The Law of Sacrifice
Just sit right back and you'll read a tale,
a tale of a fateful lark,
that started with a pair of mares,
aboard this mighty ark.
Lyra was a crafty unicorn,
and Bon Bon played her ruse,
disguised as her marefriend’s husband on their forty day cruise. Their forty day cruise.
The weather started getting rough,
the mighty ark was tossed,
if not for the faith of the Prophet Noah,
all life on earth was lost. All life on earth was lost.
The ark endures this mighty flood,
while hilarity ensues,
with Lyra here,
and Bon Bon, too,
Adamic Faith,
and his wife,
the Prophet Noah,
Angel Bunny,
and Abra-ram,
on their forty day cruise!
Lyra and Bon Bon sat beside each other as their morning manna rations were poured into their bowls. The small food door slid shut when one of Noah’s sons pulled the lever which controlled the manna dispersion on the second floor. It wouldn’t be opened again until it was time for their evening meal.
Adam and Eve weren’t in their pen. After saying their morning prayers, they left straightaway to receive service instructions from Angel Bunny. While their neighbors were gone, Lyra and Bon Bon could talk more freely.
“Hm hm hmm hmm hm hmm hmm hm hmm,” Lyra hummed, while bobbing her head.
“Are you humming that song from your dreams again?” Bon Bon asked.
“I can’t help it,” Lyra said, “It’s catchy.”
“I take it your dreams of escape aren’t getting any better?” Bon Bon asked.
“No,” Lyra said, “For the past couple of weeks, the nightmares have been getting more vivid. Last night I dreamed we almost escaped the ark.”
“Oh?” Bon Bon said, humorously, “How did we nearly do it this time?”
“In my dream, I built a huge flying machine out of discarded bird feathers and coconuts,” Lyra said. She made a sweeping gesture with her forehooves to represent the scope and size of her dream creation.
“Coconuts?” Bon Bon said, dubiously, “Where did you find that many coconuts on board the ark?”
“It was a dream, okay?” Lyra said defensively, “It doesn’t have to make sense.”
“Fair enough,” Bon Bon said, as she rolled her eyes, “So, how did your dream end?”
“It ended as all my dreams end,” Lyra said, exasperated, “with failure. After flying away from the ark, my machine got struck by lightning and we fell into the ocean.”
“Ah,” Bon Bon said as she nodded her head, “I imagine God gets quite the chuckle out of watching your dreams.”
“I guess,” Lyra said, as she furrowed her brow at Bon Bon’s God comment, “In retrospect, I probably should’ve waited until after the lightning stopped before trying any escape attempt.”
Bon Bon shook her head at the folly of second guessing a dream.
“As the private parts of God are we,” Bon Bon said, “He plays with us for His sport.”
“Yeah, well I’m tired of being jerked around,” Lyra said, “I’m ready to get off this stinking tub.”
Lyra angrily pounded one of her forehooves against her feeding trough. Bon Bon patted her sympathetically on the back.
“It’ll be alright,” Bon Bon said.
“I don’t know how much longer I can fake this ‘happy homemaker’ routine,” Lyra said as her left eye twitched involuntarily, “For the past few weeks, Eve’s been on me like a bad rash. It seems like all we do now is visit and teach the other animals. We pray, sing hymns and praise God. It’s awful. I’d much rather be doing hard manual labor all day with you and Adam.”
Bon Bon sighed while looking concerned.
“Adam’s been acting really strange lately,” Bon Bon said, as she shook her head, “He was so talkative the first day we worked together; but since then, he’s hardly spoken to me at all. He just focuses on our chores and tries to pretend like I’m not there.”
“Sounds nice,” Lyra said, churlishly, “I wish Eve would ignore me. Instead, she keeps making me testify about how ‘blessed’ I am for having ‘rejected’ magic.”
“Sorry about that,” Bon Bon said, as she remembered her previous comments, “Adam cornered me and I panicked.”
“It’s okay,” Lyra said, “Telling Adam we rejected magic was the right thing to do. Otherwise, he might try to perform an exorcism on us, or something. It just requires me to add ‘spellcasting’ to the list of secrets I’m keeping.”
The word ‘secrets’ made Bon Bon think once again of Adam.
“Adam must be hiding some secret,” Bon Bon said, “During these last few weeks, he’s been all nervous and sweaty around me. I think he might be sick.” Lyra and Bon Bon’s hushed conversation was cut short by the sound of Eve knocking at the entrance of their pen. She propped open the door and let herself in. Lyra and Bon Bon turned around; clearly annoyed by this invasion of privacy.
“Good morning, Steve! Good morning, Lyra!” Eve said in her insufferably cheerful voice, “I hope you two enjoyed your breakfast.”
