You are Knight Watch. You have been a faithful member of Luna's personal guard for ten years, and she trusts you more than most. Things fall apart, though, when she casts a spell on herself.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 29th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen March 29th
Jet Howitzer
If you close your eyes, it's like nothing's ever changed.
Jet Howitzer
Joined 29th Feb, 2012 ·
Offline
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Lady Evil - Black Sabbath
Aww, that was pretty cute/kinda sad. Poor guy. Oh well...at least he's still happy and might have a foal!
*cocked head, confused look* I...for the first time in my life...I have no idea how to feel about what I just read.
I'm honestly completely neutral. I don't really like it, but I don't dislike it either.
To be honest, I think it's because this story is better suited as a multi-chapter instead of this somewhat lengthy one-shot. Excellent and original idea, and the writing is virtually impeccable. The problem is that you have too much here, and it all just can't be chopped down and stuffed into a one-shot like you did here.
At best, it comes off as a summary of a multi-chapter story that I would love to read because of the sheer level of emotion you could cram into even a short multi-chapter story.
At worst, this is a well-written, but incredibly rushed one-shot.
Can't fav, can't rate, I honestly don't know what to do with this story except demand an expanded version that goes into more detail about everything.
[img]C:\Users\Matt\Pictures\BRUCE-LEE-APPROVES-GIF.gif[/img]
388089 I can do an expanded version. I agree, to a certain extent it is a bit rushed at points. I still have ideas of how to expand the story, so I suppose that once I have some free time I can use this as a summary of sorts, to make a longer, chaptered story.
388371 Your comment is strikingly relevant. I approve
388074 I was aiming for cute/sad. Glad to see that I managed to pull it off. Be sure to check out my other stories, as I find they are better than this one. If only barely.
388051 I approve this choice of music. I have other stories, if you want to try and find music to fit them.
389005
I do hope to see you do such a thing at one point in the future. This story does have quite a bit of promise.
388089 As for the impeccable writing, I don't have an editor, or anything. It's just me writing what comes to me. I barely have to edit anything I write.
389708
And you seem to be an exceptional writer.
I really enjoyed this story, but I must confess to being biased to Luna-centric stories.
In the beginning, I had no idea that it was taking place before Luna's fall and Nightmare Moon. I actually liked it that way. It made for real sense of "Oh shi- son that's what's happening!?" when Nightmare moon came about, and that kinda fitted for me. I had to triple take as things slotted into place and it all made sense, in the best way it could have.
Looking back though, I would certainly agree that while a good story, did feel rather rushed and would do really well expanded and fleshed out.
What did Knight and Luna actually during the nights before her fall? Run government? Deal with national issues? Plan constellations? What did his role actually entail? What was his family like? His sister is obviously important to him, what is she like? Surely more was required than a silly filly's nickname to provoke the fall, what else had been going on to upset her, and for how long? How did Knight deal with her increasing instability as she began to fall? How did he survive in the new Equestria after his return? What sort of things did he encounter in his journey which helped to heal him? What did Luna encounter on her Journey to bring her closer to her people?
These are the burning questions I have after reading this story. I love how it was written, and I enjoyed how the characters were portrayed. I just wished there was...more to it. There are so many more stories in there, and I'd like to hear them told.
I felt clever when it turned out to be the nightmare moon thing at the start, and this is definetly my favourite story that is written in this style.
389901 I do intend to make this into a chaptered, more elaborate, story in the near future. I have no idea how long it will end up being, but I know that I will do it. If all goes well the revised, chaptered, version will be just as popular, if not more popular, than this version.
390038 I'm glad you liked it. When I got requests for a Luna/Pegasus relationship I didn't know how to pull it off at first, but then I decided to use the Nightmare Moon fiasco to give the story some more weight.
Well now, nice to see this is being expanded upon.You have my attention.
seems good. will keep an eye on this, and if it's like your other works, i will enjoy myself quite a bit.
Love it
anyone know of anything similar?
406442 I do intend to have this be similar, in writing style, to my other works. As for content, well it's bound to be different. Either way, I hope you like it.
407433 Glad you like it. As for anything similar, I don't really know of anything with a similar plot. I do have other stories that I have written that you may be interested in.
I enjoyed it, but I can't remember what name I'm going by
407650 Your name is Knight Watch. Although I may change it. I don't know that just yet.
I'm all for more character development which this expanded version should deliver. So far so good. My compliments I gave the original version still apply here. Except now the fic is gonna be longer which is like taking something that's already pretty good and adding more to it.
