Broken relationships and dreams

by Anonymous15

Chapter 4- That Evening

She heads home, she flies to her home in a beautiful red, orange sky, dark clouds hovering over the sky, and the big yellow sun sinking away and the moon rising high like a flag.

She pulls out her keys and unlocks the door then she heads inside her cottage, made of clouds. she then closes and locks the door.

She felt a bit tired and heads upstairs and jumps into bed and prayed, she then lies down and yanked her blankets.

She announced, "I will revoke my old, reckless ways and be a good and elegant Wonderbolt. I have made up with the Mane 6 and the other Wonderbolts... Rainbow Dash and I are now 20% more cool.

She sighs and closes her eyes and goes to sleep.

The end

Author's Note:

What do you think of the story?

Where can I improve on?

Thanks to God for helping me make this.

Comments

[Turbotune]

Glad that everything become well from being hated by everyone in the end in such short time!
Too bad real life is waaay more complicated. Thus, I just feel lots of confusion.

[Argonaut44]

I like the concept! Keep up the good work
Some things maybe to work on - #1 thing is it's too quick! Take your time to develop the characters and the conflict, so that the payoff at the end can hit even harder. Also, stick with one verb tense when you write. Switching between past and present can be a little jolting.
Good job, I liked it!

[Anonymous15]

11521238
Thanks.
Also can you tell me how I could develop the characters and the conflict, please?

[Argonaut44]

11522695

There's a lot of ways to approach writing dynamic characters, but this is how I see things - the first thing you've got to start with is the character's motivations. What do they want, and why? How do they see the world, and why do they see it that way? The answers to those questions will inform every decision and action the character makes in the story. To develop a character, the answers to those questions are going to have to change. Conflict is the means by which a character can undergo that change. Conflict is the story. Lightning Dust, in this story, decides to apologize to Rainbow, which is a major character shift that needs to feel a lot more earned. Her even being willing to put aside her pride, accept responsibility, and come to grips with herself is a super important piece of development in itself, and needs a lot more set-up. Another conflict is Rainbow being willing to forgive Lightning or not, something that in the story also needs to feel more earned. I think you have good ideas, you just need to add more depth to the characters and beef up the set-ups to the conflicts.

[Anonymous15]

11522829
Okay, Thanks!
have a good day.