• Member Since 5th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

vladspellbinder


I'm lazy. Really lazy. Sloth is my number one sin.

Comments ( 91 )

Author's Note:

So, well… this happened.
I was sitting at work one day when the scene between Celestia and Twilight just popped into my head. I'll admit that I had been reading some fanfics on my phone while waiting for things to happen but nothing, well, Not-Safe-For-Work.
It crowed out all my other thoughts so I worked on it right there, just glad my cube is a bit out of the way… .
On the way home my brain started working on what kind of world this would take place in, because I can't just write a one-shot clop story and be happy noooooo. The AU tag is the most important thing that came of this thought process while I drove. I'll get into the really big differences in the story itself but let's just say don't expect that just because something happened or happens in the show will wind up here.
I'm already working on the, well, "first" chapter; just wanted to be clear about what type of story this is. Not sure when I will be able to work on this much though sadly enough.

I'm horrible at keeping my tenses correct and right now I don't have any pre-readers to help me keep stuff straight or find any other problems. Hopefully I won't have too much wrong. If you do see anything that could slash should be fixed please tell me. I also solicit, helpful, comments, criticism and suggestions.

Most of how the characters will react to things is already worked out but if someone comes up with a better idea before I get around to that particular character I might just work it in. See if you can guess how they'll react before it comes up!
Here's a teaser: Rarity is up first darlings!

P.S. Yes I will be using the term "pencortus" instead of "alicorn" for the princesses. In this universe "alicorn" is what the horns are made from.
And yes, my notes on the chapters will be here in the comment section, not the story proper.

Notes in the comments? Entirely acceptable. I like things done that way because it doesn't inflate the word count and it's a nice stab in the face to the annoying type of folk who go out of their way to get first posts and brag about it for no other reason than to say they got the first post.

Will be reading this in a bit once I've caught up on some of my updates.

Spacecowboy
Moderator

Might want to be more careful of your tenses, you were switching back and forth somewhat frequently at times. Also, first line, you have lot instead of loud.

I'm sure most folks who like Twi and Celestia are gonna hop right on board this, I'll be keeping an eye on it myself.

This is awesome! Live dash at the end. This is why twi should never drink!

Jiopaba

Notes in the comments? Entirely acceptable. I like things done that way because it doesn't inflate the word count and it's a nice stab in the face to the annoying type of folk who go out of their way to get first posts and brag about it for no other reason than to say they got the first post.

To not inflate the word count is the main reason I have chosen to put my Author's Comments as the first comment of each chapter. Everything else is "just gravy" as they say.

1760494
Really don't care for this method of replying but I'm not sure how to do the type of link that has the post pop up just yet. Anyways I am glad to hear that you are, in fact, "OK with this". Please enjoy this train wreck of a story I'm going to be pushing out of the station... .

spacecowboy

Might want to be more careful of your tenses, you were switching back and forth somewhat frequently at times.

Please read my Author's Note; I have explicitly stated that I have this problem. This is a problem I have had with my writing for as long as I have been a writer because it is how my mind thinks (odd, I know) so when I proof read my own stories I just really don't catch the tense changes. I really should find a pre-reader or two to help with this but my normal pre-reader is a bit busy right now.

spacecowboy

Also, first line, you have lot instead of loud.

Thank you for the catch, fixed to "loud".

spacecowboy

I'm sure most folks who like Twi and Celestia are gonna hop right on board this, I'll be keeping an eye on it myself.

I'm a bit of Twilestia fan myself and sadly the Solar Princess won't be returning for a few more chapters as I instead have chosen to focus on most if not all of the rest of the main (I will NEVER use "mane") six before keeping back into that. She she IS very important to the story as a whole, and the name DOES have a meaning that should be rather obvious when you think about it... .
Also as a little teaser hint there will be another character tag getting added to this story in time, but I felt having it at the start would just be overly spoilerific. I might not even add it until at least two chapters with the character in question... .

Finally *Raises his right hand up with his index finger extended, thumb up and other fingers coiled.* See you.

SuperSeriousSoul

It's 'shoes' sir.

