Shadow of the Sun
By Starwin
Chapter 7
Twilight Sparkle found herself standing out in the middle of a frozen lake. All around her, the ice cracked and broke into smaller chunks that spread away. She was trapped on a tiny section and unable to go anywhere without falling into the freezing water.
Atop the ice chunks that floated away from Twilight were her friends. Each pony moved in a different direction, each mare drifted further away. Twilight called to them, begged for her friends not to leave her behind. Yet they simply waved goodbye and faded into the distance.
Frantically, Twilight spun on her tiny island of ice. Her eyes swept over the vast water around her. The lake appeared to stretch on forever and ever in every direction. It was almost as if the lake had become an ocean without her noticing.
Twilight was completely alone, abandoned by her friends. Panic and fear began to overtake the lavender unicorn. Mournful tears fell from her eyes. Where the salty drops of water touched the ice, fire began to spread out across the water. Soon the lake was ablaze with flames of red and yellow. Twilight was surrounded by roaring flames.
Great giant purple points began to rise out of the lake of fire, encircling her like a cage. The ice beneath her hooves jerked with a sharp upward movement. She was being lifted into the air. Below her, the fire lake rapidly fell away. Twilight suddenly realized what the tall pointed things around her were, they were claws.
Hesitantly, Twilight turned to see what was lifting her up. Her eyes widened as she saw a great towering beast behind her; its long arm outstretched; its massive hand raising her upwards. The beast was enormous, large enough to swallow up half of Ponyville. It towered high into the sky, such that its face was hidden in the clouds. All she could see, apart from its arm, was the monsters scaled, yellow, underbelly.
The clouds parted above her. A great monstrous maw with spiky teeth opened to eat her whole. Twilight tried to use her magic, to do something, anything. But her spells simply didn’t work.
In one final movement, the great beast lifted Twilight to his gaping mouth and tossed her in. Twilight screamed, plunging down into the never ending darkness. Down she tumbled, down she fell, towards a bottom she could not see.
“Twilight,” said the darkness, its voice filled with concern. Twilight stopped screaming. She stopped falling. Somepony was shaking her. Not here, not in the darkness but someplace else. Someplace she knew but did not know.
The darkness began to fade away. Her brain fought confusion, struggling to piece together the reality coming into focus around her. The fading memory in her head was obscured and slipped away as the world became more real to her.
A dream. She had been dreaming.
Twilight didn’t remember falling asleep. She had put her head down, closed her eyes and entered into a dream world of terrors. It had been such a long time since Twilight had been visited by bad dreams. She had almost forgotten what they were like.
For a brief moment, her befuddled mind thought it was Spike that had awoken her. Yet that seemed very unlikely, Spike was never up before she was. Twilight took in her surroundings, while her brain sorted out the pieces of what she was seeing. It took a few moments but at last she seemed to make some sort of sense of it.
“Twilight, are you alright?” it was Applejack.
The sight of her friend calmed Twilight down. The rush of being woken up began to fade as fatigue took hold of her once more. Never before in her life as she did at that moment did Twilight want to ask for just five more minutes of sleep. However, she didn’t want to go back to sleep and face more unsettling dreams.
“Uh, Applejack?” asked Twilight. The words tasted funny in her dried out mouth. The room was dimly lit by magic, although it was not Twilight who was doing it. Twilight could make out Applejack standing over her and hear low whispered words in the background. “What’s wrong?”
Twilight rubbed the sleep from her eyes, lifting her head and looking around the small cellar room. Pinkie and Rainbow were both still asleep. Rarity and Fluttershy were whispering quietly, Fluttershy appeared to be very upset. Spike was wrapped up in Twilight’s tail, like it was some kind of blankie.
“You were, uh, crying out in your sleep,” replied Applejack her voice sounding slightly embarrassed. “I thought it best to wake you up.”
“Thanks,” replied Twilight, running a hoof through her untidy mane. “It was a really bad dream.” It took Twilight a moment to realize the slightly upset expression on her friends face. “Applejack, are you okay?” Applejack shook her head.
“You weren’t the only one having bad dreams,” said Applejack. She glanced over her shoulder at Fluttershy and Rarity who were also both awake and whispering quietly to each other.
“All of us?” asked Twilight in concern.
