Technicalities, formalities, and inconsistencies oh my!
David awoke slowly the next morning, much to his surprise. He figured he would be awoken by Pinkie's peculiar habits, but strangely she was no where to be found. Glancing at one of the windows, he found it to be just after dawn once again, the early morning sun filtering beautifully into the room, casting strange shapes of light onto the floor in front of him. He was still situated underneath the balcony, huddled against the wall. He found it amazing he had slept so readily in such a position, with the prospect of a semi-normal bed just upstairs. He must've been quite tired from a day of...waiting.
But where had Pinkie disappeared to? It was too early for her to be working. Perhaps she had other plans-
Wait.
...Why had he remained in Sugarcube Corner? He had every intention, just last night, of departing for the library as soon as the sun set. Not only did he doom himself to another day of being trapped in the pink pony's room, he was also forced to ask more from his new friend. He felt terrible, even though he was sure Pinkie would have no problem with him staying another day.
As David tried to pinpoint the exact moment he had suffered brain damage (he had his money on his discovery by Pinkie, but he had been making stupid decisions long before that), he almost didn't notice the sound of voices coming up the stairs. It took a few moments for the voices to drown out his internal squabblings, prompting him to lay as flat as he could against the ground. The shadow cast by the balcony above was useful in his attempt to hide, but it wouldn't take more than a passing glance to notice he was there. Immediately he surveyed his options, of which there were few.
A small couch lay just ahead of him along the wall, lifted a few feet off the ground by thin legs. He would have considered it a place to sleep if it wasn't covered in wrapping paper, disassembled boxes, and glitter. But it would serve him yet. Pulling himself across the ground with each grasping reach, he slowly and silently slid toward the back of the couch, just as the owners of the voices reached the room. One was Pinkie's, that much he could tell, but she was not alone.
As David took shelter behind the couch, he could only see the legs of the ponies beyond, though it was more than enough to identify the visitor. Applejack, of all ponies, had come to visit Pinkie. And the pink pony herself seemed completely fine with it. No attempt to get Applejack to leave, no hasty explanation as to why, exactly, she needed to. It was as if the earth pony had forgotten their deal, again. But it was a Pinkie Promise! She would never defy such a sacred oath.
He couldn't worry about that now. He needed to maintain his cover. The plan was simple: cower behind the couch and pray Applejack did not find him. Compared to his other plans, this one was gold. Applejack seemed to be looking for something. The man watched the orange pony's hooves as she moved around, humming nonchalantly to herself. Some strange force compelled him to glance to his side, however. A pink pony with hair like cotton candy greeted him as he did, staring determinedly out in Applejack's direction.
The man nearly had a heart attack. "Pinkie!" he hissed, catching the earth pony's attention. "What the h-...what are you doing here?!"
"Why are we whispering?" Pinkie Pie responded with an exaggerated whisper, grinning innocently at David.
"Because I don't want Applejack to find me!" he hissed back, turning his focus back on the wandering orange pony ahead of them.
"Oooh, are we playing hide and seek?!"
"No!" he scolded with another quick whisper. "I told you not to tell them I'm here!"
"I didn't Mr. David! I Pinkie Promised. Applejack just came by to borrow some stuff!" Pinkie acted as if this situation was no big deal. It probably wasn't acting.
"But...but...!" David tried to argue, but he couldn't find the words to describe how the pink pony had wronged him, probably because, in truth, she didn't. Loopholes. They seemed to be a serious problem with Pinkie Promises.
As the man watched Applejack search in silence, Pinkie's attention was elsewhere. Suddenly, the earth pony rose, toppling the couch forward in the process, spilling the various objects that had rested upon it in a small torrent of noise.
"Applejack! I found it!" she called enthusiastically as she pointed to a strand of rope barely visible from behind one of the dressers, having no regard for the man attempting to hide. It took everything in David not to curse like a sailor.
