The war started because of politics. The war will end because of violence. You will lead your squad to hell, and back, but will you come out too changed? Will the horrors of war change you into somepony you couldn't recognize?
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 29th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen March 29th
Jet Howitzer
If you close your eyes, it's like nothing's ever changed.
Jet Howitzer
Joined 29th Feb, 2012 ·
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:) good story
on the advice side, a little more emotive language and a more drawn out plot could have made it better
ohh well still a like from me
It's written very well and I will give it a like.
It may have not been long and it's rated teen, but it's better than my work.
A real nice story, will there be another chapter? Cus my fic stomach is growling for MOAR! Interesting storyline though, I love those stories where OC get paired with mane cast
Good one-shot :)
I really enjoy stories like this. Ones I can read real quick and be happy with right before I go to bed. Wonderful idea, I like the way you do it.
You are a beautiful person and I love you!
336703 I whipped this up in just a few hours around midnight last night as I listened to some music. The length, I feel, is just right for a quick read. And for language, I suppose I could've gone for some deeper language, but I don't always have time to delve deeply into my reservoir of synonyms. Thanks for the like, though.
336709 I only rated it teen because of the subject matter. I don't know how appropriate the subject matter is for "Everyone" so I went for teen instead.
336710 There aren't any real plans for another chapter, at least, not yet.
336927 Thanks.
337068 Glad you like it. I may eventually do more in this style, but not for now. This was just a spur of the moment story, so if I'm struck again, I'll write another.
337776
Then uh, Shouldn't you make it complete?
340229 Ahh true. Although, I suppose I could write up the entire war, but that would take a long time to do...
340264 I suppose it couldn't hurt to at least try and get some ideas down for it, and see where it takes me. Maybe it'll be a chance to write in another category. I like romance, but maybe it'll help to branch out some. Anyway, thanks for the thumb, it is appreciated.
340297
Well i believe you may want to edit it before you take this to a big finale close. I DID find a few mistakes here and there and it would be much appreciated if you could fix them
340306 I do try to edit it all, but some things slip through. And a final version, of this, or any story, is a long way off. If I was to start writing now, I doubt I'd have anything worth putting up for at least three, or four, hours. I write fast when I put my mind to it, but for now I'm not feeling it. If I was to write a story about the actual war it'd be an entirely separate story, with this being used as the epilogue, or something.
340322
just kidding lol
Nah no problem. I'm just a grammar nazi is all
340322Good story Just read it I think it is a good one-shot.
kinda sad but I can live with it since it is beautiful.
346660 I may do more with this story line, perhaps elaborate on the war, or something. I don't know yet, and it's really more of an idea than anything concrete.
FINALLY A WAR IN EQUESTRIA FIC
-_- we need more of them
415415 Well, I will be getting it started in the coming weeks, so don't worry about the lack of wars. I've got plenty of material.
Oh, a complete story? I think I'll start on this. If I like the voice, I'll try your other fics.
463978 Oh, lord! Don't use this to judge my other works! I'm not entirely pleased with this one as of yet! Rising Sun is much better, at least, I think so...
463981 lol
The quality of the writing and the voice behind it are two different things. For example, Christopher Paolini is a hack, rips off Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, but has an excellent voice in the first two books in his series, hence why it exploded in popularity for a while.
Also, my standards for judgement aren't exactly very high when it comes to fanfics. I'm not expecting Fallout Equestria material here, but I'm certain I'm not going to see more than three alicorns (the cannon ones) present, if any at all, in your fics.
463994 The only Alicorns that I have, so far, are Luna, and Celestia. I have another I'm going to add, but that's quite a way off.
Well, the story was a little too short. More tell than show (I have that problem too sometimes).
Anyway, the VOICE that I was hinting at. It is there. It evoked emotion in me. I felt sad, yes.
Also... I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS WAR! (Is that story out, by the way?)
Finally, yes, I'll start reading your other stuff.
Eventually. (I'm easily distracted and all that.)
466879 Telling and Showing is my biggest weakness. I am rubbish at it, and I try to improve, but it doesn't really come across. As for voice? I can't really say anything about that. I just write what comes to me at the moment, and I hope that it comes across with the emotion I felt while writing. If you want real emotional writing, then I suggest In Tenebrae Invenit. While it is far from done, and I am growing less pleased with the original version, it is probably one of my best displays. The entire tale told in Rising Sun has more emotional content, but it is spread out more.
As for the war? Well, once I figure out a few things, I'll begin writing it. The biggest issue that I'm struggling with is whether I want to make them humanized versions of ponies, for ease of writing the war. This is a separate universe from all of my others, so there is no problem with making them humans. The only problem is whether the fans will like it. This is for them, after all.
466907 Ohlorddon'thumanizethem! Seriously, it's a cop-out, imo. While you can't be as good as Fallout Equestria, aiming as high as it did would work wonders for your story. Anyway, that's my opinion.
471366 I suppose. Although I do intend to at least attempt to prove you wrong on being as good as Fallout Equestria. I'd been tossing about the idea of humanizing, and I did realize that it would be a bit of a cop-out. I'll just have to figure out how exactly I'm going to have them do battle. Curse my desire to be creative. Once more it has dug me a hole that I'm going to have to battle my way out of... I swear, some day I'll really bite off more than I can chew, and then all hell will break loose in my imagination...
471421 Not saying that you specifically can't be as good as FoE. I was using the editorial version of "you".
They could hold swords and stuff in their mouths? Take the mouthgrips and battle saddles from FoE for firearms not used by unicorns?
472817 That could work. It'll probably take some time to work out all the specifics. Good thing I'm almost done with school, and so I'll have more time for writing, and thinking.
Eh, what can I say, I am a sucker for your stories. Have an up-vote.