“No, just you, me and Fluttershy so far,” said Applejack. A loud snore punctuated the conversation right at that very moment. Both Twilight and Applejack turned to look at the two mares that were still blissfully asleep. “I haven’t woken up Pinkie or Rainbow yet. But neither of them seem to be having bad dreams of any kind. Rarity neither, she woke me up just after Fluttershy.”
“It’s most likely just coincidence,” said Twilight. “After all, yesterday was dangerous enough to give any pony bad dreams.”
“Ah guess,” said Applejack uncomfortably. “Been a long time since I’ve had such a bad dream. I don’t remember all of it, but there was ice and fire… and the ground opened beneath me and I started to fall…” Twilight felt her eyes widen slightly. Applejack noticed. “What?”
“I had a similar dream,” answered Twilight.
“You think something funny is going on?” asked Applejack.
“I don’t know,” said Twilight after a moment. “But it does seem unusual. Any idea how long we’ve been asleep?” Applejack shook her head. “Well, it’ll have to be enough. Let’s wake the others.”
Twilight pulled her tail free of Spike’s claws. He whimpered, reaching for it in his sleep for a brief moment before turning over and sticking his thumb in his mouth. Gently, Twilight nudged him awake. As expected, it took a bit more effort to actually get him up.
Rainbow and Pinkie took much more time. The first shakes had resulted in a yawn for five more minutes from Rainbow and an ensnaring sleep-hug from Pinkie, trapping Applejack in a crushing embrace. However, with only a little more coaxing they were able to get both mares awake.
Pinkie, Rainbow, Spike and Rarity all appeared to have been free from bad dreams. Rainbow had mumbled something about flying through the clouds, although she didn’t really remember. Pinkie had been eating an endless cake-pie, a dessert she claimed was half cake, half pie. Spike had been dreaming about his soft blanket, which he had left at home. And Rarity had been designing dresses for a fabulous ball.
It took more effort to get Fluttershy to recount her dream. Like Applejack and Twilight, her dream had also included elements of ice and fire in it. She had been awoken, similar to Twilight, during the moment in which she had been falling out of the sky.
“Twilight, do you think there’s something to this?” asked Rarity when Twilight went into silent thought.
“It does seem odd,” said Twilight after a moment. “All of our bad dreams had similarities to what we faced yesterday. Like the lake of ice and the field of fire. But, I don’t think it’s anything more than coincidence.”
“But all of us?” asked Fluttershy.
“Three of you,” corrected Rainbow. Twilight frowned a little.
“Strange though it might seem, it’s not that uncommon for stressful events to leave a lasting impression,” said Twilight knowledgably. “Bad dreams happen and considering what we’ve gone through I’m not that surprised.
“Besides,” continued Twilight, looking over her friends. They all still looked very tired, except for Pinkie who was bouncing up and down. “We have more important things to talk about, like finding water. We can’t leave Hoofington until we do.”
“Um, what if we don’t find any water?” asked Spike, raising a claw but not waiting for Twilight to call on him.
“There has to be water here someplace,” said Twilight.
“Yeah, but what if there isn’t!” exclaimed Spike. “What if there isn’t any water left in all of Equestria!”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie. “I’m eighty percent water! What if I don’t exist in Equestria anymore!” She lifted her hooves examining them as if she were about to fade away.
“Pinkie, calm down,” said Twilight. “It doesn’t work like that…”
“And I’m… uh… Twilight, how much of a dragon is water?” asked Spike. Twilight let out a sigh.
“Look, both of you,” said Twilight. “I’m sure we can find water here, in a well or from the ponies who live here. We just need to look in the right place.”
“So, where do you reckon we should start our search?” asked Applejack.
“The water tower,” said Rainbow Dash. “I saw one as we were coming into town.”
“That seems very unlikely,” said Rarity. “After all, our tower ran dry just a few days after the heat started. That’s why we had to deliver all those supplies by hoof.”
“I don’t know where there might be a water supply here,” said Twilight. “But it would have to be someplace cool, someplace out of the Sun. Except I don’t know enough about Hoofington to guess where that might be.”
“Well, they obviously got cellars,” said Applejack, glancing around to emphasize her point. “It seems likely they would store it wherever they keep their food supplies. If Hoofington is anything like Ponyville, then they would have a storehouse someplace.”
“What about all the ponies that live here?” asked Fluttershy, everypony looked at her. “Shouldn’t we make sure its okay to take their water?”
