14 - Blackmail!
After hours of work, Jack finally let himself collapse on the sofa. He’d never admit it to anyone, but he wished he hadn’t accepted that bet with Twilight. The apple had gone everywhere and after cleaning it he’d had to put all the furniture back into place before getting to the rest of his and Twilight’s work. She even had the nerve to wave at him from one of The Roost’s tables when he picked up a bag of coffee beans for Nook.
“Totally making her weed,” Jack mumbled to himself while glancing at the written report on the coffee table, the final and most degrading part of the bet. There was a silver lining though. Twilight never said the essay had to contain proper english. The bad grammar and shortened word was a petty form of revenge, and sure to make the bibliophile unicorn cringe.
Sighing, Jack sat in silence as he tried to think of stuff to do. He wasn't really up for video games and Alfonso hadn't left his house all day, although he'd noticed some odd noises coming from the gator's house. Even Seth had been oddly quiet recently. Counting off other possible ideas on his fingers, a subtle noise made Jack's head perk up. Scrabbling off the couch, he rushed to the front door and slammed it open, startling the white pelican by his mailbox. "Hey Pete! Delivering the mail again I see.”
Obviously not expecting him, Pete quickly readjusted his courier bag while organizing the contents. “Hey there Jack. How ya doing today?” he asked, lifting the mailbox's flag so it started beeping. Pete paused momentarily after doing so, a look saying, Why did I do that? crossing his face.
"Pretty bored, wish I’d be better," Jack said with a small wave. Leaning on the mailbox, Jack dropped the flag and pulled out the new mail. "So any spam letters today?" he asked before receiving a shrug from the pelican in response. Stopping midway through the pile, Jack smirked before holding up a pile of flyers.
"Well you know how it is with advertising,” Pete said as he adjusted his satchel. “Wish I had time to chat more, but I have mail to deliver. See you around Jack.” Raising a wing, Pete gave a curt wave before waddling off in the direction of the next house.
Waving, Jack called after him, "Make sure you don't overwork yourself! I really don't want to get stuck with mail duty again anytime soon,” Jack then shuffled through the rest of his mail with mild interest. Walking back into the house, Jack discarded the mail on a table before tossing the pile of flyers into the trash. It wasn't until they left his hand that something peculiar in the pile caught his eye, almost as peculiar as Twilight's first letter. Pulling the black envelope from the trash, Jack looked it over but only found his name printed across the front in block letters without any address. Carefully removing the content, Jack gave it a puzzled look. The letter had been composed using cut out letters from flyers making a message that read, mEet mE at THe Roost at 3:00. CoMe aloNe.'
Jack’s eyes scrolled over the message as his curiosity grew. Just who in the fudge would send such a letter, much less one that was calling him out. He then grimaced before looking behind him at the living room clock. Seeing 2:50, he grabbed his denim jacket from the coat rack before rushing out the door and barrelling into a familiar face.
The honey bear quickly pulled away from the door's peephole before idly twirling a stray lock of hair with her paw. “Hi Jack. I thought you were out,” Maple said with a smile, making Jack cringe internally. “So how has your day been going?” she asked as he brushed past her, before skipping down the walkway behind him. "Mine's been fun, especially now that we can spend some time together."
"Great" Jack muttered in a sarcastic tone, "Just my luck” Much to his annoyance, Maple only giggled from the sour response.
“I’m happy to hear that!” Maple said before snuggling up to him. As if he was dismantling a bomb, Jack slowly pried her paws loose as they walked, until her next sentence stopped him dead in his tracks.
"...I almost forgot to ask you! Have you met the new pony that moved into town? I think her name was Twilight.”
Jack’s blood went cold as he felt sweat bead on his brow. “T-Twilight? Never heard of her,” he lied instinctively, he then chastised himself mentally for stuttering after Maple gave him a strange look. “Really? She just moved here a week ago,” Maple said, freeing a paw to scratch her head.
“You don’t say?” Jack said, his pokerface finally surfacing.
“Yeah! And she’s very friendly too. Just yesterday I let her borrow my whiteboard because she was going to teach math to Teddy.” Maple continued, letting go of Jack's arm to brush another stray lock off her face.
“Oh, really?” Jack said with an inquisitive look, not missing the fact that miss goodie-two-shoes Twilight had fibbed. Maybe she'd actually learned something during her time with him. Clever Girl... he thought with a smirk. Carefully making some space between himself and the clingy bear before Maple could grab his arm again.
“Uh-huh,” she nodded energetically, “so if you happen to meet her could you make sure to ask about the whiteboard for me.”
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever,” Jack quickly answered before palming his forehead. “Oh dear. It seems I forgot the oven on." Taking a few steps down the road, he waved to Maple as she shot him a confused look.
“Wait! Where are you going?” Maple called after him. “Isn't your house here?”
“I meant Alfonso’s oven! Stay away from my house!” Jack yelled back as he kept running, leaving Maple scratching her head at the end of his walkway.
*3:20 pm*
The beach subtly echoed with the sound of crashing waves as Rosie, Chevre, Peanut and Twilight lounged on their towels on the white sands
“....Ahh... what a nice day out... wouldn't you agree Twi?” Rosie asked Twilight as she sipped from half a coconut.
