Lest There Be Light

by MonoGlyph

Doubt?

Spike quietly got up and, standing on his tiptoes, peeked over the tall grass surrounding him. Even with his eyes slitted, he could not make out anything further than two or three feet away in any direction. The buzzing of the rotmites had subsided and he felt reasonably safe. Unless... Could this garden be home to another creature as dangerous as the rotmites? Or—he shivered—perhaps something even worse?

A breeze danced through the vegetation like fingers caressing the hair of a loved one. The only sound he heard was the gentle rustling of the grasses in the wind. After spending so long inside the lifeless building, he found the scent of nature to be startling, almost overwhelming. He felt alone. The only reminder of how he’d come here and for what purpose was the antique blowing horn he clutched in his hands.

He cleared his throat.

“Guys? You there?”

There was movement in the brush as the six ponies resurfaced, squinting in the light. They seemed unharmed, as was Spike.

“Twice in one day,” said Rainbow Dash. “Lucky us, huh Pinkie?”

“No wonder nopony wants to work here!” Pinkie exclaimed. “This place needs an exterminator bad. I remember, back in the day, Sugarcube Corner had a termite infestation. That was the worst! Except it wasn’t, really, because termites don’t grow to be the size of a gerbil!”

“I agree,” said Rarity. “We should leave this place post-haste.”

She turned to try and address Twilight.

“Did the reviewer specify where we could find this telephone pole you mentioned...? Twilight? Are you listening?”

Fluttershy remembered seeing something like a pole outside when she first awoke in the Bureau. However, her spatial reasoning was all but in tatters after navigating the mazelike innards of the building, and she could not deduce its position. She scanned the horizon for any signs of the landmark.

“Is... Is that it?”

It was a faint suggestion of an outline with what may have been others further off. They waited for confirmation from Twilight, but none came. She might have shrugged, but the gesture was lost in the light.

“Let’s investigate,” Rarity suggested. “And do liven up, all of you. We’re almost done here; we’re almost home.”

The rolling grasslands were interrupted periodically by thorny bushes, brambles and the like, but there was not one tree anywhere to be seen. Numerous flowers of varying families and hues dotted the landscape. As they walked they saw vibrant yellow roses and daisies as well as other, lesser known flowers that Twilight would have identified as phlox and calliopsis. The party respectfully stayed back from the flowers; all except Pinkie that is, who could not resist sniffing some of the more fragrant breeds.

As they were nearing the post, Applejack abruptly became aware that something, someone may have been missing, but the light made it difficult to make a visual check.

“‘Ey. I think... Did we lose somepony? Fluttershy, are you there?”

“Yes.”

“Pinkie, you’re still here, right?”

“Yep, I’m here!”

“Rarity?”

“Present, of course.”

“Twilight?”

This time there was no response.

“Aw, shoot. Did she get lost somewhere? How’re we ever gon’ find her in this overgrown patch?”

“Perhaps we can arrange for her to find us instead,” said Rarity.

“How d’you mean?”

Rarity gestured towards the blowing horn Spike was holding.

“Wait a second,” Spike protested. “You remember what that scythe of yours did back there, don’t you? Are you sure this is a good idea? Can’t we just meet her at the telephone pole?”

One of Twilight’s earlier remarks echoed unsolicited in Fluttershy’s head.

Make no mistake; if there are gods, they undoubtedly envy us for our mortality.

She spared a nervous glance for Rainbow Dash before her eyes gravitated back towards the ground.

“What’s the matter, Fluttershy?”

“I’m worried.”

***

Twilight stood well away from the others; she’d wandered off at her first opportunity. While this wasn’t something she would normally consider, today she felt... different. The coming of the winter with the first proper snowfall since last year, the kidnapping, Spike’s brush with death in the closet, the dull gray viscera of the Charon Bureau; it had all gotten to her. She thought she might clear her head alone. And yet, now that she was alone, she felt worse than ever. The vast silhouette of the Bureau behind her, the blinding void just ahead; and in between, a vibrant field of green, full of life. Was there a practical reason for the existence of the field or was it only here for the benefit of departing spirits? She looked around wistfully. Peaks of spiralling wormwood stood watching over the flowing grass below. Flowers of narcissus and love-lies-bleeding swayed gently in the breeze. She began walking on a whim, heedless of her direction or purpose. There was no trail to follow, after all. Her mind began to settle, filling with the rhythmic whispering of the grass beneath her hooves.

