Luna discovers Gaming

by Rourke

The Birth of Gamer Luna

It's a rather gloomy day in Canterlot. The weather ponies scheduled heavy rainfall for the day, so evereyone was inside avoiding said rain. In the highest tower of Canterlot Castle, a certain blue alicorn princess by the name of Luna trotted aimlessly around her room. To be truthful, she was bored out of her mind. Being about six in the afternoon, our dear princess, who had recently woken up, was looking for something to pass time. It had been about a year since her return from banishment and she had already caught up with modern Equestrian laws and society. This meant that she no longer needed to have study sessions that she usually did with Twilight. She considered inviting her for some other activities, but decided against it, thinking Twilight must be doing something important anyway. Finally deciding that she truly had nothing to do in her room, Luna left to explore the castle.

Meanwhile, Celestia was taking care of some rather dull paperwork in her throne room. As she was finishing, Luna entered the room.

"Good evening dear Luna. Did you have a good rest?" Asked Celestia.

To this Luna replied: "Yes dearest sister. My rest was rather pleasant." Now, Luna had recently adquired a coltfriend whose name was Rowan. He was a black and red alicorn with a Spell circle as his cutie mark. Unfortunately, he is a Captain of the Lunar Guard and he was away dealing with some business in the Crystal Empire.

"Has Rowan returned yet?".

To this question Luna quietly answered: "No, he's still in the Crystal Empire. Celestia, can i ask you something?"

"Anything dear sister."

Luna then trotted towards her sister, sitting next to her. " Is there anything I can do to..."

" Pass time?" Celestia finished.

"Yes. Did you read my mind again?"

Celestia looked at her soothingly. "No Luna, just your face."

Celestia began to ponder about her sister's predicament. Suddenly, the proverbial lightbulb flashed above Celestia's horn. She quickly grabbed it and flung it across the room with her hoof, much to Luna's bewilderment. "I have an idea. Have you heard of videogames, Lulu?" asked Celestia sweetly.

"I thought I asked you not to call me that, sister." Said Luna with a slight pout in her face. "No, I have not heard of these 'videogames' of which you speak."

"They're a type of interactive game system that uses computer-like devices to simulate.the game on a screen." Celestia explained. To this, Luna tilted her head slightly right and said: "...I don't get it."

Celestia sighed and stood up. "Come with me, Luna. I'll show you." Picking her papers with her magic, Celestia began to walk towards the door, with Luna close behind. Celestia then gave said papers to a guard. "Deliver these to Princess Cadence. Tell her that it will all be taken care of by tomorrow."

The guard nodded and responded: "Yes, Your Highness." and proceeded to deliver the documents. Celestia then proceeded to walk with Luna towards her room. Upon entering, Celestia led her sister through a small door in the back to a rather large gaming room. Luna had quite a surprised reaction and asked: "Since when do you have this?"

Celestia simply replied: "Not long. One and a half, two years give or take." Luna was fascinated by the display in front of her. Arcade machines, large Console clusters, 60 inch screens everywhere. It was a heck of a sight. Celestia went to one of the consoles (X-box 360) and said: "Want to start with something easy, or go straight to the awesome?"

Luna raised an eyebrow and said: "Your challenge has been accepted. Take me straight to the awesome."

"You are a confident one, sis. I like that." said Celestia with a smirk. "Let's start with something that isn't too violent. Hmmm... I know, Kindom Hearts!" Celestia hoofed Luna one of the controllers. Luna looked at it with a puzzled look on her face.
"You're supposed to grab it" said Celestia.

"Like tisfff?" Asked Luna with the controller on her mouth. Celestia looked at her with a blank expression and facehoofed.

"Oh boy, here we go. Sis, with your magic."

"Oh, he he, sorry." Luna said, a faint blush forming across her cheeks. After setting thins up and Celestia explaining how the game works, the two Alicorn sisters began their first game night together.

***

After about an hour, Luna and Celestia, still enjoying their first games together, begun to lose track of time. Celestia inmediately notices and pauses the game.

