Not really buying the whole "pony" thing anymore.
When two worlds collide, bad things usually happen. When gods battle, bad things usually happen. When worlds are dragged together creating an internal conflict between gods, something bad is definitely happening, especially when mere mortals are the ones controlling the situation.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The first chapter of my first story, I hope you enjoy and tell me what the hell i'm doing wrong so I can further satisfy your hunger to read.
Wow, I expected little of this story, but, unless my low expectations made it seem as, this was actually pretty good!
Well this seems like something..... Good or Bad Im not sure so lets see what happens.
Well...it was interesting, to say the least. Your grammar and punctuation needs some work, as I saw numerous run on sentence, separated by a horde of commas, similar to this one, although much longer. Simple grammar mistakes such as using 'their' instead of 'there' and spelling errors like 'decent' instead of 'descent'.
My question is: How did this pass moderation, as the rules explicitly state that if it doesn't have ponies in it, it gets failed.
1677028 Why thank you =D
1677254 I'll try my best for good
1677265 I will soon patch up stated errors and ponies next chapter?
1677297
Well...since the eyes of the mods have magically surpassed you, I guess you're in the clear for now. The story is interesting, and if you fix up some of the errors, it should turn out quite well. Best of luck to you!
-DivideByZero
1677308 Thank you very much
No really how did this pass moderation? Now Im just curious.
1677490 I honestly have no good answer to that question I was expecting it to fail, so I would just release this chapter along with the next to get some pony in there.
Alright... just a few things.
Yeah... the grammar, spelling, and punctuation leave things to be desired, but I have never been one to be hung up on that; just get an editor and update it. Problem solved.
Now on to the storyline... I guess I'll be the one to ask: how much heavy metal to you listen to? I have to say, despite the somewhat low expectations I had regarding the story in the first place, that the plot so far is not bad. While it times it seems monotonous and rather hum-drum (in the I've-read-this-before sort of way, NOT THE BORING SORT OF WAY
), still enjoyed reading it. That being said, it reminds of the music of Slayer (I mean, things other than the title... 
).
Overall a very good first attempt!
1677692 Thank you on the second chapter i'm sure you will find the grammar much improved as i'm going twilight mode and triple checking the thing now its finished. Also you got me some of this may be a teensy-weency bit influenced by heavy metal
After rereading this several times I have come to the conclusion that I am fairly clumsy with character dialogue, does anybody have suggestions to improve this?
Next chapter has got to have some kind of reference!!!
if not...
mememaker.net/static/images/templates/387064.jpg
1677856 Continue to write and hope for the best but expect the worst.
1677265 Chapter one has been revised. The grammar and spelling is now much more satisfactory.
1677872 ok i'll try that
1677862 Oh dear lord better add one right quick okaaay and there we go =D
this is intrsting
1678495 Glad you think it so =D
Not bad at all, keep it up.
1678769 thanks =) chapter three is almost done but i should probably sleep soon
1678793
Hehe yeah sleep is a good thing, I'm working on my 10th chapter for my fic atm. the main character has shifted his sleep schedule to hang out with luna, and apparently it's affecting me also, since I slept from 10 this morning till 930 tonight
sleeping at night is for the weak.
1678806 Indeed, being nocturnal is the way to go!
Okay Third chapter hope you liked, I will now rest so I have a greater ability to write tomorrow.
Well that escalated quickly
MOAR
1679026
One thing my good sir: LOSE AND LOOSE. for future reference, get them two words sorted out. 
other than that, good read so far. 
Reading the chapter now, looks like a good time
1679051
Agreed.
1679075 actually i need to rephrase *ahem*
MOAR
1679089
Don't get too carried away there buddy, I've got a new chapter going up within an hour on my story so you need to save some enthusiasm!
1679026
Read the chapter, dat plot... this could be a very good story, keep it up buddeh.
1679114 1. not your buddy but i am your bro 2. I iz female (the more you know...and knowing is half the battle)
1679126
webspace.webring.com/people/dj/jetfireinc/GiJoeLogo1a.jpg
G-I-JOOOOOOOOOOE!!!
1679187 FINALLY someone knows the reference
1679199
How could I not? G.I. Joe is best action figures, and I grew up with that show.
1679204 Woot
I'm liking this but I have a couple of suggestions:
1. I found many run-on sentences. Look for a way to break them up or it disrupts the flow.
2. Include more dialogue. Perhaps Henric talking to himself? I mean no offense, but so far there is hardly any sense of character either from Henric or the rest. You have massive chunks of text completely devoted to nothing other than a passive play-by-play of events. I hope this makes some kind of sense.
Hm...
Not bad. I enjoyed.
You have my thumbs up.
Congratz on the feature.
1679478 Ya I have always been bad with dialogue but I will try my best to put some more in the next chapter though
1679624 This got featured?!!??!?!?
I'm nervous about how this chapter turned out, but I tried putting a bit more dialogue in. It was also quite a bit shorter than I would have liked it to be, so expect longer chapters in the future. Hope you enjoy.
Love and Tolerate only when it suits them. Violence and Destruction when it doesnt.
1681334 yes, yes indeed violence and destruction must make way for love and tolerence though.
AWESOME
good chapter, can't wait for more!
luna... y u no chill
1682005 Thanks =D
1682063 Next chapter should be out tonight sometime, and she's just mad cuz she was having a bad mood. Oh and he has struck out at her very beloved night by assaulting civilians and her sister is telling her to wait on it while the demon wrecks more havoc.
1682083 WELCOME
1682106
Fisticuffs has been declared. let the battle COMMENCE!