Wait, this is up here now? Awesome! One of my favorite stories; glad I can track it with ease now.

>>9922699226

Oh yes, I've been convinced into trying out Fimfic and it is indeed quite snazzy!

Chapter 3 is coming along nicely and will be up very soon (he says!). I'm 8000 words into it, and though I could cut it into 3k chunks for some cheap updates on EqD I'm determined to keep it as one chapter, since this is supposed to be a three-act story, even though the last chapter may end up being longer than the rest put together!

>>9923099230  Really? It's almost done? Allow me to celebrate.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I remember reading this when it firs came out on Eqd. This is awesome!

That chapter didn't turn how I thought it would.  I am definitely going to keep reading.

Yus!  How did I know Twilight would be the sort who compulsively scribbles in the margins?  

>>9923099230 In the words of the 3rd best pony: Yay.

Looking forward to the conclusion.

This is creepy as heck!!! Can't wait for more!

This is creepy as heck!!! Can't wait for more!

This is creepy as heck!!! Can't wait for more!

"a huge creature with the body of a snake but the head and wings of a dragon"

Um.  That would be a dragon, wouldn't it?  A dragon is a huge snake with wings.

>>9932699326

Snakes don't have limbs though. I guess you could say it was a chinese dragon, but they tend to have little limbs too I think, or no wings.

Oh Dear, Twilight and Sinister books. This tale looks promising

Star in Yellow is on Fimfiction! Excellent!

w00t w00t! I read this on eqd, glad to see it up on fimfic! looking forward to the final chapter!

>>9933299332

They do have tiny limbs.

Nice! I'm tracking.

(shameless self-promotion) Check out my story, if you would, please.

GASP! one of my favorite stories! I remember checking your DA page to see if there was an update a few times, loved it then and i love it now!

Oh god, twilight what have you done!?!?? End of equestria as we know it. This story needs more flutter shy.  And you said ch 3 had 8000 words? That's crazy! Biggest one I've read was 4000

HAIL LORD HAS.... I MEAN HAIL LADY YELLOW STAR

But take the blue pill, rarity, and see just how far the rabbit hole goes.

moar.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand about 3 minutes after i read the last chapter this pops up.

Dreams DO come true!  

>>103383103383

Thanks!

The reason for that is that I had to cut chapter 3 in half, because if I'd have uploaded 15000 words as one chunk i'd have been strung up! :)

Nice reveal at the end. I feel I should have seen it coming, but fair's fair. I didn't.

Loved it! All of it! And I agree with what Baree said.

based upon what i've read so far, there is enough foreshadowing to hint at the idea that maybe Yellow Star is Celestia...  At least, thats my assumption.  Imma laugh if im right

pip is forever alone.

it was so sad....YET SO GOOD

Yay happy ending! I always get nervous reading grim or dark and generally Avoid sad fics all together but I'm glad everything turned out good in the end. Great work I really enjoyed it

“I’m the mailmare Rainbow Dash, not you! Try doing your own job for once, you... you...

..DOUBLE NIGGER..'

Excellent ending I had a feeling it was Celly's book. Loved it.

Aw man, I really thought that this was leading up to a confrontation between Yellowstar and Dainbow Rash.

As I'm reading the last bit of Chapter 2, "For the Reunion" from the Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children soundtrack starts playing.  A more appropriate musical accompaniment could not have existed, that was creepy and terrifying.

and then there was manly tears

Image: http://i.qkme.me/ev0.jpg

This is supposed to be a seriously stressful situation in a surreal story

Yet this chapter was hilarious

Wow, this was something else

Good show, jolly good show

"Of course Twilight Sparkle my most faithful friend. I always save the day."

And then Yellowstar was Jesus.

The metalogics of it all is pretty interesting, modulated by how simple their manner of speaking is.

good prize.

Loved this. It was dark, but still kept so much of the show's atmosphere. It was well-written, you spelt colour with a "u", it had some scary moments and I read it all in one sitting. Faved.

Also, gonna check out The King In Yellow

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/8492

This is the one time I'll ever be full of anticipation and laughing my head off at the same time!

>>126004126004

Hurrah!

Yes it's important to spell words correctly! For Queen and country, pip pip!

The actual book 'The King In Yellow' is very strange but also very good. Don't go in expecting a detailed plot though, it's more about atmosphere than anything else.