Lyra and Bon Bon remained silent.
“Well Lyra, are you ready for another fun-filled day of service and saving souls?” Eve asked exuberantly.
“Do you care?” Lyra asked, irritated.
“”Oh, Lyra stop!” Eve said with a laugh, “You’re simply incorrigible.”
Lyra mumbled several profane curses under her breath.
“What was that?” Eve asked.
“Nothing!” Bon Bon said, covering up Lyra’s rude remarks, “She was just telling me about how much fun she’s had with you these past few weeks.” Lyra glowered at Bon Bon, who pretended not to notice.
At that moment Adam reluctantly shuffled into the pen and stood behind his wife. Bon Bon couldn’t help but stare at him with concern. Adam’s eyes were puffy and red, as though he hadn’t slept well in weeks. He was also looking gaunt, due to a lack of food.
“Are you alright?” Bon Bon asked. The sound of her tender and compassionate voice sent Adam’s heart beating faster. He tried to resist his immense attraction to her, but his hormones were starting to get the better of him. He was about to respond to her question, when Eve interrupted her husband.
“Adam’s fine,” Eve said, “He’s just been fasting for spiritual guidance.” Adam couldn’t look Bon Bon in the face. He kept his eyes to the ground and prayed for God to remove his lustful urges.
“I’m truly blessed to have such a spiritual stallion for my mate,” Eve said, as she nuzzled his neck affectionately, “Adam’s a strong pillar of faith. The light of his testimony attracts the gaze of all the world.”
“Attracts the what?!” Adam said, panicking.
“The gaze,” Eve said, surprised by her husband’s nervousness, “Everyone who looks at you can see the fire of faith burning in your eyes. I just meant you were spiritually flaming.” Adam grimaced and whimpered as he was inundated with his wife’s unintentionally homoerotic wordplay. His frail and malnourished body was shaking and sweating. He looked as though he were repulsed by his own body.
“Temptation isn’t a sin,” Adam thought repeatedly to himself, “Temptation isn’t a sin. I’ll purge these feelings from my heart through intense fasting and devout prayer. As long as I don’t act on these... urges, I won’t lose my soul.” Adam knew that the best thing to do when confronted with unchaste thoughts was to keep busy.
“Hard work!” Adam thought, “That’s exactly what I need to squelch these unnatural lusts. If I continue to labor diligently, I’ll be too tired to fornicate!”
“I have big plans for us today, Steve,” Adam said, trying to sound normal, “I hope you’re ready to sweat.” Adam immediately regretted his choice of words, as he imagined beads of sweat covering Bon Bon’s supple body. Eve smiled as she looked at Bon Bon.
“Sounds like Adam means to wear you out today, Steve,” Eve said, “Don’t let him ride you too hard.” Eve’s comments weren’t helping. Her remarks gave Adam a slew of fresh lurid mental images, which he was desperately trying to ignore. He could feel the blood draining from his face.
“Don’t worry about me,” Bon Bon said, “No matter how hard things get between us, Adam and I always make the best out of any sticky situation.” Adam bit his lip and whimpered as his soul smoldered with what he perceived to be homosexual lust. He ran over to Lyra and Bon Bon’s water trough and dunked his face in it to cool himself off. When he pulled his head out, his wet mane clung to his face.
“Adam, what’s gotten into you?” Eve asked, concerned.
“Nothing’s gotten into me!” Adam said frantically as he subconsciously clenched his flank muscles, “And it’s going to stay that way!” Lyra and Bon Bon looked at him awkwardly. In an act of overcompensation, Adam ran over and kissed Eve full on the lips. There was no passion; only a desperate attempt to show evidences of his waning heterosexuality.
“I love my wife!” Adam shouted frantically as he broke the spontaneous kiss. He looked up, as though he was trying to make sure that God had seen and heard him. Eve looked startled by the sudden public display of affection from her husband. Adam was usually much more reserved and private when it came to intimacy.
“Come on, Steve!” Adam said, his voice cracking, “Let’s go get to work.” Bon Bon could tell that there was something strange about Adam, but as long as everyone was focusing on his behavior instead of her, she wasn’t about to complain.
“I’ll do anything to help,” Bon Bon said, “I’m willing to bend over backwards when servicing others.” Adam groaned as he pictured Bon Bon contorting herself in a suggestive manner.
“What a selfless attitude you have towards service,” Eve said, impressed, “It would seem that you’ve drawn inspiration from Adam’s charitable nature. It’s good to see my husband rubbing off on you, Steve.” That last unintentional double entendre was too much for Adam. His eyes went wide. He gave a girlish shriek of terror as he ran away from his pen, with Bon Bon having to chase after him.