“We don’t have time to waste looking for somepony to ask,” said Rainbow. “We’re on an important mission! They’ll understand.”
“No,” said Twilight. “Fluttershy is right. We can’t just steal their water. I think our top priority should be finding the ponies of this town. They can tell us where the water is and we can negotiate to get some of it.”
“Alright,” said Rainbow a little irritably. “So how are we going to find the ponies anyhow to ask them? Are we going to search every house or something?”
None of the friends had an answer to this.
“I don’t know,” said Twilight at last. “But we’ll just have to do our best because it's not just Equestria that's running out of time, so are we...”
Reluctantly, the six ponies and Spike made their way upstairs into the uncomfortable heat of the cart repair shop. Twilight had almost forgotten how bad it was up above. Leaving the cellar was like walking into a solid wall of hot air.
Wasting little time, Twilight and Rarity both cast the shield spell together. Slowly a sphere of magic expanded out around them so that everypony was protected. The heat subsided, but didn’t go away. They were out of the fire and back in the frying pan for now.
The shield gave all of the ponies, except Rarity and Twilight, a chance to spread out a little, although they stayed relatively close together. Twilight and Rarity had to walk side-by-side at the center. Rainbow and Pinkie took up the front while Applejack and Fluttershy followed in the back. Spike, not restrained by the shield was free to walk wherever he pleased.
With a push, Rainbow worked the door open. Slowly, the group ventured out of the shop and back under the Sun. The giant golden orb was right where it had been yesterday, dead center in the sky, its heat streaming down.
Hoofington was not the same as Ponyville. It had been built long ago, in a time when the wilds were still wild. Most houses were made from heavy stone and well weathered with age. They moved slowly through the town, their eyes searching each building as they trotted passed. There was no sign of anypony else. How long would they have to stay here, how much time would they lose?
Every few houses Spike would hurry inside and search quickly to see if there were any ponies hidden within. However, he always returned to the group with the same shake of his head and look of disappointment.
“This is taking way too long!” complained Rainbow. “I could fly up and take a look around.”
“Again?” asked Applejack with concern. “And just how are you going to do that? This heat will cook you like a potato in a camp fire.”
“Nah, I can stand if for a few seconds,” said Rainbow. Her wings flared out at her sides. A mischievous grin spread across her face. “Besides, Spike is doing just fine.”
“Uh, he’s a dragon,” answered Fluttershy from the back.
“Also, it’s still really hot out here,” said Spike wiping sweat from his brow.
“Relax, this will just take a second,” said Rainbow. Without arguing further she launched herself into the air. Despite Applejack’s protests, Rainbow zoomed upwards, racing through the shield and causing it to shimmer.
All of the ponies followed their friend as she soared high into the sky. She got to the top of her climb, put a hoof to her eyes and spun around. She was only there for a moment then she fell backwards, tumbling out of the sky in a dive. There was a gasp as her friends thought she was falling for a moment but her wings flapped and she slowed just enough to make a hard landing
Rainbow looked a little flustered. Her cheeks were red, her face was damp with sweat and her breathing was labored.
“I… saw… somepony…” said Rainbow between breaths. Her friend’s looked at her in disbelief.
“Wait, what? You saw a pony outside?” exclaimed Twilight. Rainbow nodded.
“Yeah,” answered Rainbow. “They were too far away for me to get a good look. But it seemed like they were pushing something. A barrel maybe. If we keep heading this way we might be able to catch up.” She pointed a hoof to indicate the direction.
“Rainbow, dear, do you want to take a break first?” asked Rarity, sounding concerned. Rainbow shook her head.
“We should hurry and try and catch whoever it is,” said Twilight. “This might be our only chance.”
The friends headed towards the north side of town. The buildings got larger and more closely spaced as they went. They came to a sudden halt as they reached a large castle sitting on the far edge of town. Twilight had forgotten about Hoofington Castle. It was one of the few towns in Equestria, besides Canterlot, that had a structure of this kind. It had been built long ago to protect against the monsters of the Everfree Forest.
Now that Celestia ruled the land however, the monsters rarely ventured beyond the edge of the forest. The castle was more of a hold over and didn’t serve much of a purpose anymore. Although, now it seemed that the ponies of Hoofington may have found a use for it.