So this is probably the best-written fan fic I've read in years.  

The humor in this story has been top notch throughout.  It all feels like humor that would be in the actual show, and I laughed out loud once at one of the jokes.

Amazing.  It was like an episode of the show.  5/5

Awesome story, But as I was reading I was wandering, What if Celestia Wrote a clopfic?

:P

>>193556193556

That's the racy continental adaption!

Damnit to hell Blueshift; every time I open one of your stories I find myself unable to stop until it's over. So now, not only am I reading fan fiction at 2 in the morning, but I'm also really creeped out and probably won't be able to sleep even once I'm done. Why are you so awesome?!

>>193556193556

That was the ending Twilight never got to read.

But as for the story, I... I think it surpassed Fallout:Equestria. And I LOVE Fallout:Equestria. I mean... and the reveal... and that means Silver Crescent was... oh man I have to go distract myself from all this awesome.

>>257345257345

Thanks, it is comments like these that make me grin ear to ear and inspire me to keep writing! I do think this is easily my best story so far, it's just a shame that it hasn't got the same sort of buzz from the fandom as some of my other, shorter, sillier ones. Tell your family and friends! (Well, maybe not your family. "Mum, mum, you have to read this My Little Pony fanfiction!")

I stayed up until half six in the morning reading this and it's totally worth the lack of sleep. This is a very well-written story, the characters were "realistic" and, even though it's tagged as Dark, it made me laugh. A lot. The ending was bittersweet; kinda sad that Yellowstar, who wanted to make everyone happy, only got the chance to do one act of kindness (saving Twilight) before Twilight accidentally killed her (although it sounds harsh when it's put that way), but she still got her own happy ending. An apology probably would've been nice as well, though.

So yeah, favourited and I'm looking forwards to reading the rest of your fics.

This story is like the realtimes story. In our fantasy all things that become wrighting in books, here or anwere can be real. You have done a grait job.

Content: This is brilliant, there's nothing else I can say about it.

Effectiveness: I love stories that can make you burst out laughing and bring you to tears. There is so much emotion in this, and it really pays off.

Memorabilia: Seriously. It's these sorts of fanfics that made me fall in love with MLP, and it's these sorts of fanfics that are probably going to stay with me forever.

Continuity: You really dug into the fandom here, especially with a certain character's history. Dash burning books -again-? I'm gonna have to guess that's a reference to -something- so go you!

Overall:

Have all my yays... ALL OF THEM!

Excellent story.

Injecting some humor into it with Dash and Spike maintained the feel of the show while Twilight descended into madness and doom, and the twist ending made for a satisfying conclusion.

+1 quality twist ending for making it unexpected, yet if you look back over the story you can still say "oh yeah, that makes complete sense!".

this story is the one to never put down!

>>9923099230

Yay! tSiY is on on FimFiction! I finally have a reason to actually read it!

I know I'm like three months late in reading this, but I was sent here by reading a blog from a clopfic author. Very, very relevant. Anyway, this fic receives nothing but praise from me.

I have to say, the personalizations were done very well. Perhaps Rainbow Dash's brashness could be toned down a bit, but it's nothing big. Silver Crescent and Yellowstar were done in a way that's oddly simplistic to the point where it could almost be seen as scary, which is a good thing. Saddle Stitch however, was by far, my favorite of your characterizations. I loved his sarcastic attitude, and he generally added a new look to the type of pony which isn't often done well in other works.

The plot was great, and even a dumbed down and severely shortened overview would at least spark some sort of thought. Concerning the twist ending, it really gets you thinking, maybe making some connections of your own. I can honestly say, I haven't really felt that way from literature before.

I'm probably rambling though, so I guess it should be pretty self-explanatory why I'm saying all this. Oh, and the references were numerous, and great. Pretty humorous, yet somehow not detracting from the serious tone of the story. They were all okay, but the one reference that Princess Celestia made... Genius.

Image: http://imagestuff.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/very-hungry-caterpillar.jpg

When the old librarian started blaming Spike for everything I was rollin'. Thanks for this excellent story.

