Arceaion
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oh, didnt even realize the rewrite was out
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wait no, just checked my feed again, and it came out 3 min. ago
but the first chapter was last month?
how come you didnt post then?
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Wanted to have more than just the prologue done, and then I got busy for a week and life happened and yeah.... This is going to definitely be a slow burn in terms of chapter releases but this time I'm going for quality so I think the trade off will be worth it.
Well, let's see what happens with this rewrite.
i just woke up to the best wake up this story and so far better than the first one
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I just want to know if Celestia becomes a OOC bitch against Twilight once again!?
One minute, she cries and moans for Twilight's original death. But when Twilight surprisingly comes back to life, having OP Powers of many elements to utterly beatdown and kill the Queen Bug Bitch once and for all.
Celestia has the damn audacity to be very hostile against her "former student" out of nowhere!? Just because not only Twilight using "Dark Magic", but using it for the greater good. Along with Twilight being a "balanced" Alicorn of mastering both Light and Dark selves.
She didn't want Twilight to achieve HER real "destiny"of being the ruler to "Eternal Harmony Empire". What's wrong with that!?
So, I was rightly very pissed off and upset about that from the original duo fic's. It makes me wonder IF Celestia really "loves" Twilight at all!? Because instead of being very happy of having a second chance with Twilight being revived like everypony else.
She just becomes a OOC hostile, hypocritical bitch with little to no good reason! Just because she didn't like Twilight has "become", and doesn't want her to achieve her "real destiny" of having a throne of a random kingdom that WE just recently know of!?
Makes Celestia NO better than even Chrysalis in this ridiculously complicated situation.
You understand what I'm saying?
This feels like when a fallen empire in stellaris awakens.
The original was really good though. I even reread every once in a while.
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This comment has spoilers for the sequel to this story so if you want to understand then please read the original version of this story and then what I have written of the sequel. If you are new and just want to read a good story then please ignore this.
So this is something that I get criticized a lot for and to be fair I explained what was going on with her in a horrible fashion and it was something I was honestly just starting to properly explain in the sequel. I'm not going to explain too much on this topic because it's major spoiler territory and could reveal too much for my future plans for the entire series and maybe even spoil the whole ending so I'll simply cover the questions you asked and that's it, at least for now.
1. Celestia has a very crazy look on magic and what she sees as balance and it stems form her sealing away her darker side and other reasons I can't say due to spoilers. Just know that if it doesn't follow Celestia's exact definition of what harmony is then she believes it is evil and must be either imprisoned, destroyed, or 'purified'.
2. The reason she didn't want to have Twilight reaching her destiny is because if she did 'Celestia' would no longer be able to manipulate her and also because if she did then certain things would happen that I can't say due to spoilers.
3. The Celestia that raised Twilight when she was young and sent her away from Canterlot during the Summer Sun Celebration did love her. The 'Celestia' that she has interacted with since then sees her only as a pawn to be use to 'purify' the word of all 'evil'.
4. The Harmony Empire is a lot more important than I portrayed. I originally worked very hard to censor the information about the Empire in an attempt to make it seem less important but in so doing I ended up removing any mention of it in the original story till the very end. A massive mistake I won't make this time. This series was suppose to be 5 stories long, and I planned to reveal the big spoiler/secrete in book 3 which was going to be dedicated to Twilight discovering the truth about the Harmony empire and why Celestia was acting the way she was as well as a bunch of other stuff.
A rewrite.... interesting, I actually read the original and the sequel to the original and finished both stories and was sad that the sequel was never completed and the entire story was left unfinished.
I really hope the same thing doesn't happen to this story.
However I do have 1, very important question, why the heck didn't Twilight use her magic and teleport away, like what is up with that? Chrysalis just randomly goes behind Twilight, throws her, and she doesn't do anything? I think it should have started off with either putting a magic inhibitor ring on Twilight's horn or completely shatter it and than Chrysalis continues to torture Twilight. Unless teleporting doesn't exist in this Alt universe?
I wonder if Rainbow's starting to regret her last words to Twilight, knowing what they were.
There are a couple grammar mistakes in this chapter, atleast more than 10, you should get an editor, if you cant find one I could help, I'm actually online this site every day and read hundreds of stories.
Also great story so far, although it's still similar to the original, there is still a lot of differences that I do enjoy. It's also nice that the story is fully anthro instead of the original where it seems where sometimes the characters were anthro and than sometimes they weren't which was really confusing.
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That's probably gonna be mentioned in future chapters, most likely next chapter but depends on what the Arthur wants, but Rainbow Dash will probably be the most depressed out of everyone because of it.
I like the designs for the princesses, but is it just me or does Celestia look too young. Sure Luna could pull off the look, but Celestia is supposed to be more of a mature woman look I feel like. That look makes her look like someone in her 20s, 30s at best
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Teleportation requires focus, she couldn’t teleport at first because she was dazed from being slammed into a book shelf and later was in too much pain to focus on teleporting.
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Ya I do agree with that a little.
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I'll probably mention this in an upcoming chapter to clear up that confusion.
When is the next chapter?