“Look, the pony must have come this way,” said Applejack, pointing at the ground. Imprinted in the dirt were deep tracks that seemed to have been made by many barrels rolling along this path. The track led towards the castle ahead.
The six ponies and Spike passed under the main gate. The courtyard was large, with a fountain in its center. The fountain seemed to have run dry which was not surprising, although it was disappointing none the less. There had also been a small garden around the fountain, however, all the plants had wilted and the grass had turned brown.
There was no sign of the pony, nor its barrel, anywhere in the area. However, the track appeared to lead off towards one of the castle doors, which had been left slightly ajar. As a group, they headed towards the far left gate, following the tracks.
Pinkie pushed the door open the rest of the way so that they could enter. The group hurried inside and Applejack closed the door behind them. Twilight and Rarity dropped their shield spell. This room was moderately large, obviously intended as some kind of storage area. There were dozens of barrels piled high against one of the walls. A door that most likely led into the castle was also slightly ajar at the far end of the room.
“It looks like the tracks end here,” said Applejack, nodding to the barrels. Rainbow hovered over to the barrels and examined them.
“Empty,” said Rainbow as she moved from one barrel to another. “Why stack a bunch of empty barrels here?”
“Maybe we should try searching the rest of the castle?” asked Rarity, her gaze turned towards the door at the far end. The friends all agreed.
Cautiously, the group approached the door. Twilight tried the handle and found that it wasn’t locked. The solid wooden door squeaked open on rusty hinges. The sound echoed down the empty halls.
There didn’t seem to be any ponies lingering around inside the castle, which wasn’t surprising. It was nearly as hot inside as it was out, just with less sun.
“How are we going to find anypony in this huge place?” asked Pinkie. The clop of their hoofsteps reverberated as they walked deeper into the stonework building.
“We just gotta find a staircase or something leading down,” said Applejack. “If their really are a bunch of ponies here, I doubt they would be up on this level.”
“Old castles like this usually have a dungeon,” suggested Twilight. “They might be down there.”
“Du-dungeon?” asked Fluttershy. “Why would anypony need a dungeon?”
“To lock up bad guys of course,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Hoofington is an old town,” said Twilight. “It was built in a time before Equestria was peaceful. I highly doubt the dungeons have been used for a long time. At least not for keeping anypony against their will. But it would be cutoff from the light, making it an ideal hiding place.”
The friends continued their search, looking in on rooms and checking for any path that led downwards. The castle was large but eventually they came upon what they were looking for. The hallway ended at a narrow stairway that led downwards into darkness.
At the top of the stairway, several barrels had been stacked side by side. One of them was open and inside it, was precious, incredible, delicious, water! Both Pinkie and Rainbow rushed towards it, but Twilight caught them with her magic, holding them back.
“That isn’t ours!” said Twilight, straining against the two of them. “I know you are thirsty, we all are. But you need to wait just a little longer. We can’t just steal it!” Rainbow looked like she wanted to argue but at last she stopped struggling.
“Whatever pony brought this here must have taken some of it down,” said Rarity. “The barrel appears to be half empty.”
“Or half full,” said Spike, trying to stand on tip toe to see inside.
“It looks too wide to fit down the stairs,” said Applejack. “So, they must be transporting it by hoof.”
“I’m sure if we go down and ask nicely, they will let us have some,” said Fluttershy.
“It looks pretty dark down there,” said Spike, moving to the edge of the opening that had been cut into the stone. “I can’t see the bottom.”
“Helloooo!” called Pinkie, shouting down into the darkness. Her voice didn’t echo and no answer came.
“I wonder how far down it goes?” asked Rarity.
“Only one way for us to find out,” said Twilight. Her horn blazed with magic as she cast a spell to light the way. “We’ll just have to go down and ask.”
“What, go down there?” asked Rainbow Dash, pointing a hoof at the hole.
“Uh, yeah,” said Applejack. “You don’t see any other way down do you?”
“Well, what if there is, what if they didn’t go down there?” asked Rainbow, taking a step back. “What if they are still up here in the castle?” She waved a hoof around her.
“Rainbow, we searched most of the castle already, there is no way a whole town is hiding up here,” said Twilight.
“Yeah, well, maybe one of us should stay behind, you know, like a lookout?” suggested Rainbow.
“A lookout?” asked Twilight in confusion. “A lookout for what?”