"Oh, thank ye Pinkie, ah-Hey!" he heard Applejack say. Game over. The man launched himself from behind the toppled couch and ran to the other end of the room, trying to circle around Applejack to fulfill some futile hope of freedom. "Oh no ya don't, ya varmint!"
In a moment, the rope Applejack had been searching for was in her teeth and spinning skillfully above her head. In another, said rope was wrapped tightly around David's forearms, pinning his arms to his sides. The earth pony yanked back hard on the rope, flooring the man with ease. He struggled to free himself from the rope, but in seconds, he found himself bound at the legs too.
Well, at least she didn't hog tie him. Not yet at least.
"Wait wait, I can talk, I can talk!" David pleaded, hoping the revelation would again work in his favor as he tried to worm his way to the stairs. With one hoof on his back, that futile effort was ended.
"Ah don't care if ya can talk! You're what they call that 'monkey monster', aintcha?" Applejack questioned, though it didn't seem like she'd listen to reason even if he had anything to say. She was right, after all. He was the monkey monster.
"I like this game!" he heard Pinkie say, hopping excitedly over to the two. "Me next, me next!"
"Pinkie, what was this here monster doing in your room?"
"Oh, he's not a monster. He's a David! I mean, a human named David. Right Mr. David?"
"That is correct!" the man chimed in, prompting Applejack to put more weight on his back.
"Ah don't care what he is! What's he doin' in your room, Pinkie? He's dangerous!"
"Nah, he's a good friend! He's been staying with me because he doesn't have a home, which is really sad I mean, who DOESN'T have a nice cozy bed to sleep in?!"
Applejack seemed to pause for a moment to analyze what Pinkie was trying to say.
"He's not a mean old monster from the Everfree Forest, Applejack! He's just a weird talking human-thing!"
"I'll take that as a compliment," David once again chimed in, though this time Applejack did not punish him for speaking.
"Then why has he been sneakin' all over Ponyville, scarin' the townsfolk half to death?" the orange pony retorted, her confusion over the situation evident on her features.
Pinkie did not seem to have an answer.
"...Because I didn't want to be tied up and held captive?" David answered for himself.
Both Applejack and Pinkie Pie considered this answer with a thoughtful "hmm".
"Trust me, I didn't want to sneak around like I did. I just didn't know how you pony folk would take my presence here," he argued calmly, hoping the farmer would see reason. "I'm...not from around here, as you can tell."
The room went silent. Pinkie glanced excitedly between the two as David laid helplessly on the floor. Applejack was staring thoughtfully at one of the windows, her hoof gently tapping her chin.
"Ah still don't trust ya. But if Pinkie says you're a friend, ah guess ah can let ya go."
Success!
Applejack swiftly and skillfully unbound David, wrapping up the rope into a coil within seconds. The man stood up slowly, stretching out all his limbs to make sure they were still intact. A little bruised, but otherwise OK.
"I don't suppose you'd be willing to help convince the others?" David asked Applejack, who seemed to be preparing to leave.
"Nope."
"And I don't suppose you'd be willing to keep my existence here a secret?"
"Nope."
Damn it all.
Well, frankly, damn, this took longer than expected
Heh, can't get enough of this!
Well, that went better than expected.
He's boned. Might as well move to the Badlands, dude.
Analysis Complete.It's updated, updated!!!!!!!!!!!
YES ESCAPE INTO THE SHADOWS!
welp, time to leave ponyville. zecora seems like she would accept strange visitors......
Welp, he's boned. At least he has Pinkie on his side. Maybe that will save him.
Nice...
Thanks for the update explosion. I like what you have so far. :D
"I don't suppose you'd be willing to help convince the others?" David asked Applejack, who seemed to be preparing to leave.
"Nope."
"And I don't suppose you'd be willing to keep my existence here a secret?"
"Nope."
Damn it all.
Applebitch
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And then Twilight would go into an investigation to discover who sent it and how, discover him staked out in the basement, and immediately respond badly. Or, at the very least, it would be a distinct possibility
Glad you guys are liking the new chapter.