“I agree Rosie, even if it's the beginning of autumn it's still nice enough for a leisurely lounge on the beach” Twilight said with a smile, before she noticed someone at the corner of her eye.
“Oh my, look who it is!” Peanut exclaimed cheerfully “Hey Jack! Heeeeeey!!!” she squealed as she waved like a lunatic, only to be stopped abruptly by the other two next to her.
“Stop it Peanut, He’s not going to mosey on over here just because you're calling him...” Chevre whispered.
“One does not simply lure the Mighty Jack over” Rosey said as she stood up slowly to show-off her pink one piece. Seeing Jack ignore her, she pouted before falling on Twilight. Not expecting it, Twilight jerked back in surprise before Rosey gently, but firmly, took hold of her face. “He's a difficult fish to catch," she said coyly, running a finger under Twilight's chin with a purr. Bewildered, like a deer caught in the headlights, Twilight's eyes went wide as she gulped. "But you seem to have just the right type of bait for him."
“U-Ummm...” Twilight fumbled for words as she was now being shoved into the front lines.
“Now get out there and reel in that man for us!” the enthusiastic cat cheered, her cheer quickly followed by the other two.
“Um... Okay?” Twilight dumbfoundedly said as she walked up to Jack.
“Hello there Jack, what brings you here today?” Brewster asked as he polished his coffee mugs, Jack took a seat in front of him before he began to speak.
“Hey Brewster... I got an anonymous letter saying I should be here at 3:00”
“Sounds mysterious...” Brewster said while glancing towards the stairs with his usually relaxed look “perhaps it might be a secret admirer? you do have many of those here in town”
“I do? fudge...” Jack groaned “Its already enough with one honey bear stalking me, I don't need another crazy girl lure me into some death trap!” he gritted his teeth at his predicament.
“Afternoon Brewster” said Seth as he walked in.
Jack glanced at him as he took a seat at the bar next to him “I’ll take the usual” he ordered as he tipped his hat back.
“Coming right up...” Brewster nodded before he walked into the back.
Seth leaned forward with his arms on the counter, he looked back at Jack “I see you got my letter”
“...” Jack paused for a moment, he took a moment to lean over with his elbows on the counter.
“Yes I know what you're thinking, why would I, the coolest guy in town, send you a creepy anonymous letter.... well... the thing is--”
“Jack? You alright?” Seth suddenly said with Twilight's voice.
“Huh!?
“Jaaaaaack, Hello?” Twilight said while she waved her hand in his face.
“Oh! Twilight, hey there” he said, snapping out of his flashback.
“Hi Jack, I see that you managed to finish all your chores” Twilight teased with a smile.
“Yeah... I did, I also finished that report for you...” Jack replied and much to Twilight surprise he didn't give the usual scowl or gritting of teeth she was accustomed to when getting on his nerves.
“Are you okay Jack? you look like you have a lot on your mind” Twilight stated while paying more attention to his reactions.
“What makes you say that? I don't have all that much on my mind” Jack glanced away from her
“In fact I was just about to look for Alfonso so we could play some Air Hockey” he said with a tug of his shirt collar.
“Air Hockey? sounds interesting, can I come?”
“NO!” he quickly spat out “I mean... Sorry, it's a guys thing, besides you wouldn't want to leave your friends hanging would you?”
“...Oh... um.. not but--”
“Then don't, I gotta scoot so I’ll see you later” he said before he took off.
“Jack...”
“Woah... what happened there? Rosie asked, walking up to Twilight.
“I don't know Rosie... something seems... off about him”
“Oh dont worry boy’s are like that, you’ll get him!” Rosie said with a confident paws up.
“Alfonso! Open up! I know you're home!” Jack exclaimed, banging on his door.
“Jack? Is something wrong?” Alfonso said with a tone of concern as he opened the door, Jack immediately barged in.
“I dont know if I can explain all this right... it just happened half an hour ago and I still have cold sweat running down my neck” he rambled as he sat down in Alfonso’s living room.
“Uhh...” after a slight delay in his reaction Alfonso walked after Jack, sitting beside him “What happened? is The Roost out of Ice Tea? Did you see Tortimer without his shell again?”
“No you Leather-brained Mook!” Jack snapped at him, not wanting to remember that first time ever again “It's... about Twilight...”
*BANG!* “Out with it Fur face! What the fudge did you want to waste my time for?” Jack questioned after banging his fist on the table.
Seth smirked “Now, now Jack... I’d watch my temper if I were you...” he turned a sleazy gaze toward him “but I guess I can't really blame you... since you don't really know your present situation”
“What???” Jack bared his teeth.
Giving a chuckle Seth reached into his pocket “Here... let me show you...”
Jack’s eyes shot open as photos was tossed in front of him “These are...”
“Evidence...” Seth said with a toothy snicker, just as Brewster brought their drinks.
“You’ve been spying on us!?” Jack sneered “That's too creepy, even for you!”
“That may be... ” Seth said before sipping from his ice coffee.
“And what exactly do you expect to gain from all this?” Jack asked.
