King Sombra decides a more personal and less confrontational approach is needed, and investigates the second group of people heading up to the northern waste. A small visit, however, reveals a few things between the two as the king decides a battle of wits and wills is in order over fear and terror.
Also decided to up the rating to teen since some of my jokes and situations got a little suggestive
AU: after watching the episode it felt very rushed very little was given to me and despite how cool Sombra was he wasn't nearly as interested as the other villains i felt it was time to give the metal head a personality, as well as bring up a few small things that were touched on and put them in a much bigger light.
Vector by http://90sigma.deviantart.com/art/King-Sombra-335049960
All dem King Sombra fics.
Not too different from all the changeling fics after season 2 finale. Yes, I'm guilty as charged in that regard as well. I'll probably throw up a Sombra fic at some point as soon as I can think of one.
Edit: I meant the fact that there's a lot of Sombra fics isn't too different than all the changeling fics appearing after season 2. I didn't mean to imply that this story wasn't too different. I like where it's going ^_^
Edit 2: I thought of one
And so they begin
You keep using the term "man." This is bad.
You capitalize words that don't need to be.
Need commas in lots of places.
Forced feeling with use of some adjectives.
Overuse of "he said," "she said," there are other ways to show who's speaking.
You don't capitalize their names a number of times.
A waist is the thing on your body. Waste.
mind games happened twice in season 2. I preferred the show
The ironic thing is, these fan fics give him more a reason to live than the actual show did...
Neat fic!
Looking forward to where this goes.
Don't be discouraged by the actual episode.
Commas are your friend.
Very neat concept, though you're plagued by random spelling and grammatical errors.
You should really get a proof-reader for these.
Let me know if you want some assistance!
You've given the character an interesting back story, please continue
1617050 That's the ticket
Interesting idea I also came to like the idea that Sombra was Ceelstia former student, I will watch this fic with interest.
I will say this though, characterisation is important you seem to be doing a pretty good job of that so far but, now that Twilights older brother and all her friends know Sombra is screwing with her head it doesn't make much sense for them to just shrug it off and keep moving the way they are.
As it stands, they are behaving in a manner fairly close to the original episode despite the situation becoming quite different.
yay~ Something I helped with has been posted on fimfiction! This feels kinda weird.
Ah well. I'll be working on fixing up the next chapter as soon as I can.
Interesting development I liked the history on the crystal empire, though I felt the start of this chapter was choppy and the whole spike scene with the heart was difficult to follow.
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yeah but i wasn't sure how to break it up properly. Thanks for the coment
Good chapter so the Crystal Ponies are evil and Sombra is the good guy. What about the Princesses what side are they on?
1714826 Kind of, Sombra is still evil but more an extremest than some guy who did it for the evilz
Oh, well whatever. Sorry about the timing, but finals are super stressful and I have literally no time.
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Sorry dude i really should wait since your editing gives the story life, but i just really want to share.
I am a weak man i am ashamed of myself
It is your story. You can do whatever you want with it. I just know that ponies only tend to read a story once. Sorry again for my lack of speed. For those who don't know, he finished this chapter before I finished editing the second chapter, so it has been a while...
This is getting better and better
Now I have a picture in my head of him snorting poison joke like cocaine to be a foal again. Or is that hatchling?
Awesome story, I really like what you do with the characters, and I like the origin story you gave Sombra.
2917492 stick around and you will see how deep the rabbit hole goes
I can't wait till the new chapter keep it up please :)
You have a few logic holes there, the largest of which is that Celestia does not remember the crystal caves - even if their creation escaped her notice, she would have sent someone to investigate the caves after the royal wedding. There is also the question who has put the rails and mining carts into the cave, but if Sombra created them as a bunker for emergencies that would be covered (imprisoning crystal ponies under the Equestrian capital would make no sense, before the war there would have been no need for a crystal prison an when Sombra got paranoid and took over he had no opportunity to visit Canterlot - it could have been a secret base erected by the crystal ponies (given that the tensions also existed before Sombra's rise to power they could actually have infiltrated Equestria back then) but that would contriadict Sombra's current statements. Either way, this needs some restructuring.
The rest is good.
Please fix the mistakes in the long and short description. They're jarring and make for a bad first impression.
For example:
"crstal" - missed an y.
"diffrent" - forgot an e here.
"poistion" - mixed up the letters i and s. Position would be correct.
3439736 Thank you and fixed it
King Sombra is possibly the best villain in the series. I would love to spoon feed his butthole with pesticide, but alas, bananas are actually herbs. Of course, it does not matter. Spoons made from gallium will melt at room temperature and will possibly kill everything you love. Furthermore, the equilibrium found between anal sex and foreplay in the gay population effortlessly describes my love live - filled with cabbages and semen. Perhaps I'm going a bit off topic.
Basically, rabbits with AIDs turn blue.
Well theres one deadly premonition.
You need to close your italics marker there.
Rainbow Dash cooking
http://thesimpsonsforever.tumblr.com/post/10262523877/homer-trying-to-cook-mr-burnss-breakfast
I'm lost
This is interesting, reading on!
Pinkie wins.
Yay, it's back. Strange seeing Shining locked up. I would have thought Cadance would had dragged him to the door in order to corrupt her beloved.
the entire last half of the chapter is in italics.
bwahhaha
!
good ol'sombra XD
Glorious
oh man, when is this continuing? This is just too good to just go away!
4277552
Hi lost I'm dad