f0st3r21
Joined 25th Apr, 2022 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well that is an intriguing start. A very nice way to introduce the story and your character I Bellevue.
No cake? I don't believe this pony is Celestia at all, she is Chrysalis in disguise!
Congrats on finally getting your story published!
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Thank you for the first post of my first story to be a Kind one!
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… I have a few jokes about cake planned later, but it might be a minute before I get to show this princess again.
Yeah. I was quite surprised. Was definitely expecting another rejection… feels heavy.
Great start can't wait for more
First before I read this, just gotta say.... def mega goated with the sauce on that cover art. 10/10
Caught a typo.
I need to lower the sun and raise the mood and then get to sleep.
moon
Looking forward to more.
Love to see more of this, interesting concept and love the intro chapter!
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Thank you.
Caught a grammar error.
Thanks for the chapter.
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I’ll get them one of these days.
Those sneaky sneakers keep surprising me with how they sneak by me.
Caught a typo.
It will be interesting to see how thing turn out for this pony.
I look forward to the next chapter.
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Thank you for enjoying so far.
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/047/023/cover1.jpg
yeah, limiting infinitely is a bit of an oxymoron, but intrigued nonetheless about the conclusion. I liked the part about the soul. Certainly an interesting beginning, though I think this chapter would have been preferred that the previous, since this sets up the story, while the first was a bit of a confusing beginning.
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Possibly, I could have moved this as a flashback later? I have some planned later and am wary of diluting the tool. What can you do.
Yeah, I had trouble getting through the moderation. Not enough “named canon characters,” in this chapter.
I think I maybe did a C+ with the sci-fi.
Thank you for reading and commenting!!
And here I come in dirty boots to your comment section, do not be swayed too much by my words I want to mean well.
Why and how would any goverment in the world care about or notice a dumb shack falling apart in the middle of nowhere? Do you really need them to notice anything? If that has any purpose for plot reasons even if I don't like where it might be hinting please ignore that comment.
What about just the eight group? Their indetification method could be asking who are five and eight. Ponies do not know what "V" or "Ocho" is, the members only know. Speaking of 8 I wonder how will you handle as much as 8 OC's.
It is fine just make sure he does not stay like that forever.
Oh man I hope not all members of the eight end up being blabbering fools after paying the same price, it would be more interesting if each one of them paid it in most useful memories to them or memories that defined them the most. This could be the seal blue text is speaking about.
Instead of the eight teaming up in less than a week they could struggle for months or some years (less OC's for a moment and easier to handle plus potential to pull deus ex machina two or three times with one of the group breaking the seal) until they one by one or two at once slowly reform their group.
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No, it’s cool. I’m pretty sure I’ll make mistakes. This type of thing can be quite helpful. 👍
I would like to think a large enough tremor would warrant some kind of response even if it is a small one and in the middle of nowhere. An explosion to register on a seismograph isn’t small. Three didn’t take any half measures on that self-destruct device which might have brought more attention than less… I am still developing the investigation, so it might be a little while before it comes back up.
I shouldn’t give details on how they’ll show up… but they will show up in some manner.
Thank you for reading!!
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lol yeah, he’s definitely overstimulated! And has some attention issues.
The others all have unique problems of their own but not these same ones. They all have their own plot threads… Six’s situation makes me laugh more than it should…
The smart one is here. Will at least one of them - the enthusiast grow a pair and start doing something the moment they enter?
So far one was staring at the wall and the other was staring at the rope. Don't you think they could do little bit more within 3k words?
If you are going to make introduction for each of the Eight you could skip some of their extensive thinking in favor of showing them already within certain situation and add some snipets of thought here to show who they are.
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👍 Stuff will happen. I promise.
Next chapter, the colt rolled really high and really low on several encounters. 👍
Thank you for reading!
Well so far the quality is pretty nice regardless of schedule.
The image that this generates in my mind is quite comical, good humor.
Also, do you plan on introducing all 8 of the characters, or just focus on 1? I hope you just focus on 1, as doing all 8 will certainly be difficult. Looking forward to more!
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They will all show up in some form. The colt will have a few obstacles to overcome before he can search or leave clues.
Surviving as a youngster is a challenge.