This is going to be good!
Anticipation can be difficult to suppress. This is very nicely written, the short chapters a plus. Definitely looking for more on this one.
Man, I LOVE this story so far!
Keep up the good work!
Nice
And now we follow him leaving ponyville running like a motherfucker!
Geez Pinkie way to help out a friend. Now time for a chase sequence with all of Ponyville.
the emotione i went through while reading this story. Feel free to place them in any order you want.
Quick,back into the wood work! Hide!
My personal opinion is that, although fun, bright and happy, Pinkie Pie is not an idiot like she is here. Works well for this story, though.
"...Because I didn't want to be tied up and held captive?"
Seems legit.
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Yeah, with the Benny Hill remix they have for the show .
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I didn't really do the math, I'll admit. The point I was trying to get across is that humans are rather huge in comparison, with the exception of Celestia and Luna.
Well, he's not dead. Yay, progress? Also, damn it Pinkie and your innocence.
Very interesting turn of events! Poor David! He failed his brute roll and got all tied-up.
We'll see how this all turns out...
Plans on being a ninja failed, damnit pinkie you foiled his plans!
Damn you A. J.
"And I don't suppose you'd be willing to keep my existence here a secret?"
"Nope."
Damn it all.
That moment when you realize that you should've brought your forget-me-club.
I wonder how he's going to cope with that. If it were me, I'd... Well, I'd probably tell Pinkie that, because she blew the lid on everything, I couldn't be her friend anymore and had to leave now.
I know it's petty and mean, and I'd feel horrible afterwards, but - dammit, just to communicate at least a little just how big a breach of trust what she pulled was.
Nothing for it now but to go plead his case before Celestia and Luna, I suppose... How universal is the principle "A thief is not despised if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving, but if he is caught he must repay seven times over, though it cost him all the wealth of his house"? Does Equestrian law have a similar tenet?
Well first of all Applebitch also ponies didn't learn from Zecora....at bloody all. On the guy's side, he fucked up too. The Pinkie promise should have been, something more along the lines of making sure the others did not find out about his existence through any means (accidental or intentional) and a second P-promise to protect him in the event of discovery. He should have done that in addition to the eventual pinkie promise he made to the regular one they had when he first met her. Pinkie wouldn't have minded by her mental representation they're friends. He may have thought of all that, but my guess is he's still HOly shIT ponies...and I'm flash animated! Ah well, I pity this universe you created within MLP, it's funny cuz it's fiction if it were real...well that would genuinely be awful for our protagonist. Looking forward to more!
Why is Applejack being so mean anyway? Why are they so quick to judge him a monster when he hasn't done anything? (that they know of.)
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In due time
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Well, you have to remember, there were rumors going around about a "monkey monster". As rumors tend to stray far from the truth, you can expect some ridiculous details to come their way, making fiction and truth hard to separate. Hell, AJ didn't even believe in the monster until she saw David outside the library a few chapters back. We'll hear about that in due time as well.
This is a great story, keep up the good work.
PS: DAMNIT APPLEJACK!
goddamn moar pls
I will be disappointed if calmly and sensibly explains his situation to the ponies and then sunshine and rainbows happen. I vote for "OHMYGOSHWHAT'STHAT!" and leg it. Alternatively, vase to the head works every time, without fail. Then we could all sit back and watch Equestria's first ever manhunt.
It just keeps getting BETTER!!!
But seriously, don't make all the ponies react like applejack, they can see reason and they know not to judge a book by it's cover.
My oh my how many HiE's have I seen that do that...
I read those "Nope"s in Engie's voice.
You know for once id like to see the random dude in Equestria have a pair.
I know that the ponies treating me like some kind of monster would wear on my nerves right quick. Especially after sleeping on a stone floor for a week, being forced to live by stealing, being scared out of my mind of discovery and summary persecution. Frankly id be furious by now, and the blatant insensitivity AJ just showed might just be that metaphorical straw.
