Twilight is anxious to teach Luna about friendship and Luna is anxious to learn. But as passions are ignited, mishaps occur.
To suggest pairings and for more information about Equestrian Shipping, go here: http://peacelovingmadman.deviantart.com/journal/Equestrian-Shipping-short-05-328948640
Part 2 is so much longer than part 1, sorry about that. Probably why it took such a gross amount of time to edit.
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Why is Luna's flank the moon?
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Wondering that too. I did somewhat of a "...the hell?" double take at the full moon.
Story was pretty good until the party scene. To me it felt rushed and glazed over, the build up to the party was longer. The "power surge" could be elaborated as well. What I'm getting at is the ending just seemed to come to a close too quickly, I'm guessing writer fatigue. Maybe take another look at it when you're fresh? Other then that, definitely tracking.
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(It's a pun on moon being another word for plot, by the way)
There are a lot of reasons. One was taken up by Rainbow Dash in the beginning of "Rainbow Dash Presents: Captain Hook the Biker Gorilla", the other is a warning not to take it too seriously. I write for fun
Secondly, your concerns has been taken into account. Due to the extended party scene, I can now break the story where I intended it too, so yay! Also added an extra paragraph for the "power surge" scene, as you so aptly named it :3
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I reread the remastered section and its a definite improvement, good work! I half expected to read about CGI Dewbacks combing the desert in the background!
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I forgot to say in my last comment: thank you for your suggestions :3 The feedback from readers is very important to me in my quest to improve and I'm glad you agree with the additions. I think I can move on to the second part now
not sure if gusta...
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If you'd like a pre-reader/editor type person let me know.
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I can always need pre-reader/editor type person. Fact of the matter is, I always miss so many errors when I read it through
If you have found some of the ever-present errors and you would like to help out, maybe leave some commentaries in google docs? https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PPjReLWlSP8f3bmKQoBMFFOrr9CcE9btxAv-sMSxpes/edit
I must admit...
What the heck happened in the end? And why does Luna get angry?
I really don't know what happened in the end, care to elaborate?
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I hope this will keep you in suspense and not drive you away.
I understand your confusion and I am sorry if this is detrimental to your opinion. At the same time, this part is intended to end in a cliffhanger and I hope the next part will give answers to any and all of your questions. Without giving much away, I will say this much however: Luna uncontrollably released her magic into Twilight.
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I did notice that Luna let magic lose into Twilight, what I just don't understand is Luna's reaction to it...
And just so you know, a confusing ending is not enough to drive me away :p
1352912 Ah. Sorry about the misunderstanding
Luna at the end is horrified of what she is capable of and what she has no control of. She solemnly drives Twilight away to keep her from being hurt any more. Hope this clears it up some :3
oh no magic releasing kiss of doom run away
That ending was unexpected
I'm glad I found this story, it was an interesting take on the Canterlot Wedding
Part one started off quite nicely. Good setting and showed great promise.
Then part two came and fucked everything up.
I mean, really? Copying Season Two Finale with Luna & Twilight instead of Shining Armor and Cadence?
I hate to say things like this, but it is quite frankly horrible. I know you could've come up with something better, copying an already existing episode and just using other characters shows nothing but lazyness.
I really suggest rewriting the entirety of part two.
Also, what happened in the last paragraph? Is it a flash forward 'till after Twilight dies, or what is it?
Chapter One was superb! It earned an instant thumbs up and gold star from me.
I can only assume that Chapter Two is, in fact, a terrible joke we've stumbled into. Perhaps a Pinkie Prank gone horribly wrong, or maybe it's really a nightmare! That's gotta be it. We'll wake up tomorrow and they're be a chapter 3 which starts with... "Twilight woke up sweating from a terrible dream involving a fake wedding which never happened. At all. Ever. Then she rolled over and kissed Luna and everything was better again."
We can only hope.
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When I initially wrote part 2, I thought about what people would like and what I would find funny to write. Lampooning the wedding episodes, making light of weak points like Shining Armour’s mysterious Gary Stu appearance, was my way of doing this. Nothing has been copied nor lifted, not even dialogue. Everything has been written by me from the get-go. I am sorry that you feel this is lazy but more work was put into it than the first part.
That being said, writing these stories is a learning experience and each story will feature their own gimmicks. If you liked the first part better than the second, that’s your opinion and I respect that. I will take the best parts with me and leave the bad behind, but I am satisfied with Story 03. It is finished in my opinion and nothing major will be changed about it.