This story has bowled me over. It's one of my favorite fanfictions ever, no joke, and I'm honestly shocked it's not more popular. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to read it again to mull over all the things I missed the first time!

nice story but lyra is hungry so seea

while this story was mildly hard to read, due to words of a more advanced nature, of a kind, witch i need help understanding

it was definitely worth my time, haveing to bang my head against the "trusty helping tools", once or twice a chapter

if fimfiction was a confectioner and the storys are the "fancy cakes", this one would be one my 3 favourites

Oh poor Pipsqueak!

This was an awesome and epic read! I loved every minute of it, and I really liked the ending!

That said, I was expecting Cthulu mythos attack, but oh well.

At least there was a happy ending. ;)

I must say I love how you make Spike the "slave" XD

>>512451512451

Thanks! Glad you liked it! I like to subvert reader expectations - the reader knows the normal story tropes, so I find it more interesting to go a different way.

>>524005524005

For some reason in every Twi/Spike fic I do, Spike is constantly extra-put upon by bossy Twilight, who doesn't realise that she needs him more than he needs her.

>>524066524066 I was thinking more about Saddle sticks "It is mine - Hrm - SPikes Fault! All of it!" Parts XD They are hillarius, and really gives the story the dot above the i, so to say ;)

>>524061524061

Ah, it's alright. It just wasn't what I was expecting, is all. Was hopinf for a grimdark, to be totally honest

But oh well, stilla worthwhile story

“SCOOTALOO! Of course! The main character is Scootaloo!”

Linkie linkie

Okay, now when I have read the whole thing:

This story had everything

Everything that makes a story good.

It was:

Funny, thoughtful, mysterius, adventures, exciting, nerve-breaking, sadness, well written, intelligent story, emotional...

Do you know how many hearts I give this?

Image: http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100620150349/halo/images/f/f9/Infinity.gif

This masterpiece is equal to My little dashie, if not better! Very, very well done!

>>524418524418

Thanks, glad you liked it!

Oh dear... I've lost count of how many times I've said that... at around 240 roughly.  Though, I did say "Oh dear!" int he context of loving it eight times right at “Before Princess Celestia finds out what?”

Though... the story i read right before this was "The End of Ponies"... so my heart just broke when Rainbow Dash said that the main character was Scootaloo  

And the only thing worse for Saddle Stitch that I can think of, is if he is given the position that Mr. and Mrs. Cake believe he holds... you know the one with that special spot built for two?

Also:  "A... butterfly?"  "What! WHERE!"

I would give you all of my yays, but that would break the limit by a good few thousand

so I'll have to give you just 15 for now, and hope the remaining are delivered to you by a certain wall-eyed postmare

Oh, surprise, surprise.  The book is ridiculously enthralling to Twi because it's EVIL!

Excellent start.

>>573372573372

Well...

And then Yellowstar's lovely mother fell asleep. - This line and the bit of the story that came after literally gave me chills.

The Sweetie Belle part is hilarious.

Poor Pipsqueak, poor Scootaloo.

Alright, excellent story with a great ending. I am glad I finally got around to reading this.

Dash was both ridiculous and ridiculously awesome, and Yellowstar's choice at the end was very touching.

5 stars and 2 thumbs up, and entry into my user page wall of epic stories.

I think what really makes this is that the first half of the first chapter could have been a straight-up comedy fic. And all around the mind-wrenching horror engulfing Twilight and those closest to her, the day-to-day fun and amusing shenanigans of ponyville are still occurring unawares throughout the story. It accentuates the horror and gives the threat depth, while providing laughs that make the reader clap their hand over their mouth. Brilliant.

>>577209577209

Thanks, I do really enjoy the strange tonal dissonance between comedy and darkness. And it's always been said that there's only a thin line between comedy and tragedy.

You know, more than a few people have described the beginning of their bronyism similar to the way Twilight experiences getting sucked into that book.

Uh oh.

This is great so far. I should probably be in bed by now, but I have a hunch this is going to keep me up late.

One of the things I like about this chapter is how you've managed to inject a healthy amount of meta-commentary about fiction in general -- and brony fan fiction in particular -- without bogging the story down. It adds an amusing extra level to things, and provides a little relief in some of the more intensely creepy moments.

So Twilight was sucked into the book just like Silver Cresent...

"As they did so, a small white filly with a mound of curly purple hair trotted past them into the library clutching a letter in her mouth, and then trotted straight back out sans letter, her head caked in soot."

Freaking genius.