“Wait, Adam!” Bon Bon said as she ran, “Slow down! We’re supposed to be doing service on the lower floor. I thought you wanted us to go down together!” Eve listened as Adam and Bon Bon’s hoofbeats echoed down the ark’s interior.
“Sometimes I worry about that stallion,” Eve said, shaking her head. Lyra wasn’t worried about Bon Bon. She knew her marefiend could handle herself around Adam. Lyra was more concerned for herself as it suddenly dawned on her that she was once again stuck spending the day with Eve.
“While our husbands are out ensuring that the animals’ physical needs are met, you and I will continue our mission of perfecting their souls,” Eve said.
“Hallelujah,” Lyra said, unenthused.
In keeping with their schedule of bringing Gospel messages to those on board the ark, Eve decided to pay a visit to the zebras. Lyra sat there looking bored while Eve preached. The male zebra, named Bagamoyo, sat beside his wife, Zecora. They had decorated their pen with trinkets from their native land. There were chicken bones tied to woven bands, a mortar and pestle for grinding potion ingredients and small statues of tribal fertility gods. The graven images made Eve recoil in horror, but she said a quick, silent prayer to calm herself.
“So you believe in the Son of God and have accepted Him as your Lord and Savior?” Eve asked.
“Oh yes indeed
His grace we need,” Zecora said. Her husband nodded in agreement.
“My wife and I were converted by Noah’s assistant.
When Angel warned of the Flood, he was very insistent,” Bagamoyo said. He had a deep, booming voice that reverberated off the walls of his pen.
“So we packed up all our things and left while it was dark,
bid farewell to our village and made tracks for the ark,” Zecora said.
“That must have taken real faith and courage to leave everything you knew behind to follow the word of the Prophet,” Eve said, “Only you didn’t quite leave everything behind, did you?” Zecora and Bagamoyo looked confused by her statement. Eve nodded her head accusingly at Zecora’s tribal fertility statues. Lyra groaned as she covered her face with her forehooves. She knew this wouldn’t end well.
“I rejoice in your conversion, but there are still some things that you need to change,” Eve said as she cast her eyes apprehensively around the zebras pen. Bagamoyo and Zecora were both surprised and slightly offended.
“We believe in God and will follow His Son.
How can you now say that there’s more to be done?” Zecora asked. Eve shook her head reproachfully and sighed.
“Having faith in the Son of God involves more than believing He will be born and accepting Him as your Savior,” Eve said, “You must also forsake your false gods.” Lyra could tell by the look on the zebras’ faces that they weren’t pleased with Eve’s condemnation of their culture and heritage.
“While you may have hearkened to the Prophet’s voice, you’re still largely ignorant concerning God’s Plan of Salvation,” Eve said, “Fortunately, Lyra and I are here to educate you on spiritual matters.”
“Leave me out of this,” Lyra said, embarrassed. Eve’s confrontational methods were making Lyra blush.
“Oh, she’s just being humble,” Eve said dismissively, while gesturing towards Lyra. Eve walked forward and attempted to remove the fertility statues, when Zecora blocked her path.
“Our charms and our trinkets are sacred to us,
We believe in God’s Son, so what is the fuss?” Zecora said. Eve didn’t get upset by Zecora’s defiance. Instead, she looked at her with a mix of pity and condescension.
“I know it must be difficult to break free of the false traditions that you were raised with, but there’s no place for mumbo jumbo superstitions in the kingdom of God,” Eve said, “You must change your stripey hearts.” Lyra did a double facehoof and slowly inched away from Eve. Bagamoyo furrowed his brow.
“You pious mare with endless gripes
now tells us we should change our stripes?” Bagamoyo said, irritated.
“Oh, don’t be silly,” Eve said, “Everypony knows that zebras can’t really change the pattern of their coats.” Lyra opened one eye and looked at Eve. For a moment, it looked as though Eve was attempting some small measure of restraint and tact. This turned out to not be the case. Eve made a saccharine smile as she looked at Bagamoyo and Zecora.
“Your stripes are a punishment from God,” Eve said, sincerely, “The inferior zebroid race was marked with striped skin so ponies would know not to mix with their seed.” Lyra, Zecora and Bagamoyo’s mouths hung open in shock. Eve remained oblivious to their stunned reactions as she continued to preach her doctrine.
“Yet even now, with all your numerous imperfections, God is still offering you a chance at salvation,” Eve said, hopefully, “You’re on the path, but there are still traces of your old culture that you must abandon before you can completely fall in line with the Great Gospel Plan.” Eve thought that those whom she was teaching were in awe of her spiritual power. In actuality, the zebras were too flabbergasted by her racist remarks to reply.