Shoe, hoof cap. Po-ta-to, pa-ta-to. (Boilem, mashem, stickem in a stew </repeat>)

chaosking243

This is awesome! Live dash at the end. This is why twi should never drink!

Yes, my version of Twilight has a real bad habit of saying things she shouldn't when drunk, why Celestia never lets her know any state secrets! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as it unfolds.
Also, ALL HAIL ZERO! (Really need to get back to that Anime... . Hum, write clop or watch giant mecha. Hard choice there.... .)

Some errors here and there, nothing a editor/proof-reader or such can't fix.

But they are a annoyance since i had to stop and think what you actually meant to say.

Ill just say for the synopsis:
its taught (teach) instead of thought (think).

And one one that is obvious and i remembered it throughout the story heh:

Turning away from her lower Twilight bends forward

And unrelated to the story, i would suggest clicking on the "reply to this comment" button for every comment you reply to, just so that that person gets a notification. You as the author get one for every comment posted if i remember, but others dont and might not return until you post a new chapter.


DoctorWhooves

Some errors here and there, nothing a editor/proof-reader or such can't fix.

But they are a annoyance since i had to stop and think what you actually meant to say.

Ill just say for the synopsis:
its taught (teach) instead of thought (think).

And one one that is obvious and i remembered it throughout the story heh:

Turning away from her lower Twilight bends forward

I do apologize for it all. I've been mentioning that I'm looking for some prof-readers but so far no volunteers. ^_^&
Fixed the synopsis as well as the pointed out "lover to lower" swap. All the other instances of "lower" (and boy do I have a lot of them...) are meant to be "lower". I am sure there are some other cases where I have some mixed up words, as has been shown a few slip through the cracks while I'm re-reading it myself before posting.


DoctorWhooves

And unrelated to the story, i would suggest clicking on the "reply to this comment" button for every comment you reply to, just so that that person gets a notification. You as the author get one for every comment posted if i remember, but others dont and might not return until you post a new chapter.

You mean like this? 1761807 >:D (Don't really care for this method. I really wish it put it in a <quote=*UserName></quote> format instead, but the "=*UserName* doesn't work here sadly enough.)

1761937 You, ah, may really want to get that first looked at. I am sure that can't be healthy... . Please enjoy the show.

fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/289/4/9/twilight__s_fetish_by_mamandil-d5hobmt.png

Love it :) If that's what you do without whips, pinwheels and ice, I can't wait to see what it'll be like if you put them in. IF you put them in xD

1762968
Funny that, this is my fetish too. Who ever would have thought... .

Luminous Shot

Love it :) If that's what you do without whips, pinwheels and ice, I can't wait to see what it'll be like if you put them in. IF you put them in xD

Whips (of many variety, I'm particularly fond of cat-o-nine-tails myself) had already been planned, but not for a few chapters unless plans change and I do more "flash back" scenes of Twilight talking about some more of her sessions with Celestia.
Ice, to, had been planned and, again, not soon. Pinwheels on the other hand... . Eigh, maybe. Not one of my preferred toys but I know it does it for some people and I don't dislike the idea so there is a chance it'll show up.

1763046

Just some ideas I find interesting. And no need to rush those things. Even though I like it kinky I prefer a well paced story over that. :pinkiehappy:

For a heard species there was nothing more fighting than the thought of being alone and venerable.

For a herd species there was nothing more frightening than the thought of being alone and vulnerable,

Nice story but lots of little mistakes like that, this was the most egregious. :twilightoops:

1763343
Luminous Shot

Just some ideas I find interesting. And no need to rush those things. Even though I like it kinky I prefer a well paced story over that.

I am going to try and keep the pacing somewhat even but there will be high points, such as the introduction and some low points as the ponies deal with changes in their lives. Not all of which have to do with getting into the Equestrian BDSM scene... .

1763605
Falkner

Nice story but lots of little mistakes like that, this was the most egregious.

Yeh, sorry about that. I'm checking into a couple of prof-readers to try and help find these things but so far no luck. Glad you like it despite my horrible writing ability. ^_^&

1761066 not a big fan of clop, but this is self aware clop! I'm a Twilestian to the hilt who's been doing writing and editing since I was eleven years old, so if you need a prereader, I'd be happy to help.