This story is so well written. The comedy still manages to make me laugh, even amidst the genuinely terrifying eldritch events that are happening.

The tonal shifts in the last two chapters between comedy and psychological horror seemed jarring to me, but from the other comments it looks like I'm in the minority in finding it strange. On the whole, still a very good story. I'll definitely be recommending it to others.

I saw the parallels between Yellowstar & Silver Crescent and Celestia & Luna early on, but thought that the book was just molding itself and its story into something comfortingly familiar for its reader. Like maybe if Dash were the reader, Yellowstar would've been a daring stunt flier. I didn't see the real nature of the book coming, which was nice.

Now that we've seen bits of Yellowstar's story of how things felt, it might make an interesting follow-up to read Blueshift's story of what really happened to inspire those feelings. There's a lot of material here for an interesting story of ancient Equestria. A widowed god who must cope with his wife's death, fight off an eldritch abomination, and parent two powerfully magical daughters who seem to have gone from best friends to worst enemies recently for reasons he doesn't understand. I'd read the hell out of that.

I started reading this for an obvious reason. But damn is it getting good.

“SCOOTALOO! Of course! The main character is Scootaloo!”

Wow. Just, wow. There are no words for the special feeling reading this gave me in the cockles of my heart, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, I don't know.

I knew yellow star was celestia when big mac said YOU DRAGGED HER OUT PRINCESS I KNEW IT!!! oh and the ending was touching

Ch1:

"which was annoying devoid of any such volume" -- "annoyingly"

Ch2:

"surrounded by all their friend in the middle" -- "friends"

"injustice of being unable to get a moments peace" -- "moment's"

Ch3:

"Saddle Stitch used the distraction to read down and snatch the letter" -- "reach"

Review:

Oh wow. Favourited. Loved the descriptions. The humour along with the meta-humour were just great; they felt very appropriate to FiM's style. I just about lost it at  the part with Rainbow Dash in Rarity's tub. The plot was very engaging and I had that burning need to read the next section to find out what happens next. Characterization was spot-on. An utter pleasure to read from start to finish.

I got the Celestia/Yellowstar and Luna/Silver Crescent parallel almost right away, but I didn't expect there to be a direct link. Although there was that foreboding feeling about Yellowstar I suspected she wasn't really evil, and I found myself hoping that Twilight would finish the book. Yellowstar's life had gotten complicated and she herself became worried about what she would do in her final conflict. It made me empathize with her.

Most emotional line in this story, for me:

"She chose her own ending."

>>649437649437

Goddammit thanks. After all this time, little errors still pop up!

Yeah... Was it bad that my first instict was to kill Twilight, burn down the library, take Spike to be tested for corruption, then have the caretaker impaled upon a spike of black iron for failing to report the problems?

Eh, Imperial Inquisition.

I can't believe fimfiction doesn't have a yellowstar tag! She is obviously best pony!

Also, feels like this story almost made a turn for grimdark

After Nineteen Neighty-Four, I decided to check out this story of yours as well, even though dark isn't really my cup of tea. And let me just say, late to the party I may be, I didn't regret it!

You see this unveiling right here? This is how you do a good revelation. The signs were there from the very beginning (from chapter one, seriously), and yet when the revelation came, I sat in my seat slapping my forehead, yelling OF COURSE! The funny thing I also saw the parallel between Silver Crescent and her original, yet I thought it'll be played for irony (in the form of Yellowstar beating her even though she said she didn't want to, thus proving that she was evil, but Twilight wouldn't realize it).

Also, part one of chapter three? That was real comedy gold. I found myself literally laughing out loudly on multiple occasions, and that's more than most comedies are capable of.

Now, as appropriate as it is, I'm not writing this comment to simply praise you (it was done by others before me). I just want to point out that the comedy in part two of chapter three is in a rather unpleasant contrast with the unsettling endgame of Twilight's descendancy (at least in my opinion). I mean, it's kind of hard to laugh at Saddle Stitch's attempts to weasel out while Twilight - well, we know what happened to her (I dunno why am I avoiding spoilers)... This was somewhat unsatisfactory, but I still found the story excellent.

>>757164757164

Thanks for the comments. Honestly? That was very much on purpose. Whilst on the surface it was using many comedy tropes, you were supposed to feel uncomfortable and a bit disgusted at his actions. I'll take the point though, I know I do like to let comedy seep in even when I least expect it!

