- Member Since 12th May, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 29th, 2016
Nyan_Cat
Hiya everybody, I'm some gamer chick that reads a lot and is extremely inconsistent about when I sign on and off of this website, message me if you want a proofread of something and I'll do it maybe
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It's an interesting fic, but very rushed. You really should have taken your time on this chapter. It could have been easily a 2000 - 3000 word chapter, that could have not only detailed the severity of the situation, but also really emphasized the impact of what just happened. They should all be devastated after Pinkies untimely departure... and the fact that she died because of one of Rainbows stunts should take possibly a greater toll on the cyan pegasus than the other 4, just on the self imposed guilt alone.
I'm not going to thumb it down, but i won't thumb it up either. I suggest to you that you re-tailor this chapter so that has enough drama to deserve the "tragedy" tag, and use the same writing ethic with future chapters to keep the story consistent and flowing, bringing RD through her I'll fated journey of dealing with such a heavy loss.
It's ok. But very rushed, it felt too forced, I always think it better to slowly go into things, personally I prefer to set the scene and lead up for a couple of chapters with maybe 20,000 or so words
I'm agreeing with Nightmare Omega.
There could of been so much more that could of been written. Also, they seem a bit happy even though Pinkie Pie is... DEAD!
If you ever need any help with writing it, or an editor, I would be happy to help. Just me a call anytime (Even more so with school now over. Now I have too much free time!)
I favorited it, because I expect more from this stroy later on. Honestly, I have to agree with the other commenters. By making Rainbow feel more disbelief when she asks if pinkie's dead, really could have helped make this story longer. In my opinion, you defenitley earned the tragedy tag, or at least the sad tag.
1749995 Yeah I agree with everyone else. Nopony besides Rainbow Dash appears to be upest about Pinkie Pie's death and we don't know exactly what it was that lead to Pinkie Pie's death and Rainbow Dash being in the hospital.
We need more detail.
And here have some sad music to go with this fic because I said so.
1749647
Have fun.
I'm sure that the fic would enjoy it.
1749718>>1749837>>1749854>>1749995
Well, you guys were right, I re-read it and it did seem somewhat hurried.
But I did manage to yank out an extra 800-ish words, so yay? 
I'll try to make the word count higher in future chapters. I guess my brain didn't feel like filling in all of the spots that it should've when I wrote it. 
1750759
The cause will and is shrouded in mystery.
It's up for you to decide.
And finally, to all of you, thanks for the feedback!
It really helps~!
Wow, it was a great story i like it!
I hope for chapter 2 to come soon!! 
1754389
Heheh, thanks!
Chapter 2 is actually halfway done, I'm just making some minor changes, but your wish will come true!
sounds interesting. Kinda rushed though
. It would be interesting if it turned out that pinkie was haunting Das
h. However that would make that more of a comedy then a tragedy.
Here you go, chapter two.
Working on chapter three now.
Enjoy!
So looks like we'll be getting some answers.
Good, better than the last chapter. The characters are showing some blame towards Rainbow and are taking Pinkies loss more seriously then last time. Keep this up and you'll do fine!
1759377
I hope I did well, angry Trixie.
1760992
Great! Thanks for the feedback, by the way.
1762923 Trixie is more curious than angry.
A nice chapter and I can't wait to read more. This is looking good and it has my attention.