ipwnlocks
Joined 30th Nov, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not reading, sorry, no clop for me, but you forgot to tag it with "sex," you only did "mature."
Automatic downvote for spelling Twilight's name wrong.
zona9.ro/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/NO.jpg
Ya no I'm very easy to please but I did not like this one bit
I couldn't think of one image to put in to describe this, so... I put in three!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3p0e5NeEz1r5prb1.gif
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24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m69a1g5C0u1rvzw0uo1_500.gif
Odd how the description gives the impression of it being poor, yet upon reading it, one discovers it isn't so bad. Certainly not fantastic, but the flak it's getting is rather unnecessary. Guy's new, so maybe he didn't know off the bat to add the bloody 'Sex' tag. Is that a viable excuse when the FAQ follows you wherever you go? Not really, but still. The author's a week old to this site.
Meanwhile, as for the story itself, not too bad. Some odd capitalization errors as well as grammar, but overall I've seen far more unspeakable things. I take notice that this appears to be a genuine attempt to write, and isn't done in a half-assed manner. I'll give a like, simply because people don't realize what they're killing with fire most of the time. They like going with the flow, and use the voting system as their guide.
Don't let the hate drive you away from writing, by the way. 'Keep calm and pony on', as some would say.
1766893 I applaud your fair criticism.
1766925
'Tis what I do. Would be cruel to try and make it off worse than it truly is.
1766832
Wow, Near. And you thought I was the cruel one. That's just mean. Funny, but mean.
th09.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/f/2011/243/f/8/jensen_facepalm_by_gomios13-d48efuv.jpg
Next time write the fic after you finish clopping instead of during.
1766943 You are thus my favorite kind of critiquer. (Okay, so that's not a word, but it is now!
)
holy shit guys, i think everybody needs to calm the fuck down, i JUST made this account on this site to add this ONE my little pony story. ill edit some of the the shit, and add a sex tag, or whatever.
jesus christ.i thouht yall were suppose to be the "loving and tolerating" type
now to do specific responses.
1766670
1766672
i put the sex tag, shut the fuck up.
1766672
1767343
fixed.
1766740
1766832
1767062
i don't even know what point you are trying to get across with your comment.
1766805
well.... it would probably be more helpful if you were more specific.
1767575
i gaurentee i wasn't typing with one hand.
1766893
as for the only REAL review; this is the only review I've ever gotten about one of my stories that wasn't along the lines of "it was amazing" i felt it was lacking about halfway through, but writing about ponies is harder than humans, they have more limitations. i felt like i could have put more back story into it, but i was lazy and didn't want to do it so i said "fuck it" and went to bed.
1768837
I owe you an apology... I looked at the title and then at the first chapter's name, and nothing else, so I assumed it was Celestia clop. I noticed your reply and came back to read it, and saw the description. My previos comment was written under the assumption of Celestia clop, so I'll give it a read this time.
Again, my apologies.
EDIT: Dammit, it was Celestia clop.
Oh well. DAT ENDING
1769036
i ment that i assumed fimfiction.net was the nicer group of bronies, im used to /mlp/ on 4chan, they are like the cynical group.
1769110
it wasn't a Celestia clop though.... Celestia herself wasn't even in the story; it was all twilight. that's the point.
and yes, that ending.
Just saying next time try working your way onto the clop scene. What I mean is you dove straight in to toys and then the fluttershy thing, even if putty in RDs hooves I believe she would be more reclucent. But desent for a first one
1769540
humans are alot easier, ponies have so many more limitations.
This may be try but start out with a decent make out section and work your way south
and you can prolong things by adding details. Just a thought.
1768803
Most of us are. They're just a lot of people who get irritated by things they presume to have witnessed countless of times. Don't worry; FimFiction is a pretty good place.
1770360
no idea what you are talking about.
1768803 no matter where you are people will always criticize your work
I enjoyed it, very nice work.
1774229
yeah... i guess so.
1774251
it seems most people don't share your thoughts.
1775791 Lol true but most people don't give things a chance without following a hive mind. Any other stories you got I'll be sure to read them as well.
1775881
i do have others, but none are MLP related
http://www.fanfiction.net/~ipwnlocks
1775791 that rule of the Internet is one that rule one states that I should not talk about
1776428
what the fuck are you talking about?
1776962 rule one of the Internet states. "Do not mention rules2-62" or something
1779083
rule 34 and 63 are the only ones that matter
1779178 but I rejected those rules and substituted my own in witch rule 28 is: never cook bacon with your shirt off.
1783471
problem?
What's going on in....
Oh.
Well this level of invective is rather unnecessary. Porn's okay, story's mm-okay, prose sucks, but Dearest Author's getting better at it. I'll say here what I didn't there: you can really use a good critical editor plus some time reading style guides (I like It was the best of sentences, it was the worst of sentences).
Sex-mechanical errors:
- Stallions only flare when they're about to come. They're not supposed to pass through a mares PC muscles like that, and I imagine it's not comfortable. Avoid using Bad Dragon as a reference, because they're for really kinky humans and rather extreme.
- Speaking of which, rough sex hurts: bruising, cuts, abrasions, etc. You jump too fast to heavy pounding.
- "Love canal" is a stupid term. It implies an air-filled void down the middle, especially when you're looking at one. You do know what a vaginal opening looks like, right? On people and ponies both: like a little hair scrunchy completely closed.
- I kinda doubt Flutter's tongue is strong enough to give Dash good g-spot stimulus, but whatever.
- Mare orgasms build and fade slower than a stallion's. There are multiple contractions of course, silly.
i don't like this story anymore.