The unicorn immediately went sill Should be still.

For a heard species there was nothing more fighting Should be herd and frightening

Now, her breathing had already been fast because of arousal, short pants though nose and around the bit in her mouth. Semi colon (;) instead of comma between "arousal" and "short". Should be through not though between "pants" and "nose". Also missing a the between "through" and "nose", although you may leave that out for the sake of the diction to produce a more journalistic style ala Rorschach of Watchmen. If you do chose that stylistically, you really need a semicolon there, as that's part of how that writing style flows.

Right now her heart was a swift, rapidly increasing in tempo, drumbeat in her ears in the otherwise silent room. There are two ways to handle this sentence. The first would be to say "her heart was a swift drumbeat in her ears, rapidly increasing in drumbeat in the otherwise silent room." The second would be "Right now her heart was a swift, rapidly increasing drumbeat in her ears, building in tempo in the otherwise silent room." The first is less finicky in my opinion, but it's your choice.

The princess kisses and licks her was up the purple horn You no have chance for survive make your time. Now all your base are belong to us. But in all seriousness I can't decipher what you meant by this. Try replacing it with "The Princesses kissed/kisses (depending on which tense you decide to go with(past tense is less gimmicky, but I've used present tense to some success before) and licked/licks Twilight up the length of her purple horn."

and would be much more enjoyable while standing then laying on the cold stone floor. Should be than.

Her five friends where in a circle with her at the table in the library's dining room, staying the night for a sleep over. should be were.

even Pinkie at a loss of anything to say for once. This sentence is in disagreement. Instead how about "even Pinkie at a loss for words for once." or "even Pinkie failing to find anything to say for once."?

Blah blah blah tense agreement throughout story blah blah blah.

All in all, this was easily the kinkiest clop I've ever read. Waaaaaayy kinkier than Four of Two. Add in some plot and I might even give an upvote. And that ending :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:. Poor Fluttershy.

1766061

Knight of Cerebus

The unicorn immediately went sill Should be still

Fixed

Knight of Cerebus

For a heard species there was nothing more fighting Should be herd and frighting

Fixed

Knight of Cerebus

Now, her breathing had already been fast because of arousal, short pants though nose and around the bit in her mouth. Semi colon (;) instead of comma between "arousal" and "short". Should be through not though between "pants" and "nose". Also missing a the between "through" and "nose", although you may leave that out for the sake of the diction to produce a more journalistic style ala Rorschach of Watchmen. If you do chose that stylistically, you really need a semicolon there, as that's part of how that writing style flows.

Fixed incorrect words, changed the common to a colon and changed it to read "through her nose".

Knight of Cerebus

Right now her heart was a swift, rapidly increasing in tempo, drumbeat in her ears in the otherwise silent room. There are two ways to handle this sentence. The first would be to say "her heart was a swift drumbeat in her ears, rapidly increasing in drumbeat in the otherwise silent room." The second would be "Right now her heart was a swift, rapidly increasing drumbeat in her ears, building in tempo in the otherwise silent room." The first is less finicky in my opinion, but it's your choice.

Chnged it to read as follows "Right now her heart was a swift drumbeat in her ears, one rapidly increasing in tempo, in the otherwise silent room."

Knight of Cerebus

The princess kisses and licks her was up the purple horn You no have chance for survive make your time. Now all your base are belong to us. But in all seriousness I can't decipher what you meant by this. Try replacing it with "The Princesses kissed/kisses (depending on which tense you decide to go with(past tense is less gimmicky, but I've used present tense to some success before) and licked/licks Twilight up the length of her purple horn."

That "was" should have been a "way". I think past tense would be best, this is a flash back slash retelling after all. Also fixed a bit after that section, Finally - IT'S YOU!

Knight of Cerebus

and would be much more enjoyable while standing then laying on the cold stone floor. Should be than.

Fixed.

Knight of Cerebus

Her five friends where in a circle with her at the table in the library's dining room, staying the night for a sleep over. should be were.

Fixed.