“I don’t know, other ponies maybe,” said Rainbow, rubbing the back of her head with her hoof.
“Rainbow, dear, is something wrong?” asked Rarity.
“Yeah, you sure are actin all funny,” said Applejack.
“No, nothing’s wrong,” laughed Rainbow Dash nervously. “Why would anything be wrong.”
“Alright then, if you’re sure,” said Applejack. “We best get a’move on.”
“Rarity,” said Twilight, glancing to her unicorn friend, “do you mind taking the lead?” Rarity looked a little surprised by the request but nodded.
“Certainly Twilight,” replied Rarity. Her horn began to glow, just like Twilight’s had. She took a last glance back at Rainbow and then began to descend down the dark steps. The others lined up to follow, except for Twilight and Rainbow, neither of which moved.
Rainbow’s eyes were locked on the stairway and the ponies descending down into it. Twilight’s eyes were locked on Rainbow and the almost panicked expression on her face.
Spike was the last of the group. He paused at the top of the stairs, looking between Twilight and Rainbow.
“Uh, are you two coming?” asked Spike.
“Go on,” said Twilight, “I’ll be right behind.” Spike looked back at Rainbow one last time, shrugged, and then vanished down the stairs.
Rainbow still hadn’t moved. She was sitting on her haunches, looking at the stairway as though it were some kind of predator waiting to eat her the moment she approached.
“Okay,” said Twilight, once the others had gone. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” insisted Rainbow Dash.
“Really?” asked Twilight. “If that’s the case why don’t we just head down?” Twilight’s horn glowed again. Her magic nudged her friend forward slightly towards the stairs. Panic filled Rainbow’s eyes and her hoofs scraped the ground, trying to stop the movement.
“No!” cried Rainbow. Twilight released her spell. “I mean, nah, I’m good.”
“Rainbow,” said Twilight seriously. “You’re afraid!”
“I’m not afraid!” exclaimed Rainbow. “It’s just… I don’t like… small spaces…” her eyes returned to the narrow stairway. “I’m a pegasus, born to live in the sky. Being in your cellar was hard enough. I can’t…” she looked away ashamed. “I can’t go down there…”
“I understand,” said Twilight. Rainbow looked up in confusion. “I don’t like the idea of us splitting up. But I also think that forcing you to come down with us would be a mistake.
“We’ll be back as quickly as we can.” Twilight put a hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder to reassure her. “I promise.”
“What are you going to tell the others?” asked Rainbow.
“I’m sure I can think of something,” said Twilight with a smile.
“Right,” said Rainbow. Twilight smiled one last time at her friend, and then she too descended down into the ground.
Rainbow Dash, near the end:
Should be "your".
Rainbow Dash is going to be kidnapped (foalnapped?), I just know it
This is still just awesome writing mate, keep it up!
...this...story....is.....bucking....amazing!!!!
2020663
I was wondering where you had gotten off (and if I had scared you away) but it is good to see you back. As always your line-by-(almost)line insight is most enjoyable to read and respond to! And the second half of the post!
This response is sadly short due to major constraints on my time today (i.e. work)
-cloud house - yeah, it is a bit odd but I think I will leave it as is.
-release - true, she is less of their keeper and more of their caretaker. However, she was still reluctant to let them go so its not so much release in the sense as she was holding them captive but more that she didn't want to send them away.
-flying - its more that RD feels useless at the moment because she can't help.
-comma - the majority of my commas are not necessary... but that's the way I like it... uh-huh uh-huh...
-To Canterlot - I wrote most of this story before season 3 started. I am only ingratiating facts, not events as new episodes post (although not going back and altering the story itself (save fore spelling/grammar mistakes)). After all, this isn't cannon and I have no plans to change or update for future episodes.
-silver ink - ooo silver ink is a nice touch... and added.
2022563
Alright, next on
-Short letter - Similar to Celestia's letter, Luna's is also a full 'page' of parchment. In canterlot, they only make royal parchment in two sizes, princess length (8.5x11) and Twilight checklist length (8.5x350km)
-Resend - there was a long sequence with them attempting to resend. As the results are the same as before I cut it out because it never flowed right.
-blanket glowed - as previously established it is possible to enchant things to be heat resistant, similar to how Twilight transported food last chapter.
-shimmering aura - more of a reminder to the readers. Could be worked a little better but I think I will leave it for now.
