With Mr. and Mrs. Cake away, Pinkie is left to take care of Pound and Pumpkin Cake, and she vows to be the best foalsitter she can possibly be for them. However, her plans are thwarted by something lurking in the shadows, something that has other ideas for the Cake twins...
An entry for the Nightmare Night 2012 competition.
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This is really disturbing. Good job on this one and good luck!
It takes a lot for me to get into a scary story, so don't take it the wrong way when I say that I found this to be somewhat average. Some key things I look for are subtlety and suspense, and this didn't have very much of either, as far as my opinion goes. It was plenty vague, but not in a way that I would call subtle. There were plenty of disturbing/creepy moments, but they generally had little buildup, or an underwhelming follow-through.
Granted, I'm far from a horror connoisseur, so take everything I've said with a heaping tablespoon of salt.
1497165 Thanks for that!
1500070 Honestly, considering I've never written a horror story before, and this was written in less than a week off the back of a concept I was never quite sure of myself, 'average' is a complement
. I'll probably go back and give it a good polish, as I'm not entirely satisfied with this as it is either, but I'll leave that for a little bit later.
Well. That got exponentially creepier, didn't it?
1689959 That was the idea!
Well, this is rather creepy. Though
wow
The ending