"Celly, why did you stop the game!? I was just getting the hang of it!"

Celestia looked at her with a stern face and said: "Luna, it's time to raise the moon. We're almost late."

"Awww, but I want to keep playing. Can't I keep playing for five more minutes." Luna put on the best sad anime eyes she could muster

"No Luna. You and I have important duties to fullfil. Remember that this is just an entertainment. You should be weary of how much you use it."

"Fine" Luna pouted. They left the game room, Celestia stayed to set the Sun and Luna left to her tower to Raise the Moon. After their rituals had been completed, they returned to the gaming room. Luna quickly pounced on the controller to resume playing as fast as possible. Celestia sighed and sat along her sister and they resumed their game. After a while, Luna started to get tired of the game.

"This gaming thing is harder than I expected, but it is really fun! Are there any other games?" Asked Luna with the look of an excited little filly. Celestia grinned, but quickly changed her expression and said:

"Luna, do you realize what time it is?"

Luna shrugged and replied: "Come on, Celly. I want to play some more." Celestia had a serious look in her face and pointed at the clock in the corner.

"It's time for Night Court, Luna. You still have to take care of your duties as a Princess. I'm sorry,but we're gonna have to continue another time." Celestia saw her sister's expression sadden considerably. To this, Celestia got closer to her and hugged her. "You can play all you want after Night Court, but right now, you have to do this. I can't be around all day, after all." Luna sighed and hugged her sister back.

"It's ok, I understand my responsabilities. I'll see you in the morning."

Celestia kissed Luna's forehead, wanting to make her feel better."Good night, Lulu." Celestia giggled at Luna's facial expression.

"Now you're just trying to annoy me. Good night, Tia." Luna grinned. Celestia just shook her head and went straight for her bed, taking off the Royal attire and dropping unceremoniously to the bed.

Luna left the game room (with a pending game of Street Fighter left on stand by) and proceeded towards the throne room to start Night Court. Luna entered the room and sat down in the throne. She lifted her left hoof to signal the guards to open the doors. Luna's feelings of annoyance were noticeable as she said in the Royal Canterlot Voice:

"I declare this session Night Court to be open"

Luna waited for a few minutes when she heard a few voices and hoofsteps approaching. She quickly righted herself to look more regal, only to feel herself deflate after seeing Fancy Pants and a refined dress maker mare called Velvet Shine coming in through the door. Luna sighed in frustation and said under her breath.

"Oh dear, why do I get all the stupid cases."

Luna quickly put a serious face and steeled on. Looking down on the two arguing ponies she said:

"What seems to be thy problem, my loyal subjects."

What followed was an all out assault to the royal ears. Even the guards on the door winced as the high pitched arguing pierced their ears. One of them looked to the other one and said:

"This is going to be a looong night."

They had no idea how right they were.

Comments

[Chaotic Note]

I'm an author of a Gamer Luna fic myself.
cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-tbob.png I'll read this and tell you what I think.

[The Gentle Colt]

The Gentle Colt here to give out helpful writing tips to help you become a better writer!

>Reads

Alrighty, what we have here is yet another fic about Luna discovering some sort of technology. This has been done countless times before, but I decided too read it anyway, hoping that it would be somewhat unique. While it is not horrible, and I understand that this is your first fanfiction, this story doesn't really seem to have anything to offer in terms of variaty. Nothing really happens, and the comedic value was very low. I am not hating on your story, it still can be saved, but with some rewriting, and a good proofreader, as that is always important. I wish you best of luck in future chapters, if you do choose to continue this fic. Just take your time, and sice this is intended to be a comedy, think of things to entertain the reader. That is, of course, the point of a comedy fic afterall

- The Gentle Colt, crusader of pure love and tolerance.

[Casey1859]

I really like the concept, and the story is rather well written. There are just a few grammatical and spelling errors in your text.
First off, I'd just like to say, that the sentence "our recently woken up princess", sounds a bit off. I believe that something more along the lines of "Our princess, who had recently awaken, ..."

