billie Joe, and they swooned about Green Day a lot, but in Grade 6, I switched schools, and no one cared about Green Day there.
Random asides aside, I have to thank NorsePony and Smash King24 for prereading again. I'm really happy for them to be on the team. Someone has also started doing a reading of Triple X on YouTube, and it looks like it's off to a promising start. I wonder what he'll do when he sees this chapter, though, with the song and all?
Anyways, see ya guys soon.
First? AWESOME
and so was the story
The Offspring's "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid"? I remember when that song was(is still) the shit..
Good times man. I don't listen to them as much but I'll have to pick up that song now 'cause you went and reminded me of it.
BTW, the original music video's pretty bangin' too..
Anyways. That was a good chapter, the Pinkie part didn't feel stretched or unnatural and Fluttershy's inebriation wasn't hackneyed or completely predictable..
It's nice to see Rainbow recover so well from such a long period of absence too.
What's a Green Day?
286806 Third!
:P I liek it
Buck yeah, We've all been waiting for this.
"Twah", "Slah", "Fluttershah", I love how you spell out the way Applejack says their names. As long as songs don't become an every-chapter occurrence, I don't mind them. It's been a while since I heard it but You're gonna go far, kid is really catchy, I couldn't help but sing along while reading the lyrics. Thanks for yet another great chapter
Most excellent chapter.
normally I hate songs that accompany fics...
this one was beautiful
keep it up!
Nice new chapter. And great song too, love it.
Wasn't expecting that.
I maintain my point of view: Ponies and alcahol mix, PERFECTLY. I wan't a drunk Fluttershy! And I wan't it NOOOOOOW!
Flutterock? Looks like I have a new Fluttershy ponysona to love!
Not bad... not bad at all.
aww hell awsome chapter, great choice of the song!! i was wondering why fluttershy kept looking at rainbow dash, also didnt know fluttershy swung that way. also i so want a Flutterrock picture
Great work, I loved the scene before the song started. The song was kind of unexpected, but fitted very well.
287115 here you go
dl.dropbox.com/u/506962/mlp--/rock.png
THAT> WAS> EPIC.
One thing I love more then anything in fanfics, is when author's add a song. Great job
Oh god Pinkie is a druggie isn't she.
Also, WTFluttershy.
Oh my God, if FS did a Marilyn Manson song, I would've shit a brick XD. The Offspring is good, too, though lol. The sped-up version you posted makes the original sound painfully slow, though lmao.
when i heard the sore throat thing with fluttershy my mind went to horrible places that god she just turned out to be a kickass rockstar
Only way Fluttershy could have been more awesome would have been if she had done... hmmm, no she had the perfect levels of awesome. The kiss at the end was a nice touch. Pinkie being the narrator at first threw me for a loop. The song was wonderful and great all around.
I look forward to the next instalment.
LOL. Epic chapter. I hope Pinkie's words about plenty more chapters (especially involving her) turns out to be true. I could read this fic forever bro. KEEP IT UP.
that song was a right good addition ta this reunion
one of my personal favorite songs so this fic just jumped to 20% cooler
This was jarring, to say the least.
In one chapter, you abused Pinkie's 4th wall antics, implied that she's a drug-using freak, included a band gratuitously and shipped two mane characters.
The humor of this fic was much more clever than that, I'm disliking this until the next chapter.
That was beautiful. The words and the music matched pacing perfectly, so that the block of descriptions and the guitar riffs in the middle matched in timing, and I got back to the lyrics right when the song did.
This isn't a fanfic. It's a multimedia artistic experience. I can only describe this chapter as fun. Fun in content, fun to read, fun to listen to. Rock on, 'Shy. Rock on.
Chapter 7:
That was awesome. I have to wonder if you were under any kind of influence when writing this though, which made me laugh harder. Not so much a fan of pinkie's regular 4th wall murdering antics in written form myself but the part with the song had me singing along with it as I too love the band Offspring. They put on one hell of a concert I might add.
Keep it up. love reading this stuff
The offspring? Alright, that's it.
*reaches through computer screen and gives you Cuban Cigar*
Keep it, you've earned it.
Wowzers. Far and away the best chapter yet.