... hi mistake it should be believe
good story i liked even though it was pretty much a abridged parody of season 2 episode 25&26
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Understandable. My main concern with Ch. 2 is that if it was supposed to be parody, then it wasn't parody enough. It read like a well-written and thorough typeout of the Season 2 closer, with the obvious character replacements. Punch it up, make it over the top, so that it reads more like the story version of this. I still don't know if this would entirely fix it, because Ch.1 doesn't read like parody. Ch.1 is a great story, well done and characterized wonderfully; I'm just not sure Ch.2 as parody, whether subtle parody or outlandish parody, really fits with it.
If it matters, I'm not going to switch my thumbs-up rating, and I'm leaving this in the tracker, mainly because chapter 1 was just that good.
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Ah, thank you!
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I'm glad you liked it
That was a truly amazing story...
At first i was like
The i was all like
And the sweetibele...... I laughed so hard!
trout? seriously, they were eating fish? i don't mind much, but it sure is unusual.
what was up with the wine, unless there was an actual soporific drug mixed in with the wine then that wouldn't exactly happen, ever. falling asleep is not unusual, the way she fell asleep was.
mane 6 is not something you usually say in a story. it's like saying "lol" or alike.
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Why not? Luna is an old-fashioned mare who likes fish and strong wine
Hmm. You may be right about mane six. I'll keep it in mind
truthfully; i didn't enjoy this very much, the way you wrote it like the wedding with only a few changes (admittedly, the changes were quite big, but it was still the royal wedding) felt kinda cheap, as well as all the cheap jokes. the ending was very short and deeply dissatisfying because of the sudden "twilight died of old age and that's that" immediately after reading about the wedding.
That was amazing.
Firstly I I found Luna's Plot Moon really hilarious and Chapter 1 had a solid Buildup and Story behind it. Chapter 2 started out a little to fast moving for my taste however it completely redeemed itself by the unique take on the Canterlot Wedding Episodes and the vast Improvements you did to it not the least the TwiLuna Touch. And the sad but abrupt Ending to close it out.
I honestly gave up when you said they were eating fish.
The grammar was good, and I enjoyed the description. But, what killed it for me was the dialogue. It felt like Luna WENT BACK a step. Not to mention how Discord is just 'meh' to her. She seems like a real bitch. Luna felt... well, wrong to me. Twilight was only so much better. I can't judge the rest of the story, because, I gave up in the first part when I saw they were non-nonchalantly eating fish, and Luna goes 'Discord came back? Cool story, bro.'. Grammar is okay, as I said but dialogue, omg.
Just... the dialogue. It turned me completely off.
Gotta agree with the other complaints. Chap 2 simply wasn't nearly as good as Chap 1 and I ended up skipping through the last third of it or so as a result.
Why did you ended like that man. You do realize that Twilight Sparkle became an Capricorn too. This is just a very disappointing ending but like the story.
Waaaaaaaaaaaht?!
where did that ending come from?
Chapter one was one of the best starts to a Twiluna story I've read. It was excellent. It could have turned into a multi chapter love story of awesomeness.
Start to the second chapter was also good.
But then the wedding came along and it felt as if out of nowhere you pulled out your own take on the canterlot wedding. You succeeded in doing that if you meant to take the show and make this your own, but after the first chapter I really didn't feel like it was the right thing to do. After such a cool start to a original story In chapter one, it felt like you took a lazy option just so you could finish the story up with minimal fuss.
The ending I could have done without. B cause it came out of nowhere, it had next to no emotional impact beyond the shock of twi passing on. If you wanted to end in that sad state, a little build up helps.i mean, I didn't even get to see them have some scenes together after the wedding to grow into a married couple. It simply felt like a, hey look, Twilight died and Luna is sad now.
You still get thumbs up from me though, chapter one really was that good. I'll also follow this in the hope of there being more. Although seeing how old this is....
I'm just sorry I don't get to see the awesomeness continue.
Huh?
Wait, she doesn't know Shining Armor? So, this takes place in a different universe then, where Shining Armor isn't her brother, interesting.
Oooh... It's that, isn't it?
Let me guess, Luna is the Changeling Queen? Ok that means that Cadance doesn't exist in this universe either.
Ehhh, I wouldn't really take it that far, it wasn't really that long of a relationship, they kissed once and then Luna just left, that's basically when there relationship ended, there relationship lasted for about 10 seconds.
Well atleast we can blame Trixie for Twilight doing something stupid.
I really hope this is different with all, and I mean ALL of Twilight's friends and mentor apologizing to Twilight at the end of this and not just Applejack.
Hmm, funny. Twilight would have gone back to Ponyville but instead Chrysalis practically just revealed herself and instead of transporting her miles away, she transported her under Canterlot. She's basically just asking to be defeated at this point.
They had a relationship for 10 seconds just to reunite again for 2 minutes before marrying each other, a little fast, don't you think?
Ah, I hate this.
Really? You made such a a good story but left it at such a bad and sad ending? Would have loved If she were to become an Alicorn.