“A few weeks ago, Lyra and I met with a flock of sheep who were unwilling to abandon their false traditions,” Eve said, “They may have survived the flood, but their prideful souls won’t be able to escape the pits of Hellfire.” Eve’s mention of the flock caused Lyra to think about Eunice.
“Incantations and potions are tools Satan uses to blind the gullible,” Eve said, “You can’t follow God’s plan while dabbling in false doctrine.” Zecora glanced at her mortar and pestle before shooting Eve a dirty look. Eve knew that the zebras wouldn’t renounce their former traditions without additional spiritual promptings. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Eve realized that she had been monopolizing the preaching, so she decided to open the floor to Lyra. Eve thought that Lyra’s testimony might be able to touch the zebras’ stubborn hearts.
“Lyra, Adam told me that you and Steve don’t practice magic,” Eve said, “As a unicorn, that’s a sure sign of your faith in God. What are some of the spiritual blessings you’ve seen as a result of shunning spellcraft?” Lyra wasn’t listening to the conversation. She was still thinking about Eunice. It had been a few weeks since they had met. Lyra had wanted to go back and let Eunice know that they were still friends.
“Lyra,” Eve repeated, “How does it make you feel to know that God is pleased with your decision to shun Satan’s sorcery?” There was a long pause as Lyra sat there in silence. She looked at Eve, before turning her attention to the perturbed zebra couple. Lyra then closed her eyes and gave a heavy sigh.
“I’m sorry,” Lyra said, while shaking her head, “I can’t do this today.” Without another word, Lyra stood up and walked out of the zebras’ pen. Eve stared in disbelief. She looked back at the zebras, who were both glaring at her bitterly. Eve realized she needed to salvage what was left of her lesson.
“I think that’s enough enlightenment for one day,” Eve said, “Thank you for your time and be sure to throw all those nasty fertility idols away before our next visit.” Zecora stood up and and showed Eve the way out.
“As as escort you from our home, I hope you won’t find my comments too crass,
but if you don’t like seeing our idols, why don’t you shove them up your...” Zecora said.
“May God forgive your many sins and bless you!” Eve said hastily, cutting Zecora off, “Maybe when you get to heaven, God will finally lift your stripey curse and your coats will be made pure.” Eve quickly exited the zebras’ pen and left Zecora standing there, positively fuming. Eve soon caught up with Lyra, who was standing a short distance away.
“Lyra, what’s wrong?” Eve said, “You were even more standoffish during that lesson than usual.”
“I’ve just been thinking about the Eweish flock,” Lyra said, “I really think we should pay them another visit.” Eve defiantly stomped both her forehooves on the floor, as though she were bracing herself to be hit by an oncoming tidal wave.
“We were shunned,” Eve said, gravely, “I’m not going to cast my pearls of wisdom before unlearned sheep.” Lyra knew Eve would need an evangelical reason to return. Lyra had to make it seem like they had a chance at conversion.
“But, I think the daughter can be reached,” Lyra said, “When I spoke with her before, she seemed receptive to what I had to say.” Eve’s expression softened and she smiled.
“You think the daughter might be converted to believe in the Son of God?” Eve asked hopefully.
“Yes?” Lyra lied. She honestly couldn’t imagine Eunice changing religions. She seemed determined to follow her Eweish heritage the last time they met. Lyra just couldn’t think of any other excuse that would make Eve want to visit the sheep again.
“If she denounces the vain and foolish traditions of her ancestors, it’ll break the heart of her fat-headed father,” Eve said, with sadistic glee. Lyra looked disconcerted.
“Isn’t that a little vindictive?” Lyra asked, “Whatever happened to saving souls?”
“When I first began to preach the Gospel, I knew that not everyone would accept what I had to say,” Eve said, “Our message will only be received by one from a family or two from a city. I never had much hope in converting the entire flock.” Lyra felt pretty confident about her ability to bluff her way through religious horse apples. She had learned a lot from Eve about emotional and psychological manipulation.
“Now for the most important question,” Eve said, “Is the Spirit prompting you to return?”
“I think it is,” Lyra said confidently, in another lie. Eve grinned.
“Then we should hearken to its voice,” Eve said, “We shall leave the ninety and nine to rescue that one which is lost.”
A short time later, Lyra and Eve were on their way to visit Eunice and her family. The top level of the ark was unusually quiet, but as they neared the sheep pen, Lyra could hear the faint sounds of singing.
“I was hoping that when we get there, you could keep Abra-ram distracted for a while, so I can meet with his daughter,” Lyra said, “I’d hate for his hardened heart to prevent Eunice from receiving the blessings of salvation.”