She felt the air move before hearing the beating of wings. A voice interrupted the sound of her footfalls.

“Twilight! Where do you think you’re going?”

Twilight pivoted in place to see Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy touch down behind her. They seemed out of place; unwanted. She considered how best to answer. The awkward silence wore on, inflated, surrounding them.

“I don’t know,” she finally said.

In the wake of her words, the silence neared its bursting point.

“Were you... Are you... leaving us?” asked Fluttershy.

Their eyes met for a split second before Twilight looked away. She felt warm. Ashamed.

“I don’t know,” she repeated wretchedly.

“What kind of answer is that?” demanded Rainbow Dash. “Since when do you not know something?” There was a momentary crack in her voice. “I won’t let you go. I screwed up once already, I won’t have this eat away at me.”

“Rainbow—”

“What?”

“I’m not...” she floundered, trying to find some way to say it without sounding trite. Abruptly, she decided it didn’t matter. “I’m not like you. I’m weak. Some days I can barely cope.”

“With what?” asked Fluttershy.

“Just... expectations.” As Twilight spoke, Fluttershy got the impression that she’d opened a floodgate by posing the question.“When Princess Celestia accepted me to her school all those years ago, I barely knew anything. I was always anxious, afraid that my being there was just blind luck. I wouldn’t have been able to pass the acceptance exam if it wasn’t for you, Rainbow Dash. I felt like... like a failure who’d only gotten as far as she did through a specific set of circumstances beyond her control. It would be only a matter of time before I was discovered and expelled. I thought if only I’d studied hard enough, if I learned as much as I could that feeling would go away... But it never did.”

Twilight’s eyes began to sting. She told herself it was the effect of the blinding skies, knowing that it wasn’t.

“I spent most of my life in self-imposed isolation in Canterlot. Studying for days on end in my tower, always so eager to please the Princess... What did she want from me? With each test I passed, each project and paper I completed she congratulated me, but it always seemed so superficial, as though these things barely even mattered. And then, with no warning, she just sent me away to Ponyville to oversee some celebration. Was she getting rid of me?”

She paused to swallow the lump that was building in her throat.

“The encounter with Nightmare Moon shortly afterwards... Never in my life prior to that night had I been in any actual danger. But then, in the space of two hours, I’d faced an angry manticore, nearly plummeted to my death twice, and engaged an alicorn princess in combat. In the end, stopping Nightmare Moon has left me with my own share of nightmares. But we’d all come out on top, as the wielders of the fabled Elements of Harmony. Is that all we are? Are we just... just glorified soldiers?”

She shut her eyes and sniffed.

“It’s hard. So if I’m given the choice to end it all painlessly... why shouldn’t I act on it?”

Rainbow opened her mouth and—sensing that she lacked the poise to address Twilight’s worries tactfully—promptly shut it again. She couldn’t relate; she would never consider leaving her friends so suddenly. But an indignant response would almost certainly make matters worse. She lowered her gaze to try and hide her own eyes and the helplessness that lay behind them. What could she say?

Meanwhile, Fluttershy had reached a decision of her own. She removed the crown from her head and handed it to Rainbow Dash wordlessly.

“It’s okay,” she said, turning back to Twilight. “Everypony has problems... Will always have problems. It’s a fact of life. I’ve felt pressured and useless and scared, like you. Maybe more than you, who really knows? Sometimes I can’t help but feel that it would be easier if I didn’t have to put up with these emotions. If I didn’t have to put up with anything. But I know that if I go, I can never come back and see any of my friends. No more sunny days, no more jokes or picnics or...” she trailed off and started again. “Everypony will die eventually, Twilight. Maybe it’s best that you try to enjoy the time you have, rather than make a blind leap that you won’t ever be able to undo. You’ll always have us to help you endure the pain you feel. Besides all that, you help us bear ours. But I won’t ask you to continue living for us; you have to continue living for yourself. A life is precious. You already know that much, right?”

