Henric, having just finished the slaughter of another beast, knelt to clean his blood-smothered blade. He was rubbing the enchanted sword on the leaves beneath him when he heard a feminine voice shout, "Hey, you!" as he was lifted from the ground. He found himself totally immobile a few feet of the ground with the tingling of raw power encircling him. Abusing the much greater magical field of this planet, he surged out with a shock of energy breaking whatever spell he was under and dropping him to the earth. He landed cleanly on one foot and one knee and spun to face his assailant. What he saw rekindled his theory that the blast had only given him severe brain damage.
Bright, colorful ponies. Some with horns some with wings. Not only had they apparently an inherent grasp of the powers of their worlds magic, but also seemed to be able to communicate via his native language. This told him a few things. One that they obviously were as intelligent as any damned human he had ever met, meaning that they were probably predatory and on the top of this planets food chain, and that there was a good chance that they were demons of some sort. Deducting this knowledge, Henric bolted into the woods fast as his mortal legs would carry him.
~*~
When Twilight Sparkle shot out towards an obviously very dangerous alien creature in the middle of the night, she was driven forward by a pure urge to know everything. She did the first thing that came to mind and shouted at him, as well as picking him up with her simple telekinesis-like magic. The creature within seconds of this used a strong surge of unrefined magic to burst free of her field and bolted into the forest. After the pain from having a spell disbanded from pure brute force had faded, Twilight, not willing to loose a chance at knowledge of another world like this, put on a witch-like vibe and shouted, "After him! Don't let him get away, I'll get the princess!"
This was all rainbow needed, chasing down an alien for one of her best friends? she couldn't miss a chance like that she thought as she flew at breakneck speed down a crowded and dangerous forest after a monster she just saw swiftly and brutally destroy a full grown manticore in one-on-one combat.
~*~
As Henric ran he knew he would be chased by these new horse-demons, but he didn't expect it to be like this. A cyan one was flying up at him at an unreal speed, weaving nimbly in and out of trees. He looked back and estimated that it would be upon him in three seconds, then one second, then he spun around instantly facing the blue streak and ducking, holding his shield like a ramp. This had exactly the effect desired when the small monster whacked against his shield, making a loud bang and slid straight up, headfirst into a tree, before falling down leaving a bloody stain on the bark. Surly it was now dead, but if that was so how could this incarnation of speed itself be a true demon, bleeding mortal blood and dying mortal death?
~*~
Twilight Sparkle had said to her number one assistant one of her trademark lines, "Spike, take a letter."
The scaly green dragon-nymph happily obliged, taking a quill and piece of parchment from the librarian's saddlebag and whote down all she dictated to him.
Dear princess Celesta, I am sure that if the magical blast was as powerful as I think, it has traveled through to the Canterlot palace. I have made discoveries I think you would be most interested in at the start point of this surge, near Ponyville, I hope that you will be able to make it soon so I may show you what was learned.
Your most faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
No sooner was this scroll enveloped in green flames and sent to Twilight's beloved ruler and mentor than a blinding yellow light of pure energy shot through the area, but this magic was controlled, refined, and was based upon the horn of a god-like alicorn. This was runoff from an immensely powerful and long-range teleport only about two creatures in this world could complete, both of whom were now in the meadow at the edge of the forest, with worried expressions.
~*~
After the death of the blue one, Henric could see no threat on the horizon, so he walked up to investigate the body. He lifted the pegasus from the ground. It was still warm and the massive gash on its head was still bleeding. To make sure of its demise he felt the neck of the creature he was now sure was not a demon. There was a pulse. Not strong, but steady. It was faster than a humans showing the higher metabolism that comes with smaller creatures. He decided it was already brain dead, so the moral thing would be to finish the job, Not that he cared about moral or anything anyways.
As he reached down for his blade, an unthinkable event occurred. The flying horse that less than a minute ago he thought was dead, fluttered open its eyes after bashing its head solidly against a tree at near-sonic speeds.