Howdy Blueshift!  Remember back in January when I told you I'd take a look at The Star in Yellow and let you know what I thought?  Well, obviously I didn't remember.  Sorry about that.

But while I was deleting some spam posts on my blog, I came across that long-forgotten exchange, and (after sitting there and feeling really guilty for a few minutes) decided to rectify the situation.  So here we go.

First, the disclaimers: I've never read The King In Yellow, so I can't comment on the borrowing or crossover aspects to the story, if any.  Also, I read this one for fun; doesn't mean I wasn't paying attention, but it's not like I parsed every sentence either.

*****

I've always enjoyed your writing; you are one of the very few fanfic authors who can consistently pull off "random" comedies without devolving into inanity and unfocused pandering.  This is obviously a bit different than most of what you've written, but I found I liked it quite a bit.

There's the humor, of course (my favorite line was early on, when Twilight channeled Fermat), which remains a consistent high point even as it takes more of a back seat here than in those stories of yours which I've previously read.  But once I got past that, I found a surprisingly thoughtful, unsettling look at the concept of secondary creation taken to its impossible furthest point.  Yellowstar had some truly chilling lines, yet she was never made the villain, or even presented as particularly psychotic or unstable--a very good balancing act IMO, and one which made the ending poignant in a way a more straightforward interpretation of the character wouldn't have.  All in all, I was very happy with this piece.

My complaints (other than the lack of offsetting commas for names) are twofold.  First, there's the lack of integration of the humorous elements in the latter part of the story.  Early on, I had no trouble with the characters' antics, but once chapter two began and the darker story elements began to creep in, the Keystone Cop-ery of Dash, Spike, and the Librarian began to feel more and more out of place.  It felt like, rather than let the story naturally slide into a darker, heavier tone, you kept trying to yank it back to the lightheartedness with which it started.  I'd have preferred to see the story start out as it did, then move gradually towards pseudo-horror without trying to reposition itself--the contrast between beginning and meat is significant enough without throwing in slapstick asides.

The other problem was dialogue.  Although it was inconsistent, there were regular problems with various characters adopting speech patterns or vocabulary which didn't fit them.  The one that stuck out the most to me was Dash saying "I'm the best junior flier in all Equestria, you've not got a chance!" though that wasn't an isolated incident.  

But as I said above, I did enjoy this story.  Frankly, it's better than a lot of the 6-stars I've reviewed, so it is a bit of a shame that it missed out on that rating.

Hopefully you've found commentary helpful, or at least not unhelpful, and I apologize again for the six-month delay.

Thanks, I'm really really stoked that you took the time to take a look at this!

>other than the lack of offsetting commas for names

Commas are my enemy, I know :(

>First, there's the lack of integration of the humorous elements in the latter part of the story

I did try to split it so that the humour took place mostly in the first half of the last section, but I agree I may have gone too far; I tend to naturally gravitate to humour a bit too much. In my defense it's a very British thing. Yeah, that's it...

>Although it was inconsistent, there were regular problems with various characters adopting speech patterns or vocabulary which didn't fit them.

I'll concede the point, though it sounds fine in my head. I have a bit of a tin ear for Americanised dialogue sometimes.

>But as I said above, I did enjoy this story.  Frankly, it's better than a lot of the 6-stars I've reviewed, so it is a bit of a shame that it missed out on that rating.

Thanks. And this was absolutely helpful yeah! It missed out on 6 stars by the merest fraction of a percentile which was disappointing; I imagine it was because someone saw the 'dark' tag or that it had an OC and just mashed 1-star, that happens a lot with those sorts of stories, but now the star system it dead that won't be a problem any more!

I totally expected the Necronomicon.

>>103392103392  You think we'd be mad if you uploaded a 15k word chapter?  Clearly you haven't seen how many people read Background Pony.  30k words in a single chapter...

I love how you make stories about ruining Twilight's life with Mary Sues.

>>896479896479

Well it was breaking my computer at the time I see a chapter on a screen as needing to be read in one sitting, since you can't bookmark it midway.

I feel like Twilight Sparkle right now...

That's more influences on a single piece of literature than I'd expect. And it's good to hear more on what you were thinking with Yellowstar, I certainly found her to be a more interesting character, despite being the model of a totally not interesting character, if that makes any sense.