-more than four - exception to the rule.
-to words - actually, slightly obscure reference to a line in my other story which is "hard to word"
-combine - corrected, in both location.
-leave at once - that's just RD jumping ahead.
-hoofwriting - still like the way it sounds.
-correct pinkie - played more for laughs than anything else, but, I would assume, higher altitude means lower pressure means colder temperature.
-grammar - I dono, I am surprised anyone can read anything I write to be honest.
-Rarity first - as you previously pointed out, Twilight doesn't do as well without prep time. I write Twilight as a little lost without her standard checklists, that there is just too much in her head to keep straight. Also, other characters need to be involved, not just TS telling everyone what to do.
-Ayep - fixed.
2024057
-items on the list - extra single quotes added to improve correctness-ness
-Spike included - in the original draft, Spike was not included in the story, this is sort of a... homage? that's not right... something like that, to a chapter and a story that don't really exist anymore. A commentor made an excellent argument for me to include him, so I went through and did so.
-twines - that is the word I am looking for, spiral streams of magic, entwining around each other.
-Ayep - fixed
-goodbye - this was just a funny line that I really liked. Also, I have a strict no ship rule for my work unless there is a very good reason the story requires it.
-zecora - just one too many characters to manage.
-move the city - oh, oh, oh I have one! (this story)
2025488 (and part 2)
-shined - changed, although I don't like shone as much as a word, even if it is more correct.
2025216
Corrected, thank you
Oh boy, it's been a while since I posted that comment... I can't really remember what I was going on about ... I dunno, I think I remember questioning how in the story, you made it sound like there was another... uh... hrmm... I guess I want to say 'thing' she did with the tiara? I'm not certain and I don't really wanna re-read it to figure it out. Either way I think whatever I was thinking will be addressed in the next couple of chapters.
YAY another story exploring claustrophobic Dash... I don't know what it is about that but it just intrigues me... builds a bit more character and well provides an interesting back story for her perhaps? Maybe it's because it makes her more exposed and opens up her emotions for other characters to try and come and support? hmm. I don't know, but I like it as a tick for her.
As for the rest of the chapter I found it fine. Nothing really bad to report and the emotions were of course all there. I can't wait for the next. :D
2025735
You didn't scare me off. My energy levels just vary a lot.
As an example of this, I don't have the energy to open up two windows next to eachother to figure out which line of your replies goes with which lines of my comments.
I will say that just a sentence or two about "They tried several times to reply to Luna's letter, but the results were the same as before." could cover a lot.
I agree that keeping shipping to a minimum is a good thing. I do so myself. Actually, a lot of my unpublished chapters/stories includes mention of various of the Mane Six having husbands, but with no details at all about them. There mere existence is all the plot needs, not anything more.
I'm pretty sure the commas after "Like" and "But" aren't necessary. Not 100% sure on that, though.
She's already speaking, so "continued" might be a better word to use.
Sentences like that always bug me. People often forget that Spike is Twilight's oldest, closest and most supportive friend. I imagine it's easy to get that phrase mixed up with "six ponies and Spike." "Seven friends" is also a good way to put it.
That's enough criticism! Don't worry about a delayed update. I know exactly how you feel toward having a chapter that just isn't perfect. I'm having a difficult time writing my latest Toonami fanfic and haven't posted anything since November!
Well, you've thoroughly answered the question of whether or not Spike's okay without the shield. And I like the “half empty, half full” moment. I'm seeing a lot of allusions to positive and negative throughout the story now. Hope versus despair, hot versus cold (the lake), optimism versus pessimism, etc. Makes me wonder just how things will go down at Canterlot.
2038567
Corrections made, thank you
As to six friends and Spike, there are several reason for it being that way. One of which was that Spike didn't used to exist this far into the story. Seven friends just doesn't sound right. And I do use six ponies later on and I try and avoid duplication when possible. But changed all the same.
Still loving this story, but now that I'm back home I can offer typo notes too!
abandoned
surrounded
Not surprised about Rainbow's claustrophobia. Seen it before in fics. Though I can't headcanon it myself for various reasons there is no point stating.
Also would note that Spike probably should not be feeling the heat at all. He can swim in and gargle magma.
