"My life has long since fell apart. I have no one left to love, everypony has abandoned me, and im gray and lifeless.
None of my friends even remember me..or do they still care,even after all these years?"
This is a sequel of Edfan1337's story,Time Stand Still. That story is one of my favorites and moved my heart in a way to make a story based off of it. Its based of the assumption of what happens if Fluttershy is still alive even though its implied(or she really did) that she died in the original.
Its highly encouraged that you read the original to gain an understanding of whats happening in this one.
Link to the original story-------->http://www.fimfiction.net/story/51821/time-stand-still
I'd like to thank Edfan1337 for giving me permission for me to do this :3 i hope you enjoy!
This was.... depressing? I don't like how you typed this thing up. It seems a bit off to me. I noticed several errors in grammar. It's not trans versed it's traversed. It wasn't exactly worded the best so I'm gonna give this a 5/10. It still needs some work.
Also first.
i was never too good at writing stories haha xD
I'm definitely going to be keeping track of this one. Like Impressme said, there are a couple of grammar and spelling mistakes, in particular the lack of apostrophes to show possession and an apparent lack of spacing in front of commas. However, I like how descriptive you are and do see a lot of potential. I suggest reading over the story several times before posting; it helps not only to pick out errors, but it also helps you find plot holes that you might not have caught while writing. If you don't have a keen eye for finding mistakes, finding a proofreader is a pretty good alternative.
Thanks for making a sequel to my story; it means a lot to me that someone actually liked my work enough to begin a whole spin-off. I hope you can take this criticism constructively and really make this story memorable.
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Getting a proofreader would be nice xD Thanks for the tips! ^-^ I do hope my writing gets better with time and my chapters get longer :3 And i'll try my hardest to make this a great story! xD
Both are really good stories more? please?
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I'm slow on making chapters >>
I promise to try to get another chapter out sometime this week xD