Twilight took a deep breath. It was interrupted by several embarrassing sobs that shook her frame.

“I... I just...”

Fluttershy flashed her an awkward smile.

“Um. Sorry if that didn’t make much sense. I’m trying my best. Just know that you’re not alone. Please.”

Twilight hung her head. Tears were streaming freely from her eyes; they wouldn’t stop, even as she tried to stay in control. All she wanted was to clear her head, yet here she was, coming apart in front of her friends. This was no way for her to act. She was supposed to be the cool-headed one.

She felt Fluttershy wrap her forelegs around her. They felt warm and comforting in the chilly air.

“I’m s-sorry,” she choked out between labored breaths.

“Don’t worry. Everything will be alright.”

***

The two pegasi returned to the party with Twilight in tow, much to the relief of the others. There were a few questions asked regarding where she’d been and why, but nobody felt up to answering them just then. The utility pole towered over them, a bony finger pointing at the brilliant sky. The pole was overgrown; vines twisted endlessly around the ancient wood. Several long, luscious clusters of violet-colored grapes hung suspended from the vines. Another breeze drifted through the air, setting the clusters in motion. This was their destination. Although none of them had grown attached to the Bureau, an air of melancholy surrounded the place. One more adventure had been seen through to its conclusion. Perhaps one of countless more to come. In due time.

“Looks like we’re finally here,” Applejack said redundantly. “So. Who wants th’ first bite?”

Twilight exchanged glances with Fluttershy and Rainbow.

“I’ll go first.”

There were no objections. She looked back at the building as she plucked a single berry from the stalk with her magic. It stood silhouetted against the timeless light of the sky, dark and solemn. It was not often that the Bureau’s visitors returned to the living world. She knew that they were lucky to be among them, although whether the experience was a positive one was anyone’s guess.

Good riddance.

“See you all on the other side.”

She had one last thought as she popped the grape into her mouth.

Why couldn’t Sheol deliver these things to Princess Luna himself?

She bit down.

***

The senior reviewer examined the forms that his latest client had brought him. This was the standard departure package. These files had been processed by every relevant department, embossed and signed in triplicate. In short, the spirit had gone through all the necessary channels and was ready to leave. The reviewer opened one of his desk drawers and pulled out a stamp and an inkwell. There was no wasted motion, no delay. The stamp was dipped into the emerald ink and brought down on the front page of the package.

[APPROVED]

The senior reviewer handed the files back to his client. In a voice that no still-living ear could hear, he asked the spirit to inform the main desk that he’d be unavailable to take any more clients for the next half-hour. As the grateful spirit left him, the senior reviewer turned back to his desk and pulled out a page he’d been saving. This page was decorated with the official Charon Bureau letterhead, which was used specifically for documents that were going back to the world of the living. With a practiced efficiency, he inserted the paper into his machine and began to type.

DEAR PRINCESS CELESTIA AND/OR LUNA,

WE HOPE THAT THIS LETTER FINDS YOU HEALTHY AND IN FINE SPIRITS. AS PROMISED, THIS WILL BE A BRIEF ASSESSMENT OF YOUR AGENTS AND THEIR WORK.

THE SEVEN ARRIVED TO THE BUREAU AT APPROXIMATELY 8 O’CLOCK LAST NIGHT AND, AFTER A PERIOD OF UNCONSCIOUSNESS (AS TO BE EXPECTED), COMPLETED THEIR TASK AT 9:36 THIS MORNING. YOU AND/OR YOUR SISTER WILL BE RECEIVING CHARON’S REGALIA SHORTLY, IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY. THIS SHOULD REESTABLISH YOUR LAND’S CONNECTION TO OUR FACILITY, AT WHICH POINT WE WILL BE ABLE TO BEGIN ACCEPTING EMPLOYEES AND VOLUNTEERS ONCE MORE AND RESUME OPERATING AT 100% CAPACITY. THUS, THE SEVEN FOLLOWED THEIR INSTRUCTIONS TO A SATISFACTORY DEGREE.

