Shockwave

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Shockwave was a completely normal Pegasus. He rarely spoke, and kept to himself. But inside, he feels special. And then he finds himself in another world completely.

Chapters (3)

Chapter 1 · 18th Dec 2012 · 275 words
275
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Chapter 2 · 18th Dec 2012 · 742 words
742
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Chapter 3 · 18th Dec 2012 · 587 words
587
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Comments ( 14 )

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Pixels

Pixels #1 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · Chapter 3 ·

A Pegasus named Shockwave finds himself on earth.

The capitalization for Earth ran onto pegasus.
Don't trust spellcheck with capitalization all the time.
Also, PONY CREATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beyonder

Beyonder #2 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · Chapter 3 ·

I like your work with perspective in this. It moves quickly, and nothing seems to drag.

Makes for a good read. Easily relatable.

sierra_seven_

sierra_seven_ #3 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · Chapter 3 ·

The writing's ok , you just might want to work on character development, scene development and making your chapters longer! Try not to rush through it, PoE is a hard genre to write and is generally low-quality if it gets rushed through. I'd advise against using a GeneralZoi's Pony Creator image though. They often get a lot of negativity. Also, Ethan and Shockwave are taking the whole trans-dimensional mashup incredibly well.

Angels

Angels #4 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · Chapter 3 ·

Thanks guys!

TheVideoGamingGuru

TheVideoGamingGuru #5 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · Chapter 3 ·

Looks ok to me, why hate :/

MasterFrasca

MasterFrasca #6 · Dec 18th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1 ·

So far, this is a pretty good start for a Pony-on-Earth story. I just have a few complaints:
-There are quite a bit of grammatical errors
-It has the tone of someone telling it informally around a campfire. It'd be good for an oral telling, but the way you have it written seems a bit too informal.
-You randomly switch from past tense to present tense. In writing that's a no-no. You have to stick with one or the other. You aren't allowed to switch between the two without good reason (such as a flashback or a recalling of events).
-Your chapters are extremely short. At least try to get 1000 words per chapter. That's why the restriction is in place for new stories
-Everything is rushed beyond all hell. Try to describe what's going on, and it would be better not to just give a list of descriptions in the beginning like you do at the start. Reveal the OC's qualities gradually through events and actions.

Just my 2¢