A short Slice of Life fic in which two little fillies get ready for school with the help of their mother.
EDIT: I'm fixing all spelling errors. This is it for the edit.
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- Member Since 23rd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 14th, 2016
Charles Wolfe
Just a simply Furry who happens to find MLP interesting
Charles Wolfe
Joined 23rd Sep, 2012 ·
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inb4 Redigar. *trollface*
"Moment", not monet.
1777011 Where is that?
1777089 Fixed. Along with the other error.
1777212 Sorry about the double post. Deleted second version.
I'm no grammar expert, but the way I would write that is: A short Slice of in which two little fillies get ready for school with the help of their mother.
See the tense change? Wile is also while.
You go from eduMATcation to eduMAcation, "Sorry, Scooty, but" flows better as "Sorry Scooty, but"
Once again, one of these tenses is not like the other. Also, shift should be shifts.
their and their, you either need to try auto-corrections, self-corrections, or getting an editor. Most of these mistakes are too easy to see and easy to fix too, if English isn't your first language then finding ways to correct these things seems like good practice.
Even more corrections, yay.
Ermmm... Who is this you you speak of? Unless Scootaloo has an imaginary friend, in which case you could have mentioned it. Also, "says in her mind" is tricky, you can't exactly say thought because I'm (at least 70%) sure that thought can't be used in present tense, and thinks also sounds silly. I don't know why you even went with present tense when past tense would have flowed better in this story anyways, but I've never even written (wrote?) anything so I'm no expert.
Watch your then's and than's.
Also, your lift equation is... What? If it was meant to be confusing then it succeeded, but if you were meant to understand anything other than a few jumbled words then you failed. I guess I'll be the first person to thumbs down on this story, not really sorry about it.
Also, I'm pretty sure a "Nightboom" is the same thing as a "Rainboom" except without a rainbow mane, but that's up for debate.
I would give you points for originality with the whole Scootaloo thing, but it's been done once or twice (still pretty original, mind you) and the way you wrote Derpy was the plastic-mold-dumb-blond-muffin-loving way a lot of other people have done it, and Dinky was the same-small-silly-smartypants she's usually portrayed as. Not that I could ever hate Dinky.
Great! Fav'd and up'voted. Seriously, this is awesome! It's not a fail like my first story!
Okay, just some, er, suggestions?: Try to, um, describe more instead of letting them talk; like for example you could describe how Scootaloo's related to Derpy and Dinky, or maybe how she feels about it. That's...uh....it. But whatever you want is fine...
Wuv the cover pic and title! You're gonna do great on this!
1778022 Well I'm not proud of my first fanfic either but in all honesty I don't think lots of us expect our first fanfic to be really good, it's sort of a trial and error process.
This is... this is actually pretty good.
Good character for Dinky, smarter than she looks.
two possible errors that I didn't see pointed out.
Is spelt Cherilee or Cheerilee
Should life be lift?
1777327 That's okay.
1778022 Nu-uh.
1780443 I kept typing "life" and was getting so annoyed that I really just stopped all editing. And I know how Cherilee is spelt, just so freaking annoying when the keyboard won't type right!
1777537 Thanks, I'll be editing.
1777537 Nightboom is exactly what it says; traveling faster than the speed of light, which I and I alone can do. I don't know why I'm going to say this but..CAN'T TOUCH THIS! Back to the explaination: the Rainboom is whatever Dashie does and the Nightboom is what I do. As for Dinky's explination, it was supposed to be confusing and make no sense. Although, there is a way to calculate stuff like that.....
1781116
Eeeermmm... Oook then? I'm pretty sure the only difference between "your" boom and "Dashie's" boom is that Dash splits it, and you (presumably) just turn invisible, but there's really no point to an argument about it.
1782871 If you want more details on the Nightboom, just ask, I'm willing to tell you exactly what happens.
1782887
I don't really need a full blown explanation on it, going "faster than the speed of light" is enough, but thanks for the offer.
1781037 Uhuh.
1782906 Okay then. Suit yourself.
1782909 Nu-uh!
1782919 Uhuh.
1782930 Fine!
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings...
1782980 You didn't! I'm the one who's sorry.
1782985 *Derpy walks by and gives you a muffiin then leaves* It's okay...and are you gonna eat that muffin?
1782997 Not if you want it.
1783011 Nah, not thanks.
1783250 Are you sure?
Two mistakes.
"Ans" should be "and."
"thier" should be "their." You got the I and E mixed up.
1787611 Thanks, I'll take care of them.
1787465 Yep! *pushes muffin towards you* Why don't you have it, and eat it for me?
1788979 Okay. *eats muffins* You're so cute, you know that Wishes?
1789037 Hm....let me think about that
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................hmmm..................................................................................................Nnope 
1789052 How didn't you know?
1789057 Well cuz in real life I think I'm super ugly....even though other people don't think so of me.
1789080 You should never think such things! Ever! Noone should ever feel ugly!
1789085 I mean outside not inside; but otherwise, yeah, I think of me as not exceptionally beautiful.
1789096 You should not say that! Never! It doesn't matter your looks anyway! One one thing matters: what you look like inside. I look like a stomach, liver, 2 kidneys, small and large intestine, pancreas, esophogus and more stuff; how about you?
1789111 You're totally awesome you can't possibly be like that!
1789214 Uh-uh! I so am!
1789221 Okay, fine, I'll say I'm possibly pretty, possibly, if you agree to say you're totally awesome.
1789233 No, say you are beautiful and I'll say I'm kinda cool.
1789242 You're super cool.
1789265 I'll say I'm super cool if you say you are absolutely beautiful. I've seen pics of you so I know what I'm talking about.
1789269 Or....have you?
1789271 I have. With glasses.
1789277
Uh....if you want to, I could actually send a pic to u...
1789284 No need. I have already seen you...I might pass out if I look again because you are SO CUTE! YOU ARE JUST AS CUTE AS FLUTTTERSHY!
1789290 ...I...wait did u see it on my Deviantart?
1789363
She figured me out! Yes...I did.