2041751
Fixed and also fixed (or should I say fixeded?), thank you
Claustrophobia seems like a trait that Rainbow would have. I'm sure I picked up the notion in the fanfic universe, rather than the show, but it still seems very likely for her (for most pegasusessesses) to not be fond of small spaces.
As to Spike, I can't help feeling that I've seen him sweating out under the Sun previously in the show, but that would require me watching all the episodes again to find an image that may simply only exist in my head.
Fantastic chapter. I would have commented sooner, but I've been having technical difficulties. But also something weird... I had massive amounts of deja vu whilst reading the entire chapter. Especially around the last few sentences. I actually had to stop and see if I had read this chapter before. It was real weird. But anyway, I'm off to chapter 8!
SPOILER ALERT!!!
((I think I started commenting on this chapter and then the comments got lost due to computer problems? I may skip a little commenting until I get caught up to where I think I left off, simply because re-doing comments always makes me feel annoyed.))
Yet they simply waved goodbye and faded into the distance.
-Recent events blended together with fear of losing her friends... a fear that has been there since "The Ticket Master", and probably re-enforced as recently as the wedding. I wonder if Luna will manage to find her by the nightmare? I would guess she has a lot more practice finding those, so if you are giving her that ability, that could be a good excuse for why she hasn't used it before... "Sleepless in Ponyville" could have come out about this time? No, I am not going to check the publication date against the air-date.
Soon the lake was ablaze with flames of red and yellow. Twilight was surrounded by roaring flames.
-Again, pretty much a dream version of what actually happened.
Great giant purple points began to rise out of the lake of fire, encircling her like a cage.
-The points of the stars on her element, which appeared to have turned to dangerous ends?
Below her, the fire lake rapidly fell away.
-Well, that is unexpected...
Twilight suddenly realized what the tall pointed things around her were, they were claws.
-Ah, perhaps Spike saving her from fire. I may have accidentally glance ahead... which is actually an issue again, because I have caught up to any missing comments now.
such that its face was hidden in the clouds.
-Ok, still probably Spike, but it could also be an Ursa Major, which could be one of Luna's herald-concepts in the dream-world. I doubt they will have an very full conversation if so, but I could be wrong. You might want to do an info-dump. OTOH, this could just be a dream and nothing more... or a dream in which her subconscious, or her element, or Fate, or something, is trying to tell her something symbolically.
was the monsters scaled, yellow, underbelly.
-... doesn't SOUND like an Ursa. I think we saw the Major's belly, and it wasn't yellow, but it could have instead been hidden by the pose.
But her spells simply didn’t work.
-Makes sense in a nightmare...
In one final movement, the great beast lifted Twilight to his gaping mouth and tossed her in.
-Right, not a prophecy probably...
“Twilight,” said the darkness, its voice filled with concern.
-Well, either that is Luna, or somepony trying to wake her...
Not here, not in the darkness but someplace else.
-Right, waking her up...
Someplace she knew but did not know.
-Or not? Could be her Element communicating with her directly, or Luna getting her into a dream-place near her soul that they can talk better or... I dunno...
“Twilight, are you alright?” it was Applejack.
-Well, that was anticlimatic... unless the creature was a dragon who symbolizes, or even specifically IS the dragon(s) responsible for this. I believe I mentioned why dragons would have a motive to try to stop the sun?
“You weren’t the only one having bad dreams,” said Applejack. She glanced over her shoulder at Fluttershy and Rarity who were also both awake and whispering quietly to each other.
-The dreams could be prophetic, either all the same, or each a different piece of the puzzle. Possibly with Twilight's indicating the culprit, and each other others indicating the way to their element (since they now have the Master Element).
“No, just you, me and Fluttershy so far,”
-Ah... have the others not slept? Or maybe their visions haven't arrived? Or maybe it is just bad dreams from a horrible experience (probably less bad than some of the things they have been through...) AFTER a long period of stress.
“It’s most likely just coincidence,” said Twilight. “After all, yesterday was dangerous enough to give any pony bad dreams.”
-Aaand the fact that she is saying this probably means it ISN'T true. Of course, that may be less true in the narrative conventions of FiM...
“You think something funny is going on?” asked Applejack.
-Ok, so variations on a theme... maybe Luna can only do sketches rather than precise manipulation? More likely it is coming from the Element... which MAY have been corrupted somehow...
She had been awoken, similar to Twilight, during the moment in which she had been falling out of the sky.