HOWEVER, THERE ARE TWO THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BESIDES.

FIRSTLY, A MISUNDERSTANDING ON HER PART LED RAINBOW DASH TO ATTACK AND INJURE THE SPIRIT OF PENANCE, SHEOL. WHILE THE DAMAGE IS SUPERFICIAL AND THE SPIRIT WILL LIKELY MAKE A FULL RECOVERY IN DUE TIME, THE GESTURE IS NOT APPRECIATED AND WE HOPE THAT MS. DASH WILL BE DISCIPLINED.

SECONDLY, YOUR STUDENT, TWILIGHT SPARKLE, WAS ENTERTAINING THOUGHTS OF SELF-TERMINATION WHILE IN OUR GARDEN. WERE IT NOT FOR THE INTERVENTION OF HER ASSOCIATES, WE ARE UNSURE THAT SHE WOULD HAVE MADE IT BACK TO YOU. SHE IS ANXIOUS AND SHOWS SIGNS OF SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER. IF THIS ISSUE IS NOT ADDRESSED, WE MAY BE SEEING HER AGAIN SOONER THAN YOU’D EXPECT.

PLEASE BE AWARE AND ACT ACCORDINGLY.

KIND REGARDS.

Author's Note:

I guess ending stories with an epilogue letter is just sorta my thing now. And I guess that concludes this little experiment. What did I learn? Leave emotional/psychological stuff to other people. Not my best story, I freely admit. It kinda felt like I had wasted everyone's time. I suppose such is the nature of experiments. Next time I'll make something a bit closer to my comfort zone. Don't hold this one against me, okay? Thanks a bunch. Appreciate you all. Ciao.

Comments

[kingtiger666]

The story, while not the greatest thing ever, was decent, but the ending? It drags it all through the mud. The story, you, me, everything and everybody is less for it.

'In time it changed me, their otherworldly grace.'
There's the title, and it really is the perfect summary. This one sentence is the entire world, stripped bare and showing the putrefying black flesh beneath the outer layer of flabby neck skin and the slight indents of the pearl necklace of existentialism that holds this world in such high regard that we have to write a thousand stories like this before even beginning to grasp true pretension.

' I look forward to hearing back from you. Should you have any more tasks for me please do not hesitate to ask.'
And this, this shows Mattress Twilight's character is vivid technicolor. Well, maybe it's more agfacolor, but still. She's a cynical, willing servant, probably the definition of a sociopath, Celestia is probably sick from having to deal with this pony and more so for having taught her, but deep down you can still see the adorkable little filly who wanted to study magic and that's what turns the story from a dark comedy to a true tragedy of Euripidean proportions.

Here, it's just 'Yo Printessa, your student is nucking futs. Have a nice day.'
Is that what this whole Kafkalite story is? Twilight Sparkle is CooCoo for Cocoa Puffs? Charon regalia reconnects the bureau with Equestria, the dead keep flowing through, ABCDEFG, HIJKLMNOP. The end.

Or maybe that's the point. That's it, isn't it? That's the thesis. This story doesn't have some big speech, no great denouement or philosophies, because that's not what it is! Adventure in the 1 + 1/2 world. Twilight Sparkle is cray-cray. There's no punctuation to end it because it doesn't end! Files pass over the reviewers' desks without a thought, one after the other and another for eternity and all time and there's no end in sight so thank you have a nice day do come again!

I'm not sure if you're a big puffy diseased asshole or a genius of so high a caliber even the world's greatest writer, who as we all know reviewed several disco songs in the late '70s and was never heard from again, fell into his pool of misanthropic malapropism and died upon seeing this last chapter, which makes even his seminal 1977 review of Shake Shake Shake Your Booty seem like War and Peace without Leo Tolstoy's vision of the pathetically grandiose to muddy the waters of Pyriphlegethonian-themed literature and reflect the beauty and fulfillment to be found in the sheer emptiness and disappointment this ending purveys.