Secondly, there are just a few spelling errors. Here are just a few that I noticed.
inviteng = inviting
In the sentene, "Is there anything can do to...", I believe you are missing an I between anything and can.

I hope you have a fun time writing this story, and I really like the premise.

[Chaotic Note]

To this Luna replied: "Yes dearest sister. My rest was rather pleasant." Now, Luna had recently adquired a coltfriend whose name was Rowan. He was a black and red alicorn with a Spell circle as his cutie mark. Unfortunately, he is a Captain of the Lunar Guard and he was away dealing with some business in the Crystal Empire.

whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa-Whoa.
Stop right there.
Big-BIG mistake with this. Not only did you include an Alicorn OC in this story, but you've also made IT her boyfriend? Not the mention the fact that it's RED and BLACK? Truthfully speaking, you're going to have people trample all over your work. There's no denying that. Please, PLEASE! Do not use Alicorn OCs unless you're involving them in a very well written ADVENTURE story.
Reason being is that Alicorn OCs are heavily frowned upon in the community. While I don't have a personal grudge against them, other people won't hesitate to bash on your story.
Other than that, the way you describe the scene and the story itself is a bit below average and you'll need to work on your spelling.

[reader238]

okay i like i shall keep watch and to>>1735817 i think i will check out your fic as well i like gamer luna

[Chaotic Note]

1735908
Oh um, thanks!
It's in the middle of being re-written. If you see any red notes in the chapters saying it's being re-written, don't bother reading it. It's going to get replaced by a newer and better chapter.
Still, feel free though!

[Rourke]

1735899
I'll be giving him a lot of coverage on a massive cross fic I have planned. He is actually one of the most important characters in said story... i don't know why i gave him a cameo here, maybe my inner pinkie Once i finish this story, I'll write the big one, which is called Keeping Balance and it will be divided in three stories. Thanks for the heads up though.

[Siiver7]

lol, just reading the description made me laugh

[Chaotic Note]

1735977
Okay then, if you say so.
Just a quick tip review on what makes a GOOD OC and avoid making it a Gary Stu (or a Mary Sue).

#1: Don't let it be an OVERPOWERED Alicorn.
#2: If it IS an OVERPOWERED Alicorn, turn down the power and give it weaknesses.
#3: Don't give any OCs the color scheme of RED and BLACK. Those are overused and horrible.
#4: Give your OC an interesting background. Don't just tell the readers straight out about who they are currently. For example, a hero of a shining kingdom could of once been a humble farmer.
#5: People love to sympathize with a character's sad story. Does your OC have any sorrow in his/her life?
#6: Don't ship it with a popular, canon character.
#6.5: If you do ship it with a popular and canon character, don't just shorten the romance to a one-chapter, it-just-fucking-happened relationship. It needs to be a deep and complicated process.
#8: Weakness are as follows: Being a jerk sometimes, not proficient in magic or flying, being too shy, being to prideful, doesn't think things through, and many more. These are the kind of things you'll need to include on your character.
Letter 9: There's no #7.
#10: Whatever you do, do not let the OC get all cloppy and cuddly with a canon pony. Not unless the OC is well-received by the fans. If he/she is, good luck.

[Rourke]

1736054
All righ then... Rowan seems to fit with about 60% to 70% of that (minus the black and red thing... i love that scheme for some reason) his story does have sorrow and while he is powerful, his weaknesses are slight shyness and the fact that he is rather impossible to predict. He wont really appear here per se, he's only getting a cameo or 2.

[Siiver7]

Yeeeaaah, your going to have to read the story yourself and edit it.
It would also help if you added descriptions of the environment along with adjectives: shape, color, details, etc.

Just some suggestions!

[Chaotic Note]

1736116
Being rather impossible to predict isn't a weakness. That's just a special aspect.
What is a real example of a real weakness is being too loyal to your friends.
For example, would you choose to save your friend from certain death at the expense of the destruction of thousands of lives?
Or would you save the thousands of lives at the expense of your friend's death?

[Rourke]

1736126
Thanks. I know this needs a lot of work before it's really good. I just wanted to see what i was doing right and what not. I need more comedy bits and better writing. I kinda suck.

