A year has passed since Luna made her return to power. So why is there only one pony who truly cares for her? Main story will be followed by a clop chapter so be warned!
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 10th May, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 28th, 2023
sniper125
Part-time writer; Full-time lover
sniper125
Joined 10th May, 2012 ·
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Guess who's baaaaack! This story has been in the back of my mind for over 2 months and I have finally decided to write it down and publish! Act II will be posted eventually and then I'll have a little "present" for my other readers!
Not bad, please continue good sir
Nice.
Good beginning must favorite and like to see MOAR!!!
Inkamena, what are you doing in that outfit?
I have some problems with Sapphire: she talks too good for somepony who "just old enough to be working and far younger than what she thought would qualify to serve the princess directly":
This phrase is just too complex. I can imagine only Twilight and princesses saying that.
Also spelling: "You... didn't here that Sapphire./Here what? I haven't heard". You wanted to use word "Hear".
"Brave? I wouldn't say that your highness."
Direct addressing requires comma. Honorifics require capitalization. "..say that, Your Highness".
Here's nice guide that covers both.
Thank yo to everyone who has commented! I will be sure to go back soon and correct some/all of the mistakes and then I shall continue work on the second act of the main story!
NYA it so GOOD, HERE take her
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSJYMjAxMi8wOC8yMS8wMl8xMl81NF85MzJfNzg5NzZfX1VOT1BUX19zYWZlX3N3ZWF0ZXJfaW5raWVfcGllX2FydGlzdF9ub3RleGFjdGx5d3JvbmcGOgZFVA/78976__suggestive_sweater_inkie-pie_artist-notexactlywrong.png
1631535 Thanks bro
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Commence read.
Cute.
cant wait for next chapter
Interesting... but:
I think you mean 'hear', not 'here'.
Also, you do realize that the cover art is Pinkie's sister Inkie Pie, right? Judging from the signature at the bottom right, it's also by John Joseco, so be sure to source it to his respective post on Deviantart.
1723913 I'll be sure to correct it!
Also, I am aware of the issue with the cover ^^; A friend is currently working on a proper cover but until then I decided to use this as a temporary cover since it matched with the theme.
I don't approve these words in Tia- or Luna- fics
Also what's with "sex" tag? The hottest thing was Luna's moaning during washing scene. And that's very tame by anyone's standard .
1919763 Well this story isn't ACTUALLY done. The main story is complete but I'm adding a clop chapter for some friends.
1919763 Well this story isn't ACTUALLY done. The main story is complete but I'm adding a clop chapter for some friends.
that's it?
1920572 yes. Besides the "extra chapter" this is it for now.
I know the story was really short but I intend to write a much longer story that isn't as rushed once I finish all of my other projects.
I apologize again for the shortness.
Myes- this was rather short, the confession felt like it had built up without our knowledge, but even so- it was pretty cute. Though it was hard to get immersed in the emotions of the confession when we didn't get to ride on the build up. It has potential, at the least. Though it would be nice to see more.
Next time, try just drawing it out more, adding more story points and emotional candy. Especially reactions and inner conflict can be more interesting than drama or misunderstandings in romance. Anyway, I'm sure you'll experiment more and try more things, have fun!
The main reason I read this because it wasn't a ship with Celestia, Twilight or a human male or royal guard. Even though it was short it was a good read. Wish there were more like this.