Knight of Cerebus

even Pinkie at a loss of anything to say for once. This sentence is in disagreement. Instead how about "even Pinkie at a loss for words for once." or "even Pinkie failing to find anything to say for once."?

Changed it to "even Pinkie was at a loss" which it should have been been in the first time.

Knight of Cerebus

Blah blah blah tense agreement throughout story blah blah blah.

Yes, yes. I really hate it but I've tried all manner of writers tools to try and get my mind right on tenses but none of them work. I think my mind works in all three time periods at once. I mean, I can understand temporal mechanics and the application of alternate time-lines without any trouble. My brain just isn't right... .

Knight of Cerebus

All in all, this was easily the kinkiest clop I've ever read. Waaaaaayy kinkier than Four of Two. Add in some plot and I might even give an upvote. And that ending :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:. Poor Fluttershy.

Funny that, Four of Two and Xenophillia are two of the stories I have read most recently and they were so well written it rekindled my own desire to start writing again. But yes, this is going to be one kinky story. Since everyone has different levels of what is "kinkier" though I don't think the story will be getting that much kinkier though.
The purpose of the "Introduction" chapter is just that, kind of a scale to know what the story is going to be and be about. It'll dip lower at times and may go a bit higher in some of the heavier scenes but this gives you a good idea as to what the story will be about. At least the A plot. And yes, there will be plot later, as well as more "plot". Those cutie marks are just so spank-able after all... .

As this isn't really too much of a spoiler I'm going to go ahead and reveal something. The main focus on the story is going to be Twilight getting her other friends into the BDSM scene, so everyone can expect a lot of "fun times", not all of which will be "sexy fun times" though.
I really like the idea of weaving plot into clop, much like the above two mentioned stories do. So there will be a lot of characterization and plot building with how all the characters react to this change of their ideals while physically in the situation itself. It'll be a challenge, one I am not sure I'll be able to meet but "nothing ventured, nothing gained" right?

And just wait to see what I have planned for our favorite yellow pegasus. You're going to love it (her). ^_-

Knight of Cerebus

not a big fan of clop, but this is self aware clop! I'm a Twilestian to the hilt who's been doing writing and editing since I was eleven years old, so if you need a prereader, I'd be happy to help.

I wasn't really aiming to be "self aware" but eigh, that's fine with me. Just so long as I don't start to get too meta in this.
Princess Celestia will be returning in later chapters. She will not always be paired up with Twilight though, not as the other main six start to get in on the action... .

Drop me a note with your e-mail address and when it's ready you'll be one of the first ones to get the next chapter.

1766363 my email is Taolinibrd@gmail.com. As for your plotting, I want to see Submissive!Celestia and Dominant!Twilight by the end of the story, but 'tis but a merry dream :pinkiecrazy:. Until that time, arrivederci, Knight Of Cerebus :yay:

Twilestia where Twi is being bottom? I almost forgot that such beautiful things exist. For some reason people like to write clop where Celly is being dominated by Twi.
Upthumb in advance for promised plot. Becauce clop with plot is best kind of clop.

1766593
Knight of Cerebus

my email is Taolinibrd@gmail.com. As for your plotting, I want to see Submissive!Celestia and Dominant!Twilight by the end of the story, but 'tis but a merry dream :pinkiecrazy:. Until that time, arrivederci, Knight Of Cerebus

My e-mail is my username here, just at hotmail. What can I say, I really like this name. As for submissive Celestia, well, I've thought about that and it just really fit for her in my mind. But, then again, that is what dream sequences are for... . ^_^

1767642
Librarian

Twilestia where Twi is being bottom? I almost forgot that such beautiful things exist. For some reason people like to write clop where Celly is being dominated by Twi.
Upthumb in advance for promised plot. Becauce clop with plot is best kind of clop.

Yeh, I see a lot of that too. As I mentioned above I just don't really see it. I, mean, yah, sure, Celestia might want to take a break from being the one "in charge" every now and then I just don't see her making a good submissive. Maybe letting her current lover call the shots some and direct what they do but not getting tied up or the like.
I'm going to try and get some actual plot in this, or at least some character growth and interaction above and beyond the sex. It remains to be seen how successful I'll be on either front but thanks for the vote of confidence and I hope you enjoy the show.