Get mad dear protagonist! Don't lie down and let them walk all over you! Your not some beast to be captured and gawked at, no your a human being! Have a little pride in your own people and show em why we humans don't have to worry about any natural predators back on earth! You could probably use their "heard animal" instincts against them, or use their fear of you to whip them into a panic. All you gota do is keep the chaos going and try to keep the ponies in the streets rather than retreating into their homes and you could easily slip away while the elements are trying to calm everyone.
There are more options than just rolling over like a dog, only to get a kick in the ribs! Use that brain that makes us invincible back home.
Oh, one more thing. DON'T TRUST THE PINK ONE!
She has already shown you where her loyalties lie, and wont hesitate to betray you again!
Well, that ending left bittersweet taste in my mouth. If I was David I would be a mite steamed with Pinkie for her tremendous fuck up. . .
i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii516/Klutzybear/35371__safe_twilight-sparkle_animated.gif
And that's why applejack is my least favourite pony... damn I hate her...don't know fully why.
HMMM!
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You have created, quite possibly, the dumbest most paranoid character I have ever read about. While your writing is... Subpar, (10 chapters of nothing but narration? Really?) you have a very solid grasp of character and continuity.
I'm reading entirely to see what rediculous leaps of logic and incrediblely poor judgements and evaluations David makes next.
This is getting a bit annoying.
First, there's AJ being so mean to him. Yeah, I get her stopping him, but to still be so insensitive even after he explains himself? That just doesn't seem like her. Second, Pinkie Pie was also acting pretty strange here. I mean, she pretty much broke her own promise by forcing his discovery. Worst of all, is what this guy is doing. Seriously, if he had just revealed himself at the start, he could have avoided this entire mess.
I mean, wasn't the entire point of several episodes not to judge someone before you know them?
I'm sorry, I love the story so far, but the stupidity of David combined with the characters acting way too harsh is really making it hard to continue. Please tell me he gets his act together and stops being such an idiot.
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What? Stopping him from running away was not mean at all. The way she acted after that was just her being out-of-character (which is the fault of the writing, not the character herself).
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So, in order to fix a problem that was caused by him being an idiot and running away, you want him to be an idiot and run away?
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Who said anything about me wanting the problem fixed? I am here to be entertained sir, and if he starts going about things in a way that would resolve the situation then this would turn into a 999999 in a million 'guy meets ponies, friendship is had' story that would bore the ever loving heck out of me.
1465895 i agree with that.
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The problem with that is most of those stories end up with the guy being accepted for a reason. Mainly that's just how friendly they are.
The problem with this story is that if it keeps drawing it out, then there's really only a couple of ways it could be drawn out now that they know about him:
1. He's given an idiot ball the size of the universe, and acts like a colossal moron in order to drag things out which only serves to be incredibly frustrating as we have to sit here and read about this guy acting like he thinks they'll kill him if they find him as he runs around making it harder for them to stand him.
2. Everyone around him becomes completely OOC in order to force him to keep running, which is just as frustrating as we have to read about all the characters having a complete 180 in personality in order to drag out the "drama."
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I think I can deal with a story where the only antagonist is the protagonist's own irrational paranoia. He absolutely is being a moron, but we can just call it a side effect of the mushrooms he ate or whatever it was that caused him to end up in Equestria in the first place. Otherwise this story would have lasted about two chapters.
As for an excuse for the ponies to chase him without going OOC, well he does pose a potential threat to himself and others. Would they really just sit by and watch when he clearly needed help, be it physical or mental?
Perhaps a good number of them will just decide that he's not worth the effort, but I really don't see it being out of character for Fluttershy to want to help a scared creature, Pinkie to want to help her new 'friend', Twilight to just want to know what the hell it is, and Rainbow to help out her friends when they might be going into danger. Rarity is unlikely to want any part of it, and AJ would probably get sick of it pretty quickly.
Another option is to have the local dog catchers do most of the work, since it is their job and all.