For my 2 cents worth of constructive criticism, I think the 'lampshade hanging' breaking of the fourth wall was one too many and poorly executed. I say it was one too many because when I read it, it felt stale. I say it was poorly executed because I didn't think there was a need to hang a lampshade. From my understanding (based on tvtropes) you only need to hang a lampshade when a plot point threatens the reader's willing suspension of disbelief; however, since you had already characterized Fluttershy as a pony who really was affected by alcohol, her acting extremely drunkenly after having very little alcohol already made sense.
Aside from that, while some of the tactics you used, eg. breaking the fourth wall, may have been a bit too heavy handed, I enjoyed them.
It has been really fun reading this, because every chapter gets progressively better. As an illustrative example, I really didn't like what you did with the music in chapter 3. It distracted me from the story without adding anything to it; I also didn't like the music itself, and the human/pony lyrics differential was too much. On the other hand, you clearly put a lot of time into working the music into this chapter, in such a way that it added to the chapter. I really enjoyed reading along to the music, and appreciate you putting in enough narration so I could keep up with what was going on outside of the lyrics, but little enough that I didn't ever need to stop the song to read everything that was happening. Very well done. This chapter is what moved me to change my original 4/5 star rating on Equestriadaily to 5/5.
Also, you easily update the fastest of all the fics that I'm waiting for updates on. Since there is clearly no compromise in quality due to this speed, I really do appreciate it, although if publishing your best requires more time, I will happily wait.
Some thoughts for the future: I hope you have some idea of where this is going. I have read, and am in the middle of reading, a few fics which, like this one, have a bunch of chapters which are fun, but don't seem to be going anywhere. After each chapter which doesn't really seem to move towards an ultimate goal, I find it harder to come back for the next set of events which doesn't go anywhere larger. Examples: Getting Lucky by Chicken Vortex had its first few chapters, which were fun, not really go much of anywhere and existed by rule of funny alone; however, since there was a clear place it was going set in chapter 1, I was engaged throughout and, while having the fun, I was eager to see where it was going. Contrast this to Bobcat's Fair Weather Friends, which doesn't really seem to have a direction its going in; as a result, I really only 'finished' it because of how much I like stuff that Bobcat has written. I did enjoy it, but as the chapter progressed and the plot didn't seem to be going anywhere, I progressively lost interest and, had Bobcat not abandoned it after 5 chapters, I probably would have given up on it eventually. You have managed to keep me engaged in this so far because you are getting progressively better as a writer. I'm going to guess there will be a limit to how long you can keep on progressing to get better, though. Assuming your growth as a writer does have a limit, this leaves us with three options: (1) you continue to write about what happens in Sly's life until nobody is interested in hearing about it because there is no endpoint, (2) you abandon the fic because there is no ending point in sight or (3) you start writing towards an endgoal. You don't need to write towards an end immediately, but if you don't, I'm predicting that people will eventually stop reading.
Thank you for writing this awesome fic.
fluttershy you so awesome =3
Um... okay.
287163
where did ya find that pic!?
I was singing along with Fluttershy. I know I'm not the only one.
Also I love this fic so much
trans-fucking-cendent my friend. lampshade hanging indeed, but fluttershy apparently needs little encouragement to let her hair down and let go of her inhibitions.
Awesome chapter! I'm just going to say that it felt... a bit different from your other chapters. This one seemed more fast paced and almost rushed compared to your other chapters. I'm not saying I don't like it, it just feels really different in my opinion. Still great story!
So, I have been listening to the Faster version of that for a couple weeks non stop. Love that you worked it into the story! Win! Win1 Everywhere a WIN!!
Not sure about this chapter. Basically, what Marty said.
Specifics
I dislike 4th wall breaking in any story that's not explicitly silly. And this one isn't. It has themes including work ethic, failure, and self-awareness; a relationship between two cleverly-crafted OC's (Lyra doesn't have a canon personality, so she's you're character); and the story of Rainbow's descent and reunion with her friends. No matter how subtly you do it (and this chapter might be the antithesis of subtle), any 4th wall antics will seem out of place to me. I know Pinkie's actions are "canon" (from 2 or 3 episodes), but I very mush disagree with the use of her in this chapter. Pinkie's stealing of the narrator position is especially heinous.
Also, I have a feeling that you just really wanted to use the "lampshade hanging" line somewhere and threw it in at random (I've been guilty of the same thing). As Lord said, Fluttershy was already characterized as a bit of a crazy drunk. So that means the part of the plot that required suspension of disbelief--what Sly points out--is the fact that Fluttershy had just one mug of 3% cider to get her smashed. Which means YOU ADDED THAT DETAIL JUST TO MAKE FUN OF HOW IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE! So that right there was two (in my eyes) writing faux pas rolled into one.