1769267 I think Submissive!Celestia would work in Celestia giving Twilight a test on what she has learned, as it were. It also has the advantage of Twilight being Adorkable, which is always a plus. That's how I would work it in this continuity, at least. In other stories, usually Dominant!Twi comes from Celestia's (real or imagined) dependence upon her to defeat evils too powerful for her to handle and how that translates in the bedroom, as well as her being the sort to do things passively, as opposed to Twilight's direct approach. Which is to say that's as close to IC as you can get, because I assume from canon "Real"!Celestia is a prude and Twilight is probably as graceless and panicky about sex as everything else.

1767642 Where are these stories you speak of? I find myself....interested :pinkiecrazy:

I'd, read through and try and give good commentary but i'm exhausted. As such.... Interesting to see this, i'm a fan of BDSM, can easily see Twi being a sub for Celestia, and the way they have it set up and how Twilight was so casual, if drunk, about it, was interesting. Am curious as to the cast's reaction. ....Does Spike know? He has known Twi and Celestia longest....

1771158 The latest one was Relfections. There were others, but I don't remember them since submissive Celestia it's not my favorite ship.

1769267 Don't listen to this man, he's bad for you. :trollestia:
I have better idea. If you'll ever get writer block, I suggest to watch what Rarity did with Celestia's hoof in Sweet and Elite to get inspiration.

1775568 *assumes Thrakerzod voice* I am a normal pony!...And as such, demand normal chances to meddle in others' writing....normally:derpytongue2:

Also that idea works nicely. Might I further submit the thought of The Royal Canterlot Dominatrix Tone, while on the subject of looking to episodes for inspiration?:raritywink:

1775439
Travler7

I'd, read through and try and give good commentary but i'm exhausted. As such.... Interesting to see this, i'm a fan of BDSM, can easily see Twi being a sub for Celestia, and the way they have it set up and how Twilight was so casual, if drunk, about it, was interesting. Am curious as to the cast's reaction. ....Does Spike know? He has known Twi and Celestia longest....

There are some very important reasons I went with an Alternate Universe for this story. While Celestia does not go around announcing in ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE that she, did, in fact, get some of Twi's pie (and yes there will be a TwiPie section of the story, just wait) it is also not a secret, just something they normally keep to themselves like most couples do their sex life.
This version of Twilight gets very chatty and very lose lipped when drunk, which is why Celestia has made sure just what she does and does not know when it comes to 'state secrets'. It'll be covered a bit more in story as well. And so will everyponies reactions.
Spike is a bit young for such things, he's only a baby dragon after all. He is very tired of hearing that excuse too. He knows Twi and Celestia have "special lessons" he isn't allowed to come too but just not what they entail.

1777986 sounds like this is moving along at a good clop (I'm so punny :twistnerd:). When can I expect the next first draft?

1799618
Knight of Cerebus

sounds like this is moving along at a good clop (I'm so punny :twistnerd:). When can I expect the next first draft?

I am really hesitate to give any hard times on my writing. My Muse often pulls me from project to project and I wind up working on a lot at once. Lots of other things are coming up this time of year as well but hopefully "soon". We'll see just how "soon" though... .

1801946 I know how that is. I understand completely that inspiration seeps and ebbs, I was just worried that I may have not gotten it yet :twilightblush:. Nothing worse than saying you'll do something for someone and then completely ignoring it.

1759607 Lovely clopfic, man. say, just out of curiosity, where did you get pencortus from?

1815675
Shieldmaiden of Luna

Lovely clopfic, man. say, just out of curiosity, where did you get pencortus from?

Thanks, still working on the next chapter so wait around for more... .

I was waiting for someone to ask that.
It is a bit of a portmanteau of the Latin words "pennatus" meaning "winged" and "cornutus" meaning "horned". They share "tus" so I took the first three letters and smashed it together to get something that kind of maybe if you looked at it sideways in a dark room with sand in your eyes meant "winged and horned".
It is a horrible, horrible misuse of a beautiful language but I thought it worked well enough and I was going to be using the "old-school" meaning of "alicorn" at one point. Which before the fandom starting using it to refer to winged unicorns was often thought to be the substance unicorn horns are made from or just the horn itself (since it means "secured horn" in French).