-I would say something about how she keeps forgetting she has wings, but then again, RD falls in her nightmares too...(May the Best Pet Win)
It does seem odd,” said Twilight after a moment. “All of our bad dreams had similarities to what we faced yesterday. Like the lake of ice and the field of fire. But, I don’t think it’s anything more than coincidence.”
-Both rational enough to dismiss it, AND to think about it first! Excellent! That is our little supra-egghead. Also means that when more evidence arrives, she will remember the theory, and reconsider it. Well, she COULD go all "Feeling Pinkie Keen", but I think she learned her lesson. I wonder if there is any meaning to who got the dreams and who didn't?
“After all, our tower ran dry just a few days after the heat started. That’s why we had to deliver all those supplies by hoof.”
-Did you say you had been glossing over water deliveries? Or did you go back and edit earlier chapters?
We can’t just steal their water. I think our top priority should be finding the ponies of this town. They can tell us where the water is and we can negotiate to get some of it.
-They might have information too... and telling them that something is being done might lift the resident's spirits. And yes, asking is only polite, although I suspect that there will be ponies with the water. I don't think "negotiating" will be part of it... they are on a mission to FIX the problem (well, they better be, and they are the best hope the Hoofingtonites have), so... they can get some. More like "talk them into it"... I doubt they have anything worth trading, although they might.
Twilight and Rarity s had to walk side-by-side at the center.
-Extraneous "s".
Spike, not restrained by the shield was free to walk wherever he pleased.
-Ah, so he IS heat-proof, rather than just able to bear fire as it it were merely sweltering heat (he apparently still needs water).
“Also, it’s still really hot out here,” said Spike wiping sweat from his brow.
-Ok, so "sweltering heat" it is...
“Wait, what? You saw a pony outside?” exclaimed Twilight. Rainbow nodded.
“Yeah,” answered Rainbow. “They were too far away for me to get a good look. But it seemed like they were pushing something. A barrel maybe.
-Probably a unicorn, making deliveries with the same spell Twilight figured out...
It had been built long ago to protect against the monsters of the Everfree Forest.
-And thick stone walls might help ward off heat... and in a world where many creatures can fly, the roof would be even stronger in many ways than that on a real-world castle. Catapult rocks lose energy when hitting very high, because they have to go up. A 30 pound rock dropped by a clever dragon or manticore might have more kinetic energy at impact than a 100 lb boulder from a catapult at ground level... and we know that Equestria has the basic concept of a catapult from the Pumpkin Chuckin' on Nightmare Night.
Imprinted in the dirt were deep tracks that seemed to have been made by many barrels rolling along this path.
-I was wondering how she could track in the middle of a city, even with dirt roads, but this makes sense. I also have a faint idea that the Element sent the water to Hoofington, where the entire lake's worth could do the most good (well, within several mile's radius).
“Why stack a bunch of empty barrels here?”
-They might not want to just leave the empties laying around, even if their is so little water left that refilling them isn't going to happen. It could even be an act of Hope, that SOMETHING will come up that will grant a break enough that being ready for it could pay off. Which is not a horrible attitude to take in a survival situation.
“It was built in a time before Equestria was peaceful. I highly doubt the dungeons have been used for a long time. At least not for keeping anypony against their will. But it would be cutoff from the light, making it an ideal hiding place.”
-A very happy version of Equestria... I approve.
Both Pinkie and Rainbow rushed towards it, but Twilight caught them with her magic, holding them back.
-Pinkie? Well, I guess she, along with RD are the ones with the poorest impulse control.
“What, go down there?” asked Rainbow Dash, pointing a hoof at the hole.
-I accidentally read a comment on this point while scrolling past so I can't really comment, other than that the following conversation (up until Rarity goes down) is very much in-character for RD. Also, I was surprised that it was Fluttershy and not Rarity who was actually saying that asking would result in being given water.
“We’ll be back as quickly as we can.” Twilight put a hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder to reassure her. “I promise.”
-I wonder if this is just random characterization, a set-up for something much later (perhaps if they have to take Diamond Dog tunnels?), or if RD or the other six are going to get into a fight? And thus be at a disadvantage (RD alone might even lose).
A pegasus that is accustomed to flying at incredable speeds,
through an endlessly open sky, is afraid of small spaces and being confined?
Makes sense when you think about it.