The Cutie Mark Crusaders are doing what every filly and colt loves to do on Nightmare Night, Trick-or-Treating. But while they are out and about, they stray off to the outskirts of Ponyville, where they find them self in a haunted house.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The story idea was really short and shallow, there's too much dialogue and the paragraphing makes it kinda difficult to read. And your writing, just seemed...awkward.
It wasn't bad, but you need to keep practicing. You'll get it.
Silver out!
It took me a minute to figure out what was...off about the writing. Everything is present tense, even when it shouldn't be. For example instead of "enter the house" it should be "entered the house." You have some good ideas in there, keep writing.
Thanks for the feedback. I didn't put too much effort into it, but it still could have been better. I will get better over time though!