“Divide and convert,” Eve said, with a smirk, “I’ve taught you well.” When they arrived at the pen, Lyra was expecting to be reviled by the sheep after how Eve treated them last time. Instead, Abra-ram and his flock were completely unaware of their arrival. All the sheep were gathered around Eunice, who was standing atop a platform. She was crying. From what Lyra could tell, it looked like Eunice’s family was shouting at her. All the sheep surrounding her were making loud cries and shrill bleating sounds.
“Oh no,” Lyra thought, “Abra-ram must have found out his daughter’s a lesbian. Her family must be trying some sort of intervention, or exorcism, or worse!” Without a moment’s hesitation, Lyra pushed her way through the herd to get to Eunice. Eve stood at the entranceway and marveled at Lyra’s tenacity.
“She’s aflame with the spirit, alright,” Eve thought. Lyra jumped up onto the small platform and stood in front of Eunice. Lyra was determined to shield her new friend from bigotry and ridicule.
“You monsters!” Lyra said indignantly, “Can’t you see she’s hurting inside?” Eunice stopped crying and raised a hoof to try and calm Lyra down.
“It’s alright,” Eunice said, “These are tears of joy.” Lyra did a double take.
“You mean they’re not harassing you?” Lyra said, “But they were shouting at you.”
“They were singing,” Eunice said, “and shouting hoshanas to God. This is a celebration.” Before Eunice could expound further, Abra-ram stepped forward and looked irritably at Lyra.
“Get down from there, you stupid shikseh!” Abra-ram said. It suddenly dawned on Lyra that she was making a fool of herself. She blushed and hopped off the platform. In the confusion, Eve had slipped into the pen unnoticed and made her way through the crowd. She arrived at the platform and stood next to Lyra. Abra-ram looked at both of them and sighed.
“You sonems are a thorn in my side yet again,” Abra-ram said, “I can never know peace from goyim; not even at my daughter’s sacred ceremony.” For the first time, Lyra noticed that Eunice’s wool was looking particularly immaculate. She looked like she had been groomed for hours. She also had a crown of laurels on her head. Lyra’s face turned beet red. She had come to show her friend love and support, but instead ended up interrupting some important rite of passage for her faith.
“Eunice,” Lyra said, awkwardly, “You look so... clean.”
“Well, of course Eunice is clean, my gentile pony,” Abra-ram said, “She’s kosher.”
“You’ve mentioned that before,” Lyra said, slightly annoyed, “What’s the big deal about being kosher?”
“To be kosher means that one is cleansed from impurities,” Abra-ram said, “The prophet Noah has chosen Eunice for the highest honor that can happen to a sheep. My daughter shall be the next shaineh raaineh keporah.
“What does that mean?” Lyra asked.
“The beautiful, clean sacrifice!” Abra-ram said, joyfully. His eyes had become moist with fatherly pride. If Lyra had been drinking something, she would’ve done a spit take. She was sure she must have heard him wrong.
“What did you say?” Lyra said.
"We're one of the few animals God has ordained and allowed Noah to use for his sacrifices,” Abra-ram said.
“What?!” Lyra said, “You mean to tell me that Noah sacrifices animals, too?” Eve smiled at Lyra’s naivety.
“Of course,” Eve said, with an air of superiority, “Why do you think Noah allowed so many sheep on board the Ark? He brought extra so he’d have plenty to sacrifice.” Lyra couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She looked up at Eunice, before returning her gaze to Abra-ram.
“Steve and I left Sodom to get away from religious zealots and their burnt offerings!” Lyra said, angrily.
“The Sodomites made a mockery of animal sacrifice, “Abra-ram said, disdainfully, “They didn't understand the symbolism. Ordained animal sacrifices can only be performed in certain places, at certain times, in certain manners, by certain people and for certain purposes.” Lyra still looked panicky. She could still remember the smell of blood and the screaming of the mare as she was thrown on the fire. She imaged Eunice being tied up and brutally slaughtered, which caused the color to drain from Lyra’s face. Abra-ram assumed she was frightened for her own safety, so he tried to comfort her.
"Don't worry your uncircumcised little heart,” Abra-ram said, “Noah would never sacrifice an unclean shikseh like yourself. Only kosher animals, like Eunice, are worthy of that honor in the eyes of God."
“What honor?" Lyra said, “Noah’s going to murder her, plain and simple.” This profane remark caused Abra-ram’s anger to spike. He took a moment to calm himself before responding to Lyra.
“I can assure you that the law of sacrifice is neither plain nor simple,” Abra-ram said, “It is rich with symbolism. But why should I tell you, when I can have my daughter do it?” Lyra watched as Eunice stepped down from the platform and stood by her father. She seemed nervous and embarrassed to be speaking to Lyra about her impending sacrifice. She kept her head down; unable to look Lyra in the eyes.
