So...damn...hot...also, Luna is awesome!

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I have yet to release the full awesomeness that is the Princess of Night / Queen of Dreams.

Luna is an interesting character to me. She has lost so much, and has yet to gain any of it back save for her sister and her sanity. Yet I don't see her moping about it. That was what caused the problem in the first place after all.
Also, there is another bit of information I wanted to put into this chapter but it was just forced exposition so I cut it. It'll come up later though, I've got a few ideas of how better to introduce it in a more natural means.

Next chapter we get some more of the main six! I do rather like the RareLight interactions though.

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I agree, I do find the RareLight appealing, for whatever reason.

When you will be editing chapters please rewrite everything to one tense.
All that flip-floping is distracting.

Quite a few typos too but as you wrote that edits will be made only a few I remember:
Chapter 3:
"sees… disappoint in them."
disappointment
"inner thighs where starting to get a little wet."
were starting
"flicks her tongue over the clitorises"
clitoris

Chapter 4
"An-and me and Celestia had a, umm, a few sessions to break of me of the habit of calling her 'Princess'"
Celestia and I
break off
""STILL THEY TONGUE LEST YE FORGET WHO THINE TALK TO MORTAL!" "
thy tongue
Olde english? http://alt-usage-english.org/pronoun_paradigms.html
"I'm sure all my friends would want to be your friend too." "
your friends too

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When you will be editing chapters please rewrite everything to one tense.
All that flip-floping is distracting.

I am in the process of doing so in the first chapter. As I have said before this is a bit hard for me as I just don't see the tenses and have to go through each line many many times. I kind of just want to get chapters out so people have new stuff to read at least. The polish is coming, sorry for the wait on it.

Quite a few typos too but as you wrote that edits will be made only a few I remember:

All are fixed as suggested save one, and for another I'll comment a bit more on.

"An-and me and Celestia had a, umm, a few sessions to break of me of the habit of calling her 'Princess'"

This is the one that remains unchanged because it is dialogue and Twilight is flustered and not thinking straight so she's not getting her grammar correct.

break off

What's this mean? I don't see any breaks in the test.

""STILL THEY TONGUE LEST YE FORGET WHO THINE TALK TO MORTAL!" "

I actually replaced all the various forms of "they" with "you" since Luna was meant to be impersonal right now and I got them flipped. So it is now "Still your tongue lest ye forget who you talk to mortal".

OK, got to go, work on this work later, thanks for the comment and the help.

This is the one that remains unchanged because it is dialogue and Twilight is flustered and not thinking straight so she's not getting her grammar correct.

There's no need to make Twilight sound like; FMJ: "Me love you long time" and she would newer ever be so rude as to put herself before Celestia IMHO. So I would still recommend changing it to:
"Celestia and I"

break off ( http://www.thefreedictionary.com/break+off ) here: "break of me of"

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she would newer ever be so rude as to put herself before Celestia

She was just having a dream where she was both physically and verbally abusing Celestia to a rather extensive level. Her respect for her mentor and Mistress in indeed great and in most situations I would agree she'd never do that but while she is a highly skilled lucid dreamer it is still the Dream Lands and there latent desires take the forefront. This is also the reason she couldn't keep herself from reacting to Luna's teasing, she enjoys being embarrassed in those situations in that fashion.

It is not really spoilerly to say that Twilight does desire that level of control over Celestia, but only in the sense she'd want to "be on top" of any of her partners at some point. She is what I like to call a "True Switch" (The Scene has so many variable terms... ) in that she enjoys both submission and domination in equal measure and likes to keep them balanced.
However her waking relationship with Celestia is very imbalanced towards her mentor, and frankly she knows that won't change and, while not totally "happy" about it is quite "content" with the way things work.
She enjoys it, Celestia enjoys it and no pony is getting hurt, at least not in anyway they don't like and won't heal. Still doesn't mean she can't want more. Maybe one day she'll buckup enough courage to talk with Celestia about it... .

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I am in the process of doing so in the first chapter. As I have said before this is a bit hard for me as I just don't see the tenses and have to go through each line many many times.

Here's a tip that might help you with that. Whenever your verbs end with an "-s" or "-es":

Rarity looks up again when Twilight pauses there...
Twilight gives a light smile at that...
Twilight reaches across the small table and places her hooves gently over Rarity's...
Rarity's head snaps up at that, her hooves spreading a bit as she makes eye contact with Twilight again.

That's the present-tense form of the verb, and therefore the wrong form to use if you're writing 3rd-person past-tense.