~*~
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes to see the face of a beast. What had happened? Why was she here? Her vision began to come to focus and she began to remember. She was flying. She was flying fast. Why was she flying? She was chasing. What did she need to chase? The beast holding her. At this moment the pain of a crash that severe came to her. She could not scream though, even when she saw the bade to her throat, she could not scream. Was this demon going to kill her? Normally she would have brushed this thought off, the amazing Rainbow Dash could not simply die! But right now she was not invincible, she was filled with nothing but pain and primal fear, but try as she might she still couldn't scream.
~*~
Henric was about to sever the blue ones karroted artery, which would have had her dead within a couple of seconds, but at that moment another of the rare events where he was not prepared occurred. A blinding yellow light shot through the air, making him slip up just enough to release the somehow living creature, that could somehow fly straight. After it was out of sight he thought back to himself maybe it was a good thing he hadn't killed it. If his first day in a new world he was killing the locals, he would have become as legendary, hated, and feared as the monsters he was sent to slay back at his home, then these intelligent beings would have stopped at nothing to hunt him until he was found, and pour knights at him until he died. He decided that this was a bad place to stay as the one that should have been dead would lead the rest there. While hiking deeper into the forest he wondered what had caused the light.
~*~
As the two deities spoke with the unicorn about what on Equis could have caused a gash between worlds powerful enough to bring through an entire life form, probably sentient at that, a blue blur shot towards them from over the heads of the trees, until stopping a second before crashing into them.
Twilight spoke first, asking worriedly, "Rainbow Dash! what happened to your head? are you all right? Did you catch the creature?
To this barrage of questions the cyan tomstallion replied with an almost incomprehensible scream of, "Itwasgoonakillmeithadaknifeanditwouldakilledmebutthebrightlightand-"
A pink one with cotton candy hair stepped in, shoving her hoof in the rainbow maned one's mouth, then and with a high pitch voice said, "Jeez slow down Dashy, no one can understand you,!"
After a few minutes Rainbow had calmed down enough to tell her story, the details of which deeply horrified the mortals and gods of the group alike. Especially the dark blue on with the starlight mane. She was filled with rage at this beast just breaking through to her kingdom and attempting to kill her subjects, she would not rest until she had this new demons head.
~*~
Underneath the bottom of an ancient crypt,in a stone box a robe clad skeleton was thinking. He had originally planned for this spell of great power to be a last hurrah to show off his true power, but it did not seem fully appreciated, and he had a new idea. Through to the new world he could see magic. An almost endless supply of it, all the magic he had ever used in his great works had not even used one billionth of the magic available in this new world. He was sure that if he had access to this supply he would be ably to roam in a true body again. But how would he get this supply?he had a few plans, but he had very limited energy in this body-dead state. He had left a very small, about one by one millimeter by one millimeter, opening left to the other world and could definitely operate with this, he just needed a strategy.
Okay Third chapter hope you liked, I will now rest so I have a greater ability to write tomorrow.
Well that escalated quickly
MOAR
1679026
Reading the chapter now, looks like a good time One thing my good sir: LOSE AND LOOSE. for future reference, get them two words sorted out. other than that, good read so far.
1679051
Agreed.
1679075 actually i need to rephrase *ahem*
MOAR
1679089
Don't get too carried away there buddy, I've got a new chapter going up within an hour on my story so you need to save some enthusiasm!
1679026
Read the chapter, dat plot... this could be a very good story, keep it up buddeh.
1679114 1. not your buddy but i am your bro 2. I iz female (the more you know...and knowing is half the battle)
1679126
webspace.webring.com/people/dj/jetfireinc/GiJoeLogo1a.jpg
G-I-JOOOOOOOOOOE!!!
1679187 FINALLY someone knows the reference
1679199
How could I not? G.I. Joe is best action figures, and I grew up with that show.
1679204 Woot
I'm liking this but I have a couple of suggestions:
1. I found many run-on sentences. Look for a way to break them up or it disrupts the flow.
2. Include more dialogue. Perhaps Henric talking to himself? I mean no offense, but so far there is hardly any sense of character either from Henric or the rest. You have massive chunks of text completely devoted to nothing other than a passive play-by-play of events. I hope this makes some kind of sense.
Hm...
Not bad. I enjoyed.
You have my thumbs up.
Congratz on the feature.