As for ponies drunk overall, I guess I don't have a problem with it. Fluttershy could be like that; we don't know.
Twilight telling Fluttershy to drink? Even if Twilight doesn't condone alcohol, she would never try to make her friend do something she didn't want to when it comes to drugs (drug=substance with physiological effects, to explain my terminology.)
Fluttershy is a guitar pro? Why... how...but... HERE'S a lampshade.
References to bands without even pun-ning the names? That was almost as awkward as Pinkie addressing the readers. I understand that you wanted to use a real song, but still. Non-ponified real-world inserts don't sit well with me.
FS and RD's kiss? As long as it was a drunk kiss: fine. But if this turns into shipping I'm probably leaving. Two reasons: the incompatibility of their personality types and the fact that this is supposed to be a story about Sly.
And the humor seemed to degenerate in terms of sophistication in comparison to previous ones. In addition to the plot cohesion, the sensibility of this story, and well.... this chapter didn't fit in with the rest of the story at all. I'm sorry; I really disliked it.
Overall
A few errant commas (overused and sometimes in place of (semi)/colons); but these hardly detract from the story.
The wordage was great as always.
But the biggest aspect of this story about which I'm concerned is the plot. I've seen too many stories where authors start without knowing the end. They write just to write, and the plot deviates more and more from what was introduced in the earliest chapters. I hope this does not go the same route, and returns to a story about Sly (and Lyra). I apologize if I'm mistrusting you because you're about to return to that: I'm just vocalizing my concerns.
Now don't misread this. I greatly enjoy this story. The fact that I'm spending so much time reviewing it means I think it's worthy of my time (jeez that sounds pompous ). Keep on writing this; I dearly hope you'll return to your roots soon.
shes a rockstar, lol
Very good indeed.
However, I miss Lyra.
I think we need to get back to the relationship between Sly and Lyra again in the next chapter.
Just saying
But great chapter
286819
It's a day when you decide to wear green tinted sunglasses for 24 hours.
Also, great chapter.
288609 This. So much this.
I would recommend rewriting the entire chapter asap.
Not really, just tune down your Pinkie and try not to mess with the mane characters gratuitously. You gave a sufficient backstory to turn Rainbow Dash into a drunkard, but Fluttershy being a drunk lesbo and Pinkie being a junkie with superpowers out of nowhere doesn't fit.
Also, I noticed, the plot advanced in terms of nothing. Which is a good thing, I can take this chapter as non-canon.
If the kiss is just a kiss, it will be overlooked and add nothing to the plot. If it turns into shipping, so long for Sly.
Few typos: ( grammar Nazi mode activated)
"I've heard of the effects it can have on some ponies, and I don't don't want to risk losing control."
"cider barrels in the whole of equestria. "
"The band was arriving, and was setting up their instruments." 'band' is singular whereas their is a plural possessive.
DANCE DANCE
And it came out in-sync with the new Flutterrage episode
The Offspring...shit band, underappreciated and unrecognized my ass. Practically .01% of the world listens to the Liquid DnB genre but whatever, everyone has their own taste in music even if some are generic and stereotypical.
Ugh, a songfic. :rainbowbarf:
This kind of thing just falls utterly flat for everybody who doesn't think that the chosen band/song is the coolest thing since sliced bread, plus it creates a huge gap in the narrative where the author engages in self-indulgent namedropping instead of advancing the story. Readers' reactions are going to be based on 'Hey I know that band and I think they're cool too!', instead of anything in the actual story.
Drunk ponies are always lots of fun, though.
Oh god, dat ending.
Magnificent as always.
*applaudes chapter* yay! Now give me more
This fic... THIS FIC
You, sir, have a new, super-duper-loyal tracker.
Rocking chapter, both descriptively and literally. Loved that PMV since it got uploaded way back when. Keep up the epic work, and don't mind the haters any more'n ya have.
Well, it seems that Rainbow Dash got Her "Self Esteem" back.
Cheers if you saw the reference to another song.
Also, great chapter! I would never have expected that out of Fluttershy, but it just goes to show that friends (or more than friends) care about each other, even when under the influence. Keep up the chapters (and the quality), and I can wait to read Chapter 8 when it's ready.
@My Previous Post
can't wait*
If I could wait, I'd die :C.