"When one of us is sacrificed, we take upon us the sins of all those around us,” Eunice said, meekly, “We die in their place; and by so doing, help them to become clean like us. Though their sins be as red as scarlet, we can make them white and pure as our wool.” Lyra was dumbstruck. She thought that Eunice must’ve been brainwashed into joining her father’s suicide cult. Before Lyra could overcome the initial shock and form a coherent thought, Eve responded to Eunice’s remarks.
“From the foundation of the Earth, it was prophesied that the Son of God would come in the meridian of time to take upon Himself the sins of the world,” Eve said, “Since the Fall of Man, prophets have made animal sacrifices, but this was always a type and a shadow of what is to come. We are all sinners and none of us are pure. Your rituals cannot save you or anyone else. Only through faith in the Son of God can you find salvation.” The other sheep looked to Father Abra-ram for guidance. He narrowed his eyes at Eve.
“Our burnt offerings are not meant as foreshadowing for some hypothetical savior,” Abra-ram said, coldly, “You talk of sacrifice, but you do not comprehend it. We are the saviors.”
“Obedience is better than sacrifice,” Eve said, “Hearken to the voice of the Lord and believe in Him, for your works will not save you.”
“We are pure vessels,” Abra-ram said, “Whenever one of us is sacrificed, we take upon us the sins of those around us and die in their place for their transgressions. Only a sinless soul could carry such a heavy burden.”
“You stubborn sheep!” Eve said, “The law of sacrifice was made as a stumbling block. You are the old law which will be swallowed up by the new law when the Son of God is born.” Eunice had been listening to the argument between her father and Eve until she could no longer hold her tongue. Exhibiting faith and courage, Eunice stepped forward and confronted Eve.
“Belief is not merely confined to one's thoughts and feelings,” Eunice said, “To truly believe in something, one has to be willing to sacrifice everything for their faith.” Lyra had heard enough.
“You're all insane!” Lyra said, “I should've taken my chances with the Sodomites! They may have slaughtered innocent animals, but at least they weren’t part of some deranged suicide cult!” Eunice gasped. Her lip began to quiver. Lyra thought she might have offended her friend, but she didn’t care. Lyra reasoned that saving Eunice’s life was more important than sparing her feelings. Lyra was determined to give her friend one last chance to come to her senses.
“Eunice, don’t tell me you honestly believe this stuff,” Lyra said, “This isn’t who you are.” Eunice looked up; she had tears in her eyes.
“This is how it should be,” Eunice said, before looking away, "This is who I should be." Lyra’s heart sank. Eve pursed her lips. She could see there would be no convincing Eunice. She was wholly invested in following her family’s Eweish tradition.
“Go ahead and burn then,” Eve said, coldly, “It’ll give you a nice taste of what to expect in the afterlife.” Lyra would’ve normally denounced Eve for her insensitive comment, but given the circumstance, Lyra was too upset at Eunice to defend her. Abra-ram glared at Lyra and Eve. He was too angry to waste words on them.
“Come on, Lyra. Let’s get out of here,” Eve said, “We’ve done all we can do.” Lyra clenched her teeth as her eyes welled with tears. She wanted to try and talk some sense into Eunice, but she seemed determined to sacrifice herself to preserve her family’s traditions. The sheep parted as Lyra and Eve walked out of the pen. Lyra didn’t even make a backwards glance at Eunice. Once they were outside, one of the sheep slammed the gate shut behind them. As Eunice watched Lyra leave, she started to cry. Abra-ram tried to comfort her.
"There, there,” Abra-ram said, “Everything will be alright, my little shaineh raaineh keporah.”
Once they were out of the gate, Lyra ran from the sheep pen as fast as she could. She felt as though Eunice had taken her heart and crushed it. Lyra was sobbing. Her eyes were so full of tears that she couldn’t see straight. She sat down near one of the Ark’s support beams and continued to cry. Eve caught up with Lyra and sat down beside her. Eve thought Lyra was upset about their message being ignored.
“Having someone reject the living Gospel is never easy to take,” Eve said, sympathetically, “It’s not your fault, Lyra. The path which leads to salvation is narrow and few there be that find it.” Eve could see Lyra was still distraught, so she did the only thing she could think of; Eve gave Lyra a hug. At first, Lyra was shocked. She hated Eve, and yet, in this moment of weakness, Lyra was grateful for her compassion. Lyra’s lip quivered. She continued to cry, while being hugged and comforted by Eve.
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This was a great chapter. Although it did remind a little of chapter 3 in the first Lyra and Bon Bon story.
How long did it take to come up with that Gilligan's Island reference at the beginning? I loved that show!
I'm...I'm getting feels from this story...
I don't think I've said this to you yet, but I love you author person.
This fic isn't even over, yet I already know this will be in the top five fic section of this devout Christian's homepage.