[Rourke]

Also forgot to mention, he lacks control of his power for a long time, also low emotion control.

[Siiver7]

1736149 Don't worry, it's only your first time. Lots of people start of in similar ways, I know I did

Starting low (not that you are, but if you see yourself as so...) only means it's easier for you to improve, so don't look down! Because there's nothing to look at when your at the bottom (again, not that you are, but...)

Can't wait to see more!
"yes you can."
Eeeeh, I guess your right...

[Diokno44]

1736166 Very nice,i have a similar story, well,actually it has a hint of Gamer Luna, but has Alicorn OC. You can read it here

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/65629/Night-will-fall-and-the-Dark-will-Rise

[Rourke]

1735871

Fixed it. Tell me if you find anything else. I'm glad you liked it. Expect more in the near future, i'm going to try and pump up the funny, silly and random factor in the next chapter.

[Rabuiods]

1736054>>1739324

This fic wasn't bad, just needs some TLC.

I was going to give you pointers on OC romance, but ChaoticNote's tips are better than anything I could give. IMO, numbers, 6.5, 8 and 10 are most important, especially if you insist on keeping his black and red color scheme. Don't get discouraged, it can work (My most popular fics have a black and red OC, and he does just fine), just know that readers will already have strikes against him for the colors, but if your story follows the tips, you should do just fine.

I also suggest taking this, it should help prevent your OC from becoming a Mary Stu.

Good Luck, hope I was able to help for your future fics.

[Chaotic Note]

1739860
You kinda made me blush at the "ChaoticNote's tips are better than anything I could give" part.cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-tblush.png
Anyway, I've tried it out the test, and I have to say thanks. This helped me get a sense of how good my character is. Still can't help that he would need a little more improvement.
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/665211_489009207806232_124898359_o.jpg

[Rabuiods]

1740723
No problem, it's great advice! And for the record, letting me know that I've made you blush has made me blush...looks like we're even.

Happy to help. Laughing Stock, my OC has a total of 45. I think forties are a good spot to be in, because if your total is too low, they chastise you for being too distant from them.

[LunaLover1990]

Ah, this is a great story! I've not read much Gamer Luna fanfic, but this is good! Real good! I hope you keep writing!

[Rourke]

1735899
You know what just ocurred to me? I'm gonna hold this fic for a while and write an intoductory fic for Rowan. That way, anyone who reads this having previously read the other one, will know who Rowan is.

[Chaotic Note]

1741784
Whatever floats your pegasus.

[Codelyoko12lover]

seems good so far although, black and red alicorn... well, i won't say anything. Its just i often see it with a plain color scheme to it like black coat and red mane or something. Although... seems interesting as well. I'm not sure how i would rate this, so i'll save rating for now.

[Rourke]

1742243
He has red Zecora type lines along his coat anf his mane is also red.

[Rourke]

All right everypony, gather around. I have an anouncement to make... I'm putting this story on Hiatus so I can tackle another project so you guys, the readers, can understand just who Rowan is and how he came to be. I'm starting this one as we speak and I hope you guys will read it. I expect it to be approximately 8-10 chapters and somewhere around the 15k-20k word range. That'll be all... ALLONS-Y!!!!

[Rourke]

1742243>>1741934>>1741013>>1740919>>1736810>>1736263>>1735908>>1735871>>1735864
Guys, please read the previous comment, it's important...

[Chaotic Note]

1747133
good luck

[Rourke]

1747150
Thanks, I hope you read that one as well.

[Rabuiods]

1747133
I'm sure it will be a great read.

[Rourke]

1735817>>1735864>>1735871>>1735908>>1736047>>1736810>>1739860>>1742243>>1741013
To all readers, my story of Rowan "Out of the Shadow" out. Hope you all enjoy it.

[sakuralovelight]

i really like it so far hope to read more soon

[Gamer_Luna]

1747133 I have no idea what hiatus is

[ponylover2]

4835228 a hiatus means the story is paused but will continueok