Still not sure how I feel about the Author's Note thing... . Oh well, new chapter! Have at it. Happy Holidays and all that.

Also, for some reason, it doesn't look like my total word count updated... .

Edit: Nope, word total updated now. Never mind.

1844860 Fifteen drinks is kinda drastic at three in the afternoon... .

1844944
NotATree

Fifteen drinks is kinda drastic at three in the afternoon... .

I abuse ellipses, why I said it was an unrecommended drinking game. I didn't have any in the Introduction chapter, save for one in the story description and two in that chapters Author's Notes. As the characters become more sure of their selves in the situations they are in the number will drop because there will be less uneasy trailing off. But still, expect to see a lot of dots from me... .

1845229
chaosking243

Your such a tease

I never I said I wasn't. Some people like that you know. I guess you'll just have to stick around for the payoff... .

Sorry, I didn't like the chapter per se. :applecry: It feels like introduction for readers to "BDSM 101 for dummies and horses" (It only lacks explicit mention of SSC), and anyway I'm pretty sure people who are still reading this know all this stuff already. It doesn't advance the story or characters too far.

Enough of theory. Practice time. Show, don't tell :duck:

1848408
Librarian

Sorry, I didn't like the chapter per se. :applecry: It feels like introduction for readers to "BDSM 101 for dummies and horses" (It only lacks explicit mention of SSC), and anyway I'm pretty sure people who are still reading this know all this stuff already. It doesn't advance the story or characters too far.

Readers may know these things but Rarity didn't. Also I have learned not to assume things about people. Someone may have liked the first chapter because they enjoy literary BDSM but don't know how it works in real life. I know I was one of those people who had some slightly wrong ideas until I did some honest research and got into The Scene. Also, this is an alternate world, they may have different "Play Rules" so I needed to establish that they are very close if not the same to ours. One thing I didn't cover that I just couldn't quite work in was how magic effects the play but I'll get to that soon enough.
Also I want to take the time to point out that Twilight kind of half-way covered Safe-Sane-Consensual, that is a failing on her part for not going over it completely but she did hit the most important part: it being Rarity's choice.

I understand wanting to get to the action but I am the type of writer that feels these little bits of character building are very important to the overall narrative. But don't worry about having to see this kind of thing for the rest of the main six. Rarity and Twilight did talk "off screen" before but since Rarity was so nervous she needed to go over it again. And my a-fore mentioned reasons outside of the story. The others however... well, you'll just have to wait and see.
I could have used Fluttershy for this chapter instead but, um, well, she's Fluttershy. I don't think she'd be willing to try this sort of thing until at least a few more of her friends have given it a whirl.

I appreciate your feedback and I thought about it before writing this chapter but in the end I felt it was necessary for a number of reasons.

Librarian

Enough of theory. Practice time. Show, don't tell :duck:

Chapter two is very much a "show" chapter. Just, please stand by.

1848514
DavidPony

i like where this is going:twilightsmile:

Glad to hear it! I'm sure you'll like it even more when it's there.

1851022
Mane 6

Keep it up!
Also: this = you:
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0ebelQjQa1r1cmfg.jpg
Fantastically written!

Thank you for the complement.
And yes, so far, still no regrets!

I have to admit, I was pretty bored after I realized there'd be a huge introduction to BDSM and probably no clop in this chapter. However, after the first wave of disappointment was gone, I enjoyed it very much. Most guidelines you named were nothing new to me, however, I often appreciate this introducing a character into the scene, instead of hanging them above a pit filled with freshly imported tentacle monsters from Japan and spanking them with a cat o' nine tails until they bleed out, if you can forgive me this little exxageration (I assume we both know sometimes it isn't one.)
I couldn't write something like this chapter. I'd become too excited by the 'fun' part and not be able to write this introduction properly. However, it was done very well, and I like this idea with the alter ego to get more into the whole scene. I haven't thought of this before until now, probably because I'm a pervert at heart and don't need to get into the scene first xD.