The emotion I feel from these characters are truly hilarious, truly frustrating, and truly emotional.
I love that Gilligan's Island beginning, read the whole thing in rhythm with the original song. So much nostalgic moments right here.
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Gotta love em all.
I'm wondering, what do you think Jesus thought of animal sacrifice? True, his mother and stepfather followed Jewish tradition, but did Jesus is never recorded in the Bible of doing animal sacrifice?
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Jesus knew that animal sacrifices made by prophets of old were symbolic of His Atonement.
2724521 oh right, like how the slain lamb is shown in Revelations. Must of sucked for the animals though. They probably would have been peeing and crapping themselves if possible. Also, Adam is hilarious, and I hate Evangelical. Mainly how she wants to destroy the Zebra culture, true, they have idols, but they've been raised that way for GENERATIONS and for the racist remark. As a Catholic, it would be swell if you somehow find a way to get a Jack Chick reference or jab. Look him up, and his comics. Like on the TV Tropes page
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ComicBook/ChickTracts?from=Main.ChickTract
Here's a sample of what he thinks
Most adult citizens of present-day America have never heard about Jesus before, and get surprised when someone tells them. And on the off chance they DO know who Jesus is, they barely know anything about him.
Homosexuals, Freemasons, wiccans, tabletop gamers, and readers of Harry Potter books are all possessed by demons.
Catholics, Muslims, Hindus, and natives worship demons.
Atheists don't worship demons... they ARE demons.
The Ancient Conspiracy is everywhere. Science, religion, and politics are all fronts for it. The world is a very dangerous place indeed, and The Devil rules over us all.
A prime player in this worldwide Satanic conspiracy is the Roman Catholic Church, which in this setting is really a pagan Babylonian religion in disguise and bears the blame for pretty much every war and tragedy since its creation. Also, Islam is actually only a front organization for the Catholic Church, or at least started out that way.
Evolution is a religion, demanding faith and loyalty from its adherents and forbidding theism. Of course, this religion is a crackpot Religion of Evil, that causes and advocates badly stereotyped white supremacist thinking.
Gravity may or may not be a real force. But it really doesn't matter, as Jesus is in complete control!
Playing Dungeons & Dragons gives you cool superpowers in real life, so you really shouldn't be playing that game. Bad Powers, Bad People, you know. Also, if your character dies in a game, this will kill you in real life: An emotional backlash will drive you to suicide.
A few centuries ago, the Holy Spirit (with the help of some English puritans) wrote the true Bible: the original pure Authorized King James Version. Older (and newer) versions of The Bible are forgeries written by The Devil, never mind that the Puritans, whom he speaks highly of, embraced the Geneva Bible.
More positively, Chick tracts have no problem critcizing the Anti-Semitism and Racism displayed by many fundamentalist groups. Indeed Chick has written tracts specifically directed to the culture of certain races, all of which have a Jive Turkey feel to them. (he, however, does not like Native Americans)
Now you know.
Oh Bon Bo-uh... Steve, all those innuendos, hahaha, another great chapter.
Ritualistic murder...comedy?
I have to say reading this chapter was hard I kept cracking up an laughing hard and long.(that's what she said)
I read Abra-ram's lines in Mel Brooks's voice, so when I got to "Don't worry your uncircumcised little heart," I cracked up. Very well done.
Poor Lyra. A stranger on a strange boat, with hardly anyone to turn to.
I love how honestly filthy this story is.
You write the best Lyra of anyone as far as i am concerned.
anthropology Lyra was pretty good, but she wasn't bronystories' Lyra.
With this chapter Eve is now my favorite character in this story. Eve is just someone that I love to hate. She's so blinded by faith that she can't see the fool that she is making herself out to be. I love that even when everyone in the room hates her she keeps on going and I can't help but laugh at her the whole time. I know that because of the length that she takes her views she's an inconsiderate bitch to anyone that isn't thinking like she is, but I can't help but just admire and laugh at her dedication. I'd kick her in the cunt if I ever met her, but from this safe distance I can't help but enjoy her antics.
Adam...I just feel sorry for the poor guy. I know he's just as bad as Eve, but I still can't help but feel sorry for the poor fellow. He's getting his comeuppance for all the crap that's come out of his mouth, but like Eve I just love to hate him and a part of me can't help but pity the guy. Speaking of Adam I couldn't help but laugh at all the innuendo at the beginning xD. Innuendo doesn't normally get such a big laugh out of me, but I think combined with the pity I have for him and his reactions to the whole thing I just couldn't help myself.