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Not sure, I'm over 1,800 words in to the next chapter but I'm debating how deep I want to go into the politics of the world and if I want to include the first battle in the chapter.
I mean, do I want to go full Star Wars and have a full political debate arguing with the different noble factions on how the respond and all that or do i want to just keep it simple? I can do it but doing so would take at least a month to write out all that and then maybe another month to look it over and make sure I have everything done properly.
If I don't do that then the upcoming chapter will be shorter than the other chapters so far and I don't want that so that's why I'm also debating on weather I should place the first battles in this chapter or have them be in the chapter after. You see I originally cut the first battles between Equestria and the Changelings because despite what I led you to think in the Original Version the first battle was not the Battle of Dodge City like I portrayed it to be. In fact the first battles didn't even involve the Elements and were not for any of the cities or territories within Equestria but rather they were outposts stationed along the Equestrian border of the Badlands. I plan to add these battles back in but I wanted to dedicate a whole chapter to flushing them out so combining it with another chapter isn't my first choice.
I just realized that I've been reading a lot of your stories without even realizing that you wrote them all.
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lol
She looks good in that armor.
Can you explain your choice of opposites for the Elements of Harmony?
Like Magic as such can't have an opposite, because it's a comprehensive concept. And necromancy is included in this concept, being one of the schools of magic. it would be more logical to make entities personifying the dark and light directions of magic. However, such a move breaks the concept of the Element of Magic as an out-of-the-world entity, because the concepts of "Dark" and "Light" magic were defined by the users of this magic. Based on what has been said, the Element of Magic cannot have opposites or be divided into two entities.
For the opposite of Honesty, Deception, in my opinion, it is worth using the word "Mendacity"(?), because deception is not a quality of personality, like honesty, but an action performed or committed.
It is difficult to find the opposite for Kindness, because this is also a very broad concept, but Cruelty is an acceptable option.
Generosity and Greed are an obvious choice. I have no questions here.
Everything is difficult with laughter. I don't like his appearance in the original at all, because he doesn't fit into the concept of the Elements of Harmony, like magic, but at least there is some logic with it. In any case, I would replace laughter, which can be a reaction in a variety of situations, with Joy, which is the opposite of Sorrow.
Loyalty is almost as difficult as Magic. We simply do not have a concept defining the opposite quality of Loyalty, except for obvious unloyalty. Betrayal, like Deception, is an act, not a quality of personality.
do not take all of the above personally. just my quibbles.
correction. I found the word "treachery" (perfidy?) that fits as the opposite of Loyalty.
Hey everyone, I'm posting in the comments because I don't have time to do a full blog post. I'm kind of busy lately so the story has been pushed down my list of priorates. I am still working on it but the next chapter will take longer to finish. Thankfully it's almost done so it shouldn't be too long.
This story isn't dead right? Maybe a delay? Or are you planning on releasing chapters ever couple months because that seems a little long.
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It's not dead, the next chapter is a big one in terms of lore and such so I'm trying to do it right. The main problem with my original story is I rushed it too fast and left too much out... plus my own bad grammar and lacking writing skills. Right now the main problem is it's a political chapter covering what's going on with the Equestrian Nobility and politics of any kind are not my strong suit when it comes to writing or telling stories with so it's taking longer than I'd like to finish the chapter.
On top of me making a chapter that would have taken longer to write in general I was also occupied for a few weeks with something in real life, my mental health, which made everything and I do mean everything in my life take a massive back seat for a few weeks. I'm okay now, or at the very least I'm better than I was, so I've picked up my work on writing again. I'm hoping I can get the next chapter out sometime this month but I still need to finish the second half of it and have someone better versed in politics read over it to help me smooth things over.
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For a better understanding please read my original story, it explains things like this a bit and I think this was even brought up in the comments section of the original. Also please keep in mind that I can't just rename the elements of harmony completely and I needed something that acts as an opposite to them so I could do my whole 'the elements have two different sides to them thing' which is a big part of my story because it brings in the concept of balance and harmony while the elements in the show were, in my opinion, way to good natured and kind for them to be considered Elements of Harmony. Now to be fair I'd probably change the names of some of my opposites for them now just because I have different ideas on some of them but as this is a rewrite and I don't want it to be super confusing for returning readers I'll be keeping the names the same.
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Oh I'm not good at politics, however I am good at fixing and pointing out grammar mistakes, if you ever need an editor, I'd be happy to help.
I found multiple grammar mistakes in the 2 current chapters, more on the second chapter than the first.
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Thanks for the heads up on the errors, I'll look into fixing them in my free time. Sadly not a lot of people are good with politics, I think I got a friends who can help a bit but that is something very few can do good.
Just want to know if it’s any more updates you can tell us about the store
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So I'm not exactly sure what you're asking but if it's for more updates, I've posted a comment already about what's going on. I plan to post the next chapter by the end of the month at the latest. If you are asking about updates for other stories, this one is taking priority for the moment. I'll update them after I've finished my rewrite of this because I don't want to be distracted or take on too much work.
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No, it was just for this one sorry my riding could be limited weird thanks for the update.