• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 25th, 2014

KevinBlu


E
Source

Solitude is something nopony wants, and although life seems to want to lock us into that, our emotions can lead us to other things. Sometimes, words are not needed to express those emotions. Sometimes, the only thing we have to do is show them. We just need a catalyst to give us the courage to do so... and perhaps the advice of a goddess.

A Twishy fic, because they are my favourite pairing and there are not enough shipping of them. My first work in this fandom since I became brony.

NOTE: I am not a native English speaker, so be kind if you find a mistake (You'll surely find many)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

That description...

If you know that your story has mistakes in it, why not get somebody to FIND them first?

Just wonderin'.

1246384

Because I'm new here and I don't know anyone here. Therefore, I have no one to ask that

1253653
Check the groups listing, there's a proof-readers' group there. You should be able to find someone to help you.

Be prepared for them to be a bit rough - whoever edits this is going to need to hack it up pretty badly.

Other than that ... meh, really. Basic TwiShy, nothing particularly innovative. Your big plot piece (the two books Cadence sent) come off pretty clumsily, and Cadence could stand to be more directly involved in the story (say, including the meeting between her and Twilight where she picked up that Twilight was having mare issues).

Not much more to say until you get an editor to go over it, really.

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The story has potential, but it needs a fair amount of editing. There were parts where words were missing or you used the wrong form of the word. There are plenty of people on this site that will gladly edit pieces, like myself, all you need to do is ask around. And even if you can't find someone for some strange reason, then do it yourself. It might not be as helpful as another pair of eyes, but so many times I've reread some of my work and found things in it that I was surprised that I wrote. Just read over it a couple of times, even once or twice aloud, to find mistakes.mit helps a ton, trust me. Sorry about the wall of text. Anyway, it's a good rough draft, with a creative plot line.

You alluded to a sex scene and mentioned rape a couple times. I want to say that this should be rated Teen. :fluttershyouch:
Other than that I kinda skimmed through. I read alot of these so believe me I still gave it enough consideration. It was pretty sweet and I especially liked Fluttershy's "problem" with her wings. Try a longer more complex storyline next time and I would definitely read it. :pinkiehappy:

Wow just wow This story is amazing
And for some reason the beginning reminded me of study buddies

A few errors here and there, but despite you're saying that English isn't your first language, this si very well written. The mood setting is proper, with really nice pacing, and it was creative in a way that brings out the emotions.

Not a fan of Appledash, to be honest, and it didn't really add to the story, but that's really minor. The story itself is brilliant :twilightsmile::yay:

This was good. Not perfect by any means but then again i'm not that good ether.
While i'm a big fan of TwiShy and i did enjoy this story, i think that "The night of passion" in lack of a safer word, was kind of not needed.
I always say "Five dates = first kiss. and marriage = 'the night of passion'" when it comes to these two.
Now i'm not here to say that i dislike the story, on the contrary i do love this, it's just a few themes and settings that i don't relay like.
On a rating i'll give this story a 4/5
I would love to see another TwiShy story from you because (With a little help in the editing) you are very good at story telling, with setting and characters.
~Tobben

this 1 sentence was hilarious "I highly doubt that anyone would have the guts to say something about auntie Celestia. Not unless they are looking for a free trip to the moon!"

"You are thinking about what people could think about you mentor, Princess Celestia, don't you?"
How the…?
"Ahrg! You are so predictable!
At least I hope you didn't think something stupid like 'love is a simple thing, it does not deserve it'"
This time, Twilight was actually scared.

First we have stories about Rarity reading other ponies like a boom and now Cadence with THIS? To be honest, I got kind of scared when I read that part too.

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