All in all, you get a good solid 10/9, and the theme from the only film that, through its depiction of our antediluvian past, truly encapsulates the spirit of this coming century.

[MonoGlyph]

2734850

Sorry, guy. I'm only human. I make mistakes. I don't write fanfiction with a thesis in mind. Okay, I didn't write two of my three stories with a thesis in mind.
This one was a straight arrow. There was no big twist at the end. What do you take me for? That one Hollywood director that everyone makes fun of? With that name that I can't spell offhand and don't feel like looking up just now.
Anyway. It's a meditative piece to stretch my legs a wee bit. Admittedly I didn't have as much fun writing it as the others. I wouldn't write it twice. Even if I wrote it twice, FIMfiction wouldn't accept it, 'cos they have a rule against that.
Hopefully, when I get back in the swing of things and begin my next story, it'll be one more to your liking, or at least meet your standards. You'll be there to comment, won't you, deary? Promise me you'll comment.

[kingtiger666]

2736776 ˙ǝʎǝ ʎɯ uı uoıʇɔǝɟuoɔ ʎɹɐƃns ɐ ʞɔıʇs 'uoɟɟıɹƃ pnoɹd ɐ ǝʞıן ɹɐos oʇ ǝdoɥ puɐ ʎɹǝʇɹɐ ɔıʇɹoɐ ʎɯ ssoɹɔ

[Tzelael]

I'll have to admit, perhaps the mariachi music I was listening to wasn't the best atmosphere for reading this story in, but hey, you're getting a review anyway.

Pros:
+Playing on the bizarre imagery of artwork, architecture, and Mr. Hebrewunderworld. Very nice.
+Very interesting setting and concepts introduced here. A bureaucratic waiting room of the dead is actually a pretty solid foundation for comedy. Makes me think of Scootaloo Goes to Heck, but less ridiculous and a lot darker.
+Great setup for future stories, kept me interested.

Cons:
-The tone was a bit confusing. I wasn't really sure whether I was supposed to find a lot of this dark or just funny. Again, like I said, bureaucratic underworld is a pretty solid comedic foundation, and I think you could've really taken advantage of that.
-Sheol, as a character, was also a bit puzzling. Given the bureaucratic nature of his institution, you think he might've been able to send them a bit more prior notice, especially for an unusual visit to the bureau, and the whole choking Pinkie thing was equally odd.
-Hoo boy, laying it on thick with the religious subject again. I get that this is a vehicle of thought, and I appreciate that, but I feel like it's something that, when it comes to the characters' own inclinations in that capacity, should really be explored before it starts getting put to the test in a place that may rattle the inclinations they may or may not have. I understand that you might be waiting for actual canon faiths to emerge, but hey, this is fanfiction, speculation's our bread and butter, it's okay to make some educated guesses.
-Overall, a lot about this story needs to be explored in more depth. It was intriguing, but sort of disappointing at the end.

But hey, take the cons how you will– you seem to have a lower opinion of this story than I do. It might be the fact that I'm a bit sick, the fact that it's 2:30 AM where I am, or the plethora of mariachi I've been listening to, but overall, I liked it. You get a thumbs-up and a Mariachi Band singing Final Countdown and Ace of Spades.

[Tzelael]

Oh, and yes, I finally started recording that reading of "Their Otherworldly Grace" I said I would do an eternity ago. I feel kind of bad for not getting to it sooner, but hey, now it's getting done.

[MonoGlyph]

4080969
No worries bro, take your time. Your interest in my stories is appreciated, as is the effort you might put into your reading.
Though, yes, I am of the opinion that this is my weakest piece and am only keeping it up for posterity's sake. Your criticisms are all completely valid, though I dare not even so much as read it again, much less edit it.
Perhaps I'll go ahead and read Scootaloo Goes To Heck, even though admittedly I don't read much of other people's fanfiction. Thanks for the recommendation.
I look forward to hearing from you in the future.