Past-tense verbs will usually (but alas, not always) end in "-ed":

Rarity looked up again when Twilight paused there...
Twilight reached across the small table and placed her hooves gently over Rarity's...

Unfortunately, English has an awful lot of irregularly-conjugated verbs that defy that rule:

Twilight gave a light smile at that...
Rarity's head snapped up at that, her hooves spreading a bit as she made eye contact with Twilight again.

(Note how in the second example, "snap" requires you to double the "p" as well as add the "ed" to get the past tense; "snaped" would be incorrect.)

So, finding the right past-tense conjugation might require keeping a dictionary handy. But as long as you keep in mind that no verb should ever end in -S or -ES when writing past-tense narrative, that should keep you steered in the right direction. (I can't even think of any verbs off the top of my head whose past-tense forms end that way, so if there are any, it must be a pretty rare case.)

Hope that helps!

Honestly, the grammatical mistakes aren't so horrible as to take away from the story. I'd suggest maybe polishing it up once the story is complete, but it's up to you.

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I am really bad at wanting to go back and edit, and edit again, and maybe edit a third time. I always talk about doing it, and when I sit down to write new stuff I'll start editing the old again. Then force myself to "leave it for later" and move on.

I edit each chapter at least twice before posting, and still miss loads of stuff. I think waiting till the end might be for the best, that way I can get to more of the good stuff..

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It certainty wouldn't hurt my feelings any

This is a intriguing fiction & I hope you continue...

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I've been working on the next chapter off and on, but Life keeps throwing me curve balls. Some of them hit me pretty hard.

I'm still working on the story, and I can't say when the next chapter will be out but just know that I am still working on it.

6523089 Wow! I did not expect a response! Here is my opinion: As long as you do get out quality stuff like this, take as long as you need. It is way better than a "Never" answer.

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I try and respond to every comment I get, at least the ones that do not seems like "conversation enders", i.e. stuff that really doesn't need to be responded to.

As for the "quality" of my stuff... I know it's not the worst there is but I know it can also be a lot better.

6524802 so is this story dead...or what?

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"or what"
I'm... working on it. There's been a lot of things that have happened that have either prevented me from working on the story (computer troubles) or things that just shot my interest in writing all together for a while (family things) or just made me too tired to write (twelve to fourteen work days, accruing into fifty to sixty hour work weeks; all unpaid overtime).
And me just being lazy. I am oh so very lazy.

But I am working on it. I've rewritten things too many times to count and I'm rather sure I've got a good path forward and am happy with how things are going. Things will get updated Soon (tm).

Hopefully.
Just, uhh, don't hold your breath. You can't read if you're passed out form lack of oxygen.

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The first chapter is pretty good, but it suffers from switching back-and-forth between past and present tense. A little more punctuation wouldn't go amiss either.

This is a known problem of mine which has been brought up in the comments before, it not something I have ever been able to fix on my own though I have tried for many years. People have told me I swap my tenses in normal speech and it is not something I notice even then.
If you could maybe point out individual instances in a PM I will fix them as they are pointed out. My brain just can't parse it properly so I constantly miss them in editing.

This... does not sound physically possible. And led to possibly my strangest Google query to date.

And it shall forever be in your Google search history. FOREVER.
Anyways, some females are "drippers", in that they get very wet when aroused. Keep them aroused long enough and the juices will literally drip off their body.
I'm going to bring up, but not actually use, the fact that "horse wrists don't bend that way" when it comes to what is or is not physically possible for a magical talking miniature horse. Still, this is something that can happen in real life, though it is not overly common.
Plus, uh, I kinda find it hot as all get out so... MOVING ON!

This is going to hurt. When deepthroating, the penis enters the esophagus, not the trachea. There are very good reasons for this.

Well, that's a basic anatomy fail. I will fix that in my local copy and get around to updating it at some point here when I can polish up everything else as well.

The what? Googling this didn't return anything in English...

I had the following in my author's note on the first chapter, which was posted before the author's note sections were in the system and thus it was actually the first comment on the chapter.

P.S. Yes I will be using the term "pencortus" instead of "alicorn" for the princesses. In this universe "alicorn" is what the horns are made from.

I was asked what it meant and responded as the second to last comment on the first chapter (currently. And trying to link to it doesn't seem to be working right), but basically it's bastardised Latin that means "winged and horned".

Typos: "Twilight's assists" should be assets.

Aaaaand that'll also get fixed.

I've made some progress towards the next chapter, but I have had very little drive to work on it because of my "real" job that pays for the internet and other factors. I am considering doing a blog post on the reason why it has taken me so long to update when I can, you know, actually update.