Kudos

1857355
Luminous Shot

I have to admit, I was pretty bored after I realized there'd be a huge introduction to BDSM and probably no clop in this chapter. However, after the first wave of disappointment was gone, I enjoyed it very much. Most guidelines you named were nothing new to me, however, I often appreciate this introducing a character into the scene, instead of hanging them above a pit filled with freshly imported tentacle monsters from Japan and spanking them with a cat o' nine tails until they bleed out, if you can forgive me this little exxageration (I assume we both know sometimes it isn't one.)

I object! You can't spank with a cat o' nine tails. The very act of using the cat makes it whipping. This is basic stuff here you know.
But, seriously, yes, info dump chapter. Didn't originally plan on it but I just let Twi and Rarity talk in my head and it happened out that way and I felt it was for the betterment of the story as a whole even if there wasn't any real action. I also worked in a few bits important to the over all plot that may not be as easily caught the first read though or even seem that important until more information comes to light.

Luminous Shot

I couldn't write something like this chapter. I'd become too excited by the 'fun' part and not be able to write this introduction properly. However, it was done very well, and I like this idea with the alter ego to get more into the whole scene. I haven't thought of this before until now, probably because I'm a pervert at heart and don't need to get into the scene first xD.

Kudos

We all have different writing styles and pose, it is what makes reading such a joy. I like to think that I am very strong in dialog and location description with my weak points being keeping my tenses the same throughout a paragraph. I am sure I've got a few more than just that one but that is my major one that I'm constantly working on.

As for the "alter ego" as you put it Role-Playing is one of my big kinks so you can expect to see it a lot in the coming chapters. And it really does help some people get more into the action if they have some mental barrier, no matter how thin, to hide behind.
Thanks for the comment and complements, still working on the next chapter, no ETA just yet so please be patient.

Okay, I don't know If this is intentional or not , but is it supposed to say "sleep over" here? ->

to forget our last little group sleep ever.

Also I am loving this! More please! :twilightblush:

1869182
Compass Rose

Okay, I don't know If this is intentional or not , but is it supposed to say "sleep over" here? ->

Yes, thankyou. IT has been fixed now.,

Compass Rose

Also I am loving this! More please! :twilightblush:

More is on the way! I'm having a little trouble getting the scene to play out like I want it too but I'll come, don't worry!
But not before next year at this rate... .

Hey vladspellbinder. would you mind sending the next draft to me through FimFiction? I forgot the password to my dummy email account I created for the story, my ipad ate the note I made containing the password and I can't use my legitimate account because it's swamped with mail as is and my parents sometimes comb through it with me. Just copy paste it to a message and message me. I'm twiddling my thumbs while I wait for uni to start up again, so feel free to send it to me whenever, alright? :twilightsmile:

1890004
Knight of Cerebus

Hey vladspellbinder. would you mind sending the next draft to me through FimFiction? I forgot the password to my dummy email account I created for the story, my ipad ate the note I made containing the password and I can't use my legitimate account because it's swamped with mail as is and my parents sometimes comb through it with me. Just copy paste it to a message and message me. I'm twiddling my thumbs while I wait for uni to start up again, so feel free to send it to me whenever, alright? :twilightsmile:

Still working on the next chapter, but I'll send it along via message instead of e-mail when it's ready. I'm back working again now though so that's less time I have in my week-days to work on things so it may be a few more days before it's ready. -_-

1893913 whenever you can is fine. Don't feel like you have to rush yourself, either. I'd rather a well-written chapter in three months than a lousy chapter tomorrow. :twilightsmile: Also don't sweat the grammar and so forth too much. It's my job to catch any mistakes you make; yours is to keep the story interesting and everypony IC. Which is to say, don't sweat it. Looking forward to your first draft! :pinkiehappy:

Damn this story is good! Could use some more chapters though:twilightsheepish:

2022994 chaosking243

Damn this story is good! Could use some more chapters though:twilightsheepish:

Thankyou, and yes, sorry about that everyone. Work cut about a month and a half off a project deadline so I've been putting in a lot of overtime to get it done and that leaves me little time to write. Things should be settling out soon so hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of it again.

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