When You Figure Out This Isn't Home.

by CometandAqua

Through the Cloud

Through the Cloud

The sky was an aqua blue, the breeze blew gently against the ponies' skins, the sun shined brightly upon all of Eqestria. Two ponies were headed up to Cloudsdale, an average visit to a friends home. As the two ponies lifted up into the clouds-- one a violet unicorn who's mane was purple and fuscia, the other a light blue pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane-- they began to plan the day ahead.

"I think we should watch some races, preferably the Wonderbolts, then I can take you to see the new area in the factory. I know! I can show you the Cloudsdale museum!" Rainbow Dash said as she pushed Twilight Sparkle in the lilac and magenta hot-air balloon. "I hope you have that spell ready."

"Of course I have the spell ready, Rainbow," Twilight replied. She walked to the other side of the balloon where Rainbow was pushing. "If I'm going to stay with you in Cloudsdale, I'll need to be able to walk on clouds."

The two ponies sat in silence as they climbed the sky towards Cloudsdale. Coming towards Rainbow's house, a dark cloud covered the sky above Equestria. Emanating from nowhere, the cloud was dark as Luna's mane and as foreboding as the deepest part of the Everfree Forest. The sky was black as night as far as the eye could see. Not a single drop of water fell, and the air was void of any source of smoke that could have caused it.

"Hmm, some cloud. I'll get this Twilight," Rainbow Dash said. She let the balloon float in the air then pushed with all of her might on the dark cloud. Failing at this, she kicked and bucked the vapor until she was sweating, but to no avail. "Think I could get some help?" she asked the unicorn.

"I'll try, I know a spell that should work" Twilight replied. She allowed her horn to glow brightly, emitting a beam of light at the cloud above, lighting the area around the large point of impact-- nothing happened. "Huh? That should have evaporated the cloud." she said, puzzled. She shot another few beams at the cloud, but nothing more happening other than light and the cloud darkening more.

"Let me try something," Rainbow said as she flew towards the cloud. She poked at the spot she kicked earlier and noticed that a few pieces fell away. "I think I can dig our way through it." she said and dug harder into the dark vapor. A small opening appeared, revealing a small shaft of the fading light. The opening grew larger still as Rainbow continued working. After excavating a fairly large hole, the cloud refused to give way anymore. "I think that's all I can get. The balloon won't fit, why don't you use that wing spell?"

"If you say so," the unicorn replied. Her horn grew brighter and brighter, enveloping herself in a literal cocoon of light. Once the light faded, Twilight emerged with a pair of stunning gossamer and dew wings. She cautiously flapped her wings and took off towards Rainbow, the violet wings glinting in the last small ray of light from the fleeting sunset. "Let's get through it before the spell loses its effects." She said quickly to the pegasus.

The two ponies slipped through the small gap in the cloud above them, the cloud closing in behind them. After a few minutes of flying through the thick, dark object, they saw the fading light and escaped the cloud. Appearing above, they saw that they were right below Rainbow's home. Twilight glanced beneath them and found that the cloud and the balloon were gone. She quickly flew up towards Rainbow Dash.

"Hey Rainbow," Twilight whispered to the sky blue pegasus. She looked harder towards the ground below them as she spoke. "Did you notice that both the cloud and balloon disappeared?"

"Really?" Rainbow asked, looking down towards the ground. She turned her head towards the horizon and saw a figure that vaguely looked like Princess Luna raising the moon far away in the distance towards Canterlot. The stars appeared in the darkening sky one by one until only a few rays of the sun remained. "We'd better get inside Twilight, Luna's raising the moon. If we're out much longer, we'll be unable to even see the doorway."

The two ponies flew up to the door and Rainbow tried to open it. "Whoops, forgot that I locked it. Wait a sec," Rainbow Dash pulled a key from under the doormat and unlocked the door then pushed it open with ease. As the door creaked open, they heard a rustling from farther inside the house-- as if some other pony was inside. The two walked quietly inside, so they didn't disturb whoever or whatever laid inside.