Hmmm, then why does Luna call me storm? Near the end
408292 Oops. Writing several fics at once is clearly getting to me. I suggest you ignore it, since I will go about fixing it immediately.
It's ok, I'm reading both
408463 Well that's good. I don't know which I'm going to work on more, though. Probably Rising Sun, simply because I can still make the story go however I like, whereas for this one I already have the whole plot laid out.
Either is good for me, but I don't want you calling me knight watch in rising sun
408479 I'll do my best to keep them separated. For each chapter I'll make sure to do a check for misplaced names, and characters.
This is actually a really interesting story concept, I haven't seen a fic like this before. Good work
409186 Glad you like it. Expect more in the coming days.
Woo new chapter!
dont know what to say this is so perfect!
Very enjoyable. I'm having a lot of pleasure seeing things flesh out.
In terms of the writing though, one thing you do a few times across both chapters is repeat the same key words in in the same sentence or paragraph. That's not ideal. One example is "You enter your own room, before you stop. You exit your room...." enter room, exit room, personally it jars. Try and write the same actions a different way. "You turn around and walk out..." would be an alternative to the above.
Also try not to use an adjective more than once in a paragraph for the same reasons. We have enough redundant words in our language to make it tottaly unnessicery.
Again though, I'm enjoying the storytelling.
I enjoy the fleshed out version much more, though the initial chapter was also nice. You should leave it there, but just sort of tag it as the old one.
I can't find anything wrong with this, keep up the great work
I have no other words...
434191 Indeed. Another day in the life of Knight Watch.
434216 I wouldn't call it perfect, but thanks anyway.
434553 I know I have a tendency to repeat myself, and I am trying to work on that problem. Sometimes, though, I just can't think of any good synonyms for the word I want to replace, or I find that a synonym doesn't sound right. I want it to flow nicely, and sometimes I feel that a synonym breaks the flow. As for writing actions in different ways, see my above problem. I'm working on it, and to be fair, writing at 2AM after finishing up a shift at work is probably not my best time. Ah, well. I take what I can. I'll go back, from time, to time, to edit it, and make it better. Thanks for pointing that out to me, though.
434610 I intend to leave the original up until the completion of the whole story, at which point I will put it in as the last chapter. And I changed the title of the chapter, to reflect it's status.
434646 I'll do my best to keep up the good work. This last chapter, though, was harder to write. The words didn't flow quite as quickly, and smoothly, as normal. I'll work with it, though, and get a new chapter up soon-ish.
434723 I do hope that this is a good form of speechlessness, rather than a bad one. Anyway, I hope to hear more from you as the story continues.
And, as a general message to all of you who read this: Thank you. I love reading your comments, and I enjoy the attention. Makes me feel all warm an' fuzzy.
It was a good silence. I'm rather soppy when it comes down to it. The last few lines got me
435582 D'aww. Glad to hear it.
Ye i've gotta stop reading right here, It annoys me to see knight being soo stupid to disregard the book as a threat even though his sister should of told him that the book is magic. :L
Well. That went from D'aww at the start to "what the hell am I doing?" Curse you!
438533 I'm probably going to go back and change the chapter some. When I finished it I thought it seemed good, but I agree with you, it does seem off. I'm not so proud as to be unable to admit my faults. The revised version will probably be up in a few days. Other projects demand my attention at the moment.
438552 Quite.
439139 See above. The chapter will be changed slightly, to better reflect the characters, and how I want things to go.
I think a chapter change would be for the best.
"The grand arches, and massive stained glass windows all make for an
impressive vista
. Luna’s tower is no exception." - Shouldn't it be "impressive sight"
HUZZAH! A NEW CHAPTER!
CHAPTER UPDATE
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great job on the new chap
new chapter dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
Great Job!
It was a great chapter, but I can't help but feel that the last conversation with 'my' sister was a bit formal for who it was. She's a filly!
516037 Quite. It felt good to finally post this chapter. It'd been sitting around, half done, for almost a week.
516052 Updates EVERYWHERE!
516075 Yep. Hope you liked it.
516530 I thought so too. That's why I finally posted it.
516764 Yeah, I suppose it was a bit more formal, but I didn't even think about that while I was writing it... Ah, well. To be taken care of in the post editing!
Really liked this first chapter!!!Even if i have to change it a bit in my mind (i'm a girl so its kinda funny reading a second person story from a guy's point of view
) i really want to see if Knight is going " to make a move" as little Moonbeam said XD
532666 Well, eventually I'll be making a spin-off from the perspective of Moonbeam, so perhaps that will be a bit more to your liking. Either way, I do hope that you enjoy what I've written.