“Isnt it obvious?” Seth turned to him “I want your little mare friend” he said with a snicker.
“She’s not my mare friend!” Jack huffed “She’s just a house guest”
“More like a Supernatural house guest... one that you don't really seem to like being around, or am I wrong?”
Jack grunted, baring his teeth, Seth kept a sly grin on his face as he sipped away at his coffee “Either way... you’ll have no choice but to hand her over to me.”
“And what if I say no” Jack threatened with an intimidating glare.
“Simple... I spread these photos around to the public... everyone in town will know that you've been keeping a Unicorn in your basement and taint your precious ‘Loner’ image... how does that sound?”
“Holy swamp balls!!!” Alfonso shouted frightened of the news.
“Yeah...” Jack admitted “This just makes things a lot more complicated than I ever thought...”
“...W-What will happen to Twilight if word gets out?” Alfonso asked fretfully.
“...” Jack said nothing for a moment seemingly caught in the steel vault of his own thoughts, almost a minute of tension between them ticked away.
“.......” Alfonso stood there, he began to feel something pool up inside him as the thought of what might happen festered in his mind, something his laid back carefree nature would never conjure up, rage. “That... dirty... flea bag...” he whispered.
“Huh?” Jack turned his head to Alfonso, who slowly turned to his nearest wall.
“THAT DIRTY FLEABAG!!!” a scaly iron fist of rage flew through the air before smashing into the solid concrete wall, shaking the room they were both in while leaving a smoking crater half the depth of the wall itself.
Jack sat there with a surprised and rather frightened expression on his face, he had never seen Alfonso go bezerk like that, much less get angry for anything except whenever he’d drop his ice cream.
“...Ow...” Alfonso backed away from the wall, rubbing his hand “Sorry you had to see that Jack...” he slumped his head in shame for losing control like that, before he felt the hand of his best friend touch his shoulder.
“It's okay Alfonso...” Jack said with a nod “Now that you let that out it's time for a plan...”
“What do you have in mind?” Alfonso turned to him.
“The same thing I've had in mind ever since she first got here... Send her back” Jack said as he sat down, grabbing a paper and pencil.
“But how are we going to do that?” Alfonso asked as he watched Jack draw something.
“I think I found a way... but I’ll need your help...” Jack finally said as he finished drawing what seemed to be an old lamp.
Even though Alfonso didn't understand the drawing at first he still gave an affirmative nod.
“Lets Do It!”
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Good on ya mate!
MAI GEERD! JACK'S BACK!
4082985 Really?
Care to quote where so I can fix them?
4083029 It's half of two chapters. You can't miss it.
Hmmm... it seems the story has gotten 3 more dislikes.... really wish I could talk to these people to know what they think wrong of it
4085197
Can't be too canon now... although if we want to add Equestria Girls to the picture....
4085945
You still have 70 more likes then dislikes. They'll eventually tell you why they've disliked it, not to mention Animal Crossing is a foreign concept to some.
4116157 Your right, thanks man ^^ I still dont get what Juggalo meant tho...
4132744
When Twilight found she had toes on her feet instead of them being hooves.
4085945
There are a number of possible reasons. I'm still sitting here reading it, and it rots in my favorites box waiting for updates, but to be honest sometimes your writing is a bit hard to read.
You're relying almost entirely on knowledge gain from having an interest in both mlp, and animal crossing, and many people dont have experience with AC (I for example have played it for no more than an hour ever.) This means that we have absolutely no idea what the town or characters look like and your story isn't exactly overflowing with adjectives.
Your writing is also a bit disjointed and the motivations of individual characters are shallow or not at all clear. If you're doing it on purpose to show that these characters are NPCs and that Jack and Twilight seem to be unique in that they are somehow PCs, then you're doing a great job of the portrayal, but not so much the communication of that concept to the audience. If you're not doing that on purpose then your characters need to have more personality.
Additionally all of your characters use basically the same dialogue options. As an example in MLP each character has their own way of saying things, and I'm not talking about accents (its generally bad practice to spell words wrong for accents anyway.)
The idea of "We should all go get tea together" would be communicated very differently by each character in the show. I've provided some examples below.
"Come now darlings, I know just the thing to cheer you up." - Rarity
"Um, we could all go get tea. If you're feeling up for it I mean." -Fluttershy
"I don't rightly know what's got you down sugar cube but I know just the thing for a pick me up." - Aj
Now I'll admit that my examples could use a bit of work but I think that they illustrate their purpose fine. The point is that each character has a different way that they actually talk, a different vocabulary, and even slightly different syntax. Your characters largely lack this, which really adds to the NPC effect. This could be because the game developers for Animal Crossing lacked the foresight to do this, or it could be a personal failing, but regardless it makes the story feel clunky.
All of that said, I am neither a slice of life lover, nor a fan of crossovers and I'm still reading this, so take from it what you will.
4210584 This is by far the best comment i have read so far, I've always hoped for someone to give me this kind of detail to why they like or dislike my story.
Kudos to you bud
P.S. you hit the nail on the head when I was going for the NPC effect, not a lot of people would catch up to that
and I promise I'll try to get something out soon.
6600639
6491008
We'll see~
It was good while it lasted