"Hello?" Twilight asked out into the depths of the building to whatever was inside. Twilight searched down the hallway as Rainbow looked around the other side of the house. Rainbow Dash glanced towards the direction of her bedroom and walked cautiously towards it. She was almost to the door when hoofsteps came towards her. Twilight trotted up as she was cut off. "What did y-"

"Who are you and what are you doing in my house?! And at that note, how did you even get into my house?!" a male voice stated. He came farther out the room as Rainbow began to speak.

"Your house?! Why I outta-" Rainbow Dash began. She took a close look and instantly stopped. The two mares stared in shock at the stallion the voice came from-- a perfect stallion replica of Rainbow Dash.

Author's Note:

This whole story was based on a dream I had a week or so prior to writing this. I'll let you know, that the hardest part of writing this chapter was writing enough words to add 300 words so I could post this thing. *sigh*

Comments

[Pixels]

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnu8k7uVPa1qafrh6.png
IT'S HERE

[Ezn]

You might want to change the name of this to avoid further downvotes and unflattering comparisons.

[Vash_ts]

I fear that the title is already used:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/755/on-a-cross-and-arrow

[CaptainSanchez]

1825951 Agreed. I'd suggest something like "63 Skidoo" wait, that's not good enough... I'll get back to you.

[Rainbow87dash]

Your just Ripping off the Original
On a Cross and Arrow

[Autumn Wind]

I find myself wondering:

Is your title intentionally misleading people into thinking this is the hugely popular fic of a very similar context, or did you simply fail to check if your title was already taken?

[Nopony in Particular]

'Based on a dream you had?' Titled like a shameful rip-off of 'On a Cross and Arrow' no less?

And the story itself.... the writing isn't that bad. It just... didn't make much sense? And the pacing felt rushed.

[Unknownlight]

If accidental, you should probably re-upload this fic under a different name so that people don't keep down voting it. The fic seems sufficiently good enough that it doesn't deserve the hate.

If purposeful, please go away.

[Rainbow87dash]

WHEN will people learn that RD doesn't love I. Cloudsdale she live in a cloud house OVER Ponyville
Not Cloudsdale

[Ezn]

And I guess while I'm hanging around...

I'll let you know, that the hardest part of writing this chapter was writing enough words to add 300 words so I could post this thing. *sigh*

You know, if your first chapter isn't long enough to meet the minimum, you can always write the second chapter as well before submitting. It might be good to do so in any case -- too many stories submitted to this site are rushed little first chapters that just meet the minimum length requirements and then they get downvoted to Tartarus because no-one likes a rushed story. You want comments and faves and thumb-ups, right? Well then don't just scrape by on minimums.

I mean, I don't expect you to slave over the beginning of your story for years or anything, but the minimum words rule is there for a reason.

[Magical Trevor]

1826094 Wait, wait... What?

Okay, I was reading through the comments, and the A/N says you had trouble meeting the whimpy 1k word minimum? REALLY? I'm sorry, but... That's pretty sad... I mean, not everyone can write 7 or 15, or 20k word chapters, but really? You don't know how to make a chapter longer than 1k? I know it's a tad shallow of me, but I'm not even interested in a story where the author has TROUBLE meeting 1k words. That's a sign that there's not going to be much detail, will be fast-paced, and just... No, I'm sorry. Even if you uploaded every day, it's not worth my time to read only 1k. Sorry. (If it makes you feel better, though, I'm not down-voting you, considering I didn't read it.)

[Pixels]

1826752
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm2navrH6d1qafrh6.gif

[CometandAqua]

Okay guys, 1: I'm just trying to make a decent foc, which means being more descriptive and I wanted it to be a cliffhanger for the chapter.
2: I will change the title, but I didn't know the title was a fic. I just knew it was male ponies like this. And not trying to rip off the original though, I just used the same names.

I will try do do better after this.

[Cynderfall]

Needs work but im an amateur writer to so... keep it up.

You looked like you needed an upvote so i gave you one.

Finally if your looking for title names try somthing to do with mirrors... Storm swapped? A Twidash adventure? The Rougher sex? The black cloud conundrum?

...Yeah... titles are hard...

[Draco Axis Prime]

how much longer until next chapter?

[JadeHarley]

I dare say,
Moar plz

[Mizu-No-Akira]

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