With all the funny antics going on the scene with Eunice sobered me up (kinda). I feel sorry for them both. Even with Eunice appearing that she wants to go through with the sacrifice I feel she want's to do it for the wrong reasons. Probably with her being a lesbian and with her feelings on that conflicting with the values that have been instilled in her maybe she sees this as a way to cleanse her of her "impurities" while also helping out her flock. It's a sad situation indeed. Though I do hope that Lyra's visit put the thought in her head that maybe letting yourself get slaughtered because some dude in the sky demands it isn't something she shouldn't do especially as a solution to your sexual identity conflicting with someones wishes.
Heh, then Eve comforted Lyra and threw her usual antics in the mix and I ended up finishing the chapter with a chuckle.
~Have a good one.
Ahh, this fills me with feels!
Keep it up!
Wait... I've told you that how many times now? Hm. Looking forward to a scene where Adam turns to 'Steve' for help, begging for the false stallion to rid him of his homosexual lusts, only for Bon-Bon to tell him the truth.
Could you do more? This story is awesome! I would cry if there was no more!
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I have the whole story planned out. Thank you for your interest! I'm working on an update.
....this fic is in bad taste. Even if you potray the religion without using it comidicaly(though I doubt you will) Its still in bad taste and rude to every Christian who supports equal rights for gays. Staw man story at worst in bad taste at best. Sigh well I never rewd without downvoting. (You do know he told others obout the comming rain and invited them to come right? Gays and all. Jesus himself ate with homosexuals. Its right there ajd many Christian s do the same. You just hear qbout the ones still brain washed from the dark ages)
Also sorry for mistypes im on a phone and my fingers are big.
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Trust me, I have great respect for the beliefs of others. This isn't meant to bash Christians, Jews or gays.
If you're implying that Adam and Eve are strawmen for the Christian point of view, they aren't meant to represent all Christians. If anything, I'm hoping that people will learn to not condemn an entire group just because some members of the group are jerks.
Yes. It's in Genesis, chapter 6. Noah also warns the Sodomites in the first chapter of my story.
I'm quite curious for the scriptural source on this, unless your statement is based on probability. "Jesus performed the miracle where He fed 5,000 people, so odds are some of them were gay."
I do have more to tell with this story. Thank you for the feedback.
3130915 actually as I thought I made clear I had not yet read the story. Now I have.. not offended at all. You are more poking fun at those who abuse religion to justify there own beliefs instead of following it.
So yeah not offended at all. Laughed a bit as well.
Jesus tended to be kind to all. He explained why sins where not good for you abd warned of hell.
He talked about murder, fear, love, hate snd tax law. Yet not once about homosexuality.
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No worries, mate. I'll chalk up any miscommunications to fat fingers.
Im glad I found this story. It was funny and Bon Bon's 'horn' is hilarious especially when they were still in the marketplace having just got it.
I hope you manage to continue it soon.
Its well worth the upvote
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I have the basic outline for the entire story worked out. The next update is just a matter of time.
Hello mister writer when will the next chapter be uploaded if ever?
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That's good news. I need by biblical farce fix!
I want to ask if this was abandoned or just no inspiration?
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(Sigh) I have inspiration. The rest of the chapters are halfway written. I just don't want to post them until I can give the same level of care and attention I gave my previous stories.
I will completely understand if anyone gives up on the story before I complete it. It has been months since the last update.
Please take comfort in the fact that I'm not one to abandon projects that I care about and I deeply care about finishing this story.
All I've had time for lately is work and sleep. Once things calm down, I can spend more time writing. Thank you for your support. It means the world to me that readers like you care enough about my stories to contact me.
I must say that I do love this story with all my heart. It has gave me a few good chuckles and it has achieved what I desire most out of a book/ short novel. It plays and toys with my emotions as does your other stories, but I would love to see this story finished. I know that this is something you have been receiving a lot but It would bring me a great amount of joy.
P.S. I love all of your stories.
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I will finish this story. It means too much to me to leave it unresolved.
Thanks for the kind words.
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Thanks! It's been too long since the last update. I've actually been working on finishing the second half of the story recently. Hopefully, it'll be worth the wait.
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So is it safe to say that this story will be in development for 9 years then?
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It will at the rate I'm going...
Don't worry, though! I'm gonna' step up my game in the near future. More updates on the horizon.
I thinks safe to say that this story has been forgotten huh? Thats too bad I really enjoy your Lyra and Bon Bon stories a lot.
it's just so haaaaaaaaaaaaard to say goodbyyyyyye. (In all seriousness though will this story ever be updated? It's been two year man, please?)
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I'm working on stories and I haven't forgotten about this one. It will be finished someday.
I'm working on getting other stories published... if the mods will let me.
Sounds like Eunice might need some additional cobalt in her diet.
Fuck me this is/was a great fic.
Tis is gud fic.
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It will be finished someday...
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Sounds excellent!